Thinking Out Loud

I believe in kindness over profit and that humanity is worth saving.

[lesbianrey]

it does more harm than good to prop up the myth of the ‘neurotypical’ who completes tasks cheerfully with no issues. this person is a capitalist fantasy. the more you define yourself in comparison to this myth the more you justify social structures staying the same with minor accommodations to the ‘exceptions’ and the continued pathologizing of discomfort under hostile conditions

[mithliya]

This is going to sound mean but I don't believe it when het radfems talk about how good their bfs are. They could be lying. This is the internet, they could be lying or they could be overlooking their bfs misogyny to make a good post. I don't believe your bf is a feminist alley and I think you don't believe it either. You're just telling that to yourself bc some people online hurt your feelings and made you question your decisions. And it's not a nice feeling so you get defensive.

And listen, I personally don't care if you call yourself a radfem and you have a bf. But if you have any knowledge about radical feminism you know we're critical of men, heterosexuality and marriage. Don't come to our spaces and expect full acceptance. We will question you, we even question our own choices. You can't complain about radfems criticizing your relationship when you know what you are getting into. Like coming to a vegan party with meat and expecting people don't look at you weirdly.

I think it's ridiculous some het radfem will come here, see others saying "yes all men" and jump to say "not my bf" because what are the chances you, a random woman, happen to find a good decent man. Come on. Be realistic. Don't expect others to cuddle you. You're heterosexual, if you don't like to be questioned then go outside! There's nothing people love more than a woman happily providing her bf with emotional and sexual labor and saying he's the best man ever!!!

literallyyyyy!!! i’m sorry but every het-partnered woman on here speaks high praises of her boyfriend/husband. like no one on here is like “yeah my boyfriend is somewhat misogynistic and he makes me do most of the housework and uses the word bitch and thinks the pay gap is a myth” or whatever… no he’s always the best man ever who does everything right somehow. i don’t blame them for framing their men in this way because as you said, they’re defensive. but i don’t buy that every het-partnered woman on radblr seems to be dating the same perfect most feminist male possible. i don’t particularly care either bc i’ll never know their amazing boyfriends/husbands anyways, i just don’t get why they have to claim to be radfems at the same time

[womens-suffrage-revival-squad]

They sound exactly like my mum gushing 'my hero!' at my dad for that one time he brought in the washing because it was raining and my mum wasnt at home.

In fact that was so worthy of note that she told all her friends - I'm serious btw - and they all agreed he was wonderful. Jesus fucking christ.

My dad isn't a 'feminist ally' - he's a garden variety arsehole who made me and my brothers childhood absolutely miserable. He's the reason for my hypervigilance. Hes treated my mum like crap for most of their marriage. He's a selfish sexist bully.

I don't believe women who gush about how wonderful their bf/husbands are because I've been hearing that from het partnered women for my whole life about the most common trash men. Women lie about how Their men treat them because they can't face the reality of how much they've given for so little in return and also because they are comparing their useless slugs to the much worse men their friends/family are married to.

[thou8hts-and-ideas]

I think often women don’t realise, they don’t see it, and they likely genuinely believe what they’re saying about their men. Like, think of how ppl become complacent in their living spaces- there might be a mark on the wall but living there all the time after a while you don’t see it. You don’t notice, it’s just part of the space. Same with a male partner- these women defending them don’t see the misogyny, the compromises they’re making, the inequity of their relationship. Because they’re in it. It might only be post relationship, in hindsight, that some of those things will come to light. So, I don’t think they’re lying, but also don’t think they’re truthfully describing their situation. They believe what they’re saying because they can’t see it.

[millennial-review-deactivated20]

[cherryseltzer]

piece of advice from an old tumblr person: if you are a woman and you are dating a man, do not settle down with, cohabitate with, or marry a man who needs you to do basic things to take care of him. like, if he can’t cook food for himself, go shopping, do laundry, clean a house, keep his own calendar, make his own doctors’ appointments, fill out his own forms, do his own taxes, etc. you are setting yourself up for a relationship full of you caring for another adult like a child.

partners help EACH OTHER. sometimes people have very valid reasons they can’t do those things, but they should also help YOU with things that are hard for you and easy for them, whether it’s basic emotional support, chores, paperwork, making phone calls, etc. if they say they ‘don’t know how’ to do something and expect you to do it instead of learning how to do it, they are not worth your time.

if your male partner’s parents did not prepare him to take care of himself, do not become his second mother. find a partner who can take care of you as much as you take care of him, and can take care of himself as well as you take care of yourself.

[scientia-rex]

and if that means being single forever, get yourself a cat and lean in, because being a grown-ass man’s second momma is a bitch and a half. I’m married to a fairly fucking aware feminist-identified man and he still can’t take care of himself for shit and it is the one major source of tension in our marriage and it has led to so much tension now that I’m in med school that I have repeatedly seriously contemplated divorce. It’s not a small issue, it’s not trivial. You are a PERSON, not an endlessly nurturing selfless machine. You deserve to have your own story, not be picking up socks in someone else’s.

[thou8hts-and-ideas]

People congratulate me for being married 11 years like that’s a long time as though it’s an awesome thing. But it’s not awesome. That’s 11 years of picking up someone else’s socks (also buying them, washing them, occasionally mending them). My dad warned me not to get married but I didn’t believe him I thought in my liberal nativity, “we don’t need feminism anymore, we’re equal now” but the reality is we’re working paid jobs outside the home AND still running the household, all the while raising the children like our grandmothers before us and somehow we call this progress? 😣

[thou8hts-and-ideas]

Someone just reblogged this piece of history so update?! We got to 13.5 years. Then two years ago, he up and left for someone he met at work and OMG since living apart and having my own space life is 1000X better!! We share the kids 50/50 week on/week off and I work full time and somehow I do farrrrrr less housework yet still live in a much cleaner, more organised home than I ever did while married! I’m far less stressed, my anxiety practically disappeared (I’ve got a bit of PTSD from being married but the symptoms since being away from him are much milder!) and the freeeedom omg I can see whoever I want, do whatever I want, go wherever I want, eat whatever I want? It’s amazing how many little changes we make for our partners and think nothing of- pineapple was my favourite food right up until I got married. Then sometime after we were married he told me he hated it, so I never made food for him (or us) with pinapple in it again. Only having it when he was away “for work”. That’s a long time to go without your favourite food! 🥺

Anyway my favourite thing is not being gaslit anymore. The last 5 years of the marriage he had a best friend (his words) who he seemed to treat like a girlfriend, her family seemed to treat their connection like they were partners too. And I got really upset about it because he seemed to be cheating. Openly? But he convinced me I was imagining things, they were obviously just friends, even got me to see a psych and go on meds for my paranoia. Anyway when he finally left the kids and I to go live at her house, while I was initially devastated, it was a HUGE relief because I knew for sure I wasn’t imagining it. And knowing you’re not crazy is a massive big deal 💕

And people can look at this and think, “that’ll never happen I’ll chose a man who’s a feminist and does equal share of the housework and child rearing etc”. Well- so did he? That’s what he always insisted he did, and how he seemed at first too. And change was subtle, and slow. And he worked well to help me doubt my own reality, so when he said, even on the Census form, that we did 50/50 housework, I believed him. I believed him right up until I finally lived alone and realised how much less housework I needed to do now that he was gone.

So eye opening.

I wish every young woman a fully independent beautiful life where they never have to share their living space with a man. Dating and spending time with loved ones is different, but never intertwine your finances or living arrangements. They’ll make your poor and live in filth.

Be single, be rich, live in beauty 💕

[wilwheaton]

(via ztpr9zfkk38a1.jpg (JPEG Image, 850 × 857 pixels))

[thou8hts-and-ideas]

Just so you’re all aware, Australia’s news outlets use “US-style” as an adjective to describe extreme poverty.

That’s all.

[feministheretic-blog]

#speaker’s corner

#radfem #TERF #violence against women #freedom of speech

[socialmaya]

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

Yeah, when he called them out for molesting their daughters. But then he said their daughters had sexual fantasies about them instead and they were cool with that.

[madammedusasplace-deactivated20]

What the fuck?

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

Yeah, his whole “electra complex” thing. He was studying “hysteria” in women and they were telling him how their fathers molested them and he presented his findings as the reason for these women’s problems. Well, he found out pretty quickly that the very colleagues who were paying him to figure out why their daughters weren’t happy with their shitty positions in society didn’t appreciate being called out like that and he was shunned. So he amended it to something they could swallow and something he could gaslight the women with: the molestation never happened! It’s a fantasy in your head! It’s all right, though, we all have erotic feelings for our parents. Yeah, sounds crazy, but it’s a normal part of our development. You can stop feeling bad and act like a proper lady now.

[basedandradpilled]

so many ppl don’t know this!! freud changed his theories bc he didn’t want to incriminate his cokehead friends after coming to the conclusion that female “hysteria” was the direct result of male violence against young girls

[depsidase]

[firstgrave]

[theselittlefeelings]

1. The Republican Party turns out for EVERY vote. Primaries, local elections, midterms, you name it. Most dems show up once every four year and then get defeatist when things don’t immediately change. It took the Republicans YEARS to overturn RvW but it has been a long game goal of theirs. YEARS of voting, and you’re gonna opt out after one vote. Okay.

2. Primaries are when you vote for who you want. Elections are when you vote for who you can. If you’re not voting in the primary, you’re letting the moderate centrist do-nothing candidate win.

3. Local elections affect your daily life. That sherif in Texas who is refusing to enforce the abortion ban? Local election. Gerrymandering, voter suppression, so much of this is trickle up from local politics.

4. Call your damn representatives. Even if it feels hopeless. The gun control reform that just passed (as minimal as it is) was bipartisan because people showed their reps that they wanted change. Get vocal as a voter and prove courting your vote matters.

5. If someone in your area is running for office and needs votes, be a signature for them. Not everyone can afford to pay to run. You want to support better candidates, put your name behind them (only in your district and always read what you’re signing first).

6. The two party system is shit. We know that. But the democrats are a big tent housing a lot of different opinions and trying to cater to them all. Republicans are generally united in one mission of dismantling everything and protecting only their own. This is also why Dems don’t have the same type of “super majority” and can’t easily whip the same voting results. And anyone who thinks Obama had a super majority for enough time to codify roe does not understand politics. He had about 18 days of actual in-session time, split into two different sessions.

7. Purity politics isn’t going to get you anywhere. The candidate is a bus stop getting you closer to where you want to be. They’re not the end goal, and a smart voter knows that.

8. Voter suppression is huge in America. Help other voters register and get to the polls. It’s not always indifference keeping people from voting. Do something to help disenfranchised voters.

Let me repeat: The two party system is shit. We need to get rid of the electoral college. We need ranked choice voting. We need to get rid of Citizens United. Our country is an oligarchy. Always has been. Not denying that. But Living in these ideals of what we should be without creating any change now isn’t going to get you anywhere. Being defeatist and abstaining from the process is cutting off your own nose to spite your face. Its saying “the other team is scoring too many goals, so instead of playing, I’m just gonna sit on the sidelines. That’ll teach everyone.” No, you’re just gonna keep losing. Maybe, instead, vote in the primaries and choose better teammates.

Y’all kill me with these “hot takes.” They ain’t even half baked.

Now, if you want to talk about the other things we should be doing IN ADDITION TO voting, like general strikes, organizing, etc. Then that’s a different conversation we should also be having.

[morally-corrupt-faye-resnick]

Thissssssss.

Please for the love of god, the GOP nominations are going to continue to be more and more radical far right going forward. Ignoring elections only continues to set us back.

Please, I'm begging y'all, think critically about this

[fullyfunctionalminiaturebeehive]

Please consider:

You have seen someone get shot. You are first aid certified.

Do you:

Give the person first aid, to keep them from bleeding out, or

Throw your hands in the air because stopping the bleeding won't do anything about their broken bones, and there's an attempted murderer loose, and they might die anyway, so why bother?

There is one correct answer.

[witchesversuspatriarchy]

This quote from the women’s suffrage memorial in Knoxville is as prescient as ever given the current climate.

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

This was written when it was still legal for men to rape their wives. This was written when sexual harassment and date rape weren’t crimes. This was written before Roe vs Wade. Before Title IX. Before so, so many things. That’s really something to think about. Because the women who gained the vote didn’t stop there. They didn’t say okay that’s enough, we don’t need to fight anymore. No, they said the fight must continue and all women who come after must continue it.

[sundazesun]

[bumblee-stumblee]

If you've got a Twitter pls show her some love 💕

These are amazing!

[dagwolf]

Those of us who grew up in and around poverty were deeply affected by that and do not forget the particular problems with it and when we see people misrepresenting the poor and the issues they face, take it very seriously. Those who didn't grow up that way just cannot fathom it and so are easy targets for the capitalist virtue line that people can choose to not be poor. You know, rather than accepting the truth that people who were once poor are blessed to no longer be poor. No matter how much they'd like to claim they are no longer poor because of their own hard work, they know how lucky they are to have escaped the precarity of poverty, the precarity levied against poor people to protect the wealth and status of people who never were poor.

[thou8hts-and-ideas]

I can pinpoint some exact moments of luck which afford me to no longer be poor. The differences in my life after each fortunate opportunity were so striking. Unforgettable. 🥺

[the-land-of-women]

[snoopysfriendwoodstock]

let’s say that being hot as a form of empowerment for all women could even be a thing. let’s say it’s possible to look hot for yourself and not for men. where did your idea of hotness come from? why is it important to you to look hot? who decides what’s hot? why must you change something about yourself or cover something about yourself to get hot? what makes you not hot at your most unmanicured state? why? how did you know what to do to get hot? do the people around you view hotness in the same way?

[snoopysfriendwoodstock]

ALSO people can accept theoretically that beauty standards are inherently racist and anti-semitic yet cannot then apply that to the idea that placing value in your looks is not going to be empowering for all women? you got a nose job “for you.” okay. so why? what about YOUR nose needed to be fixed? and where did that idea come from?

[fearsomeandwretched]

[korra-of-the-watertribe]

#you have kids coughing covid into teachers' faces bc parents protested mask mandates and refuse to vaccinate their kids#then you accuse teachers of indoctrinating children because they might mention that a gay person exists#and you expect teachers to be human shields against an assault rifle#all for abysmally low pay#and surprise! people decide to say fuck that shit!!!

[moodycow210]

The funniest thing about teachers ‘indoctrinating the kids’ to become socialists/communists (a separate thing I heard people complaining about) is simply a case of the kids seeing their teachers struggling under the weight of capitalism and it making everything at school worse for them and the teachers.

Tbf I had a social studies lesson I was (illegally I now find) told I had to cover during my contractually set planning time - did I maybe mention on seeing the lesson was about the rise of workers rights how unions saved them all from working down in the coal mines and how even with unions people struggle because the employer will pull every possible thing they can from you without care for your well-being or the law unless you know your rights? Maybe.