Same anon 2/2 but what I'm getting at is that too many people worry about why they don't enjoy certain things and try to label themselves instead of living life through discovery. With the penetration thing, I get it, I found it VERY painful always, never fingered myself etc, but honestly it does take practice and I promise you're not broken. I wouldnt worry too much but please try not to micro label as once again these explainable terms really do harm the LGBT community xx thank you
2/2
Anon, while I appreciate your strong efforts to protect those within the LGBTQIA+ community, I do not appreciate your ask. I truly don’t know where to start, so I’ll be addressing your asks piece-by-piece.
First, I’ve known the term demisexual since I was 18, and started to research into it more during my freshman year of college. At that point, I had 2 different relationships fall through because I simply did not feel what I deemed necessary in order to justify sexual intimacy. I, as I’m sure you’d expect, felt broken and like I would never be able to have what many deem to be a normal relationship with someone. However, I am so fortunate, because not only did my university have anonymous support options for closeted LQBTQIA+ students, I also had this community on Tumblr. I know and am friends with individuals who identify as demisexual, and they were kind enough to virtually spend time with me and educate me on the “label.” So, I can assure you, your education is not necessary.
Second, I genuinely can’t tell if you’re attempting to say that demisexuality is not a real piece of the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, or if you’re saying that I am falsely identifying. So let’s address both points! To begin, demisexuality falls within the asexuality spectrum, which means that a person who identifies as demisexual is not able to feel sexual attraction to just anyone and the speed + level of attraction can very. To be blunt, they likely have a lower-than-average sex drive. There’s an official flag, support communities online and on university campuses (mine included), and there’s been a great uptick in media coverage over the past year and a half. I urge you to do a quick search and read some of the articles or watch a few YouTube videos. So, I can assure you that this “micro-label” is a legitimate part of the LGBTQIA+ community, and believing that it isn’t is dangerous to and harms those who identify. In regards to falsely identifying with demisexuality myself, I can assure you that I simply didn’t google this term one day and say “YUP I’ll keep this one” and stick it to my forehead just for funsies. I talked to those who identified, those who served as LGBTQIA+ support, and did real research to understand what the term actually meant. I didn’t wake up and decide to be demisexual one day simply because I’m a virgin and not into hookups, or because I can’t wear a tampon/finger myself. There’s psychological and emotional reasons behind my decision to identify with this label, and to this day it holds true as it does for thousands of other individuals who feel the same as I do.
Lastly, I’d like to bluntly share why I’m disclosing my penetration issues to the world online, as I feel it’s worth mentioning and adds weight to the conversation. In 2018, I had my first serious relationship with a guy which lasted around 9 months. I felt like I was progressing to where I could eventually develop sexual intimacy with this person, at one point, and thought I had finally found someone accepting of my aversion to/lack of desire to have sex. In the end, this relationship turned out to be abusive and the individual did not accept my hesitancy to jump into sex. They got impatient and took it upon themselves to make it happen. I was forced to experience things I wasn’t ready for, with someone I wasn’t ready to experience them with. This has led to psychological and physiological longterm damage, and I’m currently in therapy to overcome them. Yes, it’s taken this long. No, I don’t need your judgement about waiting to seek help. Vaginismus is when the vaginal muscles subconsciously tighten and spasm when penetration is attempted. I’m reconditioning my body to understand that penetration does not mean pain and discomfort every time. And I’m sure you asked “wHy WouLd yOu NeeD tO dO tHat aS a DemIseXuaL PerSon?” Fantastic question! I eventually want to be able to have sex. I am not asexual, I am demisexual for a reason. I want to find someone who understands I take longer than others to attach, and I want to one day be a mom. Just because I’m actively working to overcome sexual abusive does not inherently make me ineligible for pieces of the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. That’s called recovery.
I’m sorry for the word dump that my followers have to read now, but I truly felt that this ask was filled with blind judgement, passive-aggression, and a genuine lack of knowledge on the topic. PLEASE, if you want to help those within the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, do NOT leap into their inboxes with accusing language and petty tones. You do not know someone’s full story based on a blog, and not all Tumblr users within the community are emotionally able to handle asks such as this. Be respectful and, please, do better.
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