I Almost Know What I'm Doing

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[neckkiss]

via weheartit

[camo--zamboni-deactivated201510]

My roommate and his girlfriend got in the shower together and they’re… Talking about politics?

I was expecting to hear “OH GOD, HARDER,” not “George Washington was entirely correct in his prediction of what distinct parties would do to politics as a whole.”

[camo--zamboni-deactivated201510]

Nope nevermind, there it is, apparently political debate is just their form of foreplay

[camo--zamboni-deactivated201510]

STOP REBLOGGING THIS HE HAS A TUMBLR

[knopeleslie]

[timefourachange]

For fear of sounding like a snob.

I can really taste the complexity of coffee since becoming a black coffee drinker.

Even in sweetened drinks (which feel like a absolute treat now)

[timefourachange]

It’s prime day and I bought new bedding! I bought the stuff I’m using now 7 years ago when I first moved out of my parents. I’ve been obsessed with this duvet cover! And I got the sheets and comforter fill for so cheap! The cover... not as cheap, but I had an amazon gift card from my birthday too!

[timefourachange]

Working a desk job and hitting 250 steps every hour is super hard. Especially when my office is small. I just walked in circles to hit it last hours.

I’ll pretty much have to walk to a different floor to pee every hour to hit these.

[timefourachange]

It’s a new day!

And a fresh start. Also the first real day back from vacation, so I need to be thinking of getting back on track with working out a food!

[timefourachange]

I’m 26. Holy crap. My skin. Short story, it sucks. I had a bad time with cystic acne over 6 months ago. It was painful, it was ugly, it was awful. End of story. I haven’t had a cyst in 6 ish months which is wonderful! However! I have a ton of scarring. My skin is so red, and so dry, and so sensitive. Just running in moisture makes it red. So the small period pimple can leave even more redness for weeks. I know wearing make up daily isn’t helping and I really want to get better at going fresh faced out more often. But damn is it hard. My first day going out without makeup my nail tech asked me twice if I had an allergic reaction or something wrong with my face. I tried to chalk it up to cultural differences but it just goes to show it really is as bad as I think it is. I’m about to run to the store with 0 make up and I look like this. So wish me luck!

[timefourachange]

I’ve been struggling a lot lately with some mental health stuff. And by lately I mean for 6+ months.

And I think I’m struggling because I’m not even sure if this is depression. I mean, it is. But it’s so much different than my depression I had years ago. It’s more of a sideline emptiness than the past all encompassing darkness/emptiness.

Meaning I forget about it. I feel totally fine when I’m busy when I’m occupied when I’m with others. But the second my mind wonders off alone, or I return home to my messy one bedroom apartment, or when one little thing goes wrong; it’s like the depression was just waiting for me to let my guard down and pounce.

I’ve always understood ‘functioning anxiety/depression” becomes I was taught tools on how to do the actual functioning parts even while dealing with my mental illnesses. But something about this year is different. I can’t put my finger on it. I guess I can just say I’m functioning less, not as well.

I took today off work to have a day to recover after my birthday trip (which I’m just realizing I forgot to post about) before starting work again. ((I wanted to take the whole week, but responsible manager me know I can’t. Plus the 1,000+ emails that have piled up since Monday are already really stressing me))

So my game plan for today is to deep clean. I’m hoping I can take little steps to not make my home feel overwhelming and draining. I’m going to make a list of things I want done and a time line of them being done. Small goals.

[timefourachange]

Did I show you all how beautiful my Fitbit looks with a black band?! I’m so in love!

[timefourachange]

Woke up early and did some yoga! I am still a crazy amount of sore and so stiff. I wanted to take Clint on a walk too, but one step outside told me it was already too hot and way too humid.

Oh well. I packed my gym bag for after work! I’ll get in some steps there.

[timefourachange]

12 hour work day

Finally heading home. I’ve been at work for 12 hours and I’m mentally just done. I am so sunburnt and sore. I feel like I’m walking like a old lady.

I wanted to gym, but it’s 8pm and by the time I get home to change and to the gym it’ll be almost 9.

Maybe I deserve a rest day. I’ve eaten really well all day and seriously need to stretch out these muscles after the beating yesterday

[nailpornography]

[risarodil]

[timefourachange]

I need to stamp this on my forehead at the gym.

[timefourachange]

I went to the gym Saturday morning! I’m so damn proud of myself. I has a challenge with Andrew and they really push me! I also ran my fastest mile yet. So yay for small victories!!

I bought a scale so I can keep track of progress. I get discouraged so easily having things to track change is super helpful for me!

[timefourachange]

Tonight I kicked ass. Knew I couldn’t run, still too scared to do non- cardio stuff at my gym. So Clint buddy and I went on a long walk! Maybe too long, poor Clint was struggling and actually got me slightly concerned when we got back.

But he’s good! And will be a pooped pup tomorrow!

Feels good to hit all the goals’

[harmony-is-happiness]

[timefourachange]

I need to post more make up free selfies.