Tifara Journals

I write (About you: 1975)

[tifararicci1998]

[thepersonalquotes]

[dagangarincel]

Be unwanted can destroy you

[tifararicci1998]

He comprehended me wrong everytime.

I wanted him to see through my callous attempts of hiding my heart so he split me open and clutched it so hard, it bled, I bled.

‘Isn’t this what you wanted?’

ISN’T THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?

-Tifara, 1:41 AM. July 14th.

[tifararicci1998]

His abandonment of me was clear by his actions, so he held me bound to him through his hollow words.

- Tifara, July 14th, 1:36 AM.

[tifararicci1998]

[tifararicci1998]

Its giving body dysmorphia

[tifararicci1998]

Beauty of synchronicity

[tifararicci1998]

Father's day is bittersweet every year. It makes me teel empty inside, despite being 28.! always end up being an 15 year old again, pining for the love of a man I was close to when I was young. It's been a decade since | last saw him eye to eye and talked about anything other than distressful topic. The last time we conversed was when I was 27 and I had hoped, he missed me. He felt remorseful not being in touch with me but to no avail. I was a disappointment, someone who was rebellious and in my reflection he saw himself and hated me for it. I have come to terms with the fact that some people in our lives are not meant to be, no matter how much you try but sometimes, I pine again. I become that 15 year old, hoping to be loved by him.

Sometimes, Somedays but most days I am grateful for the other men in my life who stepped up like my elder brother, Rehman Uncle, Paul Uncle and the number of other people who have taught me that I am loveable despite it all.

[tifararicci1998]

Am I talking to myself? why don’t you respond to me.

[tifararicci1998]

Your worst will always be enough for me but my best will never be enough for you.

[tifararicci1998]

Let me pin this on my page. I will come back to it, when I get a response from him, from myself or from the universe itself.

'What does the future hold for me and him? I am not even his type. He loves tall, skinny, porcelain woman with black straight hair. Here, I was a bit chubby, not that tall, curly haired girl. How I wish he loved me for my entirety.'

[tifararicci1998]

I am a very violent person, mother. I choose to not be everyday.

I choose to not be the version of myself that I hate, everyday.

[tifararicci1998]

I lied to myself again about the depth of your love, I was seeing angels when you were a devil in disguise.

[tifararicci1998]

I will wait for us to meet again.

[tifararicci1998]

The thing about waiting is, I have never been patient.

I have never had the heart to wait for it but for you, I am willing, this time I will let time do its bidding.

[tifararicci1998]

We will not meet again as the same people but I am glad about that, we will evolve and love each other for our new identities.

[tifararicci1998]