bigbacklife

[TW] SW: 244 CW: 224 GW: 150 only have this blog for my personal use I do not promote anything

[lotusistryingherbest]

I’m starting this diet tomorrow. My start weight is 120.8 lbs. I’ve been trying to lose weight for so long, but I seem to have no self control whatsoever. I need to get it together.

[this-rotten-mind]

when you physically feel the shift into being super fucked in the head again>>>>>

going from “why am i doing this, is it even worth it? will i even be happy?” to “no one can stop me, it’ll be so worth it, i will be so happy.”

[backagain-backagain]

gaining and losing the same weight for literal years is my personal hell, and i am in it

[tinybigback]

idk anymore

I don't know if I lost my soulmate (not the guy I'm dating) but a really close friend of mine, and lowkey I think he's gone forever but thats such a long story. I've been waiting and waiting for like the "big relapse" but I genuinely have to force myself to get back to this headspace, but I want to change so bad at this point that I need to start thinking certain ways. I don't know how toxic I'm about to be to myself but I have to lock in indefinitely.

[tinybigback]

Down 20lbs officially from last month

[tinybigback]

Oh we down 13lbs this month. Was i crashing out for half the month yes maam

[tinybigback]

i may just get ozempic imma save up $600 for 3 months and see what happens

SW: 244

CW: 231

[tinybigback]

gonna beg my boyfriend to get me ozempic

[tinybigback]

to be skinnier, to be a force to be reckoned with, someone who doesn’t take up space in the room not only with lbs.

Where my calves aren’t too big to fit in those cute boots.

Where I look like I have respect for myself and not dress like adam sandler.

All the thoughts of food need to be silenced.

[tinybigback]

the vibe I want so badly

[mariscandyheart]

me when my scale wanna FUCK around and tell me i gained 5 pounds over night

[tinybigback]

so real

[tinybigback]

I’ve nerfed myself so bad the last 3 years.

I was 150lbs, got my first job at a fast food place (horrible idea)

I put on 20lbs there

COVID happened which sent me into a spiral

Got into my first serious relationship which was a toxic shit show and gained another 20lbs and cut off all my hair (horrible idea)

left my first job and was at 200lbs got into a car accident and put on more weight-

NOW I’m in a new relationship passed through my first semester of Nursing but I put on another 30lbs.

My boyfriend is big and tall so I feel small next to him but that DOESN’T ACTUALLY MEAN IM SMALL.

I need ozempic like yesterday.

[tinybigback]

When you drink green tea and your digestive system goes :

(To the bathroom I go)

[tinybigback]

Lol im at peak bottom rn

Ate popcorn (390cal)

Gingerale (80 calories)

Tea (30cal)

[tinybigback]

im back

not only did i go from 130lbs to 210lbs in a matter of years, I realized that I usually relapse around octobers lmao but this time its for real. I'm starting to blog it everyday like I used to with calories and activity level. I'm getting old and graduating in the spring so I literally got to get back down to 160lbs to start as a first BIG goal. Goal 1: 200lbs Goal 2: 190lbs Goal 3: 175lbs Goal 4: 160lbs

When I get to goal 4, LETS PRAY jfc, I'll add new goals. For now its time to suffer again lol

[tinybigback]

Long time no post- but I literally recovered and now I relapsed into an entirely different eating disorder and now all I do is binge eat but I find it annoying that my mom wants to mention the food I order but not the 6 days I’d go with out eating.