Characters featured: Cam as Beowulf, Lee as Hrothgar, Tina as Wealhtheow, Holger as Unferth
Beowulf (Cam) recounted the tale of Heorot:
"This is the tale, as it has come to us. When the great hall was first finished, it was a place of warmth and celebration. There your king gave gifts of golds... Rings, ornaments, and bracelets... To his men. But outside, in the shadows, there was one who hated the sound of men's joy and revelry. When all had fallen asleep, the creature crept up to the doors of Heorot. The door was no barrier for the creature, whose name, we have heard, is Grendel. As the drowsing warriors jumped to their feet, the monster snatched one up. And swallowed him down. Before the others could do anything, he grabbed up a score of them... Fled... And was gone. For twelve long winters, every time someone dares to stay the night in Heorot, the creature returns. So we have come from across the sea to lend our aid, to end this Grendel's menace."
Impressed by his words, the sentry brought Beowulf/Cam and his men to Heorot. There the Geats were confronted by a herald of Hrothgar (Lee). Beowulf/Cam gives a response.
"I am Beowulf, son of Ecgtheow. I an those with me hold Hygelac of Geatland as our king. As for our purpose, I would tell that to King Hrothgar myself."
The herald is impressed and goes to Hrothgar/Lee and his queen Wealhtheow (Tina). Knowing Beowulf/Cam, Hrothgar/Lee asks that the Geat and his men be allowed entry so he may speak to Beowulf/Cam.
Once inside Heorot, Beowulf/Cam tells the Danish king that he has come to do battle with Grendel (Chaz) who is a demon descended from Cain. Lee/Hrothgar then holds a feast in the Geatish hero's honour. During this feast, a jealous Dane named Unferth (Holger) taunts Beowulf/Cam and accuses him of not being worthy of his reputation as a warrior. The Geat responds by listing his accomplishments and then noting that Unferth/Holger's only accomplishment was killing his brothers. Beowulf/Cam's confidence cheers everyone and the feast continues.
Characters Featured: Cam as Beowulf, Lee as Hrothgar
Long ago, in a part of Sweden, then known as Geatland, there lived a great warrior called Beowulf (Cam). Legend tells that he had the strength of thirty men and a brave and noble heart.
When Beowulf/Cam heard of terrible troubles in Denmark, he decided to help. Hrothgar (Lee), King of the Danes, was a friend of his father's. With his companions, Beowulf set sail across the cold north sea.
When they came to Denmark, they did not arrive unnoticed.
Beowulf explained themselves to a Danish sentry:
"We are loyal followers of Hygelac, King of the Geats. I am Beowulf, Son of Ecgtheow, whose name is known in many lands. We come to be of service to your king, Hrothgar, whom all know as a valiant and generous man. Even across the sea, we have heard stories of Heorot, the wondrous mead hall Hrothgar had built. And we have heard of the horrible darkness that has descended on the place."
The play begins with a street fight between two rival families, the Montagues and the Capulets. Benvolio (Steve), Romeo (Lee)'s friend, intervenes but is confronted by the fiery Tybalt (Ed) who hates all Montagues. Escalus (Chaz) stops the brawl and orders both sides to cease feuding under pain of death. Romeo/Lee, brooding over his love for a girl, is absent from this fight. Benvolio/Steve advises him to end his melancholy by finding another woman.
Lord Capulet (Cam) encourages the courtship of his daughter Juliet (Tina) by the nobleman Paris (Irwin) and invites him to a celebration that night. Romeo/Lee and Benvolio/Steve hear of this party from Capulet/Cam's servant and decide to attend.
Lady Capulet/Brandy tries to persuade Juliet/Tina to marry Paris/Irwin. Juliet/Tina's old nurse adds comic commentary. Romeo/Lee, his friends Benvolio/Steve and the madcap Mercutio (Lynch), gatecrash the party and Romeo/Lee falls instantly in love with Juliet/Tina. He is recognized by the quarrelsome Tybalt/Ed. Later that same night, Romeo/Lee climbs into the Capulet garden and overhears Juliet/Tina confessing her love for him. They defy their hostile families by vowing to marry each other the next day.
Romeo/Lee obtains Friar Laurence (Holger)'s consent to marry them and Juliet/Tina's nurse acts as a go-between.
Tybalt/Ed encounters Benvolio/Steve and Mercutio/Lynch and provokes a swordfight with Mercutio/Lynch. Romeo/Lee arrives and tries to stop them but Mercutio/Lynch is killed. Romeo/Lee, forced to take revenge, kills Tybalt/Ed and has to flee. Escalus/Chaz imposes a penalty of exile on Romeo/Lee.
Juliet/Tina's nurse brings news of Tybalt/Ed's death and Romeo/Lee's banishment. Juliet/Tina despairs. Her father meanwhile arranges for her immediate marriage to Paris/Irwin. Juliet/Tina tries to resist her parents' wishes but even her nurse advises her to forget Romeo/Lee. Juliet/Tina seeks Friar Laurence/Holger's help. He gives her a sleeping potion which will make her appear dead. He will summon Romeo/Lee from exile to arrive as she awakens in the tomb and they can escape together. But the plan goes badly wrong. Romeo/Lee hears of Juliet/Tina's death but does not get Laurence/Holger's message explaining the trick. He buys poison and plans to join Juliet/Tina in death.
Romeo/Lee, at Juliet/Tina's tomb, is confronted by Paris/Irwin. They duel and Romeo/Lee kills him. Romeo/Lee takes the poison and dies as Juliet/Tina awakens. She refuses to leave with Friar Laurence/Holger but instead stabs herself with a dagger.
Escalus/Chaz, the Capulets and the Montagues are summoned to the scene of the two dead lovers.
Characters Featured: Rud as Diomedes, Goob as Odysseus, Skeeter as Ajax, Holger as Hector, Stepak as Agamemnon, Chaz as Paris, Lee as Menelaus, Ted as Aeneas, Cyrus as Patroclus, Barrage as Achilles, Niles as Poseidon, Cam as Peleus, Lynch as Sarpedon, Wurst as Apollo, Brandy as Thetis, Dorwell as Hephaestus, Biffy as Priam, Kimmie as Hecuba, Greta as Andromache, Emmett as Zeus, McKenzie as Briseis, Tina as Helen
The dawn brought a mass attack from the Trojans, angered by the death of the Thracian King. The Greeks, encouraged by the exploits of Diomedes (Rud) and Odysseus (Goob), and met them, led by Ajax (Skeeter) and so began one of the greatest battles of the Trojan War.
The Greeks started with the upper hand since with Hector (Holger) marshalling his troops instead of fighting, the Trojans were not as formidable. Overcoming his cowardice, Agamemnon (Stepak) led his army alongside Ajax/Skeeter and together they drove the Trojans back into their city! Near Troy's gates, Hector/Holger rallied his people, Agamemnon/Stepak was wounded by one of the monstrous Thracians and carried back to the ships in a chariot. Then the Trojans charged with Hector/Holger leading them and the Greeks fled back to their ships. Near their encampment, Diomedes/Rud and Odysseus/Goob held off the entire Trojan army while the Greeks reformed their ranks.
Again Hector/Holger lead a charge! Diomedes/Rud took aim with his spear and struck the Trojan prince on the helmet, knocking him unconscious resulting in Hector/Holger being carried from the battle in his chariot.
Shortly after, Paris (Chaz) shot an arrow through the foot of Diomedes/Rud forcing him to leave the battle. This left Odysseus/Goob alone to rally the front ranks. For a long time he fought, killing many of the Trojans but then a spear pierced his shield and bit deep into his side. With a cry he plucked it out and with it slew the man who wounded him. Sinking to the ground, he called for Ajax/Skeeter and Menelaus/Lee who rushed to his rescue. Ajax/Skeeter protected the wounded Ithacan King with his shield while he climbed into a chariot driven by Menelaus/Lee. The Mycenaean King of Sparta took Odysseus/Goob back to the ships to have his wound tended to.
While Ajax/Goob single handedly held back the entire Trojan army, the wounded Greek kings held a council.
Agamemnon/Stepak urged:
"The only thing to do is to keep them off until night, and then launch our ships quietly and escape!"
Odysseus/Goob cried:
"You should be leading some band of common cowards not the army of the Greeks! We will fight, every one of us, and perish to a man rather than run away. Be silent, if you have no other advice to give, for it would be shameful if the common soldiers heard the King of Men utter such cowardly words."
Shamed into courage, Agamemnon/Stepak urged the Greeks into a charge with Ajax/Skeeter leading them as bravely as ever! Meeting Hector/Holger, he smote him with a great stone so that the Trojan coward was carried away bleeding at the mouth. The Trojans retreated but when their prince recovered he led a charge with Paris/Chaz on one side of him and Aeneas (Ted) on the other. The Greeks fled back to their camp.
Hector/Holger cried:
"To the ships! To the ships! Burn the ships so they cannot get away! Time for soils when the battle is over! Burn the ships first!"
The two sides, the heroic Greeks and the villainous Trojans, were fighting on the seashore now! Ajax/Skeeter was aboard his own ship wielding a great spear that was used for repelling invaders in sea fights! Twelve men who tried to burn his ship were slain by him but he could not guard all the ships. Hector/Holger, second most villainous of all the Trojans, burned one ship before unexpected help came for the Greeks!
Patroclus (Cyrus), cousin of Achilles (Barrage), had been tending to a wounded friend, but when he saw the Trojans were trying to burn the ships, he rushed of to Achilles/Barrage.
Patroclus/Cyrus cried:
"If you will not fight at least let me lead our Myrmidons into battle! The ships are on fire and most of the Greek kings wounded!"
Then the Myrmidon King was sorry that, in his anger, he had sworn not to fight until his own ships were in danger. He bade Patroclus/Cyrus to wear his own armour so that the Trojans would think Achilles/Barrage himself lead the Myrmidons and urged him forth before all was lost!
Although he fought fiercely, Ajax/Skeeter began to tire and could hardly hold up the great spear anymore! Hector/Holger attacked him, breaking the spear with his sword, forcing Ajax/Skeeter into retreat and soon his ship was on fire.
Then a cry of fear came from the Trojan ranks:
"Achilles! Achilles the invincible comes against us once more!"
There was Patroclus/Cyrus in the golden armour everyone knew so well, and in the chariot drawn by the magic horses Poseidon (Niles) had given to Peleus (Cam). Straight to the ships he went, dousing the flames and then lead the whole Greek army in a great charge against the Trojans who fled in disorder back to Troy.
There was one man who did not flee however: Sarpedon (Lynch) of Lycia, an ally of Troy. He did battle with Patroclus/Cyrus who killed him.
As he lay dying, Sarpedon/Lynch cried out:
"Fight on, brave Lycians! Do not fly because I am down! Rescue my body from the Greeks to give it a worthy funeral!"
A battle happened over the body. The Greeks took his armour but Apollo (Wurst) took Sarpedon/Lynch's body to be laid to rest in Lycia.
Patroclus/Cyrus continued to pursue the Trojans to the very gates of Troy itself but three times he was pushed back! Hector/Holger came out to do battle with him but they were parted when they did.
The next time they met the sun was starting to set. Patroclus/Cyrus had lost his helmet, he was both wounded and weary. Still he charged at the Trojan prince who transfixed his body on a spear. Patroclus/Cyrus fell to the ground and as Hector/Holger stood over him with a drawn sword he gasped his last words:
"Do not boast greatly at my slaying, noble Hector... For stern fate decreed it... Fate that no man may escape. And know that you yourself have not long to live, for already Death is on his way from the realm of Hades: and by the hand of great Achilles shall you fall!"
So died Patroclus/Cyrus. His charioteer brought the sad new to Achilles/Barrage.
Hearing his beloved cousin as dead, the Myrmidon king wept. He sat alone in his tent until his mother Thetis (Brandy) arrived to try and comfort him.
Achilles/Barrage groaned:
"Let me die, let me die! Since I might not save my friend from death, and through my foolish anger he is dead... All I ask is to slay Hector who has done this thing!"
Unarmed, Achilles/Barrage rushed out of his tent and on to the wall of the camp. He stood tall and god-like with the red sunset behind him! He saw Hector/Holger strip his armour from the dead Patroclus/Cyrus, golden armour the Immortals had given to Peleus/Cam. The Greeks were fighting to bring the body back into their camp.
Seeing this, the Myrmidon King uttered in his mighty voice a cry which rang like a clarion call over the battlefield! Three times he uttered that cry and each time the Trojans retreated farther from the Greek camp!
When night had fallen, the Greeks had finally brought Patroclus/Cyrus' body back to the camp.
Again, the Trojans camped on the open plain and Hector/Holger would not return to Troy despite warnings from his friends that Achilles/Barrage would never rest until one of them lay dead.
Hectot/Holger cried:
"Never will I flee! What though the great Achilles comes against me? One of us must fall but Ares the Immortal Warlord may guide my spear so that Achilles is the one who dies!"
Yet Achilles/Barrage rested in his tent, grieving over the loss of Patroclus/Cyrus. It was only by the will of the Immortals that sleep came to him. But there was no rest in the forge of Hephaestus (Dorwell), the smith god was hard at work making new armour for his great-nephew.
In the grey morning, Thetis/Brandy came down from Olympus with her son's new armour!
Quickly, Achilles/Barrage put on his new armour and took a great spear! He went down to the shore and cried his terrible cry, awaking the entire Greek camp and all the warriors buckled on their armour and made ready for battle!
Odysseus/Goob came to Achilles/Barrage and persuaded him to visit the wounded Agamemnon/Stepak to receive his apologies and gifts that would be given to him.
With peace made between the two kings, Achilles went/Barrage to his chariot and by the will of the gods, one of his horses spoke to him:
"We shall bear you swiftly and speedily: but your day of death is near... Death that will come to you in battle."
Achilles/Barrage answered with:
"Well do I know it but I shall not cease from fighting until that day, unless I may lay proud Troy in the dust."
All day long the battle raged and the Trojans fled before the wrath of the Myrmidon King. He left many dead. He drove the Trojans across the River Scamander and even beat the river down when it came to life to attack him! Soon all but one of the Trojans were inside the walls of their city.
Alone stood Hector/Holger at the closed gate, waiting for Achilles/Barrage.
Priam (Biffy) called down to his son:
"Come within the gate! This terrible man has slain many of my sons, and if he slays you also, who shall I have to help me in my old age?"
Hector/Holger would not listen. He went forth to meet the Myrmidon King leaving Priam/Biffy, Hecuba (Kimmie) and Andromache (Greta) on the towers above the gate. Myrmidon King and Trojan Prince fought, ultimately moving out of sight around a corner of the city walls.
The Myrmidon King threw his spear and it missed! The Trojan Prince threw his own spear and it broke upon Achilles/Barrage's shield! Hector/Holger drew his sword, but Achilles/Barrage had a second spear and caught his opponent on the point as he charged towards him.
Hector/Holger fell in the dust and Achilles/Barrage said:
"Slayer of Patroclus, dogs and birds shall tear your flesh as you lie unburied!"
Hector/Holger gasped:
"Do not do this great shame! Take the store of gold my father will offer you, and let my body be bunt in Troy!"
Achilles/Barrage shouted:
"Hound, even if Priam offered me your weight in gold, I doubt if it would save your corpse from the dogs!"
And so the Trojan Prince spoke his last words:
"Remember me in the day when Paris slays you in the Scaean Gate!"
Achilles/Barrage dragged the body behind his chariot. At the sight of this Andromache/Greta shrieked and fainted while Biffy/Priam wept.
The next day, Patroclus/Cyus' body was burned upon a funeral pyre and twelve prisoners of war were sacrificed to his ghost. This deed of shame was so great that Zeus (Emmett) was forced to look away. Funeral games were held in honour of the dead Greek.
One night, Priam/Biffy came to the tent of Achilles/Barrage and asked for the body of his firstborn son to be returned to him so it might be given a proper burial. Achilles/Barrage remembered his own father still alive in Greece. The Myrmidon King's body would be burned here at Troy not in Greece before his father. It was at this moment that he returned the body of Hector/Holger to the Trojan King. He ordered Briseis (McKeznie) to wash the body.
When Hector/Holger's body was carried in to Troy there was many lamentations. Among all of them, Helen (Tina) cried:
"Hector, of all my brethren in Troy the dearest, since Paris brought me here but would that I had died ere ever that day dawned. Hector, in all the years since then I have never heard from you a word that was bitter or unkind. Others spoke cruelly to me, for whom this bitter war is fought: but ever you would restrain them with gentle, courteous words. Ah woe is me! Woe is me! Now there is none like you left in all Troy, and my one true friend is dead."
The End
What do you have to say? Want to know what happened next? Well Paris kills Achillies, Philoctetes kills Paris, Priam marries Helen to his third born son Deiphobus, Ajax commits suicide, the Trojan Horse is built, Troy falls, Menelaus kills Deiphobus, Priam is killed by Achilles' son Neoptolemus, Aeneas and some of the Trojans leave Troy, Hecuba is turned into a dog when she leaves Troy. But what you really want to know is if the true loves that are Menelaus and Helen are ever reunited, isn't it? They are. They truly did live happily ever after.
Characters Featured: Wayne as Pandarus, Lee as Menelaus, Chaz as Paris, Rud as Diomedes, Ted as Aeneas, Mrs. Lob as Aphrodite, Goob as Odysseus, Holger as Hector, Tina as Helen, Greta as Andromache, Ned as Astyanax, Barrage as Achilles, Stepak as Agamemnon, Skeeter as Ajax, Giuseppe as Nestor, Irwin as Dolon
The Trojan war would have been over if not for the treachery of the Trojan Pandarus (Wayne). When he saw Menelaus (Lee) striding boastfully and taunting the evil-hearted coward Paris (Chaz) for running away, Pandarus/Wayne shot an arrow at Menelaus/Lee and wounded him in the side just as he had wounded Paris/Chaz with his spear.
Filled with rage and scorn, the Greeks cried:
"Now we will smite the Trojans! For they have broken the truce, and Zeus will surely be on our side!"
In haste, both sides armed themselves! Rushing together, they engaged in the greatest battle since the Trojan war began!
Despite his wounds, Menelaus/Lee defended himself and slew a mighty hunter! Diomedes (Rud) of Argos fought Aeneas (Ted) of Dardania and would have killed him if Aphrodite (Mrs. Lob) had not come to the aid of Aeneas/Ted who was her son only to be wounded by the same man whom had wounded her son! Odysseus (Goob) went amongst the Trojans like a wolf amongst sheep! So it was that the Greeks had the upper hand!
While the battle raged, Hector (Holger) was in Troy searching for his cowardly brother Paris/Chaz. He found him in Helen (Tina)'s room.
Helen/Tina weeped and called Paris/Chaz a coward:
"Would that the winds had wafted me away, and that the waves had drowned me before ever I came to Troy with such a one as you!"
Paris/Chaz made excuses but ultimately consented to re-arm himself and go into the battle.
Hector/Holger left his cowardly brother putting on his armour, and strode to his own house in Troy. There he found his beloved Andromache (Greta) and their son Astyanax (Ned).
Andromache/Greta weeped softly:
"My dear lord, do not go out to battle this day, for I fear greatly lest you should be slain. My father was killed by Achilles in the beginning of this dreadful war, and if you fall, Troy will fall also. So do not go to the battle, but stay here with us; for if Troy falls, I shall be sold into slavery... And our son they will surely slay, child though he be, lest he grow up to avenge your death upon their children."
Hector/Holger answered with:
"Indeed I think of all these things, dearest wife, but if I held back from the battle I would never again be able to hold up my head before the men and women of Troy. I fear that Troy is indeed doomed and that it will soon be laid low and its people slain or sold into slavery. But let me fall honourably in battle... For death is better than shame, and how could I endure to see you led away captive."
Hector/Holger stretched out his arms to Astyanax/Ted. The child only shrank away in fear of the crest of horse hair on his father's helmet. The child's parents laughed. Hector/Holger took off his helmet, placed it on the ground and held his son saying:
"Now I pray to Zeus, and to all the Immortals, that my son may grow up to be as valiant as I am, and a mighty king of Troy. May people say, when they see him return victorious from battle, 'Far greater is he than ever his father was!' And may he live long to gladden your heart when I am no more."
He then placed the child in its mother's arms, then kissed and comforted her:
"Dearest, do not sorrow over much, no man may escape his fate, be he coward or hero."
Then he departed to the battle. Andromache/Greta wept and wouldn't be comforted for she knew they had said their last farewell.
On the field of battle, Hector/Holger rallied the Trojans and soon it was the Greeks who were retreating. The Trojan Prince then cried a challenge:
"Come forth and do battle with me, man to man, who ever is the bravest and most daring among the Greeks! I am not Paris but Hector... And Hector will not run away!"
The challenge was meant for Achilles (Barrage) who was sulking in his tent and would not come to show his strength against the challenger. In his place came others to accept the challenge: Agamemnon (Stepak), Diomedes/Rud, Ajax (Skeeter) of Salamis and Odysseus/Goob. At the suggestions of Nestor (Giuseppe) lots were cast and it was Ajax/Skeeter's that fell to the ground.
Ajax/Skeeter stepped forward and cried:
"Now, Hector! Come and fight me if you dare! I'll show you what men there are among the Greeks, even though Achilles is not with us today."
The two combatants fought with sword and spear all day and by the fall of night, a truce was called. The two warriors exchanged gifts and departed for their beds.
During the night, the Greeks made a wall and ditch to protect themselves from the Trojans. In the morning, battle was fought once more and the Greeks were forced behind their wall.
The Trojans on the other hand, camped out on the plain of Ilium and didn't even bother to return to Troy. They sat around their camp fires singing and rejoicing, certain they would conquer the Greeks and burn their ships the next day.
In the Grecian camp, the leaders, all with long face and troubled heart, sat in council.
Agamemnon/Stepak spoke:
"My friends, leaders and captains of the host, surely Zeus has smitten us this day, and there can be only one meaning in what he has done, that we shall never conquer Troy. Therefore let us flee swiftly while yet the ships remain to us, and return to our own land."
Diomedes/Rud cried:
"Go if you like, coward king! But I at least will stay and fight it out!"
The others applauded Diomedes/Rud. Nestor/Giuseppe advised that first a good watch should be kept along the wall should the Trojans plan a night attack. This task was appointed to Diomedes/Rud and five hundred others.
Nestor/Giuseppe then said:
"Most noble Agamemnon, king of men, all this woe comes of your folly in robbing Achilles of the girl Briseis. You know well that without him we cannot conquer Hector nor take Troy. Therefore my counsel is that you swallow your pride and send to Achilles offering him back the girl, with many fair gifts, if only he will pardon the insult which you did him and return to the war."
Agamemnon/Stepak answered with:
"Wise Nestor, I was indeed a fool, and I readily admit my folly. I will send Odysseus and brave Ajax to Achilles with such a message as you suggest; and they must promise him Briseis, and twenty Trojan maidens, besides a ship load of gold and bronze. If these will not suffice, he shall have his choice of one of my daughters to be his wife, when we return from conquered Troy."
Odysseus/Goob and Ajax/Skeeter went to Achilles/Barrage but even the persuasive Ithacan king could not move the Myrmidon king who answered with:
"My advice is for us all to return to Greece. You cannot conquer Troy without my aid... And I am minded to withhold that aid, and so save the life which otherwise I am fated to lose. I sail home in the morning."
Upon hearing this, Agamemnon/Stepak wept and tore his hair. Nestor/Giuseppe starved to encourage him and Menelaus/Lee said:
"We must prepare for tomorrow's battle. Is there anyone who will dare to go secretly among the Trojans and spy out their camp... And perhaps overhear their counsel?"
Odysseus/Goob and Diomedes/Rud cried:
"That will I!"
The Trojans had the same idea and so they sent Dolon (Irwin) whom had been promised the magic horses of Achilles/Barrage as a reward.
Out went the Greek spies, out went the Trojan spy. The Greek spies found the Trojan who begged:
"Do not kill me! My father is very rich, and will pay a vast ransom for my life. Moreover, I will give you news of the Trojans... Anything, if only you will spare me!"
Odysseus/Goob said:
"Speak swiftly!"
Dolon/Irwin babbled:
"But what you should do is to steal away the horses of King Rhesus. He arrived this evening from Thrace with all his men, and there is a prophecy that Troy will never fall if once his wonderful white horses have entered the city. Now send me, a prisoner to the ships, and if I have spoken truly, set me free and my father will pay ransom."
Diomedes/Rud answered with:
"Not so, a spy and a traitor is not fit to live!"
And with that he beheaded Dolon/Irwin.
The two Greeks went to the Thracian camp. There they slew the king and several of his men, then stole the horses and returned to the Greek camp!
This may be a bit late...but Myths of the Norse! I read the Prose Edda a few months ago and have been itching to delve more into that genre. (Beowulf, The Edda, Book of the Kells and all)
Sure, I can do those when I'm done the Iliad and considering I'm one Christmas vacation you can expect those soon. Always happy to see a new Detentionaire fan!
Characters featured: Stepak as Agamemnon, Barrage as Achilles, Victoria as Chryseis, McKenzie as Briseis, Wurst as Apollo, Zed as Calchas, Sue as Athena, Cyrus as Patroclus, Brandy as Thetis, Emmett as Zeus, Giuseppe as Nestor, Chaz as Paris, Lee as Menelaus, Tina as Helen, Biffy as Priam, Mrs. Lob as Aphrodite and Beth as Hera
Our story takes place during the tenth year of the Trojan war, the beginning of it to be specific! This all begins with a quarrel among the Achaean/Greek leaders due to Agamemnon (Stepak) of Mycenae's pride and insolence.
Let us start with why the quarrel broke out. Not long before, Achilles (Barrage) of the Myrmidons had captured two maidens named Chryseis (Victoria) and Briseis (McKenzie). Chryseis/Victoria is the daughter of a Priest of Apollo (Wurst) and she is sacred to him. Why is anyone's guess, she could have been a mortal lover. As King of Mycenae, Agamemnon/Stepak is essentially King of all Greece, then called Achaea. So he divides the spoils between himself and Achilles/Barrage since as the one leading the Greek army he is entitled to some of the spoils. Normally, he'd take the best for himself but this time he gave Briseis/McKenzie, who is the most beautiful of the two women, to Achilles/Barrage and kept Chryseis/Victoria for himself. Then Apollo's Priest, that father of Chryseis/Victoria, came to Agamemnon/Stepak and begged for his daughter's return. Agamemnon simply drove the priest away with harsh and impious words.
The priest prayed to Apollo/Wurst for aid and so it was that the Lord of the Silver Bow came down and brought a pestilence upon the Greek camp.
Knowing this to be the work of an angry god, Agamemnon/Stepak consults Calchas (Zed), a Trojan priest who defected shortly before the war. Having the protection of Achilles/Barrage, Calchas/Zed tells Agamemnon/Stepak:
"Apollo has smitten us because you, King Agamemnon, did not harken to the prayer of his priest; and will not remove this loathsome pestilence from the Greeks until you return Chruseis to her father... with a great gift as compensation."
Agamemnon/Stepak responds with:
"You vile seer! Never yet have you told me anything pleasant: all your prophecies are of evil, and I am the one who has to suffer for them!"
Despite this, Agamemnon/Stepak still consented to give up Chryseis/Victoria but as revenge for protecting Calchas/Zed, he takes Briseis/McKenzie from Achilles/Barrage to replace Chryseis/Victoria.
Achilles/Barrage loses he temper and cries:
"You shameless, crafty, grasping wretch! You dog-faced cheat! Was it for this that we followed you from Greece and have obeyed you all these years? Well, I for one have had enough of it, and I am minded to sail away with all my men and ships before you rob me of the few spoils that are still mine."
Agamemnon/Stepak shouts:
"Flee if you like! I will make no attempt to hinder yo, nor to beg you to remain! There are many to stand by me and treat me with the honour which is my due. Go home, you coward, and lord it over your Myrmidons: I shall be well rid of you!"
Intending to kill Agamemnon/Stepak, Achilles/Barrage goes for his sword. Then Athena (Sue) enters the scene, invisible to all but Achilles/Barrage and grabs him by his golden hair (In Sue's case it would probably be by Barrage's mustache) saying:
"Achilles! I come to you from the high place of the Immortals to stay your anger. Harken to me, for I am sent by Hera, the white-armed Queen of Olympus, who loves you both equally, and would not have the blood of either of you spilt in civil strife. Therefore fight only with words, if fight you must, and then retire to your tents: for I promise you that honour and good things are reserved for you in threefold measure."
Achilles/Barrage obeys Athena/Sue and instead says to Agamemnon/Stepak:
"Listen, you drunken, dog-faced, deer-hearted coward, who has never once dared to lead the Greeks in battle, or to lie in ambush with the other princes of Hellas! I swear, by this staff which shall never more grow in the earth nor bring forth green leaves, that however much you may long for my aid when the Greeks fall before manslaying Hector, I will not raise a finger to help you, until my own ships are in danger!"
He then retires to his tents and hangs up his armour with his cousin Patroclus (Cyrus) and the rest of the Myrmidons doing the same. Agamemnon/Stepak sends Chryseis/Victoria back to her father and takes Briseis/McKenzie from Achilles/Barrage with further insulting words.
Achilles/Barrage calls to his mother, the sea-nymph Thetis (Brandy), tells her what had happened and begs for her aid!
Thetis/Brandy says:
"I will go at once to Olympus and pray mighty Zeus to help us. Surely he will bring it to pass that the Trojans may gain such a victory over the Greeks that Agamemnon will be forced to humble himself before you and beg your help on his knees!"
Thetis/Brandy does just that, and Zeus (Emmett) sends a dream of deceit to Agamemnon/Stepak in the form of Nestor (Giuseppe) of Pylos, whose advice Agamemnon/Stepak always took.
The Dream Nestor/Giuseppe cries:
"Rise, King of Men, I come as a messenger from Zeus himself. The Immortals have been swayed by the counsel of Queen Hera, and if you lead the Greeks in full force against Troy this day, you will take the city and level its walls with the ground... Keep this in your heart and forget not my words when you awake... for they are words of truth!"
Agamemnon/Stepak awakes with joy and calls together the other Greek leaders, save Achilles/Barrage, and tells them of his dream. They believe it too, arm themselves and march out to do battle with the Trojans.
Meanwhile in Troy, the news of the quarrel between Agamemnon/Stepak and Achilles/Barrage causes the Trojans to march out and scatter the Greeks while their mightiest is sulking in his tent.
The two armies meet on the plain outside Troy and Paris (Chaz) challenges Menelaus (Lee) of Sparta, who is Agamemnon's brother, to a duel! Ironically, Menelaus/Lee is not the mightiest of the Greek kings and Paris/Chaz is not the mightiest of all the Trojans.
Paris/Chaz says:
"If I slay you then the Greeks must swear to return home without Helen. But if I fall, Helen shall be returned, and a great treasure besides."
Anything Paris/Chaz says should be taken with a grain of salt if not the whole shaker.
The Greeks, who are sick of the war, agree to this and both sides swear a truce and to abide by the outcome of the duel between Menelaus/Lee and Paris/Chaz.
When she hears of what is about to happen, Helen (Tina) comes running to the wall where the Trojan nobles watch the battles. When Priam (Biffy) of Troy sees her he exclaims:
"Small wonder is it that Trojans and Greeks should endure long hardships and battles for such a woman... For indeed she is marvellously like to one of the Immortals in her very loveliness!"
Helen/Tina sighs and answers with:
"Would that sore death had come to me before your son Paris led me away from happy Sparta and my dear daughter Hermione. Alas, my lord Menelaus must think me the most shameful of all women!"
He does not. Menelaus/Lee was preparing to fight for Helen/Tina whom he loved and she loved him in return. To him, she was the perfect bride. Paris/Chaz prepares as well, forgetting he had ever married a wood-nymph and had a son by her, only remembering the women he had abducted when he had been promised the most beautiful woman in the world for his wife.
When the duel comes, Paris/Chaz hurls a spear at Menelaus/Lee and hits his shield but does nor pierce it. Menelaus/Lee prays to Zeus/Emmett and then throws his spear which pierces Paris/Chaz's shield and breastplate but only graves the side of the evil-hearted coward.
Menelaus/Lee tosses his shield aside and grabs Paris/Chaz by the horse hair crest of his helmet, wings him around and then drags him back to the Greek lines. Aphrodite (Mrs. Lob), who had promised Helen/Tina to Paris/Chaz if he'd say she is more beautiful than Athena/Sue and Hera (Beth), snaps the straps of Paris/Chaz's helmet sending Menelaus/Lee rolling over backwards. When he leaps to his feet, he finds Paris/Chaz gone. Aphrodite/Lob had shielded him and he had fled away back to Troy and hid himself away in the bower of his unwilling bride.
Failing to find him, Menelaus/Lee shouts:
"Harken to me, Trojans and Greeks! Paris has fled, and the victory is mine! Therefore Helen is mine! Give her back to me, and we will sail away and trouble Troy no more!"
Both sides agree and cheer for joy that the war is over and they could go home in peace.
The whose who! I'll be leaving some characters out because there is a lot of them and some of these characters will only be mentioned once.
Achilles, the son of the military man Peleus and the sea nymph Thetis-Barrage
Agamemnon, King of Mycenae and leader of the Achaean army-Stepak
Patroclus, Achilles' beloved friend-Cyrus
Odysseus, a fine warrior and the cleverest of the Achaean commanders-Goob
Diomedes, the youngest of the Achaean commanders-Rud
Great Ajax, an Achaean commander-Skeeter
Nestor, King of Pylos and the oldest of the Achaean commanders-Giuseppe
Menelaus, King of Sparta-Lee
Calchas, an important soothsayer-Zed
Peleus, Achilles' father and the grandson of Zeus-Cam
Hector, a son of King Priam and Queen Hecuba-Holger
Priam, King of Troy and husband of Hecuba-Biffy
Hecuba, Queen of Troy-Kimmie
Paris, a son of Priam and Hecuba and brother of Hector-Chaz
Helen, reputed to be the most beautiful woman in the ancient world-Tina
Aeneas, a Trojan nobleman-Ted
Andromache, Hector's loving wife-Greta
Astyanax, Hector and Andromache's infant son-Ned
Dolon, a Trojan sent to spy on the Achaean camp-Irwin
Pandarus, a Trojan archer-Wayne
Sarpdeon, one of Zeus' sons-Lynch
Chryseis, daughter of a Priest of Apollo-Victoria
Briseis, a war prize of Achilles-McKenzie
Zeus, King of the Gods and husband of Hera-Emmett
Hera, Queen of the Gods and Zeus' wife-Beth
Athena, the Goddess of Wisdom-Sue
Thetis, a sea nymph and the devoted mother of Achilles-Brandy
Apollo, a son of Zeus-Wurst
Aphrodite, Goddess of Love and daughter of Zeus-Mrs. Lob
Poseidon, the brother of Zeus and God of the Sea-Niles
Hephaestus, God of Fire and husband of Aphrodite-Dorwell
Ares, God of war and husband of Aphrodite-Steve
I will start the first of this three part project either later or tomorrow... Or Friday, I'm going to a concert on Thursday so Thursday might not happen.
The first project for "Teaching Literature with Detentionaire Characters" will be "The Iliad."
Yes, "The Iliad." Shouldn't take too long. I won't even be using the complete casting from Detentionaire Altcasting. Just keep the focus on the the major things.
Join me either later on or tomorrow for Part 1 of this project. I hope you like it and send me some support, submissions of your own, etc.
I love literature, I love Detentionaire, I love literature and Detentionaire... Bread, eggs, breaded eggs.
Anyway, I made this blog to bring two of my favourite things together. You can probably call this a spin-off of Detentionaire Altcasting but I don't care.
