my mother's daughter

bi & gray ace, she/her/hers, dead moms club

[aslongasitsblack]

its so delicious to me that shane’s one vice is having filthy nasty life affirming sex with the love of his life like the kind of fucking most people only dream about he is the furthest thing from a hedonist that a person could be he has not smoked a single cigarette he does not eat the thin sliver of cake he doesn’t lie in on sundays he doesn’t skip a day in the gym he doesn’t call in sick he doesn’t let himself slip he has never done a tequila shot he has never stayed up late into the night his ONE & ONLY exception to a life of diligence and restriction and control and restraint and properness the one thing he wants badly enough to allow himself is being fucked like a whore by a big strong man who would die for him its so truly beautiful and compelling to me

[aslongasitsblack]

(@pinkbeetroot)

[urie]

im going insane you guys this made me sob

[urie]

circling back to this because i keep going nonverbal thinking about how shane is literally always asking ilya these very like seemingly stupid questions like "sick as in crazy. oh. cancer?" "is it very upsetting [that your abusive father died with dementia]" "are you bummed [about getting knocked out of the playoffs]" "[immediately after ilya says something nice about his mother] how did she die" "are you ok [after losing to latvia in his home country]" but also the way ilya doesnt even seem annoyed by these like, very obvious and sometimes very dull questions, instead he just cant believe anyone is taking interest at all....

shane: 🧍‍♂️ I have to ask you the most inane and most earnest possible thing at all times. This is how i learn

ilya: It's like he was made from my rib.

[elbiotipo]

ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME. YOU CANNOT TURN THE CLOCK BACK NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. YOU HAVE TO BUILD THE FUTURE.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE SCARED OR MISS THE PAST, YOU CANNOT, LOGICALLY, GO BACK TO THE PAST. DO NOT OVERINDULGE IN PERSONAL, ARTISTIC, POLITICAL OR IDEOLOGICAL NOSTALGIA. YOU HAVE TO BUILD THE FUTURE.

THE FUTURE IS THE ONLY THING WE HAVE. THIS IS NOT EVEN AN APHORISM. IT IS HOW LINEAL TIME WORKS.

ARE YOU LISTENING.

[things-i-said-while-high-in-bed]

"There's no such thing as normal people," I said, a desperate flailing. "There's just people, and some of them are miserable, and some of them are happy, and you've the same right to be happy as any of them-no more and no less."

[ticklefighthockey]

Does any part of cottage episode feel too saccharine to you? Or do you think their performances make every part work? Just curious your take!

it all works for me 😭😭 I love it so much. I mean you know by now that I love thinking about all the unresolved issues in their relationship that they will have to struggle with and grow through in the future. but I’m also a romance reader, baby! I want them to struggle because it’s narratively interesting and then I want them have a happy ending because it’s deeply emotionally cathartic/fulfilling/whatever for the audience. but I also felt like episode 6 was more than just happy ending fluff! I thought that we really needed the chance to fall in love with them as a couple and they needed the chance to figure out if what they’d started to build could survive being brought out into the light of day (not fully out of the closet yet, but out of after-midnight hotel rooms). and idk the episode really sold me on that. you see how much they like each other AND you see how much relief and joy they feel at realizing that they like each other! I think you also see some of the tender first time anal scene vibes come back, after they both suppressed that way of relating to each other for a long time. like part of why I don’t buy the strict sadomasochistic dom/sub reading of this pairing is that they clearly LONG to be kind to each other and take good care of each other and be playful & silly with each other in bed. I think ilya in particular has been stifling his natural instinct to be gentle and attentive and silly with his partners for a long time with shane (and shane has been letting him set the tone right up until tampa). so I love that in episode 6 we see them snuggling and spooning and doing goofy roleplay bits and teasing each other and demanding kisses and touching their feet together on the couch while they scroll on their phones and reassuring each other that they’re in this together they’re both really here and this is real. anyway I love/crave angst but I’m also a huuuge sap and there’s nothing I love more than ships where both partners clearly deeply respect and love each other underneath the layers of miscommunication slash unresolved trauma slash internalized bullshit or whatever. and I feel like ep 6 is jacob being like no no let me be clear these boys really and truly care about each other. there’s something here that’s worth building a life around.

[captainkingsley]

baby dragons whose scales are much more shiny and iridescent in order to hide in their parents' hoards

[kyraneko]

absolutely excellent top-notch thought here, but now you've got me wondering what's trying to eat them

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

you misunderstand, this isn't 'I look like the ground so predators walk right past me' camouflage, this is 'I look like the savannah grass so I can pounce on unsuspecting prey' camouflage

they're hiding in the hoards to bite the hands of unsuspecting humans who sneak past mama

[aquawyrm]

Perhaps the shininess also makes them more endearing to adult dragons, increasing the likelihood of adoption if something happens to mama.

[roach-works]

maybe dragons collect hoards to camouflage their babies

[quietwingsinthesky]

the Relationship Ambiguity Zone™️ is a beautiful place to be. safe place to put your characters. put all characters into Relationship Ambiguity Zone. is that guy your mentor or your dad? Ambiguous!!! are you friends or enemies? Ambiguous!!! is it romantic? is it platonic? is it sexual? Ambiguous!!!!!!! never categorize anything ever in the Relationship Ambiguity Zone. just make them fucking weird about each other.

[berlynn-wohl]

^^ Important addition. I will read 10,000 de-ambiguifying fics but I never ever ever want to see the de-ambiguifying happen in canon. Keep those two weird.

[fractally]

I think it’s both Shane’s worst nightmare and also lowkey a fantasy of his to imagine Ilya being outed and Shane having to swoop in to rescue him. I think that boy has more than a little savior complex the way he agonizes over Ilya’s citizenship more than Ilya even does

I think a persistent daydream of his is like oh no what if Ilya was outed by an evil ex boyfriend (that fucking coach’s son probably…) and Shane had to use his considerable resources and influence to protect him like oh no. Maybe they’d even have to get married right away. Maybe Ilya would need to move in to hide from the scrutiny. Maybe he’d be sad all the time and Shane would have to hug him and pet his hair. Hmm

[hollzy-baby]

It’s forced outing as baby trapping fantasy- my favorite spin on this idea is that Ilya is in a blow his life up phase and outs himself to see if Shane will recuse him.

[fractally]

God I love that—this is also why I enjoy Ilya outed stories so much more than Shane outed ones, I just think there’s all these juicy dynamics and obviously the Russia of it all ads angst and drama

But like the dark side of it is I just feel like there’s something in both of them that wants to tie the other to them irrevocably, as you say it’s the baby trapping impulse. This is the actual soul baring they do at the cottage confirming do you actually want this—where this is not just a relationship or dating but a lifelong commitment that neither of them can back out of no matter what. This is why I joke about them being the first gays to get covenant married

I’ve criticized Shane feeling relieved at being outed in TLG before but I think I’ve come around to it being the right character choice because I think for TLG they’re both kind of on the cusp of wanting it, wanting to push each other into this place where they can’t take anything back, but neither is willing to do that to the other because they don’t know if the other one truly wants that. And then it’s taken out of their hands and made someone else’s fault and Shane is just like “thank god”

Anyway the thesis is fan mail outing as blame free baby trapping

[stuckinapril]

I think part of getting better is complete ego death. Like you’re not above setting a timer for 5 minutes and focusing on a task. You’re not above doing a very simple 3 minute workout to start. You’re not above reading for 10 minutes a day when you first get out of your reading slump, even if you used to read for hours. You’re not above starting slow and then building up to where you want to be/where you once were. What you are above is total inertia. Doing something really is better than doing nothing. Radically accept where you are, radically accept your limits, and go from there. Don’t let your ego get in the way.

[typewriter-worries]

where's that picture that ruined my life

[typewriter-worries]

found it

[typewriter-worries]

this comic did the same thing

[to--love--and--be--loved]

one of the best quotes about grief I've ever read: page 343, Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

[peachyjude]

thinking a lot about “what was your mother’s name?” and shane trying to learn more about their relationship…… shane asking ilya later, later, when they’re married, “what did your mother call you? did she have like, a nickname for you?” and ilya makes a little humming noise, his mouth tugged up at the corners, “ilyusha. is mostly — a childish nickname.” and shane tests it on his tongue — “ilyusha. it sounds sweet.” but ilya gives a little bitter laugh, says, “after she died, my father and brother used it as an insult. whenever they wanted me to feel small, they called me that.” he says it so devoid of emotion, so matter of factly, that for a moment, shane isn’t sure what to say. in the end, all he can manage is, “that’s awful. she called you that because she loved you.” ilya smiles softly, shrugs. “is fine, now. no one calls me that anymore, so. is okay.”

but shane can’t stop thinking about it. he rolls it around in his head, such a sweet name for such a sweet boy. that night, he has ilya sit across from him on the bed, tells him to stay still. shane’s looking at him intently, brow furrowed, the lines of his face drawn tight, he’s so focused. ilya’s half laughing when shane takes ilya’s face in his hands, —“so serious my love,”— but the amusement dies in his throat when shane presses a kiss to ilya’s forehead, murmurs ilyusha, so quietly at first he’s sure he’s only imagined it. but then shane moves to the right side of his face, ghosts a kiss against the shell of his ear, ilyusha. again, beneath his left eye, ilyusha. his nose, ilyusha. his trembling mouth, ilyusha. his name from another life, a past of burned bridges, a childhood cut short.

“it’s a good name,” shane tells him when they break apart, ilya’s face still cradled in the haven of his hands. “she loved you more than anything in the world,” shane whispers, ilya shaking, shaking, shaking, two warm hands on either side of his face holding him together. “and so do i, ilyusha.”

[ticklefighthockey]

how long do you think ilya spent sitting on his couch staring into the distance after shane ran out post tuna meltdown

such a fun question to contemplate… I don’t think he sits there for very long because if you sit there staring blankly off into space that’s basically an admission that you care and were hurt. and I think he has to act at least outwardly like he doesn’t care and wasn’t hurt and isn’t fazed and hollander’s just being uptight/weird/a freak about this which is so typical of him but he’ll definitely get over it and they’ll forget this happened and ilya will never ever call him shane again but for totally normal chill reasons like he just doesn’t want to it’s nbd.

like when I think about this scene… I don’t think ilya actually thinks shane’s dumping him for real here! he definitely registers that he made things weird between them somehow and shane freaked out about it… but ilya has a long track record of talking shane into things and shane has an equally long track record of acting really mad/put out and then dropping to his knees the second they’re alone together so like. this encounter was further proof that ilya should never ever reach out for anyone emotionally in his life but it’s going to be fine… they’ll go back to just fucking and it’ll be fine. this man does NOT see rose landry coming.

[knucklecurve]

on (sub)textual kink, genre romance conventions, and ‘the eyes to see’

i recently enjoyed a really good post discussing the plausibly deniable BDSM in heated rivalry and how the subtext is there “for those with the eyes to see.” this was around the same time that we saw the post about interpretations having a strong basis in the source material being reblogged back-to-back by people who are diametrically opposed in their interpretations. this made me laugh and it also made me think—because as much as i personally remain a loyal soldier in the war on strict domtops on the side of strict domtops, i also don’t want to act like every person who disagrees with me is an idiot acting in bad faith. that would be in bad faith lol. so i wanted to think more about why this disconnect is happening—how it is possible that there is such a wide spate of headcanons about shane and ilya’s onscreen dynamic and their offscreen/future sex life—and i think the answer has something to do with genre norms and the fantasy inherent in a romance narrative.

the indulgence of a romance novel, at its core, is that characters are able to engage in their deepest (and often kinky) desires without having to ask or negotiate for it. the term “bodice ripper” literally refers to the ravishment fantasies present in a lot of mass market romance, in which the female protagonist is subjected to what would, in real life, be considered nonconsensual sexual assault, but is permissible in-narrative because her inner monologue shows that she wants it, however deep that desire is buried within her psyche. you get what you want (forbidden romance, a life of luxury, kinky sex) without having to acknowledge your want for it. Bella Twilight gets to pretend she doesn’t want a lavish vampire wedding. Anastasia 50 Shades gets to roll her eyes at a first-class plane seat.

in heated rivalry, shane is the primary recipient of all his unasked-for desires coming true, and ilya the rakish, domineering love interest (or perhaps the horse in the horse girl movie). shane gets neatly cruised in a locker room shower after ilya intuits his gayness through a few charged glances. shane doesn’t have to initiate the second hookup and barely has to prompt the exchange of phone numbers. shane never has to request to bottom. as far as their sexual encounters go, ilya, like most fictional rakes/semes/doms, comes factory-programmed to fulfill all of shane’s deepest needs.

i don’t think it’s a particular point of disagreement that the domination and submission that occurs onscreen is unnegotiated. in the same way we are famously not watching shane douche in the bathroom, we are also not watching them pick out a safeword or compare BDSM test results. as vital as negotiation is to the practice of kink in real life, in a romance narrative it takes away the frisson of the unexpected, the suspense of the will-they-won’t-they as the sexual and the emotional careen closer and closer. good communication is boring to read about. getting a dubiously negotiated quasi-exhibitionist phone call blowjob is sexy.

so why, when we all watched the exact same scene in which shane carries ilya’s bags into the cottage, are some of us pointing to the screen and saying #hisservicesubmission, while others are admiring shane for taking charge and looking out for his man’s bruised ribs? i think the difference is in whether the reader is accepting the pseudo-kink that’s inherent to romance narratives, versus extending what is implied into something more explicit. i imagine that shane is getting out of sex with ilya something that is similar to what subs get out of negotiated dynamics and scenes with a dom (and vice versa), and thus i extend that belief into a headcanon about what shane and ilya might enjoy about a more explicit form of total power exchange or consensual nonconsent. for a reader who has less interest in those more explicit dynamics, the cigar is just a cigar and the dynamic is simply one of playfulness and intimacy. no one is reading the text wrong, we’re just differing in what lines we choose to extend.

[apesoformythoughts]

"I was getting good guidance, again in navigating the bureaucracy, when, in the middle of a black-and-white operational question and entirely unprompted, the LLM offered me sympathy. What I was going through, it told me, was “really difficult.”

My first reaction was repulsion.

This machine has never had contact with the reality of a body, of physical or emotional suffering, or the love between a father and a son. These words of empathy were in the literal sense “unreal.” And unreal words, spoken within the syntax of care, are worse than silence. They are a simulation of something sacred.

This distinction between real and unreal has become one of my first principles in assessing AI.

I am a philosophical realist in the tradition of Aquinas and Augustine; I believe the world is intelligible. Human beings can come into contact with what is real. Evil, in the Augustinian formulation, has no being of its own. It is parasitic on the good; it is a privation of the good that ought to exist. AI-generated empathy operates in the same register. It carries the form of care without the substance."

— Luke Burgis: "The Real and the Unreal"

[circuitfever]

so six years later i'm back on my 'the old guard' bullshit. i'm thinking about biphasic sleep and immortality. it's something so mundane most people just forgot that's what we did for thousands of years before electric lighting normalized sleeping the whole night through. would they change with everyone else during the industrial revolution? or would they not even realize anything had changed, until nile joins them

andy has a sleep schedule beyond mortal comprehension. lies down for the first sleep at sunset, sleeps for like 3 hours, gets up and starts wandering around. if it's a good (define "good") night she'll go out and stargaze. if it's a bad night she'll compulsively check her gear and care for her axe. if it's really bad she'll run

joe and nicky never adopted monophasiac sleep specifically because the those hours in the middle of the night have been their Special Alone time ever since they met up with andromake, neriko, and lykton. essential when they're on a mission and don't have time to themselves during the day. they have strange, winding, half asleep conversations in multiple languages. if there's anything that's been troubling them, that's often when they talk about it. i think they first realized they were having the same dreams during one of these conversations

booker stays up until 4 am reading encyclopedia Britannica articles and getting increasingly drunk. nile teaches him to use google earth and he becomes mildly obsessed. he likes zooming out to look at the whole planet and then zooming in on france

nile goes to bed on time with military precision and sleeps for eight hours the whole night through. the others find this mildly disconcerting. joe and nicky debate whether she's unwell somehow (''we don't get sick, my heart" "it's not like there's a rulebook, nicoló"). the rare occasion comes when nile gets up in the middle of the night. she encounters, in quick succession:

joe and nicky, having a bizarre conversation full of non-sequiturs, pidgin, and intricate, centuries-old in jokes. their eyes are still closed, and they're still spooning. it honest-to-god looks like they're still asleep

booker, massive bags under his eyes, pouring another glass of gin, britannica article for the Napoleonic wars open full brightness on his laptop

andy, sitting at the kitchen table in the dark, sharpening her axe with a whetstone. scraaape, scraaape, scraaape

nile quietly tiptoes back to bed and never mentions any of it

[emziess]

Shane & his parents // Ilya & his parents Heated Rivalry, S01E01

[themoonandmyman]

Can we talk about how both David and Grigori are on the right side of the frame, Yuna is to the left of Shane- but to the left of Ilya is just a sharp drop.

[too-witches-to-come-sorry-deact]

Someone once said to me, “I hope the pain eases soon.” It struck me as the purest blessing that had ever been offered over my head - I hope the pain eases soon. It’s so gentle, so kind, so hopeful. So to everyone who’s hurting: I see how hard you’re trying, and I hope your pain will ease soon.