Humans of my life

A project between me-and my self

[thisisintaami-blog]

“When the first time I decided to go to Japan, my father slapped me on the face and said “Stop dreaming!” because they think I can’t do it. But I always want to go abroad, I need to do something more, do what I want to do. This is my first time to go abroad and I want to go. I did everything and I asked my mom, would you let me go if I got 80% scholarship and I can cover tuition fee by myself? And my mom said yes but my father remain silent.  But actually when I did apply for the IELTS, visa, or admission fee my father paid for me and even my father picked me up after the interview. I always think that he didn’t want me to go, but actually he was the one who supported me in different way. I remember after the interview he asked how I was doing and how did it go, and it felt good to see him finally care about me even he didn’t want to show it. But I got only 65% scholarship, my family considered a lot about that. They didn’t want me to have any problem here and they can’t help me in case of paying money. I made them believe I would be fine and will try to find some jobs to cover my living cost and even tuition fee..I worked during the break and finally I could paid my tuition by my own last semester. I couldn’t describe the feeling when the first I got my first salary by my own, and it motivated me to do more so my parent don’t have to spend money on me anymore. But i still put my studying on the first because i realised by any reason I came to here for studying. It’s hard to balance between studying and working but again you have no choice. Studying abroad is my choice, even my parents said they are willing to pay for me but i feel i have to take responsibility by my own. I don’t want to take all of money from my parents because it means my brother and my sister will have less. You now what? The first time I told to my grandma that I am taking part time job in Japan, she cried. When I was in Vietnam i didn’t even wash my own dishes, but now here I can and she cried. She feels so sad to see me work hard and asked me to go back to study in Vietnam so I will have good life , but I said I am fine and this is my choice. In the next 10 years or after finishing my study here, I want to go back in Vietnam. People always think about more money when they work but I realised what I need is only love from my family. I don’t have choice, when I grow up my family is also growing older. That’s why I want to stay close with my family. If by any chance I can stay in another country I want to take whole of my family and send my sister and brother to a good school. I will pay for everything for them, for them to have a better life and education than in Vietnam. I will always remember the money that my parents has spent on me to pay the admission fee actually can buy a new house for us but they spent all of it for my education  so i feel i have a responsibility to guarantee my brother and sister education in the future”

[thisisintaami-blog]

“I never really thinking how does it feel to be a half. What I really thinking about being a half is when I went to Japanese high school and I feel different compared to anyone else in the school, so that’s when I start thinking about being a half. Everyone had their own group so I was like hard to make friend and find anyone to talk to. It might be hard to be a half sometimes because the things didn’t really work out between the parents but i think it’s not because they come from different countries but more kind of human things stuffs. Broken relationship is not because something wrong being in different culture, is just because the person itself. I don’t know where I belong, I am kind of lost. Sometimes what if I look like more Japanese…..or if I was full Japanese what would it be like? Some people asked me which country do i belong to but I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. Because this is the fact, this is me, i belong as Japanese and American in the same time. Sometimes it makes me sad because everyone has their own country, they are belong to their culture but I have two countries. Most of the times I feel awesome I come from 2 countries but sometimes I feel sad because again I don’t know where I belong to. If I imagined my self in future, i probably see myself more in Japan or another country like Australia, but not America.”

“Saya gak pernah terlalu mikir sebelumnya gimana rasanya jadi “half” (campuran dua negara). Pertama kalinya saya mikir “gimana sih rasanya jadi “a half”?” itu waktu masuk ke masa-masa SMA, terus saya ngeliat semua orang mulai dari tampilan sampe pola pikir berbeda dari saya. Dari situ saya mulai ngerasa berbeda dari kebanyakan orang Jepang. Saya baru sadar ternyata gini rasanya jadi orang yang punya dua darah dalam satu tubuh. Waktu awal masuk SMA, semua temen udah punya grup nya masing-masing, jadi saya sempat kesulitan cari temen yang bisa diajak ngomong waktu itu. Sulitnya jadi anak campuran kadang kadang kalau lagi ngeliat orangtua yang sedang cekcok dan tidak sependapat, tapi seiring saya bertambah dewasa saya sadar kalo cekcok nya mereka bukan karena perbedaan negara atau budaya, tapi datang dari mereka nya sendiri. Kadang-kadang saya gatau saya termasuk golongan yang mana (Amerika atau Jepang?), I’m lost. Saya ga tau mau ngapain dan kemana, apalagi sejak orangtua saya berpisah. Kadang mikir, gimana ya rasanya terlahir jadi orang normal yang full Japanese? Apa semuanya bakal jadi berbeda? Banyak yang nanya saya berasal dari negara mana sih? Itu yang buat saya kadang sedih, karena setiap orang pasti tau mereka berasal darimana, mereka terlahir dari budaya apa tapi saya cuma memiliki setengah darah dari setiap negara. Jadi saya harus kemana? Tapi kadang-kadang saya ngerasa luarbiasa loh, karena gak banyak orang yang ada di posisi saya (yang punya dua darah). Hem..kalau saya bayangin gimana saya di masa depan, mungkin saya lebih ngerasa nyaman tinggal di Jepang atau negara lain kaya Australia? tetapi yang pasti bukan Amerika.”

PS: Kenapa saya mengangkat cerita tentang orang yang punya dua darah? Karena disini, buat orang Jepangnya sendiri sedikit sulit menerima seseorang yang mempunyai dua darah campuran asing. A half person harus berjuang untuk mendapatkan jati dirinya sendiri di komunitas mereka. Kemarin sempat belajar juga tentang perjuangan “half people” di kelas intercultural communication dan topiknya menurut saya sangat menarik. Jadi saya mewawancarai teman saya yang dua campuran tentang bagaimana rasanya menjadi a half person.

Note: “Half:  A person of mixed racial descent”

[thisisintaami-blog]

New project

I am a big fans of a page named “Humans of New York”. That page has inspired  me every single day with their incredible stories that sometimes could make me laugh, cry, smile, laugh, in a one time. I believe that story has a power.  A power to inspire and change people in a better way. Every human around us has their own story, it can be a sad story from the past, or happy story about the moment that they are cheering up right now. It’s just us, have to be put more attention, care, selfless, and more listened. And talking about “listening”, I have been spending most of my life to speak out more than listen. So this project is a commitment between me and my self to be a person who is listened more and more from now on. Enjoy the stories! I hope we all can learn from those!

Halo! Saya sudah lama ngikutin fans page nya “Humans of New York” di Facebook. Page nya sangat menginspirasi saya setiap harinya dengan cerita cerita luar biasa yang kadang di dalam nya saya bisa tertawa, nangis dan tersenyum dalam satu waktu. Dari ceritanya saya belajar banyak tentang kehidupan, mulai dari cerita anak kecil sampai orang yang sudah tua pun membuat saya lebih semangat untuk menjalani hidup ke depannya. Saya percaya setiap cerita punya kekuatan. Kekuatan untuk menginspirasi and mengubah orang (mungkin) ke jalan yang lebih baik. Setiap orang yang kita lewati ataupun bahkan teman kita sendiri punya cerita tersembunyi di balik senyum mereka, Bisa jadi cerita sedih dari masa lalu ataupun cerita bahagia dari masa kini. Ini hanya tentang kita, yang harus lebih peka terhadap sekitar dan lebih banyak mendengar. Oh ya ngomong ngomong tentang “mendengar”, saya sudah menghabiskan hampir seluruh hidup saya yang di dalamnya lebih banyak ngomong daripada ngederin. Jadi project ini adalah bentuk komitmen dari saya kepada diri saya sendiri untuk menjadi seseorang yang lebih banyak mendengar mulai dari sekarang. Selamat menikmati cerita. Semoga bisa sama-sama belajar dari cerita hidup sederhana orang sekitar”