What do you do when you feel your body revolting against you, bit by bit, day by day?
i don't do bad sauce passes

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@thornblackfire
What do you do when you feel your body revolting against you, bit by bit, day by day?
<personal>
I haven't spoken to you in a month. I cut all ties with you. You weren't good for me. In fact, I've made so much progress with myself. I've been working out a lot more, I've changed my diet, I've been feeling better than ever.
So why is it then, that in the moments of stillness, you are all I can think about? You aren't doing the same, I know that. You can't even be bothered to reach out.
But here I am, thinking of the first weekend we spent together, showing me around your world, taking me to all these places. Watching the sun set at the top of a hill overlooking the valley.
The second time, where you took me stargazing in the desert. I noticed you out of the corner of my eye even in the dark, watching me, with that smirk on your face.
The third time, where things were strained, but still we somehow managed to keep a spark going in its own way, enjoying each other's company as it felt more natural, more relaxed, more personal. You let me into your home, and I saw the gifts I had given you displayed all around.
And now we are strangers.
The things you'd say to me.
Let me curl away again, buried into your chest.
Run your fingers through my hair, gently.
Let me feel your breath rise and fall as I drift off to sleep.
Your name dances across my tongue like a razorblade.
(Bed time story I guess?)
This time of year is my favorite for a few reasons. One of them was the weather yesterday. Cold, grey, rainy, and windy. Somehow, I feel like it is weather that suits me and my personality. Its the most comfortable weather for me. Yes, summer storms are nice, but yesterday was, to me, perfect weather.
Not to mention that once the rain clears, the sun illuminates all the freshly fallen snow on the mountain tops. I find more colors, more shades, more hues that I enjoy during this time of year than any other. Deep blues, purples, greys, silvers. The low hanging clouds shifting through the mountains like a misty ghost. And sometimes, when the conditions are just right, the sunsets are fantastic. Vibrant pinks contrast against darkened blue clouds. Streaks of gold can sometimes peek through across the sky. Firey reds blaze along the horizon as the sun sets.
If you so choose, you can trek up into the mountains and find yourself in an entirely different world there. Packed snow laying across the ground, clinging to trees, and nestled in the crevices of rocks. Cabins decorate the inclines. A still silence, so thick that you don't want to make a sound so as not to risk shattering the ambience. And in that stillness, if you listen close, you can hear the snaps of heavy snow breaking weak branches, the soft slush when it hits the ground. Some days, you can hear the wind working its way across the treetops, snaking across the valley.
I've heard from many people through the years complain that they can't live here for too long because there is no life, no color. And while I tend to agree most of the time, especially during the blazing summers with an unforgiving sun, I must disagree with them once the winter rains begin.
There is nothing like walking in quiet solitude in a cold drizzle, surrounded by muted grey. Light barely shines, almost like its stifled by the enveloping grey and cold. "This is not your time, Light. This is the time of rest, of sleep, of solitude," it almost whispers around you. And the light obeys, for now at least. The sound of passing cars almost seems miles away as you walk through the rain. The rain itself feels like its own entity, that you are walking through a single wall of water rather than millions of little droplets. It drenches you, embraces you, runs its fingers across your face. Lovingly, gently. As if it is showing you compassion and understanding.
Sometimes, this can change into something even more wonderous and rare for this environment: snowfall. White flakes surround you like endless confetti, blanketing the scenery around you, transforming it entirely. At least for a day that is.
But these days are rare, and should be enjoyed when they do present themselves. This place is also cruel, relentless. The winds tear through you while a clear sky and shining sun mock you. There are no grand colors on those days, no dreamscapes to enchant or embrace you. So you hold out for the next great, because when it arrives again, it will be worth it. As all good and enjoyable things in life are, you wait another day.
This is what I look forward to every winter here.
Goodnight.
Kinda wishing someone would randomly make art of me. Or someone commission an artist to do a drawing or print of me or something. Idk. Having a vain moment. Lol
May 1st was the last time I looked at the stars.
Its too damn bright.
Say hello to my fur son Maddox
“alone”
pros: alone
cons: alone
Hey Tumblr, its been a while. Have a selfie!
Original image by me.
Hello Tumblr world, Im sure there isnt much activity going here nowadays. But, here, have a current picture of me! A lot has changed during my inactivity; I have been working on myself, taking care of my mental well being, my financial troubles, and my career. I am now a coffee roaster, soon to be lead roaster and working towards becoming a certified master roaster soon! I moved outside of Vegas into the nearby town of Boulder City, and life has become less of a hassle for me. Slowly, I'm repairing all the damage done by others and by myself, and despite the frustration and slight lack of patience, I feel good. There are still many things I need to work towards, but all in due time.
I can’t, she said, I’d save you but I can’t, she said, I’d save you but the world’s bent, she said, I’d save you but I can’t
Tree Pareidolia