Be Honest

I heed no reason to seep into a bounty of ungrateful attitude, but yet I find myself conflicted towards the temptation of being unhappy

[toacceptme]

If there was ever a moment for myself.

I’d have realized all the bad decisions I’ve made for myself. I’d have realized that I gave up my own wellness. I let my body go. If there was ever a moment for myself before, I’d have known that I was wrong to think a relationship with another person was all I needed.  Now that I have this moment for myself, I figured I owe it to myself to become someone I’m completely content with. I can’t just be happy being who I am. I have to love every part of me and by doing so, I’d have to make sure every part of me is well taken care for. Right all the wrongs I had done to myself. Then at the end of the road, maybe then I can make of for every moment I didn’t have for myself.

[toacceptme]

The second side.

I guess I was so caught up with my feelings and my wants I never really thought how it would end up on her side.

[toacceptme]

Some moments aren’t as valuable to others as it is to you.  You’re going to have so many surface level friends, that really, you don’t know what it actually feels like to have a deep rooted connection with someone. There are just some moments when you think or heck maybe the thought of doubt never crosses, that you have people who genuinely cares and mean what they say. Sometimes, it’s a lie. Coldheartedly half attentive. Words that slip the tongue without a breath of conscious. Yet all throughout our history, words have had an impact. We’re naturally inclined to believe in them and be inspired by them, but we’re also destroyed by them.

[toacceptme]

2/14/15

You did it. chocolate/roses/conversation

[toacceptme]

In my most painful moments, I need someone that I can hold onto. I cannot keep going at the pace I'm in. I'm breaking down. When I finally break who knows what will happen. All those times I contemplated about suicide or bodily harm to myself might just happen. I need something, someone to hold onto. They don't have to be there for me every single time, just when it matters, because that's what matters. It doesn't have to be the opposite sex. Just someone I can hold onto when everything is falling apart. Just so that I can stand up and try to fix it all again. Right now and for a long time I have had no one like that for me and it's hard. Everyone needs someone. So please, God help me out.

[toacceptme]

You're absolutely adorable.

[toacceptme]

You.

I'm grateful to be entranced by someone who isn't hard to get along with. Though she may be a bit dense it's absolutely adorable. You may have known before, but you probably don't anymore and maybe it's just meant to be this way. It's fun and exciting so there's nothing to complain about.

[toacceptme]

"Music can often be the distant voices in your head or the loud words of your heart."

[toacceptme]

Honestly

I fucking hate people. Not because skin color, race, or physical feature, just because they’re fucking annoying. This is just solid information on me.

I hate people who fucking waste my time, who waste my kindness, who waste my efforts. I hate people who can’t decide for themselves but yet they bitch at every decision made for them. I hate people who can’t contribute to their own desires, to their own idea, or even the reason of them showing no interest in others.

I realized recently… I’m a bigger asshole now than ever. I’ve been playing this sick fucking game of being a fucking leader. I have been having to put up with people’s bullshit when things don’t go their way. I have to deal with hurting myself over that shit. What’s more… I actually got fed up with all this shit that I’m so fucking straightforward. I feel like I’m neither kind nor am I considerate. I used to be very patient, but seriously I fucking hate waiting on people and to be quite frank I’m already disliking a handful of my close friends. I want to hole up from all the pressure and responsibility and regain my composure.

I lack delicacy. I lack kindness. I lack manners. I lack a sense of shame. Most importantly I lack the ability to be myself whenever for whatever.

[toacceptme]

unrequited, yet happy.

Though it may have not meant anything to you, it meant a lot to me.  The way our hands intertwined, the way it felt, I wanted it to last a bit longer. I wish it did, but I'm grateful. It was fun!  I can't describe our relationship to each other, but maybe this is what I love about you, though it may not be the romantic love, the way every thing just feels so natural. I don't have to be forced to hold my words. I don't have to think twice, just think, say, and do. You're not judging and I've been well aware of that. I know I'm going nowhere and maybe nowhere is fine as long as things stay the way they are. It seems cliche, right? Maybe, just maybe, this is why I fell for you. 

[toacceptme]

I can't help it.

I'm totally in love with you.

[toacceptme]

Art is figuratively and literally exploring the colors of your own world.

R.U.

[toacceptme]

I like strong people

not the physical, but the emotional. In contrary I also like the overly weak ones too. 

I find a sense of humanity in them. They either steer clear or make it known that something's wrong. I admire it a lot. Sometimes to much. Just too the point of gaining my sympathy.

[toacceptme]

~

I have not been so conflicted in a while. I have been so caught up in playing video games at school, at home, and at other people's homes. It's been steering me clear from the little dwindling thoughts that eat me bit by bit. Avoiding the small things that bother finally caught up. They said being friends with people means accepting their flaws... but what about the ones that leave you cringing?

[toacceptme]

the ability to destroy something that hinders you, but in the same way it means destroying a friendship.

[devourfrombeneath]

hey look I’m a video game

[toacceptme]

Let's kick it off

procrastination that is. I don't think I'll be able to do 21 journals in one day, so here's to planning out the next 6 days! KAMPAI!