Waves Of Me

NYC

[throughthemindofmas]

Hey, it’s been a while...

People have no idea what you feel and what it’s like for you. You hold a genuine appreciative smile but also sometimes, you find that you also hide pain behind it. Even you forget it’s there. I love you. I’m so fucking proud of you that I swear could cry about it. I know it’s hard to maneuver with the trauma that’s been dealt. I know it’s hard to move sometimes with the heartbreak. I know you miss her sometimes. I also know you’re okay without her because you learned to be. You’re overwhelmed with all the great shit being thrown at you right now but please don’t throw it away. Please give yourself time to handle your emotions and your thoughts. I believe in you so much that it hurts. Hang in there. I know you’re still in the midst of dealing with loss but you will be okay. Everything will workout the way it’s supposed to.

[florial]

[florial]

You’re beautiful

[thefirstagreement]

I’ve been tryin’, to make you love me But everything I try, just takes you further from me

Kid Cudi (via thefirstagreement)

[throughthemindofmas]

Though it has it’s own meaning and inspiration behind it, I have my own interpretation of what this means to me. A huge part of my life has revolved around my battle with my immune disorder and this peace of art reminds me of a story that’s attached to that part of my life. I was friends with my girlfriend for years before we even got together. She knew of my battle with my illness but I never thought i’d have to go through it again.. or while I was with her. I was so used to dealing with that while I was by myself because that’s the way it always has been. I started going through it again about 6-7 months into us dating and I didn’t know how to handle it. It was the most vulnerable i’ve ever been with somebody in person.. somebody that I was used to taking care of. This time, she was taking care of me but while that was happening, I was losing myself and the motivation to keep fighting. She fought so much for me and never gave up on me. I also saw how much it was dragging her down so I decided to let go because it seemed like the best thing to do at the time. When I did that, I took a part of her too because she was so invested in making sure I was okay. What I should’ve looked at as a gift and a blessing was misunderstood for what I felt was a burden and a curse on her that she didn’t deserve but I did more damage than I probably ever would have by forcing her to go. She lost a part of herself because of that. When I watch this I can’t help but tear up because it feels like i’m watching that story unravel all over again right before my eyes. It’s beautiful, it’s real, it’s heartbreaking, it’s eye-opening, but it makes me appreciate her so much more now. I love this so much.

“Medicine” - A Dance Film | Daughter

Directed by Charles Baldassarra, Starring Zack Benitez Tamara Marthe

[throughthemindofmas]

Feels like my world’s crashing all over again.

[throughthemindofmas]

Sometimes you just have to sit down and process how the hell things got to where they are, face the mistakes, and try to move better from that moment on

[lunarfrequency]

Visit Original Link

[throughthemindofmas]

I talked someone out of suicide today. Makes me sad when anybody wants to take it that far.

[iwbitwg]

[yattakid]

Inspired by J Cole’s KOD album. Ink on hotpress watercolor paper.

insta: lexparker_

[throughthemindofmas]

Working on re-inventing myself. These past few days have shown me that I haven’t really been happy with almost everything that i’ve been involved with the past year. Happy moments? Yes, with some more than others. Now that I feel like i’m on a plane that ran out of fuel and is ready to crash in the middle of no where, I have to make a choice.. I either crash and let it destroy me or face what i’m dealing with and use all that I have to get out of this shit alive. I choose to survive. I’m getting rid of distractions, rid of addiction, rid of weight that I don’t need to carry.. anything that’s going to get this plane to stay in the air a bit longer to keep from crashing. First step is figuring out EXACTLY what it is that’s bringing me this low. Some are very obvious to point out but I also have to accept that there has to be more than just the obvious and I can’t move on without figuring it out cause even the smallest leaks could lead this plane crashing later on after I get it back in the air. My mind has been racing the past 24 hours but i’m finally a bit stable and consciously I feel more aware than I have in a very long time. I need this.

[thelovejournals]

After all, soul mates always end up together.

Cecelia Ahern, Where Rainbows End / Love, Rosie (via thelovejournals)

[throughthemindofmas]

I’d never want anyone to depend on me when it comes to their happiness.. I can barely depend on myself.

[serious]

[wordsnquotes]

If you care about something enough, it’s going to make you cry. But you have to use it. Use your tears. Use your pain. Use your fear. Get mad.

Sherman Alexie, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian (via wordsnquotes)

[throughthemindofmas]

It's hard not to feel a bit hopeless when you lay out a blueprint for them and still, they don't change anything. It's literally how my whole life has been. I show people what should be done different, through my reactions, feelings, or even verbally and they just don't bother to do it. They honestly don't even genuinely try.. because I know effort. Effort would make me feel differently in a positive way but I don't see it. From my family to my friends, it always ends the same way.. It leads to me disconnecting. Sometimes it takes a bit for me to determine why I feel the weird semi-bothered and exhausted feeling I get when I do more than I should but I just know that it fucking sucks. Sometimes even having to tell someone what should be done different feels like a bit much. I hate that I feel this right now. I ask questions and try to fix things they don't like just to show them that it can happen and that i'm trying hoping that it would inspire them to do the same. It was never this way and now it is and I don't know what to do anymore. At this point, it's really not my job to try anything else cause i've done all I can. All I can do is play the waiting game. Hopefully this doesn't lead to any disconnecting.

[dangered]

You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.

Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird (via dangered)