30 and still awkward @timdove - Tumblr Blog

devilishgames

A delightful evening in the Adirondacks.

#adirondacks #adirdondacklake #indian lake #fall #autumn #upstate

totsuma

Life lately has been real…..strange. But this guy is still a bubs.

#dad #los angeles #weird

this-old-stomping-ground

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timdove

Dream office setup.

this-old-stomping-ground

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timdove

Mmmmmmm

tattoome

pinterest.co.uk/tradtattoos

Fatherhood For Me

Its funny, I never thought I would actually be a dad. Not because I was anti children per-say, but I am not very optimistic about the future of society and the world as a whole. I didn't have a terrible childhood or anything, but true raw emotion and feelings is not something that comes naturally to me. So imagining having a child and essentially NOT feeling any sort of raw emotional attachment to them, has always been a fear of mine. The cliche statements have never hit home for me like “once they’re born, you’re obsessed” or “I didn't know life until I had my child” blah blah blah. It wasn't until I really learned that those statements are NOT normal responses for men. In reality, a lot of men have a child that they feel a protection FOR, but not an immediate attachment or obsession. Of course there are people who do feel that and to me, that’s some sort of result of an upbringing, not in any sort of negative way. For me, I cared for my son, I wanted him to be ok, but I also felt no “indescribable” attachment which is what you always hear about. Does that make me an asshole? Monster? Cold? No, apparently it makes me pretty normal.

Fast forward to now, my son is 16 months old, and since he was able to really recognize me and remember me and REACT to me, I have been having trouble explaining how I feel. This was the attachment some people get at day 1, but it came for me much later.

I have never had someone be genuinely happy and excited to see me, to be near me, to find comfort in me, with no other agenda. He has no concept of the world, no poison from the normal world, no goal he’s really trying to get to out of me (other than food I guess). The true innocence is so different to me, that I can do nothing but want to make him happy, healthy, ok, successful, all the things.

He kind of has shown me that actual love from my insides, is possible.

For that, I say Fatherhood is worth it. Sacrificing essentially all aspects of my life is fine with me, because my son has shown me that real, unconditional attachment to another human, is possible in my life.

#fatherhood #dad #newdad #son #depression #postpartum #dads