fire.

park jonghyun. twenty-three. total knockout ent soloist, composer, and producer. he/him.

[tkocamille]

“ditch work? ah, how could i ever do that?” in all honesty, camille stopped jotting down notes on the newest nugu group a good twenty minutes ago, tired of scrolling through their fancafe and profiles and trying to pick out interesting information to play with on-air when there wasn’t much to find anyways. she’s graduated (digressed) to scrolling through naver instead, and then her twitter, and then her weibo… she locks the ipad she’d been using to do ‘research’ and sits up, cracking her back and wriggling a little til her arms flop over into her lap, hands folding together with a smile. “but i mean, if you’re paying, i can’t say no.” cami gets to her feet with a heave-ho and, fingers laced, stretches them out from herself to pop all her knuckles at once, “what do you feel like?”

[tkojonghyun-blog]

“live a little!”  by the time she had even replied, he had already packed up all of his things. sitting around in the studio was just so boring.  it’s all he ever did, day in and day out.  why would he willingly sit here when he could instead go on an adventure with his friend to get some street food? luckily, it didn’t seem like camille would need much convincing.  the two of them were on the same wave-length, especially when it came to food.  “of course i’ll pay, it was my idea.  but maybe you could be a nice noona and pay for dessert,” he was sure to bat his eyelashes in her direction before letting out a chuckle.  “there’s a great pojangmacha on the way to my apartment we could stop by. i’m kind of in the mood for tteokbokki."

[tkojonghyun-blog]

🎧 @tkocamille​

“noona, let’s ditch work and go grab some dinner.”  while what they were doing wasn’t necessarily work and could easily be put off, it sounded more exciting that way.  the two were just sitting around his studio, one working on a composition and the other working on research for a radio interview. it wasn’t like they were crunched for time or glued to their seats; work just went by quickly when you were sitting with a friend.  but after an hour and a half of scribbling down music notes, jonghyun’s stomach was ready to eat itself.  plus, the walls of the studio were starting to feel suffocating, and it was late enough in the evening for them to wander the streets without being noticed.  they might as well take advantage of their time together and stuff their faces with street food.  tucking a few stray papers into his bag, he turned to flash the elder a smile, “what do you say?  i’ll even pay!”

[lvnarmin]

“I don’t want a hover swing. I think that takes all the fun out of it if you can’t physically rock it… Plus I’m too uncoordinated for that. I’d fall and break my hip.” Hearing that Jonghyun was willing to play along with her musings put her at ease bit by bit, the anxious knot in her stomach slowly fading away as she listened to his suggestions. “I don’t like red all that much. It’s too drastic.” Her nose scrunched up in agreement– or disagreement, towards the end of his statement. “I think purple. Like a lilac, or a lavender… But no owls. That sounds like a zoo or something. And themed weddings are tacky.”In many ways, Rian was a traditional person. If she had any control of it, she wanted her life to be just like a fairy tale, wedding included. Part of her could guess that she was a bridezilla in the making, but at the same time, she didn’t think her demands were too much.   

“Shut up. I’m not a superhero,” she mumbled, chuckling afterward. As flattering as it was, she simply couldn’t agree. Not when most days she felt like Superman surrounded by Kryptonite, or Luke Cage and adamantium– she could go on forever, really. “That doesn’t sound any better. You aren’t doing CPR right unless you break a rib or three, apparently. If you want me to smooch you, all you have to do is film another video.” Or even easier, just ask and she’d do it in an instant. Not like she’d been waiting for years for that moment to come or anything. “Hey, you started it! I think this is just your little plot to carry me in the first place, mister.” Rian teased, pulling away from his side so he could see her stick her tongue out at him. 

“Yeah, I know. Just making sure you’re not sick of me yet.” Of course she was aware that she was always welcome, but sometimes she couldn’t help but question– had she perhaps made herself too welcome, would it have been better for them (and her girlish feelings) to create some distance? It was a thought that ran through her mind every now and then, but she was never strong enough to actually go through with it. With that in mind, she wiggled herself out of his arms, sitting upright to smile at him. “Come, sleepyhead. Let’s go lay down.”

[tkojonghyun-blog]

“We don’t know how hover technology works yet.  Maybe we still have to swing it, we just won’t be attached to anything.  Besides, I’ll be there, and I wouldn’t let you fall.”  Talking about the future so casually had a mixed effect on him.  He loved thinking about how long Rian would be in his life, knowing that she thought the same about him.  He could think of an entire future for them, topped off with a house on a hill and a few kids running around the yard.  But at the same time, it worried him to know that it was a future that could never come true.  They were just friends, and just friends didn’t marry and have children together.  “Is there a difference between lilac and lavender aside from the fact that they’re two different plants?  What’s so tacky about themed weddings?  I’ll have you know that I once saw a photo on the internet of a heterosexual Caucasian couple who dressed as Shrek and Fiona for their wedding.  Green body paint and all.  And if that wasn’t the most romantic thing I’ve ever seen in my life, I don’t know what is.”  It was difficult to keep a straight face, especially when talking about two people cosplaying as Shrek characters on the most important day of their lives, but he managed to do it.  Anything for a good joke.

“You are to me.” The words had slipped out without any form of a filter, so Jonghyun was glad that it could be masked as a compliment and not a love confession.  “I’d risk a rib or three for a sweet make-out session,” he shrugged a shoulder, a chuckle tumbling out in an attempt to hide the truth. Despite the fact that they were just joking around, he immediately made note to come up with a sexy concept for his next title song.  The biggest perk of having great chemistry with his best friend was that the company liked to pair them together for romantic concepts.  But the biggest downfall of having great chemistry with his best friend was the fact their only kisses had taken place in front of a crew.  “I’m honestly hurt that you would suggest such a sinister motive,” he shifted to place a hand over his chest, “bite your tongue, young lady.”

“If I haven’t grown sick of you yet, I don’t think I ever will.”  Honestly, just the mere thought of him growing sick of her was preposterous.  She was his best friend.  He couldn’t imagine his life without her, let alone deciding that he didn’t want to be around her anymore.   He couldn’t hold back his frown as she moved away, his hands grabbing thoughtlessly at her sides to pull her back in.  His brain caught up with him shortly after, and he forced himself to release his grip so she could sit up properly.  “I’m not sleepy,” he grumbled, although a yawn gave him away.  With a grunt, he pushed himself off of the couch, turning back around and holding out his arms, “Come on, climb on.  I’ll carry you in.”

[lvnarmin]

Normally Rian could just power through these things without a single problem, but Jonghyun’s laughter (as nervous as it did sound) was only making her more nervous. There was a tiny voice in her head telling her that he truly disagreed, and just couldn’t find the words to tell her so without ruining the good mood they’d set for the evening.  All she could do was attempt to shake off the feeling, and force a smile on her face as she nodded in agreement. “I think we’ll make it to forever. Before we know it we’ll be eighty, sitting in our rocking swing and thinking back on these days!” When all else failed, just power through it as if nothing was wrong. “No, not the whole wedding. I haven’t gotten much further than that– and maybe what kind of dress that I want. Yewon as my maid of honor, Sunnie as a bridesmaid. That’s all I have.” Was it really that abnormal for her to be thinking about her wedding so early? Even without her overly optimistic thoughts about happily ever afters with him, it was still a day that she had to look forward to– she was willing to live as a maiden for the sake of her career, but that period couldn’t last forever.

If there were any way for her to get any closer to Jonghyun than she already was, she would’ve attempted it. She was already huddled up tightly into his side, completely enveloped in his touch, and anything further would mean her sitting in his lap– which was a line that even she wasn’t courageous enough to cross. All she could do was savor the moment, eyes shut as she propped her chin up on his shoulder, leaning her head in slightly to press against his. “Yeah, I definitely don’t feel superhuman,” Rian responded, frowning somewhat. She figured the rest went without explanation– her health had certainly improved over the last few years, but she had to wonder how much of that had to do with the fact that she was barely doing anything as a musician.

“Yeah, please don’t get your butt kicked. My medical knowledge only goes as far as CPR; I have no idea how to patch up wounds.” She chuckled, a smirk remaining on her face as she didn’t respond to his question. “–something like that, sure.” Laziness certainly wasn’t the reason, moreso the possibility of sleeping in his bed, with him next to her, as her reasoning for staying the night. It was more than just her enjoying the body warmth– she could easily get that from Yewon, but staying the night with Jonghyun always felt like something more than an extended cuddle session to her. Maybe it was just her hopeful thinking, but she was going to stick to it until it meant nothing anymore. “You can still carry me, if you really want. Not like I’m too heavy for it or anything.” She was tempted to mention bridal style but decided to hold her tongue, not wanting to stress him out anymore than she already had. “Well, I know. But I figure the one day I don’t ask will be the day when I probably shouldn’t stay. Better safe than sorry, that’s all.”

[tkojonghyun-blog]

So maybe Rian had thought about the two of them ending up together.  It was a normal thing to think about, right?  When you were so close with your best friend, sometimes you would think about what it would be like to just marry them.  That’s what normal friends did!  And Jonghyun was going to convince himself to the day he died that this was something that anyone would think about with their friend.  Even if it made his heart constrict in his chest and his stomach drop just a bit.  “Do you think rocking swings will exist in sixty years?  Maybe it’ll be a hover swing, you never know,” he tried a funny quip to help make the conversation a little more real.  He wasn't completely convinced that he hadn't fallen asleep an hour ago and slipped into some domestic dream.  “It would probably be fitting if Yewon sang something for us as well.  It’s only natural, don’t you think?  And I’m not a fan of red and gold for weddings, just for future reference.  It makes me think of Harry Potter... unless that’s the theme we’re going for, in which case, we should release owls instead of doves.”

This very situation was certainly one that had floated in and out of Jonghyun’s dreams.  His subconscious often liked to play games with him, painting the most beautiful pictures for him to experience, only to have them ripped away by the time the sun would rise.  Many of those dreams revolved around the woman in his arms right now.  Nothing about them would really feel fake, playing out exactly as it would in real life.  But then there would be something more that would happen, something that would change their dynamic completely, and everything would be a brand new experience.  It could be something simple like their hands clasping together under the table, or their legs tangled a little too tightly while they laid in bed.  Or it could be something bolder, like a kiss placed against her soft lips during a farewell, or his hands trailing down her sides with a bit too much enthusiasm.  But no matter how it happened, he would end up awoken in his bed, regretting at least seventy percent of his life’s decisions.

Burying his face a little further in, he took a second to inhale her familiar, sweet scent.  “It’s that the thing that makes superheros so special?  When they don’t think of themselves as super?”  He let out a small hum, which faded into a soft chuckle, “I’ll try my best.  But maybe I’ll have to try drowning sometime soon to test those CPR skills.”  He rolled his eyes at her response, even if it was difficult for her to actually see with their current position.  “I thought I was supposed to be the lazy one here.” In all honesty, Jonghyun had no complaints.  He probably would have asked her to spend the night eventually anyway, both of them having a difficult time parting at the end of the evening.  Even if he would argue that it was the more practical solution (or something like that), he really just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to sleep with her in his arms.  Against his mental protests, he forced himself to sit up a bit straighter, readying for their inevitable move to his bed.  “By the way you’re gluing yourself to my side, I think I’m gonna have to carry you.”  Maybe if he played it off like he didn’t actually want to carry her around his apartment, she wouldn’t tease him for it.  “You know that I literally lack the ability to kick you out.  I gave you a key for a reason, Rian. You can sleep here whenever you want.”

[k-ayo]

[vvonho]

[lvnarmin]

“Are you saying that we’re not going to be together forever? Don’t break my heart, Jonggie.” She countered, eyes widened as a pout crossed her lips. “I figure the vow-writing should be left to you, lyrics writer and all. I’ll just do the decorating and color coordination and all the stuff I’m better at.” Anyone else would hear her words and start running for the hills, but she was sure that after six years of dealing with her clingy, overaffectionate ways, Jonghyun would be able to take this as well. Really, she couldn’t work out how she could make her feelings any more apparent than that, and the fact that she’d said it all so casually and indirectly was the only thing keeping her from freaking out inside. If he picked up what she was putting down, then great, if not then she’d have yet another  chance to gather herself and figure out how to truly confess. Clearly her years of trying to suppress the feelings hadn’t worked out too well, so what other choice did she have?

Rian let out a yelp once she felt herself being pinched and jerked away from him before realizing that holy cow, he had his arm around her and left it there, prompting her to return back into his embrace, even ditching the sweater she was working on in order to cuddle up to him even closer. “Pft, you just sound jealous that I’m so awesome,” she finally managed to respond after basking in the moment a little, her arm slinking behind his back to rest on his hip. Comfortable with it or not, and whether either of them would admit it or not, this just wasn’t how friends sat together– there was more to it than they were probably both aware of, and that was enough to give Rian some comfort that maybe she wasn’t being completely delusional, and that this was more than just her being a little boy crazy and the infatuation passing onto the first non-DIVAZ member she worked with that was close to her age.

“You still sound really sketchy. Should I keep you and her away from each other for a while so you don’t go testing this theory out?” Rian giggled, nuzzling into his side a bit to show that she was just teasing. “I’m spending the night, by the way– ah, can I spend the night? You don’t have anything going on in the morning, do you?”

[tkojonghyun-blog]

“Well, we’ve been together this long, right?  I guess forever isn’t too much of a stretch,” Jonghyun forced out a laugh in a pathetic effort to hide the fact that he felt like dying in that very moment.  God, he was going to start sweating bullets if she kept this up for much longer.  “Are you planning our wedding without me?  I feel like I should be offended by that,” his chuckle was anything but natural, a hand coming up to run nervous fingers through his hair.  She was just joking around, wasn’t she? There was no way that she had actually thought about the possibility of the two of them getting married.  They weren’t even dating, so why would she plan out some wedding that would probably never happen?  His chest began to ache with the thought, and he quickly chased it away by focusing on her instead.

If he were to look at their current position from the outside, he was certain that it would be incredibly domestic.  They were huddled together on his couch as if they were trying to stay warm in a fucking blizzard, his arm resting so casually around her shoulders as she tucked herself further into his body.  If he was brave enough, he could drop his chin just a bit to press a kiss to the top of her head, but nobody had ever said he was a brave person.  “I probably am,” he muttered, doing his very best not to concentrate too hard on the wonderful feeling of her body heat pressed up against him.  “Who wouldn’t be jealous of you?  You’re, like, a super human.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it.  Proving myself correct would also mean getting my ass beaten by her, and I’m not interested in letting that happen,” he joked, fingers curling around her thin shoulder.  He didn't want to seem too excited about the fact that she would be around until the morning, but his smile might have given it away. “You’re feeling too lazy to walk down two flights of stairs to your own apartment?  Am I gonna have to carry you to bed?”  Jonghyun failed to hold back a yawn at the mention of sleep, burying his face in her hair to hide it, “And when have you ever asked to spend the night?  You know the answer is yes.  I’m not working until three tomorrow anyway.”

[youngbloodyovercast]

[tkozhao]

“no way, your ears are hilarious. don’t mess with your head-to-ear ratio or i’ll have less to laugh at.” honestly, jonghyun was one of the most good-looking people zhao knew, big ears or no. but reminding him of that now would take away the opportunity to make fun of him, and zhao both has in the past and definitely will in the future again make sure the elder knows he’s attractive. he waved his hand in the air at the familiar comments. “yeah, alright. we work hard too, you know, we’re not trying to throw away our careers.” the whole act.6-is-gonna-ruin-the-company dialogue seemed pretty pointless and repetitive to zhao, honestly - they made good, popular music, had a strong fanbase, and wasn’t that just about all that mattered? it was music in the music industry that should matter, not whether the six of them could keep a squeaky clean image to the world. at least, that’s what zhao told himself so he wouldn’t have to worry about fixing his reputation. “actually, no, i can’t. i’ll just order cheese before you can stop me and you’ll be stuck paying.” he gave the other a grin and put a fist up next to his cheek and turned it while saying “bbuing bbuing” in the most obnoxiously fake-cute way he could manage.

zhao laughed when the hand practically jumped away from his mouth. “you won’t be able to hide it forever, sunbae! the people will find out! even this attempted smothering incident, i’ll remember.” he clicked his tongue. “hey, the chinese invented fireworks. you’re welcome. and my family’s lived in china for as long as anyone knows, but that doesn’t mean i know anything about, like,” he searched his mind for the most accessible, well-known chinese celebrity he could think of, “jackie chan’s diet. i think you should just leave me with the michael phelps expertise.” zhao frowned at the elder’s comment. “that’s super gross, but yeah, whatever. i’m like, working on singing and stuff, i guess. maybe i’ll be a two-trick pony.” that was unlikely. even after training for years and still getting lessons, zhao’s vocals left a lot to be desired. he didn’t think he’d ever be fully satisfied with his singing. jonghyun pulled out his wallet and zhao gave the biggest, most shit-eating grin he could. “thank you sunbaenim! i’ll never forget this! the sacrifices you’ve made for me! just so i can eat lunch!”

[tkojonghyun-blog]

“well, i’m glad my disproportionate body brings you some form of joy,” despite his evident sarcasm, he still let out an amused chuckle.  he never really did mind being the butt of a joke, especially when it was with his friends.  maybe he wasn’t the most confident person in the world, but he was still a likable person, so those things didn’t really matter.  “i know, i’m just joking with you, brat,” he shook his head, reaching over to ruffle the younger’s hair.  as someone who worked first-hand with act.6, he knew that they really did work hard.  but some of them had a bad attitude, and some of them didn’t seem to care about what others thought of them, and that just didn’t make a good celebrity.  there was always going to be bad press, but the boy group just seemed to get some of the most.  “hey, don’t try to cheat the system.  that’ll only end in me eating your share.”  before he could try and convince zhao any further, his wishes were granted.  and it was every bit of wonderful that he had been hoping for. he broke out into the biggest, most obnoxious grin he had, doing his very best to hold back a snort of laughter.  “see, now that’s cute!  if you acted like this more often, maybe you’d have more fangirls.”

“you’re such a brat!  why am i treating you to a meal?  i should be kicking your sorry ass to the curb,” he shook his head and clicked his tongue.  sometimes, he really did want to give the younger a decent smack to the back of the head, but he was an endearing type of annoying.  his few positive points seemed to outweigh the negative.  “yeah, but it’s an american tradition.  another american tradition is stealing things from other countries and acting like its their own.”  with a scoff, he rolled his eyes at their ridiculous argument before pulling out another dumb point, “i watched jackie chan’s adventures when i was little, so you’re talking to the wrong person about this.”  at this point, jonghyun couldn’t even remember what they were arguing about, but he was stubborn and it was stupid enough to be funny, so he didn’t care.  “two-trick ponies do last longer.”  he couldn’t help but laugh at how excited zhao seemed at the prospect of food, finding the complete change in his attitude to be hilarious.  “yeah, yeah, you’re welcome.  the things i do for my juniors.  i really am a saint.”

[tkosungbyul-deactivated20160717]

&. when we collided | pjh + csb

[tkosungbyul-deactivated20160717]

   (cut)

“could i listen to it again? i’m not exactly sure how to sing that last part,” she admitted, gulping hard as her overly inflated ego was currently pestering her for revealing how utterly useless she was right now.

[tkojonghyun-blog]

once again, the producer noticed a certain glazed over look in her eyes that he could relate to disinterest.  it was nothing new to him, in all honesty.  he had worked with his fair share of artists who just didn’t care.  they didn’t want to know his life’s story, and he wasn’t interested in giving it to them, but if she was asking questions, he assumed she would be somewhat interested in his answers.  maybe she was just stalling for time.

jonghyun floated through the song with ease, mentally taking notes on his own performance of it.  he could pinpoint a few notes that he would want to change later on, shifting the pitch to help the words flow simply.  it was, for the most part, a very easy song.  it wasn’t vocally demanding in the slightest, and the melody was quite simple to follow.  for someone who had never recorded a song before, this was a good place to start.

he finished up his demonstration of the song and moved to pause the track before it looped.  when he turned back around to gauge her reaction, he found her looking a little worse than before.  “it’s not a difficult song, i promise.  there’s maybe two high notes that you’ll need to hit, but the rest is really simple.  we can take it one line at a time, if you’re really that nervous.”  he wasn’t sure if it was safe to actually acknowledge that he could feel her anxiousness, but the elephant in the room was hard to ignore.

when she asked to listen to it once more, he almost let out a sigh.  he could understand that she might not be ready to start yet, but they were on a time limit.  he wanted to at least have the basics of the vocals down by the end of their session today, and they wouldn’t get to that point if he played the song ten times before actually starting.  “the song is just a lot of repetition.  think of it like practicing your lines.  you’ll sing the same thing over and over again, but each time you’ll want to put a unique twist on it.  the last verse is just like the rest of them, just a little bit softer.”

reaching up to run fingers through his hair, he shifted in his seat, “i’ll show you one more time, but first i need you to actually sing for me.  i need to know what i’m working with.  some of the notes are going to change based on your sound, so right now, it’s just a rough estimate.”  he paused before sliding his chair across the floor and over to a keyboard that sat up against the wall.  after a moment of tinkering, he played a few notes to warm up, “we’ll start with some vocal exercises, okay?  nice and easy to get your vocal chords ready.  no actual singing just yet.  i’ll give you a quick example, and you’ll follow after me.”

“this exercise is called a lip trill.  it’s essentially just buzzing you lips together.  it’s going to feel a little childish, but trust me, it’s very effective.”  sucking in a deep breath, he exaggerated stretching out his abdominal muscles to show her what should be done.  puckering his lips, he began the exercise, simply creating a long buzzing noise for about fifteen seconds.  once he was done, he let out a short laugh, “just make sure your lips are nice and loose, or it won’t work very well.  give it a try.”

[eachristelle-blog]

` talk too much,

[eachristelle-blog]

upon hearing the music cut off again, he was sure that the older wasn’t taking no for an answer. with a soft sigh, he crossed his arms, and looked at the other. “ i want to practice more. can’t i at least do that? ” he spoke, knowing that the other would be persistent with what he wanted to do with dae hwan, and dae hwan couldn’t exactly put it in any other words to convince the older to let him just practice. he wasn’t going to lie, he felt dead to the world, a feeling that he didn’t bother to take notice off after the hours of nonstop labor. sweat drenched his whole body, as his clothes clung to his skin. a heavy pant followed as he was sure that his stomach was possibly touching his back. “ fine, but can i at least shower? ”

he looked at the producer, whom he thought of as an older brother that he never had. dae hwan knew that the elder was only looking out for him, and he understood that to a sense. though, that still didn’t stop him for being a bit peeved that he had to cut back on valuable practice time to just go out and do stuff. taking his mp3 player off the docking station, he had gathered his things and moved to the bench where his belongings lied. he had a high understanding that the majority of the people thought he was a bit crazy for the amount of work that he put in, but his dedication was higher than the normal standards. it was a gift, and a curse within itself. 

sitting down to catch his breath, he proceeded to look in his bag grabbing his bottle that thankfully kept the contents inside cool for him to drink. having to gulp down the cold water in such a short matter of time, dae hwan leaned back and let out a heavy sigh. his fingers brushing the wet fringe of his hair to the side. at this point he wouldn’t be surprised if his body shut itself completely down, but he knew that he couldn’t let that happen as he made a promise to his mother to not work himself that hard to where he would end up in the same place as last time. instead of going out all he wanted to do was go to sleep, but he knew that he couldn’t not listen to the words of a senior.

[tkojonghyun-blog]

“no, you can’t.  you’ve practiced enough for one day,” jonghyun frowned at the younger, wishing he could ignore the bags that had formed under his eyes.  the kid looked utterly exhausted, the training coach hadn’t been lying.  while everyone in the company was hardworking to an extent, there was always a handful of people who took it a step too far.  they would work until their bodies physically gave out, skipping sleep and meals in order to be the best that they could.  he could name a decent number of idols with the same ethic, but it was almost worse when a trainee had it.  because they hadn’t reached debut yet, they would feel like they weren’t good enough, and it fueled them to just try harder.  it was almost painful to watch, and he couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to experience it himself.  “if you keep this up, you’re going to wind up in the hospital.  you can’t keep working yourself to the bone.”

he waited patiently for daehwan to cross the room once more, gathering his things to leave.  honestly, he had expected the younger to put up much more of a fight, but he wasn’t complaining.  the last thing he wanted to do was create a scene by dragging him out by his ears to make him relax for a bit.  “you better shower first.  i’m not walking around the city with you smelling like a dead animal,” he wrinkled his nose for effect, as if he could actually smell him from across the practice room.

with a small huff, he wandered over to the bench, plopping down next to daehwan.  if he wasn’t covered in sweat, the elder would have probably reached out to put a comforting hand on his shoulder... if that could even be considered comforting in this situation.  “you spend too much time locked away in practice rooms.  and when you aren’t here, you’re in your dorm.  it’s not healthy, dude.  so i’m taking you out for pizza or something, and you’re going to act like a normal teenager, and then you can go back to your room and catch up on sleep.”

[lvnarmin]

“Well, that’s too bad! You’re stuck with me forever, ‘til death do us part.” Just as quickly as she’d worked up the restraint needed to move away from Jonghyun, all it took was one touch to pull her back in. Almost instinctively, she leaned in towards him, her head still rested in the palm of his hand as she debated whether or not puckering her lips out in a playful manner would just bring them right back to that awkward stage they managed to escape. Never did she recall having to contemplate what actions were and weren’t right for her to do– she was always an intimate person, especially with her friends and those that she saw often enough. Years of being kept to herself in children’s hospitals only made Rian yearn for the close contact from others, fearing the hypothetical day that she’d practically be quarantined again. For the most part, her acts of skinship were natural reactions, though when it came to Jonghyun, sometimes she was much more deliberate in getting her fondness across to him.

Really, she could only wonder how far she’d get, how many hints she’d have to drop (and fail at miserably) before he would be able to see how she truly felt. As easy as a quick confession might have sounded, she could never work up the nerves to actually do that much. The second she’d open her mouth, the second guessing started, along with the thoughts of how many fans she’d lose for daring to be so selfish and not dedicate herself to being a maiden all her life, and then right back to the (even more dreadful) second guessing– what if this was all just her being naive, misreading his years of sticking my her side as more than just the friendship it was? The thought was one she wouldn’t allow herself to dwell on any longer than she needed to, and especially not when she could push her more pleasant thoughts into the small piece she had been attempted to work on for the last few hours.

Rian nodded silently in agreement, bracing herself for his arm to go around her shoulders, only to be disappointed in the end. Of course she had heard the testimonials and complaints around the company, but she simply couldn’t believe that Sunnie could be that horrible to so many people like they claimed. Of course, the girl wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows like her name might have stated, but there had to have been another side of the story that she wasn’t being told. “Well, can you blame her for picking favorites? Clearly she has great taste,” she joked, flipping her hair over her shoulder in a playfully dramatic manner. “Hey, by the way you’re talking, it’s almost as if you want her to get in a fight. If you’re plotting to get rid of her, I’ll have you know that you won’t be getting help from me.  You’re on your own for that one, buddy.”

[tkojonghyun-blog]

“What, you’re already preparing our marriage vows?  Damn, Rian, you should at least take me out to dinner first.  I’m not as easy as you might think.”  Despite his (very clever and cool, thank you) comeback, Jonghyun actually felt as though his insides were exploding in that very moment. Was it possible to have your heart beat so hard and so quickly that it burst through your chest?  Because that’s what he was certain was about to happen to him.  He couldn’t wrap his head around how Rian could act so casually about these things, leaning into his touch as if her cheek was molded to be caressed by his hands.  Maybe it had to do with that fact that, in her eyes, they were best friends and nothing more.  She could make these comments because they were nothing more than jokes.  And here he was, overreacting like a fool, taking her words and spinning them into so much more, creating some pitiful form of hope that would keep him up at night.  Forcing out a laugh, he hoped that she couldn’t somehow feel his pulse underneath the tips of his fingers, still not willing to remove his touch.

In that moment, Jonghyun wished that he didn’t feel so afraid to ruin their relationship.  He wished he could just lean forward, closing that ever-present gap between them, and try to make this into something so much more.  The pair already lived in a world that believed they were somehow together.  Hell, his own mother was convinced that the two would become something more than just friends.  It wasn’t the fear that people wouldn’t be accepting of the relationship between two idols, but more the terror that things wouldn’t work out.  He honestly couldn’t imagine his life without Rian in it. They had been through so much together, always sticking by one another, that any chance to change their dynamic seemed to pale in comparison to what they already had.  He could be happy without anything more, even if his heart told him that it wasn’t true.

Knowing that his words would never change her mind about their junior, he decided to drop his efforts with a playful roll of his eyes.  He would be lying if he said that it wasn’t something he loved about her; she could almost always see the best in people, even if they didn’t deserve it.  Her kind nature said a lot about who she was as a person, but at the same time, she knew when to stand up for herself.  As long as Sunnie was treating her with respect, then there wasn’t any reason for him to try and make her see the girl any differently.  He chuckled at her playful words, biting back some ridiculous comment that nobody could appreciate her any more than he did.  He believed that it went without saying anyway.  “Yeah, yeah, we all know you’re beautiful and talented and wonderful.  You don’t need to rub it in any more.”  Leaning in closer, he stretched his arm around her shoulder to give her a light pinch.  After a laugh, he decided to leave it there, hoping that the new position would come off as somewhat casual.  “I’m not saying I want her to get into a fight.  I’m just saying that it would be cool to watch.  I bet she’s one of those people who could rip your face off when she’s angry.  But, you know, violence is never the answer and all that jazz.”

[tkosungbyul-deactivated20160717]

&. when we collided | pjh + csb

[tkosungbyul-deactivated20160717]

    (cut)

her breath unconsciously caught in her throat, however, at his mention of actually recording vocals. ( pinch her. she must be dreaming. no way in hell was cha sungbyul about to record a fucking song. ) “can i at least hear the song first?” she spoke up — could you tell she was trying to stall as much as possible? “surprisingly, i’m not the best singer, i’ll admit, so all the direction i can get would be helpful.”

[tkojonghyun-blog]

there was something about her attitude that made jonghyun feel like she was somehow offended by him.  had he done something wrong already?  he thought that he had been very polite and professional so far.  before his insecurities could get the best of him, he directed his attention away from the actress, hoping to ignore any negative feelings in the pit of his stomach.  maybe she was just having an off day, or her nerves were taking control.

he could tell without looking at her that she wasn’t actually interested in what he had to say.  she was probably just asking about his career to be polite, but who was he to pass up the chance to make the atmosphere more comfortable?  despite what she might have thought (god knows he can’t read her mind), he wanted things to run smoothly.  he wasn’t working with her because he wanted to; this was a job, and he was going to work on it whether she wanted him to or not.  and he was going to do a damn good job, even if she had a sour look on her face the entire time.

with a soft hum of acknowledgement, he turned his attention back to the familiar machines.  “i’m very close with a few actresses, and work with them frequently.  of course, being a producer means that most of them are idol-actors, but an ost is an ost no matter who is singing it.”  he wondered if that was enough to answer her question, to ease whatever worried feeling she had.  if anyone should be asking about experience in this situation, it should be him.  hell, he didn’t even know if she could sing yet.  why she was concerned with how well he would do, he couldn’t quite understand.

there was an obvious shift in the air when he mentioned getting to work.  it was almost like her side of the room had frozen completely, her nerves taking over the studio.  he sucked in a breath to calm himself -- first timer nerves were a pain, but he could help her overcome them.  he just had to be patient.  “of course you can,” he nodded his head, fiddling with the studio computer to pull up the song file.  at this point in time, they had only given him the rough instrumental and the lyrics, expecting him to put the two together.  he had played around with the composition that morning, taking notes on just how she should sing each word.  “the demo doesn’t actually have any recorded vocals yet, but i can fill it in for you.”

as he waited for the file to pull up, he looked over his shoulder to flash her what he hoped was a comforting smile, “don’t worry.  i’ll make sure you sound good.”  without wanting to waste any more time (if she really wasn’t that good of a singer, they would be here for a while), he quickly played the song for her.  moving to scan over the lyric sheet as he went, he steadily sang the words that she would be recording.  he would have liked to have gotten a female to actually record vocals for the demo, but this would have to do.

[tkosungbyul-deactivated20160717]

&. when we collided | pjh + csb

[tkosungbyul-deactivated20160717]

   (cut)

“as long as it doesn’t happen the next time,” she murmured in response before plastering a fake smile on her face. be nice, sungbyul. don’t piss him off. “it’s nice to meet you as well,” she greeted in return, reaching out to politely albeit stiffly shake his hand in response. once her arm retracted, her eyes aimlessly wandered around to glance at the recording studio that surrounded them.

“so,” she started with a sigh. “do you do this a lot? produce tracks, i mean? or, more specifically, drama osts? not that i’m an expert myself, but i’m just … curious.” in all honesty, she was just hoping she wasn’t paired with a plain ol’ rookie for her first venture into the music industry, but he would never know that.

[tkojonghyun-blog]

seeing the actress in front of him, he couldn’t help but notice the slight differences in her mannerisms from what he had seen in her work.  that was a sign of a good actor, to be able to spot even a contrast in the way she held herself on and off screen.  in all of the scenes he had watched, she always had a poised way of portraying herself.  she looked like a true professional in everything she did, but now? well, now she looked anxious and, if he pegged it correctly, a little bit annoyed.

like with most things, he decided not to take it very personally, eyes forming half-moons as his smile only brightened.  working with some of the more frustrating artists at the company taught him to power through any awkward situations.  they had to get the track done no matter what, any bad attitudes be damned.

“right,” he responded with a nod of his head, opting to ignore the glare hidden in her gaze.  this was going to be a long day.  after a firm shake of her hand and a small bow, he released his grip to get more comfortable in the studio.  if anything, he had one up on her with how familiar he was with everything.  being in a studio was like being in his own apartment.  he moved around freely, without any worries, to prepare for their session.

his gut reaction was to let out a small snort at her question, but he managed to hold it in.  clearly, she had not done as much research as he had.  all it took was a simple internet search to pull up the list of tracks he had worked on: a list that was, in all honesty, quite long.  “you don’t have to worry about me.  i know what i’m doing,” he offered, settling down in his chair to mess with the wide array of machinery that lined the tabletop.

a moment passed before he decided to elaborate, wanting to put her a little more at ease with his experience.  “i started producing my own music about six years ago.  i eventually moved to work on music for others, and took on producing full-time in 2013.  i’d say i’ve worked on something for just about every artist under the company, so i’m not lacking experience.”  he didn’t want to sound like he was bragging in any way, but it was true.  he might have come to the company to be a soloist, but he wound up being just as much a producer and composer as an artist.  all of this was second nature to him.

“specifically, i’ve done at least five ost tracks.  one of our duos, jewel, features on a lot of soundtracks, and i’m one of their primary producers.  i’ve even been on a few myself.”  clearing his throat, he stopped fiddling with the settings to turn and look at the actress, “the track itself is almost complete, but in order to meet the deadline, we’ll need to record vocals before it’s finished.  the music you’ll hear today is still rough, so don’t worry if it doesn’t sound exactly as you were expecting. they should have the final track completed by tomorrow.”

[tkojaewon]

“you’re right,” jaewon agrees easily, “jeez, hyung, how do you always manage to talk some sense into me? i think at this moment i could write a hundred songs and the company would turn all of them down. so nope, i’m not going there.” it’d been taxing on him lately, stressing over these things, and he supposed it was probably time to take this slowly. 

“what music?” he asks innocently, already eager for what they would be doing for the rest of the evening. he was more than ready to stuff those papers away, and have fun with jonghyun. “of course we’d have to game, what is our time spent together without gaming?” he asks, “honestly, you’re one of my favourite people to game with.” he beams, saccharine grin hanging off his lips as he says this - perhaps it’s how close they are and the level of comfort between them, but jaewon enjoys it nonetheless.

cocking his head to the side, jaewon looks right at him and levels his gaze with jonghyun’s. “greasy junk food? yeah right. that’s not what you’ll be saying when you have an outbreak. definitely jjajangmyun.” a smirk tugs at his lips, and jaewon leans forward with a challenge in his eyes, “wanna play a game of mario cart to decide what we order? i’m gonna kick your ass at it.”

[tkojonghyun-blog]

“i’m just a wise old sunbae who knows how the system works,” he flashed a teasing smile, eyes crinkling at the corners.  he let a beat pass before shrugging and offering up a real answer, “honestly, i’ve written enough songs to know the best creative process.  and forcing yourself to squeeze something out is not it.”  he can recall countless nights spent hunched over a notebook, frantically scribbling out lyrics or jotting down a melody in order to meet a deadline.  those songs never felt like they had enough heart, and eventually, they fell to the waist-side.  it paid off to take your time and really pour out your feelings in your work.

jonghyun scoffed at the younger’s response, knowing that he really shouldn’t have expected otherwise.  the two of them had basically constructed their friendship on their gaming chemistry.  it took a lot to find the perfect partner for just about any genre, and he had found it in jaewon.  it didn’t matter what they were playing; from first-person shooters to mario party, they always had fun. “worthless, that’s what it is.” he was already moving to plop down on the couch, sinking into the doughy cushions with a satisfied look on his face.  “i bet you’re just saying that to butter me up.”

“i’m gonna be in the studio for the next month at least, so i don’t care what my face looks like,” he snorted with laughter, taking up the challenge without much persuasion.  any reason to kick his friend’s ass at mario kart was a good enough reason for him.  “hell yeah, i wanna play.  set it up and prepare to be devastated.”

[tkosungbyul-deactivated20160717]

&. when we collided | pjh + csb

     SHE SHOULD HAVE expected this sooner than later. i mean, it must have been wishful thinking in her mind to believe that somehow — just somehow — she’d manage to continue on with her career by just acting. ( it was more a delusion than anything, really. ) 

but alas, there she was, awkwardly plopped down on the couch in one of the label’s recording studios. her presence was singular in the eerily empty space, with the only semblance of human existence besides her own appearing as her manager who practically locked her inside the room just a mere ten minutes ago.

( side note: what the fuck did she exactly get herself in to? )

she’s not particularly sure why she agreed to the suggestion, seeing as how the minuscule amount of singing ‘ training ‘ was the seldom moments she visited karaoke with a few cast mates in the past — in short, she was not a singer. never have been and never will be. in fact, this was honestly the first time she’d even stepped within a ten foot radius of a recording studio. ( did all of them look likes this? )

unfortunately, the sound of the door creaking open snapped her back to her senses — that she was, utterly, a deer in the fucking headlights right now. “apologies in advance: i’m an actress.” nice introduction, sungbyul.

[tkojonghyun-blog]

he was running late.  it wasn’t really a surprise to anyone (or himself) that he had gotten distracted and wound up running to the studio ten minutes late.  in his defense, he was working.  well, sort of working.  this was his first time meeting with cha sungbyul, and as the semi-prepared producer that he was, he decided to do a bit of research on her.

he could recall a few instances in which he had spotted her around the company building, but being in two completely different fields, they had no prior reason to interact.  the only acting he had ever done was for his own music videos, and a quick google search showed that she really did not have any experience in music.  and in his search for something -- just a clip of her singing at a fan-signing, anything --, he had managed to fall into the hole that was her filmography.  two movies and a few show episodes later, and he was rushing to meet the actress he had watched for the last couple of hours.  god, that even sounded creepy in his mind.

more than familiar with the setting, it took a lot not to barrel into the room like a maniac.  but first impressions were a thing that existed, and he was often a shy person around new people, so instead he slowed to a walk and casually strolled into the room like he hadn’t been out of breath.

there were a few things to take away from the sight of the actress sitting in the studio.  number one, the most obvious, was that she was very pretty.  prettier than she was in movies, which he knew was not always the case with some celebrities.  the second was that she looked like she wanted to run for her damn life.  the poor kid must be overflowing with nerves right now.  it briefly brought him back to his days as a trainee, all those years ago, stepping into his first recording and wanting to cry.  and third, she was talking to him.

pulling himself back to the present, he managed to piece together the words that had tumbled from her mouth.  “my apologies, actually.  i hope you haven’t been sitting here for long.  i lost track of time.”  a beat passed as he shifted weight from one foot to another before he was mentally kicking himself, stepping forward with a hand extended, “it’s nice to meet you, sungbyul-ssi.  i’m park jonghyun, and i’ll be producing your track today.”

[lvnarmin]

“I know you can. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to worry anyway. Someone needs to do the worrying between the two of us.” In hopes of diffusing the tension that she could feel building up, Rian let out a quiet chuckle in response. Part of her truly didn’t want to, but she pulled herself away from being so close to Jonghyun. His uncomfortable response was one that she saw coming, but she was hopeful that one day that wouldn’t be the case. She’d always been a touchy person, quick to grab onto or get in the faces of those she considered her friends, and even quicker to consider someone her friend so long as their births were relatively close together. Jonghyun was no exception to that– though, her reasons as of late for repeated skinship had less to do with their friendship and more to do with her simply wanting more.

That more was apparent in the way that she paused before scooting over a spot on the couch, gaze darting from his overall features, the look on Jonghyun’s face, straight down to his lips as she contemplated doing something that she knew that she shouldn’t even be thinking about. There was simply too much to lose– one of the best friends she’d ever been fortunate enough to meet, the years of grueling hard work that led to her debut, and to his own as well. It just wasn’t worth it. She kept telling herself that over and over, eventually forcing herself to return her attention back to the dog sweater that was a work of progress in her hands.

“I don’t know if that was even it. I just don’t know. Never knew then, probably won’t know in a million years” Even to this day, Rian still didn’t know, couldn’t slightly even make a guess as to what motivated her former members to file a lawsuit against the company. Only being sixteen at the time it happened, she never bothered to look into why, since she wasn’t old enough to have any impact on it besides running her mouth, which would only prove detrimental to her reputation. Sometimes it was just easier to not talk about it, pretend that the ugly stain never existed on JEWEL’s timeline, and her own as well. Even to this day, she still found it something that she dreaded to talk about, whether in interviews or even with one of her best friends in the privacy of his home. A frown briefly appeared on her face again, only to be wiped away by laughter at his description of the L:OVELESS leader. “Bratty little cousin? Well that’s definitely an interesting way to put it.” Certainly better than some of the other terms she’d heard to describe the vocalist, yet she still didn’t believe a single word of it.  “Well, I wouldn’t. I bet it would be satisfying to see, but the World War III that would follow? Absolutely not. I’ll just stick with keeping them in  the back of my mind unless I absolutely have to.” She couldn’t help but shake her head at the mental image of Yewon dishing out the years of frustration that they’d faced.

[tkojonghyun-blog]

“I already have a manager chasing me around, I don’t need my best friend looking after me as well,” Jonghyun teased, reaching out to place a gentle pat on her cheek.  Her sudden shift away from him was both a relief and unfortunate.  He finally felt like he was able to breathe again, letting out a breath he wasn’t aware that he had been holding.  But the lack of heat from her body, the new distance between them, it was something he definitely hated.  He wished it was normal for friends to be so close to each other.  Sure, he and Rian had never really been careful about skinship -- there had been many nights spend tangled up in each other (although not in the way he silently wanted) --, but he wanted to be able to hold her closely without feeling like he was about to explode.  He didn’t want it to be awkward for her to hover just in front of his face, a form of tension that he couldn’t place hanging in the air.

A cloud of disappointment fell over him as he watched her return to her work.  He knew it wasn’t his place to feel this way, but he really couldn’t help it.  So what if his feelings (read: life) were a mess? There was no real reason for him to feel so upset over the fact that she wasn’t as close to him as he wanted.  It was just something he had to get used to, should already be used to.  Besides, he liked being able to watch her work.  She was so talented, skilled at just about anything she put her mind to. Whether it was knitting a sweater for her dog, putting together a Lego set, or even building a damn chair, he would be content to watch her forever.

“It’s not even important anymore,” he assured her, arm moving to wrap around the back of the couch.  The fact that she still had to worry about something that had taken place so many years before was utterly ridiculous.  He just wanted the rest of the world to move on so that she could too.  She had so much more to think about, like her career with JEWEL or her acting.  She shouldn’t have to even think about the past anymore.  He was grateful to have her laughter fill the air once more, overcoming the bump that was their conversation about DIVAZ.  “I’m serious.  She can be a real pain in my backside.  I know she’s an angel to you and Yewon, but to everyone else, we have to put up with a lot. I’m just used to it by now, so it’s not as bad.”  His laughter was interrupted with a snort, the mere thought of gentle Yewon fighting someone seeming hysterical.  “Yeah, I’m sure you’re right.  The consequences would suck, but those few minutes would be pure gold.”