Things my boyfriend says in his sleep
(Ongoing so long as I’m awake for it)
—–
KC: Elune, a Naaru? That’s stupid.
—–
KC: I never thought to use pizza to catch humans.
Me: Is it effective?
KC: I can’t stop eating.
(Looks like it is. Additionally, I can’t believe interacting works and will try it again next time.)
—–
KC: Roadkill penis.
Me, bleary: …what?
KC, emphatically: Roadkill. Penis.
[He later explained the dream was about someone getting that bit run over by a semi and he had to go investigate.]
———-
KC: *loud, unintelligible muttering, with concern*
Me, thinking he was awake: What? What’s wrong? Are you okay?
KC, quite asleep: *more scrambled muttering, with question*
Me: I’m fine, you’re okay. Everything is safe here.
KC: *mutter-groans and drifts back to sleep*
[Forgot to ask about this one]
KC: Mmm… [something] two lamps at some point. *open-mouth chewing noises*
He said something hilariously ludicrous like “Can broccoli be used as a weapon?” but I can’t for the life of me remember exactly what.
“I lost IQ cells…see?”
KC (awake) after watching a video with average person responses.
Me, thinking he’s awake: I’m going downstairs, need anything?
KC: You can’t go out, you’ll get mugged.
Me: Okay, I’ll stay up here…?
KC: They’re using the defoliant. Still getting rid of leprechauns.
Me: ??????
KC: As the Duke of Wellington once said, “Fuck that bitch, give her grapeshot.”
This is a meme sticker waiting to happen.
KC: What the fuck…what the fuck? What the fuck?!
Me: What happened? Were you dreaming?
KC: You know how [unintelligible] has too many wheels? *turns over and falls back asleep*
Me: *awake, alert, and visibly confused*
This was not spoken aloud, but said by a villainous xenos during a spectacularly cinematic dream:
In midnight clad
By darkness born
Filled with fury
Hate and scorn
For this empire we fought
Our own losses mourned
Now see it crumble
And from his chair thrown
In midnight clad
Nostroman born
Know now thy murderer
Thy body torn
He composed this while unconscious.
@landysbear is back at it. He just woke up from a dead sleep and said aloud, to me, as if summing up a matter-of-fact conversation, “A.I. just think differently.”
And then nestled in and went right back to sleep!
I tried asking him about it (because it usually works)
“Are you awake???”
“Mmhm.”
“What’s going on?”
*silence*
“Babe, what’s with the A.I.?”
*smiles, scooching into blanket with sleepy moan*
“Babe????????”
“Good dream. The Doors all died in a bus crash…was plotting on killing the Beatles the same way. Mmm, good dream…*zzzz*”
Not quite sleep-talking but close.
“It isn’t a real wedding until an uncle dies.”
He said as he burned a yert with Atilla the Hun.
Not spoken aloud, but he dreamed up an entire sea shanty and I shall get it written down because it’s that good.
Him: *rolls over*
"Watch out for that [sheet?]"
*points at air vent on ceiling directly above me*
"It's their entry-way."
*rolls back, asleep*
Me: *wide-eyed staring straight up*
