i wanted to have Qifrey, on one side, trying to free himself from the garrote that is Olruggio's ribbon, their promise, in the sense of Qifrey's perpetual agony, yet on the other side holding it close, gently. In the sense that he just can't let it go
I have a sinking feeling about Qifrey and where his story is headed.
MASSIVE spoilers and maybe slightly long-winded theorizing below the cut.
I believe quite certainly that Qifrey intends to reveal the complete truth to Olruggio very soon, and that while he seems to be accepting his fate, he is trying to maintain as much control over the terms of his inevitable end as possible.
Following the events of Chapter 88, after he reveals his nature as a Silverwood host to Coco, he asks to postpone his complete confession, wishing to be able to reveal the truth elsewhere, in a peaceful place beneath a wide open sky where his roots would have room to comfortably grow. He has described the land around the atelier in this way many times before.
Later, when the entire group is finally reunited and Olruggio tells Qifrey theyāre going home. Qifreyās expression looks pained for a moment, before he answers, āAlright then. Let's go home. Our atelier awaits."
His verbal recognition of the atelier as his home is a rather glaring signal that he is beginning to accept his imminent end and has chosen the atelier as his ideal final resting place. This is hinted at early on in a sequence during which Beldaruit spoke to Riliphin of the Silverwoods, and implied that he knew of Qifreyās condition as he privately worried that his beginning to think of the atelier as his home could be dangerous for him.
At a point during their journey home, we return to the group to find the girls all asleep, while Qifrey has distanced himself from the rest, sitting on the bank of a lake to write in his book. Olruggio joins him and points out how far heās sitting from the fire.
I think this was probably intentional in an effort to be closer to the lake to keep himself anxious, since it is my personal theory that here, Qifrey is actually writing a letter to Olruggio in which he tells him the entire truth, and that the narration through the next arc is comprised of excerpts from that letter. The lake is intended to be a failsafe of sorts, since of course, we know that vocalizing the truth to Olly is Qifreyās greatest comfort trigger, while water touching his skin is his biggest anxiety trigger. Given this, it makes sense for him to choose this particular spot to begin to release the truth so he has a means of keeping the Silverwood at bay readily available should he need it, which he evidently does later on.
In the segments that follow, Qifrey reminisces on how he and Olruggio crossed paths at the Great Hall and became close.
Through the end of chapter 91, we watch the story unfold neutrally as though it is happening in real time, with no narration, but in chapter 92, something shifts. As soon as Qifreyās recount reaches the part of the story that would have been lost to Olruggioās memory, a past-tense narrator voice begins to cut in, and suddenly, it becomes clear this story is being told to someone, not merely recalled, and not just to anyone, but to Olruggio by Qifrey. This is the strongest evidence that what weāre reading is actually the contents of a letter to Olruggio.
All of this indicates to me that Qifrey is not just reminiscing, but is actively preparing for the end. The telling of the story, the physical and emotional distance Qifrey has put between himself and the others, and his now repeated framing of the atelier as both home and the kind of place where he would want to be forever, are all supportive of that.
As far as we know, Qifrey hasnāt been the one to initiate a full confession since they were kids at the Tower of Tomes. Spilling his guts in a letter written under duress is probably a new tactic, and itās a smart one, as it ensures Qifrey can get the complete truth out on his terms without the usual interruption from the Silvertree.
We also know that Qifrey would rather die than have his transformation hurt the people he loves, so at this point, I wouldn't put it past him to leave the letter at home where the others will find it before going off to trigger his transformation alone, or waiting until the others are gone to trigger it.
This is what has me especially worried for him now, because Olruggio and the girls just left the atelier, leaving Qifrey there by himself. Maybe I'm projecting (probably), but the thought of Qifrey leaving a note and then going off to essentially kill himself makes my stomach hurt. Painfully though, it does feel in character, especially now that he's vocalized his trust in his students, particularly Coco, to carry on his mission. Olruggio, please go home now, your husband is an active danger to himself!!
Fortunately, Hiehart and Jujy pay the atelier a visit, but even upon greeting them, he does already seem on edge and uncharacteristically down.
Hopefully, whatever Hiehart has to say will get Qifrey out of his head and convince him to keep living for a little while longer. I'm guessing he's going to ask Qifrey to take on Jujy as his apprentice. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Anyways. To conclude, here is Qifreyās directed narration/possible excerpts from a letter to Olruggio compiled:
Every day I turned my gaze away from the encroaching dread, and for as long as I was in the dark, I was happy. I greeted each morning with excitement, for with the rise of the sun came another adventure with you. I thought if I could retrieve the past I lost, my joy would be as genuine as yours, and perhaps I would have a real chance to share in your happiness. A child can dream. Like ordinary boys, we would share our visions of tomorrow with each other and we would laugh at how far away it all seemed.
Little did I know that felicity came with forgetting. It was a bliss born of ignorance. If I knew what I wasā¦ If I knew that I was never meant to be saved, I would've stayed far away from you, the skyās kindest, most radiant star.
I once read an old poem that likened stars to boats sailing through the sky. But as far as I know, boats donāt twinkle like stars. The light doesnāt come from the vessel itself, but its guiding torch. Like your pyreball, it burns at the bow. A beacon of light in the dark.
After that fateful day, you would uncover my secret again and again. Each time you would respond with disbelief. Then your face would twist and turn in anguish. And after biting back a few words, you would show me grace, and comfort me and forgive me for lying to you. And then, without fail, the Silverwoodās roots would grow. You would offer me the same path back every time, and I would take it, adding to my mess of sins.
I had often considered leaving your side. I thought that perhaps traveling alone would save me from taking away your memories. But even that minute solace was enough for the Silverwood. I knew then that distance would do nothing but break my promise to you.
So I had another thought: A master never wants for worry with apprentices to look after. The selfishness behind my reason for taking on pupils made me ill, but theyād never have to know that. So I decided to put every fiber of my being toward becoming a good educator. If only I had known then what a joy it truly is to watch your students grow with each passing day.
Itās somewhat rare for a Silverwood to take root in people. Unlike animals, they tend to hold onto too much anxiety. Which is why the tree planted in Custus that gave him his legs raises some questions. My right eye was the only one to sprout during the experiments. It must have some connection to the Silverwood in Custas. For so long, I thought I was the only host, but now I'm not so sure. There could be more victims out there than I ever imagined.
Did I make the right choice?
Would it have been better to throw everything aside and hunt down the brimmed caps?
Doubts like these turn in my head, but the moment I see my atelier, I remember.
This is where my heart is. This is where I want to be.
making tartah irish (a colonized people, albeit european) in the dub was a wildly good decision that only enhances his relationship to and solidarity with custas (who has indigenous ainu & roma influences) considering englandās historical and contemporary oppression of both roma and irish people. roma and irish people have a very complicated dynamic in and of themselves with the irish perpetuating anti-roma stereotypes for proximity to white supremacy, which is perfect for the fact that despite tartahās insistence he has custasā best interests in mind, custas canāt really trust him. it makes tartahās unflinching solidarity with him all the more touching even on top of the disability narrative. iām pretty sure tartahās accent is closest to a northern irish accent, a territory still actively occupied by england. those in the slum and those in āpolite societyā are literally separated by a wall atop which custas confronts tartah and coco. hello belfast. hello āpeace wallsā. not to mention the dynamic of an english qifrey and an irish tartah. girl this is mitrust of lying adults and witches and colonization. hallelujah. tens across the board for this adaptation so far.
How did everyone discover holostars/find your oshis?
I donāt remember the exact clip that first got me interested but I know it was one of Jurard! His loud voice reached my fyp somehow lol! I then started looking into Armis more and watching more clips of the boys. What really got me hooked was a stream of Goldieās. The one where he played a peppa pig game to be specific :) I thought Goldie was so funny and so I kept watching him! A little while later I came across Ruze streaming! He was streaming the last day of 7 Days to Die with the boys and he started sabotaging them at the end and I knew I was gonna love this mischievous man haha. Next I stumbled into a unarchived karaoke of Hakkas :) he was singing in Spanish and I really loved it. I went into another stream of his a little while later where he was drawing and I instantly became a hakkito when I saw him drawing buffkittos! Ruze and Hakka are now my kamioshis and I have watched almost every single one of their streams since the day I discovered them! Iām very happy to have found holostars!
I donāt watch holostars JP much since I donāt understand Japanese but I would love to hear how you guys discovered them as well!
āWylan Van Eck has an avoidant attachment disorder and Jesper Fahey has an anxious attachment disorder and if this was shown in the show, along with the slow burn in the books and the idea of both of them having a really shaky foundation of what intimacy truly is ā the ship wouldāve been much more compelling and interesting and I think thatās how the writer intended it to be.ā I say into the microphone before the crowd, my slideshow ready to explain.
I donāt get the chance. The crow boos, someone throws a tomato, another throws a waffle (where did waffles come from? itās cold at that), I duck my head to avoid the endless assault of edible items and began to walk off the stage in shame.
āNo, heās right.ā I perk my head up and I turn around to the front row, to see who the voice was. Itās none other than Leigh Bardugo.
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