home of a fool; welcome to dumbassery

abbi | she/they | mxtx, vanoe, genshin | daily scrolling through this hellhole | i may post art sometimes

[alienfuckeronmain]

Hi everyone!

Figured it's time to introduce myself properly again. My name is Phoenix, I'm a weird gross fanfiction writer turned weird gross horror/erotica/horrorotica author, and a homesteading lesbian in my thirties. It's my mission to bring unapologetic, uncensored, unrepentantly bizarre speculative and literary fiction back to the uwu hellscape of indie publishing.

It would mean a lot to me if you bought my books. Particularly if you have read or enjoyed the over 300 free fanfics I've lovingly bestowed upon you over the last decade.

I currently have three books out: two "short" (most are 7-10k) story collections, and a gothic novel. I call them horror but I use the word loosely--don't go in expecting gore or ghosts or vampires or Lovecraft rip offs or immortal deities or anything like that. My horror is for people who think Eric Lar*cca is overhyped and boring and Saltburn was weirdly milquetoast.

SALIVATION: Barnes and Noble/ Amazon

A group of teenagers meet God at an abandoned amusement park. An immortal, child-eating monster grows too close to his prey. A clandestine tryst in a Chuck-E-Cheese ball pit takes a turn for the revolting. A grieving man sets out in dogged pursuit of the artist he blames for his fiancé's suicide. These ghosts and more reside in this electric debut short story collection by Phoenix Mendoza. This anthology's aim is to explore the profound union between hunger and loneliness, told in a series of voyeuristic meditations on human longing. All at once sincere and absurd, tender and disgusting, hilarious and heart-twisting, Salivation is an unapologetic foray into the lengths we go to in order to seek even the pantomime of connection.

Yellow Wallpapering: Barnes and Noble/ Amazon

In this scathing feminist horror collection, readers will encounter ten short stories featuring ten different women with ten distinct manifestations of patriarchy-induced madness. Blending sci-fi, speculative fiction, horror, and the achingly mundane, Phoenix Mendoza explores what it means to be a woman teetering on the edge of sanity.

Watch two childhood best friends develop a dangerous sex game inspired by their fathers’ suicides. Accompany Kyrie as she visits her grandparents' home, where she skinned her very first deer. Spend several delirious, hallucinatory nights with Carolyn at the train station she haunts whenever she cannot sleep. Dress a mannequin who might not be a mannequin at all. Let these madwomen invite you, one by one, into their complex interior worlds. Let them function as a mirror, a reflection of the self and of society.

Thorngale: Barnes and Noble

In their neglected, decaying family estate on the cliffs of the northern Cornish coast, two Anglo-Catholic brothers grow up in parasitic isolation during a time marked by the decay of English nobility. The elder, Alexander, is equal parts devout and sadistic, lording over Francis, the younger, as his tormentor and God. Oscillating between dreamlike fragments from their insular childhood to their final, sharp descent to madness in 1928, Thorngale is a chilling gothic horror tale of obsessive love and fatal devotion, written with the cutting, claustrophobic spiral of an ever tightening concertina wire.

Thorngale was kicked off of Amazon for violating its content regulations (ie, a hater reported it) but you can purchase epups on my website, here!

I also made a beautiful 44 card oracle deck inspired by Thorngale.

There is a limited print run of these decks but you can guy them on my website!

__________

I also teach a writing class called BLOOD/INK/BONE, which you can learn more about here. It is designed for hobby writers looking to find joy in their craft and shake off the shackles of performing for a fickle, bad faith audience.

Other important links:

My website: you can find playlists, interviews, and podcast appearances here. I also have a shop with goodies where you can buy recordings of my past classes.

My substack: you can subscribe for writing exclusives, nonfiction essays I don't post anywhere else, and (free!) general updates here.

My writing IG: this is the best place to stay updated about all my writing ventures

my goodreads: if you have read my books, please review them here, it really does help indie authors!! I also have a goodreads account where I post reviews if you're interested in what I read.

@spern-awel: the tumblr for my DEBUT NOVEL (!!!), Thorngale.

Thank you everyone <3

[threading-fate]

chapter 2 of "fish rot from the head" by Nilahxapiel

For a moment it doesn’t seem to click, as the creature just blinks in his direction a few times. L is just starting to think it was silly of him to try communicating so soon when the creature’s mouth upturns in such a way that L is oddly endeared to, and then all at once deeply disturbed by.

The creature raises an arm, and copies him.

Pointing, shooing motion, but no questioning look to speak of. With that chilling smile on his face, the creature had made it clear that he wasn’t just repeating the motion in a ‘monkey see, monkey do’ fashion. No, he was turning it around on L with spiteful comprehension.

‘No, you run.’

L finds it fit advice and makes haste.

-

heh. yes I can't seem to stop drawing lawlight in their respective colors, sue me. I can't get this image out of my heaaaddd, pretty and wet light telling L to run in a cave where he only glows??? amen. this fic was fun! I like their interactions sm here. u guys should read it! thank you @nilah-xapiel for a gorgeous fic! have this as my tribute hshshs

[threading-fate]

opening commissions!

hi! I'd just like to dip in the fray of opening commissions and put myself out there shshsh.

im currently in a bit of a bind for money for college and decided it's worth a shot, right?

please contact me here or in the email [email protected] for communication! thank u sm for ur time hshs

[threading-fate]

justice is blind.

"louder than bells" by @relic--crown on ao3! it's so good. L's soul is blind, like how justice is blind? isn't that just poetic. i love it sm. this is just a quick doodle bc I could not get the image out of my head.

[threading-fate]

chapter 2 of "louder than bells" which inspired the fan art above!

The stranger cocks his head to the side, blinking rapidly, eyes dark voids – like camera lenses, Light thinks, suddenly immobilized by a bolt of realization. The soul tilts back its head and lets out a low, crackling caw that chills him to his very bones. No one else hears, of course.

Of course.

The soul has eyes of untroubled white. Light can’t see them well enough to be certain, not from this distance, but it – she? – looks like she could be blind. Blind as justice. And isn’t that fucking poetry. God. He wishes he were alone in his room, so he could just bury his head in a pillow and laugh, and laugh, and laugh. What a joke. And it had all been going so well.

Who better to be the soulmate of a god than the one sworn to kill Him? L – because of course it’s L, of course it is – begins to smile again. Eager, flat-eyed, a shark scenting blood. Light swallows, thoughts running wild. He knows that I know who – and he knows that I –

If Light can look at his soulmate and recognize his enemy, then surely L can look at his soulmate and see Kira.

[threading-fate]

justice is blind.

"louder than bells" by @relic--crown on ao3! it's so good. L's soul is blind, like how justice is blind? isn't that just poetic. i love it sm. this is just a quick doodle bc I could not get the image out of my head.

[wolfythewitch]

Please don't go to church because of me haha

[wolfythewitch]

Go to church if you want to genuinely explore that, it's cool if you do. But how I interact with religion/faith as someone who's been very hurt by it, lives in a country where you're essentially born into it and have it affect your daily life, and someone who's just genuinely interested in it and believes in it makes it very complicated. I'll be the first to state that the institution is not good and I am very critical of organized religion and the church as a whole. It has caused irreparable damage to millions of people. This isn't to discourage anyone who has genuinely found themselves wanting to explore that part of their life, just know that my art isn't quite an endorsement of it haha. Do your own research, if you can. Find good people. You know yourself and your values more than anyone else, listen to your head and heart. What I post does not quite encapsulate all I believe/feel about Christianity, or the sheer influence it has in so many things

[hunihimig]

and if i may just take your breath away ⛸️🏒

or a modern!AU where lvan’s a celebrated figure skater and Till’s an athlete on the ice hockey team, and they’re keeping it lowkey ❄️🩵🤫

[starmist]

Seo Yul fr treated a teenage crush like a 20 year long marriage but like,,, if a pretty older girl with a sword treated MY injury then proceeded to indulge in MY lame ass hobby for the rest of the season I also would never get over her

[starmist]

I genuinely believe Naksu haunts the narrative. Her actions and existence as Naksu heavily impact the entire story. Her past, the life she lived and the shadow of it in Mudeok. But we don't actually know any of it because Naksu is not in the story.

Like. What she lost as Cho Yeong is something that we are never allowed to forget, the loss of her body, her powers, her freedom, and her impending death as a soul shifter hangs over Mudeok's head like guillotine.

All the while we don't actually know the Shadow Assassin Naksu, she died in the first episode, as soon as the story began. Other than training and killing (soul shifters) what kind of person was she when she didn't have to rely on another person else or hide or live as someone else? We don't know and we don't ever learn any of that.

Still, her absence is the plot, yet her former existence as Naksu influences everything; Yul's actions and what she was to him, Jang Uk's goal of returning her powers, the revelation of soul shifters to Park Jin, Jang Gang's departure, Jin Mu's accomplishments, the King's Star even.

Everything is about her existence but she doesn't actually exist at all anymore.

[piham]

Hello tis me again with another Alchemy of souls fanart heehee i love them

[wolsim]

#whipped 💗

[gossamerorigins]

Mudeok: I don’t know how to flirt, so I’m just going to glare at you until we get married.

Jang Uk, getting down on one knee: Oh my god, it’s working.

[dramaism]

        jang uk 🤝 cho yeong getting jealous of themselves

[ylaeth]

The Legend

[huariqueje]

Pool # 27 -  Ann Goldberg , 2016.

Canadian , b. 1970s

Oil on canvas , 30 x 48 in.

[scouts-cosplays]

OIL PAINTING.

[hya-ichor]

[cacodaemonia]

I found lots more on the artist's website, and then came across Percy in the Pool, which almost did me in 🥺🧡

[cykelops]

were I to create an original piece of media I would create bait so queer in order to create a fanfic environment I like. I find you guys do your best work under duress.

[cykelops]

I’d say “jeez can two people not be friends anymore?” and then I’d give one of them amnesia in which they only recognize the other above anyone else

[thecollectibles]

Pots and Pans by Anthony Brault