Tifara Journals

I write (About you: 1975)

[tifararicci1998]

I am too radicalised to be domesticated anymore.

-Tifara, 3:22 PM (7th August 2026)

[tifararicci1998]

My face looks a certain way on days when I am too sad. A certain line or a certain crease under dim lights gives me a mirage of as if I am looking at my mother. I look exactly like her during my hours of sadness and it makes me feel like I have seen her more sad than happy my entire life that when my face contorts to look like my birth giver thats the only face of hers that pops out without me thinking. Why is my sadness not mine either, why do I always see others, where is my own self and why is my mother always unhappy?

[tifararicci1998]

[tifararicci1998]

I am so proud of myself for not giving up lol

[tifararicci1998]

[tifararicci1998]

[thepersonalquotes]

[dagan-garin-cel]

Be unwanted can destroy you

[tifararicci1998]

He comprehended me wrong everytime.

I wanted him to see through my callous attempts of hiding my heart so he split me open and clutched it so hard, it bled, I bled.

‘Isn’t this what you wanted?’

ISN’T THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?

-Tifara, 1:41 AM. July 14th.

[tifararicci1998]

His abandonment of me was clear by his actions, so he held me bound to him through his hollow words.

- Tifara, July 14th, 1:36 AM.

[tifararicci1998]

[tifararicci1998]

Its giving body dysmorphia

[tifararicci1998]

Beauty of synchronicity

[tifararicci1998]

Father's day is bittersweet every year. It makes me teel empty inside, despite being 28.! always end up being an 15 year old again, pining for the love of a man I was close to when I was young. It's been a decade since | last saw him eye to eye and talked about anything other than distressful topic. The last time we conversed was when I was 27 and I had hoped, he missed me. He felt remorseful not being in touch with me but to no avail. I was a disappointment, someone who was rebellious and in my reflection he saw himself and hated me for it. I have come to terms with the fact that some people in our lives are not meant to be, no matter how much you try but sometimes, I pine again. I become that 15 year old, hoping to be loved by him.

Sometimes, Somedays but most days I am grateful for the other men in my life who stepped up like my elder brother, Rehman Uncle, Paul Uncle and the number of other people who have taught me that I am loveable despite it all.

[tifararicci1998]

Am I talking to myself? why don’t you respond to me.

[tifararicci1998]

Your worst will always be enough for me but my best will never be enough for you.

[tifararicci1998]

Let me pin this on my page. I will come back to it, when I get a response from him, from myself or from the universe itself.

'What does the future hold for me and him? I am not even his type. He loves tall, skinny, porcelain woman with black straight hair. Here, I was a bit chubby, not that tall, curly haired girl. How I wish he loved me for my entirety.'

[tifararicci1998]

I am a very violent person, mother. I choose to not be everyday.

I choose to not be the version of myself that I hate, everyday.