thoughts on the red album taylor's version and some personal insights
red was definitely my favorite out of all taylor's album. every song, every word, even yung sequence ng mga kanta, i know by heart. which makes this very special to me. also, im turning 22 this month, so that's means sa lahat ng nagcacaption ng "im feeling 22" pwede kong sabihin na sakin yung taylor's version. lmao
anyway, it's just so fun to revisit my fave album all over again and its like i'm listening to it for the first time kase yung changes rin sa audio. like its so much better! lalo na yung the last time. that's my fave song sa album and its just so much more balanced and you can hear the difference in both voices. its sooo good. i guess what I'm trying to say is it's nice to listen to it in my twenties because my 12 year old brain couldn't comprehend the emotions in this album. at the time yung mga heartaches ko lang is wattpad hahahahaha
but the main reason why im writing this is a line from this song called nothing new. it says "how can a person know everything at eighteen
But nothing at twenty-two?" and boy does that hit me hard.
2017 was definitely hard for me. It taught me to just do everything that i want because life is uncertain and the people around me can never save me,so i have to save myself blah blah. basically, i made a promise to myself na fuck it, just do whatever makes me happy. if I'm sad, just stop it. its not worth it. so at 18, learned to let things go.
I've grown out of my shell, i was with people that made me feel safe and happy, something that was new to me. they were so good i was doubting them, and i had trust issues but they never did anything bad to me. even when my family to study another course, i followed my gut and chose my dream course and i was thriving together with my friends! we weren't all study tho, we were known to party and drink with the rest of the whole architecture family. i was an officer too, doing good for the community. i was finally happy, and i got everything figured out.
fast forward to now. to say that im struggling seems like an understatement. i don't even know if i like my course anymore. i took 2 sem breaks and i really really don't want to comeback. it feels like im traumatized. i couldn't even look at my univ account for the past year. not even when i was enrolled because i hated it. i feel sick to my stomach. i couldn't enjoy being with my friends anymore because they felt like a distraction to my studies. i didn't give myself a break for a year and i still failed. i was so burned out. and trying so hard to get back on my feet, adding more pressure on myself and failing again and again felt so horrible i had to decide to take a break from it all. now i don't even want to come back. i dont even know i i like it anymore because of everything that has happened. the thing is this was my only option. this was the thing that i wanted. now, i dont know where to start, i dont even want to, but i have to.
it's just not this that has been put to a halt. i dont even know who i am for the last year, heck for the last month, i have stopped talking to most of my friends. I've been obsessing about games, but lately i am burning out with them too.
i really dont know anything at this point in time and surely i thought i would have figured things out a little bit more. so yeah, taylor just feels so timely rn with me having a fucking existential crisis.