But no one listens

Clarence. Gets emotional with every Studio Ghibli film. 15.8037018,120.99910320000004 I love band-aids This is when

[thisiswhen]

/burnout/

the last time i checked, i was sad. and this time is i am burnout. there are so many things that had happened lately and it makes me feel more toxic. my heart is more heavy and i cannot breathe. i’m trying to distract myself but the weird thing is that i makes me numb.

so today, i try to write this – as a distraction, yes, and to make myself relaxed too. there are so many things to be done but i keep on praying that i could still face mornings with a happy and brave heart.

anyway, thanks for reading this. somehow, i feel like someone’s listening.

[thisiswhen]

sa kabila ng ilang taon, mga kalahating dekada, ikaw pa rin talaga

Tumblr pa rin mga lulul

[thisiswhen]

08.25.17

hindi ko alam kung malapit na dahil sa bawat oras ay parang nagigising ang pag-ibig o dahil lang ba hindi ko alam ang totoong pakiramdam kaya naiisip ‘kong ito na.

[thisiswhen]

i remembered being photographed beside a stranger as he unexpectedly hold my right arm like we’ve been friends for too long. it was uncomfortable since it was my first time. but it was unforgettable. i bet it’s likewise for him.

weeks have passed. i saw him again in a strange place - in a place i have never been before. i saw him trice but caught his eyes twice.

called me higher - all sons and daughters

[thisiswhen]

procastinating lately.

i need to rest my body and my everything because I will be facing the reality (at last!) next month.  ♫♪  elijah who - hello

[thisiswhen]

I will forget you. But I will not forget that I have only the fondest thoughts of you. I have only thought the best of you and wished the best of you and hoped that in the infinite moments after our time together has passed you could be the best you can be.

An article from Scout Mag Ph April 2017 Issue.

[thisiswhen]

I want to surpass the days of not missing you. But I can’t. I can’t even check your profile. I’m still stalking other people to know how you’re doing.

► Heart Hope - Oh Wonder

[thisiswhen]

until when will you reject me?

C with L

[thisiswhen]

napatawad na ba kita kung nawala na ang galit ko sa ginawa mo? oo. napatawad na kita. pero kasama ba sa kapatawaran ang hindi ko malimutang sakit sa tuwing nakikita kita. napatawad na kita pero ayoko nang makita ka.

C

[thisiswhen]

05.10

Gash. hindi na ‘ko magmamakaawa sa likes pero gusto ko lang sabihin na nagrevamp ako ng blog kasi gusto ko nang new life kahit hindi ko nareach ang nirvana.

- C

[thisiswhen]

Gusto ko na ulit magTumblr

Ang tagal ko nang buhay. Mga dalawang dekada na.  Isang beses nakikinig ako sa Weather ni Novo Amor habang na-pindot ko ‘yong blog ni Bribery. Natrigger ako. Hinanap ko na din ‘yong kay Lemadijane. Naiyak ako. Namiss ko na bigla magTumblr.  Ang tagal na din pala nung binuksan ‘ko ‘yong akin. Matagal tagal na rin nung huli akong nagpost. Napaisip ako. Iba na pala. Hindi na ‘ko highschool mag-isip. Iba na din ang blog ko, Wordpress, pang-advance. Pero iba pa rin talaga ang Tumblr. Iba ‘yong epekto kapag sa Tumblr ako nagpopost. Ang gulo-gulo nga pero totoo ‘yong mga pinipindot at pinagsasabi ko. Totoong ako. Napaisip ulit ako. Ang tagal ko na din palang hindi naglalabas ng totoong pakiramdam. Gusto ko ulit ng ganito. Para kahit malungkot ako, nasasabi ko ‘yong nararamdaman ko. Dati nangangamba pa ‘kong sabihin lahat. Gusto ko na ulit. Gusto ko na ulit magkwento. Dalawang dekada na ‘kong nabubuhay. ‘Yong stress ay doble na. Gusto na ulit mag-Tumblr. Gusto kong marenew. Gusto ko na ulit mag-Tumblr. @thisiswhen.tumblr.com

[thisiswhen]

Pinili kong wag nalang

Hindi pa nagsisimula. Hindi ko pa sinisimulan. Wala pa tayong sinisimulan pero pinili kong wag nalang.

Pinili kong wag nalang dahil pinili ko ang takot na baka masaktan kita. Pinili kong wag nalang dahil sa dulo ako rin naman ang susuko. Pinili kong manahimik na lang at huwag guluhin ang kalmado mong stado. Kahit ako nalang ang maguluhan sa pag-iisip na sukuan ka o itutuloy ko pa ba. Pinili kita at hinihintay kitang piliin mo ‘ko. Pero sa nangyayari ngayon ay tinigil ko nang maghintay. Dahil sa paghihintay, kung anu-anong pumapasok sa isip ko na baka hindi nga talaga ang tamang tayo. Hindi ikaw ang tamang para sa akin dahil hindi ako ang tamang para sa’yo. Pinili kong tignan ka na lang sa malayo na masaya Kaysa sa malapit pero nahihirapan ka. Ayokong pahirapan ka sa magulo kong isip na kung tayo man ay susukuan din kita. Pinili kong wag nalang kahit may pagkakataon pa. Wag nalang. Sigurado na ba ako kasi pwede pa. Malaya ka pa. Malaya pa ‘ko. Wag nalang. Ako lang naman ang nagsimula nito at hinihintay kitang samahang mo ‘kong simulan natin ‘to. Kaya bago pa magsimula ang lahat. Pinili kong wag nalang.

[thisiswhen]

I'll be sad if you don't accept the way I was, I am, and I will be. I grew up pleasing people. I please you.

[thisiswhen]

The next day, she woke up early before the mobile phone alarm rang. She ate her breakfast which was salad and took a bath after. In their walk-in closet, she played a song of her favorite band on Youtube as she wore her clothes for work. Then, she took the scissors and cut herself, but the scissors were dull and took the cutter instead. She slashed the cutter on her wrist more than 20 times and stopped as she saw the inner muscle. While the song was playing, she was lying cold on the floor.

[thisiswhen]

sa mga Chinese internationals sa Pilipinas na nagbabaon ng pollution mula sa China at nagpapadala ng smuggled na drugs. Lakas niyo~

[thisiswhen]

Lumabas ako sa comfort zone ko para sa'yo tapos putangina. Nireject ako ng putangina. Uunahin ko pa bang magreklamo para sa sarili kong sugat kahit mas higit don yong puntangina mong sugat? Pero tangina, masakit kasi. Mas masakit kasi hindi ako makapagreklamo. Putangina mo.

My Alter Ego

[thisiswhen]

that heart attack. i thought i’m not going to log in on this blog for the rest of my life. it’s not accepting my password for a week. don’t you ever do it again, young tumblr! do you understand?