[todearestdiary]

i want to be able to say that i’m a successful non-man in STEM ... but i also don’t want to be in STEM anymore

[todearestdiary]

guess what, you’re still in STEM, you just needed to find your niche. *cough,cough* neuroscience *cough,cough*

[todearestdiary]

no, i’m not allowed to be attracted to this it looks too much like them !!!

[todearestdiary]

no don’t worry, they don’t look like that forever. 

[todearestdiary]

IT BETTER FUCKING NOT BE I SWEAR TO GOD

[todearestdiary]

its wasn’t. the next year was though.

[todearestdiary]

is it wrong to feel left out because all my friends are somewhere on the a-spec and i might be ace-flux but am probably just uncomfortable with sexual attraction and relationships despite being allo ??

sorry that was a lot

[todearestdiary]

hahahahaaaa, so about that

[todearestdiary]

we’ll look at that, now that i’ve told everyone i’m in love with my best friend i am actually no longer attracted to them … in any way.

[todearestdiary]

oh babe, it gets so much worse. you’ll be fine though.

[todearestdiary]

there’s this period i’m going through where i just don’t want to see anyone, like it’s fine when i’m with people but thinking about to i’m just like i don’t like these people. which is stupid cuz they’re all really nice and i do like them all i just think maybe i want something new

i don’t know it’s really tricky, i’m just trying not to cut myself off from everyone

[todearestdiary]

you won’t really know whats going on until you meet your psychiatrist. until he tells you that you had ADHD and chronic depression (and possible bipolar). until you’re in therapy and it makes sense. until you have lots of not too close friends that don’t care if its been months. but trust me, this will happen again, and it will all work out fine. 

[todearestdiary]

when a random song in a club just changes your gender and now you’re masc but wearing a dress

[todearestdiary]

ha, it get so much worse than this

[todearestdiary]

“you know it really hurts me when you don’t tell me these things”

we’ll guess what mum you caused it when you made me become fully self-sufficient at such a young age because you couldn’t handle parenting my ‘disruptive’ younger sibling by yourself. it might seem simple to you but wait until you start using it against me, or even worse relying on the fact to prove to relatives and friends that i, your ‘disappointment’, actually have worth.

[todearestdiary]

i really was going through it wasn’t i. i don’t remember what i didn’t tell her but guess what theres a lot more i haven’t told her and i’ve hurt her a lot more but i’m actually in therapy now so its not so much of an issue. we both have our issues and we’re working through them. 

[todearestdiary]

okay I totally forgot this account existed and I will be reposting myself to comment on these things because wow.

also year, I'm a yellow-purple person now so I'm disrupting the feed a bit.

[todearestdiary]

“you know it really hurts me when you don’t tell me these things”

we’ll guess what mum you caused it when you made me become fully self-sufficient at such a young age because you couldn’t handle parenting my ‘disruptive’ younger sibling by yourself. it might seem simple to you but wait until you start using it against me, or even worse relying on the fact to prove to relatives and friends that i, your ‘disappointment’, actually have worth.

[todearestdiary]

when a random song in a club just changes your gender and now you’re masc but wearing a dress

[todearestdiary]

there’s this period i’m going through where i just don’t want to see anyone, like it’s fine when i’m with people but thinking about to i’m just like i don’t like these people. which is stupid cuz they’re all really nice and i do like them all i just think maybe i want something new

i don’t know it’s really tricky, i’m just trying not to cut myself off from everyone

[todearestdiary]

we’ll look at that, now that i’ve told everyone i’m in love with my best friend i am actually no longer attracted to them … in any way.

[todearestdiary]

is it wrong to feel left out because all my friends are somewhere on the a-spec and i might be ace-flux but am probably just uncomfortable with sexual attraction and relationships despite being allo ??

sorry that was a lot

[todearestdiary]

IT BETTER FUCKING NOT BE I SWEAR TO GOD

[todearestdiary]

no, i’m not allowed to be attracted to this it looks too much like them !!!

[todearestdiary]

i want to be able to say that i’m a successful non-man in STEM ... but i also don’t want to be in STEM anymore