time to start over

just a girl trying to rediscover who she is and heal from heartbreak.

[gargoylegrrrl]

im dealing with my shit the way im dealing with it. are my methods unhealthy? yes. are they effective? no. am i going to change what im doing. no

[luxbrilux]

I pray that September, October, November, & December are all months full of growth, blessings, productivity, new doors open & opportunities.

[quotemadness]

You’re never too broken to recover.

Justina Butkovic (via quotemadness)

[cwote]

[tranquilist]

What am I supposed to say, when I’m all choked up and you’re okay?

The Script, Breakeven (via tranquilist)

[purplebuddhaquotes]

Don’t let your loyalty become slavery. If they don’t appreciate what you bring to the table, let them eat alone.

(via purplebuddhaquotes)

[riffatmatinpoetry]

I am good enough. I deserve love. One day someone will recognize how much I am worth. Today, my focus is on bettering and loving myself.

Affirmation of the day. (via riffatmatinpoetry)

[town-lights]

“Don’t act like I didn’t fight for you. I did. Hard. For a long time. So please, forgive me if now that we’re over, I’m exhausted.”

— Blair Waldorf, Gossip Girl

[timetostartover-18]

July 24

Have you ever woke up in the same house as the man you love/want to spend your life with the desire to walk in the room across the hall- where he now sleeps- just to tell him you love him? But you don’t because you know he wont say it back? That’s a different kind of heartache let me tell you. 

[timetostartover-18]

July 22

well lets see how long i can stick with this. let me note, this blog is not for anyone other than myself. i’ve been keeping a journal but keep leaving it places or i’m afraid to leave it at home because i’m afraid brice will find it- maybe keeping up on here will be easier.

a little back story as to why i created this bad boy?

I’ve been dating brice since right before i turned 21. Our relationship was never perfect, but we were young and i knew would/could grow together and be better versions of ourselves together. After he cheated the first time, i was never quiet the same, mentally- but what did i expect. My insecurities grew, trust issues became a thing and i was always doubting how he felt about me. He graduated college a semester before me. loooooord lemme tell you how sad i was that entire next semester because he wasn’t there on campus or there at work anymore. but it also made me miss him and appreciate our time we got to spend with each other. I was in Florida with my friend when brice made a comment about how he wants to move, and when i said do it, he said will you come with me. Fast forward to my last semester in college, working almost 30 hours a week and applying for a job down south. January 2nd, we packed up and moved on down here.

I don’t think we knew what we were getting ourselves into moving in with each other. Constantly being around each other didn’t help the fighting. Brice needs space and because i was always so insecure about him stepping out on me again or him wanting to leave me, i never wanted to give him space to cool down. i was always pushing. always wanted to fix things and talk it out so that he didn’t have a reason to want to walk away- which ended up being the reason he did walk away. ironic isn’t it?

I didn’t think it would be for good, but the more time that goes on, the more clear it gets. Knowing he was seeing someone else rather than wanting to fix something between us wasn’t enough for it to click for me i guess. it took WEEKS of hurting, heartbreak and tears for it to click. and i think part of me still doesnt think it’s over for good. i keep thinking he’ll say he misses me and want me back. But my brain knows better. WHY DO I WANT SOMEONE WHO HAS SHOWN ME HE DOES NOT WANT ME? (other than sex, he definitely still wants that. but not even just from me so thats gross) i think the sex part gets me because if you loved me, cared for me the way you said you did the last 4 years, how can you sleep with me now? while you're sleeping with someone else? how am i just some ass for you now? doesn’t he feel wrong about that? shouldn’t i mean more to him? *eyeroll* moving forward, i’m going to be in a different mindset. I know what i deserve and i deserve better than that.