maggot child

my skin is infested with all things bad.

[poisonedbaby]

abused child culture is seeking men’s attention in any way possible, making you whore yourself out since you can’t get their attention in any other way and continuing to do this when you’re older because it seems normal

[toadmeat]

okay so, today has gone terribly.

here are the things that have pushed me to the point of relapsing and wanting to end my own life;

- the thought of food

- gaining weight

- my mother

- my father

- myself

- my bedroom

- one of my abusers messaged me and the fact he doesn't know what he did makes me feel so much fucking worse.

- the bear, the bear i****** r*ped me on, he bought it for me on my birthday and then took advantage of me :)

- the fact I couldn't find any blades

- how a lot of triggering stuff is here now thanks to my dad

- stuff from our breakup was brought here, the thing you made me for my birthday. I know you're back but I don't want to keep it. It doesnt make me think of happy stuff it just shows that you are capable to leave.

[eviscerateddolls]

So exhausted and sad and angry. I was just a tiny little kid and no one cared enough to protect me

[toadmeat]

I'm going so bad right now please help

[phantombussy]

Funny we think we’re not traumatized but can we say their name(s)? Can we talk about it? Can we write it down? Does that smell still make us shiver? Does that phrase make our skin crawl? Can we remember?

[fangirlinginleatherboots]

shoutout to people who cant/wont turn in their abusers because

they dont have proof of abuse

abusers were upstanding members of society

their abuse was legal

no one believes them

their abusers are old, dead, disabled, ill, or on their deathbed

their abusers are family members

they cant remember details of abuse

they didnt uncover abuse until later in life

they were abused by organizations

they dont know the names of thier abusers

theyve been threatened into staying quiet

they arent mentally stable enough to endure the investigation

and whatever other reason. people dont have to turn in their abusers for their abuse to be legitimate. so many of us cant prove what happened to us and are only left with the disorders that came with the horror we dealt with growing up.

it makes me sad that im seeing so many trauma survivors feel that they have to justify not taking abusers to court. some of us cant, some of us shouldnt, and some of us wont. please respect all survivors regardless of how they approach legal justice over abuse.

[toadmeat]

I'm dumb

I sound gross

I feel bad hm

[imsoofuckingsad-deactivated2018]

sorry for constantly oversharing my feelings , they were never acknowledged or listened to during my fundamental years as a child and adolescent

[toadmeat]

this is well, this is me.

[ouc-h-deactivated20180811]

I still repeat the things you said to me in my head

[sdkjgneoritpj3werf-0j5i43re]

the hands that fed me

were the ones that hurt me

so now i bite the hands

of those who want to help me

[plzdontbeinlovewithsomeoneelse]

The next time you see me I’ll be skinny. I’ll be mentally stable.

Then you’ll want me back. And maybe if you beg on your fucking knees I’ll let you in.

[toadmeat]

i get covered in goosepimples when you call me names

[toadmeat]

touching myself but still calling your name and thinking about you because there's this dumb thought in the back of my head that think I still belong to you and then feeling guilty because one of the rules you had for me was to ask to touch but I don't I don't...well hm well so pretty much I'm now balling my eyes out and over stimulating :/

[toadmeat]

alone.

[toadmeat]

why did like 100 people like this one post?? this one took me like 10 minutes!!!!

[toadmeat]

this was before you left, when I was scared that you were going to leave. im just stupid and lonely now.

[toadmeat]

a lot of people see my posts but does anyone ever realize that most of them are a cry for fucking help???

[toadmeat]

make my arms look pretty then cover them so you don't get worried about me.