Gettin Left Behind @thisoneisdone - Tumblr Blog

midchilda-deactivated20161022

it literally takes a lot of effort for me to interact with people. like just sitting there making small talk with them and them thinking outwardly that i’m totally normal whilst inside it takes every ounce of energy i have to keep up the conversation and appear sane while constantly nervous and worrying and paranoid i’m saying the wrong thing and how they’re probably thinking the worst of me. and while of this, all of this sickening almost-puking lightheaded feeling is going in my and and the pits of my stomach, the top impressions people always get from me are - “bitch, arrogant, self-absorbed, slutty flirt” and it’s sad because internally i am wrecking myself over pleasing other people and making them think i’m totally okay whereas somehow they get the impression i’m a mean girl with the cruel intention of wanting to ruin their lives. what’s it like to be natural and carry a conversation normal and not be exhausted after a normal fifteen minute interaction and have people like you for being you and not hate you?