“ I suppose I should take that as a compliment ? ” He asks, his tone filled with delighted amusement. The idea that he could possibly carry some traits of worldliness, even if he’s hardly even scratched the surface of the Earth. “ I was too EAGER as a kid. To get out. Of what I don’t know. Possibly just the type of desire for freedom everyone has as an adolescent. ” He begins, before parted lips meet the cigarette once more and another drag is taken. “ Silly me, thinking the war would SATIATE that desire. ” A breathy laugh can be heard under the whispers of the wind, flickers of bitterness permeating the sound. There’s a point to the sentiments of the past, even if it takes a while to get there, breathing out smoke and watching the last of the churchgoers get back into their cars. “ Since then it seems like I’ve been working INWARDS instead of outwards. Start small. ” He finishes, and there’s an awe-inducing clarity to his words, proof that years of reflection have amounted to something tangible, an outlook that is worthwhile.
He puts out his cigarette, stubbing it against the dirt road but keeping it in his possessions as he wanders off to find a TRASH can. He doesn’t like how it looks, right outside the church, but he figures it’d look worse if litter plagued the grounds instead. He returns to her, last words stewing in his mind, the way she’s say stuck as if she’s trapped. The concept is rendered an oddity to him, Sheffield never being anything less than liberating, but it occurs to him that not everyone is able to share that privilege. “ What’s keeping you here ? ” He asks, neutrality in the statement because being kept wasn’t the same as being caught.
❛ It’s not an insult, ❜ She muses — even the clarification is vague. Even in spite of comfort found in religion, and even in those who attended the sermons as often as she did, it did feel partially ... disingenuous. She had a second life, an ALTER EGO. Both were her, she decided. She just kept them separate, a split personality — representative of fight & flight. An airier version of herself sang hymns and smiled brightly, a more aggressive ended up with bloodied knuckles and spent late nights in a trailer rather than a home. But both of them stood here, cigarette between her lips, staring at the ground, and wondering exactly why she was here.
She couldn’t give an answer.
She let out another puff of smoke after lungs were filled, and at this point, she was so close to the filter her fingers could feel the singing burn of the ignited end. As soon as the red hot warmth of flesh meeting fire increased, she dropped it to the ground unceremoniously. Instead of grinding it under her heel, she watched little bits of ash meet dirt and mix together. She wanted another — chain smoking was a habit she’d picked up over a decade ago — but she didn’t dare put him out for another. Instead, she fidgeted, bruised hands ducking into jacket pockets. ❛ Wish I knew, ❜ it’s an honest answer, the best she can give. ❛ Something about this town keeps you. Chokehold or embrace depends on the person. ❜ She smiles warmly at him, but it doesn’t meet her eyes. Quickly, lips part to change the topic. ❛ I enjoyed the sermon today — less hellfire and brimstone than ... other times. ❜