the ocean awaits

//But we do exist, we occupy our own space however small, we live.//

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Yes, I’m still reading.

I know it’s been quiet around here for a while. Limited internet access has kept me away from posting, but honestly, it’s been a good thing. Most days have been spent reading, watching films, and writing all kinds of things instead of being glued to my phone and endlessly doomscrolling. So, while this account has been dormant, the stories haven’t stopped. And neither have I.

Last month, I finally decided to stop forcing myself to finish books that simply do not resonate with me. For years, I treated reading as something that needed to be completed no matter what, trudging through titles that failed to spark any genuine interest. I have bought and downloaded plenty of recommended books, but I am beginning to accept that recommendations do not always align with personal taste. Some books have even pushed me into reading slumps, and I no longer wish to punish myself by persisting through stories that fail to capture my attention. Reading, after all, should feel like a joy rather than an obligation.

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An Ode to the Sea

By Christian De Paz

Nothing lies ahead, the ocean

An empty void of tangent feelings

Almost there but never was

The horizon, a gray blur of

Desperate desolation, a repose.

There’s a chill in the wind I can’t fathom,

Punctuated by the wind, a cold embrace.

The salt stings, a silent warning,

Each wave a heartbeat, timeless and hollow,

A rhythm that drowns and resuscitates.

Beneath, the depths hold their secrets,

A cathedral of whispers in liquid shadow.

Above, the heavens smear themselves thin,

Their stars swallowed whole by restless tides,

Eternity’s pull, ceaseless and cruel.

Yet still, I float—a fragile witness,

Adrift in awe, drowning in nothing.

The sea’s voice calls with unspoken sorrow,

A hymn to its endless, aching sprawl:

Beautiful, indifferent, infinite.

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Samnaksong Khao Phra Khru

Sri Racha, Thailand 🇹🇭

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Where The Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

The first time I read Where the Crawdads Sing in 2021, I was utterly captivated, and revisiting it now is like being transported back to the marshlands of the South Carolina coast. Delia Owens’s writing breathes life into the setting, and as I flick through the pages, I can almost smell the smoky cook fires, hear the haunting cries of the herons, and feel the wet, gritty mud between my toes. This book doesn’t just tell a story—it immerses you in a world so vivid, so tangible, that it feels like you’ve lived it yourself.

But this novel is more than its lush, atmospheric setting. It’s a tale of survival, loneliness, and quiet strength, woven together with themes of love, loss, prejudice, and hope. Owens has a gift for creating a slow, unyielding pull between the reader and the story—a gentle tide that builds momentum until it crashes into an unforgettable conclusion. The narrative feels both fragile and powerful, a delicate masterpiece that surprises you with its emotional depth.

Kya’s journey, from her abandonment as a child to her solitary life in the marsh, is one that lingers in your heart. I often found myself wondering: how long could I endure the way she did? How did she navigate such overwhelming isolation and loss, especially with no one to guide her? And, most poignantly, why didn’t her family return for her? Owens crafts Kya’s story with such tenderness that you can’t help but empathize with her pain and triumphs, sharing in her frustrations as society judges and scorns her from the sidelines.

Every page of this novel is steeped in loneliness and the ache of abandonment, filled with unspoken goodbyes and unanswered questions. Kya’s isolation resonates deeply, yet it’s balanced by moments of hope and resilience. Her connection to the marsh becomes her sanctuary, and through her eyes, the reader discovers not only the beauty of the natural world but its role as a source of healing and identity.

The murder mystery of Chase Andrews, while integral to the plot, often felt secondary to Kya’s journey for me. At times, I became so absorbed in Kya’s life that I forgot about the courtroom drama unfolding in the background. Though I could argue the mystery wasn’t strictly necessary, it does serve a purpose. It highlights the ugliness of societal prejudice—how quick people are to judge without evidence—and Kya’s quiet dignity in the face of such adversity.

Yet, beyond its layers of romance, mystery, and historical fiction, Where the Crawdads Sing is, at its heart, an ode to nature. It’s as much a biology book as it is a novel, bursting with life from the marsh: its birds, trees, and intricate ecosystems. Owens’s background as a wildlife scientist shines through in her descriptions, making the marsh a character in its own right. It’s this vibrant interplay of story and setting that makes Where the Crawdads Sing a truly magical and unforgettable reading experience.

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Fortuna at the Rudder: The Curious Adventures of Gaius Obsequens Dolo Tribune of the Roman Army by Erik Hildinger

Fortuna at the Rudder is an entertaining and witty dive into the life and misadventures of Gaius Obsequens Dolo, a Roman tribune who somehow manages to stumble his way through the chaos of ancient Rome. From start to finish, this novel captivates with its humor, lively characters, and fascinating portrayal of a bygone era. Gaius himself is an endearing protagonist—naive yet surprisingly resilient—while his clever wife, Merobauda, and his cunning companion, Faustinus, add depth and humor to the narrative.

Reading this book felt like watching a vivid, satirical film about the daily life in ancient Rome. The novel immerses you in a world of underhanded politics, property disputes, and tax skirmishes, all while painting a relatable and often hilarious picture of the era. It’s as though you’re right there in the midst of Roman society, witnessing both its grandeur and its absurdities through Gaius’s blundering but lovable perspective.

One of the standout features of this book is the vibrancy of its characters. They leap off the page with quirks and motives that feel both unexpected and authentic. Merobauda, Gaius’s wife, proves to be his steadying force, a figure of intelligence and wit who quietly handles many of Gaius’s predicaments with grace and practicality. Meanwhile, Faustinus shines with his sharp wit and clever schemes, from his rise from slavery to freedom to his antics in finally having multiple names. His ingenuity contrasts beautifully with Gaius’s hapless nature, creating a dynamic that is both amusing and heartwarming.

Erik Hildinger’s attention to detail is another highlight. The Latin translations and footnotes are seamlessly integrated, offering fascinating tidbits of historical trivia that enhance the story without bogging it down. This clever balance makes the novel feel like a humor-infused history book—engaging, informative, and far from tedious. The prose strikes a contemporary tone, making it accessible to modern readers while still maintaining the authenticity of ancient Rome.

While Gaius starts out as a charmingly naive character, his lack of growth becomes a slight drawback as the story progresses. His continued reliance on luck, Merobauda, and Faustinus to bail him out of trouble begins to feel repetitive, teetering on the edge of becoming tiresome. At times, his actions lean more toward foolishness than endearing simplicity. However, despite this stagnation, Gaius’s loyalty, quiet chivalry, and unwavering dedication—particularly to his troops in the Second Pannonian Horse—redeem him in the end.

Ultimately, Fortuna at the Rudder is a delightful and humorous exploration of ancient Roman life, filled with clever commentary and unforgettable characters. It offers a perfect mix of historical insight and comedic charm, making it a must-read for anyone who loves history, satire, or just a well-told tale. Even with its occasional flaws, this novel is sure to leave readers both entertained and intrigued by the chaotic brilliance of Rome.

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ReadingGone Girl feels like unwrapping an intricate, beautifully wrapped gift—one where each layer reveals something too precious and too telling to cast aside. Flynn’s storytelling pulls you in, layer by layer, each detail meticulously crafted, each twist sharper than the last. It’s a journey where every seemingly mundane clue holds a hidden weight, and by the time you reach the core, you realize just how brilliantly deceptive it all has been.

The narrative structure is simply flawless. Flynn masterfully manipulates perspective, peeling back the inner lives of Amy and Nick with a razor-sharp lens that exposes their darkest secrets, ugliest flaws, and innermost fears. As you read, you go through a whole spectrum of emotions: anger, betrayal, shock, awe—all

Gillian Flynn’s storytelling is nothing short of remarkable. She orchestrates this tale with such precision that I found myself riding waves of intense emotions—first anger, then shock and betrayal, followed by disbelief and amazement, all in that particular order. Just when you think you’ve got a grip on the characters and their motivations, Flynn masterfully pulls the rug out from under you, revealing how little you actually knew. The raw honesty with which the characters’ darkest secrets and deepest flaws are revealed is fascinating. It’s as though Flynn is inviting you to peer directly into their minds, daring you to understand every twisted nuance, and it’s an experience both riveting and unsettling.

The characters feel unnervingly real. Every line, every conversation pulses with life, and the way Flynn brings Amy and Nick to the forefront of the narrative makes it impossible to look away. The story forces you to question your own judgment, making you wonder: How would I react if I were in this situation? And it’s precisely this discomfort that makes the book so gripping—Flynn knows how to play on the tension between what’s real and what’s perceived, making us feel that we too have somehow become a part of the narrative, with the same conviction that we know these characters inside out.

This book isn’t just a thriller; it’s an experience. It pulls you in, keeps you on edge, and doesn’t let go until you’ve devoured every word. I finished it wishing I could experience it all over again for the first time—Gone Girl is that unforgettable.

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Me Before You by Jojo Moyes remains one of my favorite books, a story that lingers with me long after reading. For me, the novel and the movie feel inseparable, with Louisa “Lou” Clark eternally embodied by Emilia Clarke, capturing her quirky charm and relentless optimism in every scene. Reading the book again now, I’m reminded of the powerful emotions that this story stirred in me when I first read it in 2016. Among all the love stories I’ve encountered, few have left such a profound impact, making me wonder endlessly about what could have been.

The novel’s “what-ifs” haunt me: What if Will had chosen to give life with Lou a chance? Could love have softened the edges of his pain and brought him some semblance of happiness? And what if Lou and Will had met in different circumstances, before his accident? Would they have even noticed each other, or was it the tragedy itself that forged their bond?

Initially, I struggled with the idea that Lou’s love wasn’t “enough” to change Will’s mind. It felt like a failure of love itself, a painful reminder of its limitations. But on reflection, I see it differently now. Lou’s love didn’t fail; it may not have kept Will alive, but it did bring him back to life in a way. Through Lou, Will rediscovered moments of joy, laughter, and self-expression, and perhaps even glimpsed a new version of himself, one who could savor these fleeting moments, however bittersweet. Love may not have change his decision, but it did gave him something profound and beautiful in his final days.

Throughout the story, you’re compelled to grapple with Will’s perspective—the quiet agony of a life so drastically altered, a life he once lived with vibrance and independence. When you come to think of it, there’s a cruel irony in the way Will’s decision impacts those who love him: Lou, who fights so hard for him; his family, desperate and helpless. It’s easy to judge Will’s choice as selfish or even cruel. But Moyes forces readers to consider his experience through the people around him who actually knows and loves him—how it feels to be constantly reminded of the life he’s lost, to endure well-meaning people telling him to “stay positive” when they can’t begin to understand the depth of his suffering. The novel invites us to question how we’d feel in his position, where every choice has been taken from him, and to recognize that compassion sometimes requires accepting decisions we may not agree with.

This is why I love Me Before You: it delves into the difficult, often unspoken questions about life, love, and autonomy. Moyes doesn’t shy away from the hard truths or the complexities that most of us struggle to face in ourselves. She gives voice to the fears and hopes that lie beneath the surface, urging readers to reflect on how we define love and respect, and how we honor the choices of those we hold dear.

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Someone Else’s Shoes by Jojo Moyes delves into the lives of two women from strikingly different worlds, weaving a tale that’s equal parts funny, thought-provoking, and uncannily relatable. Moyes crafts a story that captures the everyday challenges and silent battles many women face, from toxic workplaces to family strains. The book explores these issues with a raw honesty that doesn’t feel forced or cliché, giving it a refreshing twist that readers won’t often find elsewhere. One of the standout themes in the story is workplace toxicity. Here, Moyes doesn’t shy away from showing the uglier side of corporate life, where bosses can be antagonistic not out of romantic tension but simple disdain—a portrayal that’s often overlooked in fiction. Additionally, Sam’s character provides an insightful look at the impact of mental health on loved ones. For once, we see not just the struggles of someone with depression but the emotional tightrope their family walks, highlighting the complexities of supporting someone through mental illness.

Moyes also deftly addresses the deeply ingrained struggles women face under societal expectations. The book captures how the weight of patriarchal ideals is often thrust onto women’s shoulders, an unspoken burden that society treats as normal. These scenes resonate with a harsh truth: no matter how much women accomplish, they are often expected to do more, to be stronger, more resilient, just to prove their worth.

While the story’s authenticity shines, my main frustration is with Sam’s character. Throughout much of the book, Sam is depicted as a pushover, repeatedly letting others take advantage of her. As readers, we want to root for her, hoping for that moment when she’ll stand up for herself. Yet, time and again, she slips back into old habits, and it becomes hard to sympathize with her journey. It’s only in the latter half that we see her growth—an eventual but rewarding payoff that might have resonated more had it come sooner. Despite this, Moyes reminds us that everyone’s journey is unique. Not all women fit the mold of the “strong, independent woman,” a label that can sometimes feel more like an expectation than a form of encouragement. This realistic portrayal of diverse strengths and weaknesses gives the story a grounded and relatable feel.

What I loved most were the twists, the unlikely friendships, and the moral dilemmas that Moyes seamlessly integrates into the plot. These elements add layers to the story, making it both entertaining and thought-provoking. Someone Else’s Shoes is a refreshing, fun, and insightful read that brings an honest look at the complexities of modern womanhood.

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Reading Fangirl felt like revisiting my own high school and college days, wrapped in nostalgia, warmth, and all the excitement of being young and finding your place in the world. Rowell has a way of crafting characters so relatable and real that you almost wish you could jump right into the pages and befriend them—especially Cath. I found myself wanting to be part of her circle, to know her and the people around her like we were old friends.

The novel perfectly captures that phase of life where fiction feels like more than just a story—it becomes a world you want to escape into, a place where you can lose yourself. It reminds me of those moments when you were so deeply engrossed in a book or a fandom that you wished it would never end, to the point where you’d write your own continuation just to keep the magic alive. Fangirl taps into that pure, almost childlike love for stories, and it’s this cozy, familiar feeling that makes the book so endearing.

What I love most about Fangirl is how it delves into the complexity of identity. Cath and her twin sister Wren may look the same, but their personalities and paths couldn’t be more different. The novel explores the journey of self-discovery that comes with starting college—finding out who you are and who you want to be while juggling new relationships and responsibilities. It’s about growing up without losing the parts of yourself that you treasure, a struggle we’ve all faced at some point. Rowell captures this beautifully, making Fangirl not just a story about fandom but about learning to embrace who you are, flaws and all.

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I'm currently halfway through this stack of books, and I'm really enjoying the journey. I'm curious, what does your reading list look like these days? Are there any titles you’re particularly excited about or recommendations you can share?

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I’ve been a longtime fan of Nicholas Sparks, but being a fan sometimes comes with its own challenges. One of them is the sense of familiarity that seeps into his stories—the recurring themes of heartbreak, loss, longing, and the seemingly inevitable tragedies that underscore the unfairness of love and life. Yet, despite this sense of repetition, what fascinates me is how each story still manages to feel unique, even when I think I know what to expect. From the very first pages of The Wish, I could tell it was going to be a ‘typical’ Nicholas Sparks novel—whatever that may mean for a reader like me.

For me, that ‘typical’ feeling comes from Sparks’ ability to distill the profound beauty of finding love in the most unexpected places and circumstances. As I delved into the story of Maggie and Bryce, I kept asking myself, why am I doing this again? Why am I willingly putting myself through a story I know will break my heart? But the answer revealed itself slowly, in the way their love unfolded—fragile, tender, and full of magic. Despite the looming sense of tragedy, the journey itself makes it all worthwhile.

Even though I anticipated the heartbreak, I was still unprepared for the emotional weight of the story’s conclusion. There’s a part of me, like Maggie in the final moments, that wished things had turned out differently. But, as life often reminds us, fate has a way of delivering outcomes with an ironic and cruel sense of timing. The Wish doesn’t shy away from this, and it’s in that bittersweet revelation that the story leaves a lasting mark on your heart.

What also struck me is how Sparks manages to capture the essence of contemporary life without losing the timeless quality that makes his novels so resonant. The story feels modern, yet it holds that familiar, nostalgic tone that fans of Sparks have come to love. At times, it felt less like reading a book and more like watching the story unfold on screen—each word vivid, each moment brought to life with the kind of emotional clarity that pulls you in and keeps you tethered to the characters until the very last page.

In the end, The Wish is a quintessential Nicholas Sparks novel: filled with love, loss, and the kind of heartache you know is coming, but can never quite brace yourself for. It’s a story that lingers long after it’s over, a poignant reminder of how deeply love can imprint itself on our hearts, even when it’s accompanied by sorrow.

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The Return by Nicholas Sparks takes readers on an emotional journey, weaving together multiple storylines that branch out and intertwine, creating a rich and layered narrative. One of the things I appreciated most about the book is how these different threads contribute to a deeper, more complex story—one that challenges readers to confront difficult, polarizing topics. As the characters face moments that test their morality and faith, you can’t help but reflect on your own life, wondering, What would I do if I were in their shoes?

Natalie’s story, in particular, is both heart-wrenching and thought-provoking. It’s easy to love someone when they’re at their best—when they’re healthy, vibrant, and capable of giving love in return. But Sparks forces us to ask the harder question: What about when they can’t? What happens when a loved one is no longer physically or emotionally able to be there for you? How much of yourself do you give, and at what cost? There’s also the guilt that comes with even considering your own happiness when someone you care about is suffering. It leaves you grappling with another difficult question: How long should you put your life on hold before it’s time to move on?

Sparks does a wonderful job of exploring these themes with sensitivity and nuance, and the layered nature of the story makes it even more compelling. However, I did feel that some of the subplots weren’t given the time they deserved. While they added mystery and intrigue, one storyline in particular felt rushed, leaving me less invested in it compared to the others. It’s a minor reservation, but I would’ve liked to see more attention given to this aspect to fully flesh out the story.

Overall, The Return is a poignant, reflective novel that tackles big questions about love, loyalty, and the painful process of letting go. It’s a story that lingers in your mind, making you question not just the characters’ choices, but your own.

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Lapvona is a dark, twisted tale that teeters on the edge of humor, but in a way that makes you question whether you should be laughing at all. It’s unsettling, yet gripping, drawing you into a world that is both grotesque and oddly familiar. The characters, especially Marek and Jude, are crafted in such a way that you want to feel sorry for them—but their actions are so deeply flawed and morally ambiguous that sympathy becomes difficult. Marek, in particular, evokes this strange mix of pity and frustration, making him both compelling and repelling at the same time.

There are many moments in the novel where you can’t help but think: “This is so messed up.” But that’s the brilliance of Moshfegh’s writing. The parallel between the dark, sardonic humor in Lapvona and the real world is both sharp and unsettling. The novel subtly critiques elements of society—its jabs at the Christian faith, the hypocritical righteousness of its so-called believers, and the gullibility of the masses are particularly striking. Villiam, with his perpetual greed and moral void, embodies the unchecked desire for power that feels eerily reflective of our own reality.

Reading this novel is like delving into a twisted folk tale, one that transports you to a strange, medieval-like world yet feels disturbingly relevant. Moshfegh’s ability to blend the macabre with biting satire keeps you hooked, even as the story descends into madness.

I first read Lapvona last year, and returning to it now, the impact remains just as strong. It’s a story that leaves you questioning the very nature of humanity, while also feeling like a grim fable that, despite its distance from reality, hits all too close to home.

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Reading The Fault in Our Stars again, after over a decade, felt like a bittersweet reunion with an old friend—one that leaves you both heartbroken and grateful. The first time I read it back in 2012, I was an emotional wreck. I thought that knowing how the story would end this time around would somehow soften the blow. But 12 years later, the ache remains just as fresh. The story of Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters still finds a way to break you down, no matter how prepared you think you are.

This is the kind of book you can’t help but return to, even when you know it’s going to hurt. Because the pain is worth it. Every tear you shed by the end of this story feels earned. It’s heavy, yes, but it never feels like a burden. Green writes with such honesty, crafting unforgettable lines and metaphors that stick with you long after you’ve closed the book. It’s a story about love and loss, but also about life and its fleeting, fragile beauty.

One of the funnier realizations I had while rereading was that for years, I believed the book within the book, An Imperial Affliction by Peter Van Houten, was real. I even had it on my “To Read” list! Imagine my surprise when I recently discovered it doesn’t actually exist. It’s a testament to how vivid and believable Green’s world is that I spent so long waiting for a book that never was.

What struck me this time around was how my perspective on the story has shifted. When I first read it, Augustus’ fear of oblivion and his desire to be remembered resonated deeply with me. The idea of leaving a legacy, of being someone who makes an impact, felt so important then. But now, revisiting the novel years later, I find myself more attuned to Hazel’s thoughts. Her quiet, introspective struggle—wondering what happens to the people we love when we’re gone—feels more poignant to me now. Do they find happiness again, or are they left with more pain?

And perhaps, I’ve also come to realize that Augustus’ fear of being forgotten is not as important as I once believed. The pressure to leave a mark, to be remembered by the world, seems less significant now. There’s a quiet beauty in living an ordinary life, in being remembered not by everyone, but by the people who truly matter to you. Sometimes, it’s not about the grand gestures or legacies, but about the love and memories we leave behind with those closest to us.

The Fault in Our Stars is a book that grows with you. It hits you differently at different stages of life, but it always leaves a lasting impression. No matter how many times you revisit it, it’s a story that will continue to break your heart in the most beautiful way possible.

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An Abundance of Katherines is a quirky, fun, and feel-good novel that offers a lighthearted escape into the eccentric world of its protagonist, Colin Singleton. Colin, with his love for anagrams and obsessive fascination with the name Katherine, is a character whose peculiarities make the book both entertaining and endearing. His eccentricities, paired with his somewhat naïve approach to relationships and life, are what drive the story and keep you turning the pages.

There’s an effortless charm to this novel. While it doesn’t aim to be profoundly life-changing, it doesn’t have to be. It’s one of those stories that you can breeze through, where the humor and heart are enough to keep you hooked without feeling the weight of deep philosophical dilemmas. You find yourself suddenly on the last page, realizing how quickly the book flew by without ever dragging.

Reading this book feels a bit like watching a light-hearted teen movie. It’s the kind where the main character occasionally breaks the fourth wall to sprinkle random bits of trivia, which Colin does through his numerous “interesting facts” and mathematical tangents. These moments add a unique flavor to the narrative, making the story feel both playful and educational in the best way possible. It’s a nice touch that gives you something to smile about and ponder, without overwhelming the story.

What I appreciated most was how the novel embraced its own quirkiness. It doesn’t try to be anything more than it is—a witty, enjoyable read with a distinctive John Green twist. If you’re looking for something light that still offers moments of insight and plenty of humor, An Abundance of Katherines fits the bill perfectly.