Feeling really good so I’m posting some of my wins so when I get sad or self hate I can look at that
I’m not listing context you’ll get it
First holy fuck getting that stupid fucking song from Billie
Which then led to all the songs, beats, and now Billie wants to make even MORE music
So hell yeah
I was going to say this later but now look here look listen
I was dealing with anxiety shit like, I don’t want friends because you can have confrontations, and it could be bad
But fuck that I take what I want
So I’ve been leaning super hard into a bunch of new shit and trying to be myself as much as possible
Part of that is telling Billie I think he’s a fucking idiot
I finally feel like I have the faith or trust in myself that when I want to say something even shitty or whatevs it’s okay
Billie has this problem with spontaneity where he refuses to have any type of plan whatsoever when going into a creative session
He wants to “capture the moment”
Sorry Billie, you’re an idiot
That is called, let’s throw a fuck ton of nothing at a wall and hope we like it enough to claim it’s significant
No Billie, the right way to do this is to have a plan, and then be spontaneous
Anyway, I’m brave enough to talk to Billie!
He’s also suckin way too hard when it comes to important people. More to come on that!
Anyway, reconnected with some other good friends
(One I’m hopefully seeing this weekend for the first time in years. His name is Cack)
The other friend however is someone who was a best friend and we did a lot of creative things together
When we chilled, I straight up told him I’m a monster with this shit, mainly wanting money
So he was like well fuck me and my gf make music and we’re like fuck we gotta monetize this shit
So I said
Let me monetize that shit
And he said
Okay
So now we are starting a business together that I 100% believe in
I set up to where if we follow protocol and just do the thing, we can’t fail
It’s going to be very good. Im very excited
All these things happening is keeping me from wanting to die
My back still hurts really bad
I told some guy at a BIG DICK INSTITUTION no when he told me to do something
Everyone at work literally cheered
I said some fuck shit and a coworker called me out but I was like fair but I was feeling myself
(He was a clergyman and I said you ain’t even part of a treatment team fuck outa here(I was at a mental hospital)(don’t tell anyone)))
So that was a thing
Had another shit visit at another hospital. Talked to a few very nice but very sad people
Staff were all fuckin idiots. Got to tear them to shreds in a report
Fucking love doing that shit
Not even a power thing I like making sure people follow protocol. Plus you get to rip them apart if they fuck up
Crushed this meeting too
We do these dumb fuck introductions everytime that take up an hour of our 1:30 meeting
So I hit the bitch up and was like
Yo I gotta leave early, can we do the important shit first?
Gave my presentation, had a good meeting; stayed til the end lmao
But naw I’m running that bitch
This Jordan petterson like stays in my head in these situations
“If you stop taking credit, you can do whatever you want”
Very confusing
However what it’s making me see is that people won’t see your work, but the real ones will. And those are the ones that count
I want to build a reputation that I’m a fuckin monster with this shit I don’t give a fuck
Realistically people are seeing me as driven and passionate
I think, what if these people knew what I thought
What, that you don’t like them? Shut the fuck up pussy deal with it
And look at that. Leaned heavy into my shit and it’s working out
Just have to play the game
Whole buncha wins lately
Met some really cool important people. They laughed at all my jokes lol
Hella projects comin, hella music, hella good times!
Don’t even feel like I have to “ride this until it dies”
Just going to try and continue being happy and driven
I will soon be depressed, but this is evidence of otherwise lol
Thanks