“Are you my sister’s boyfriend?”
“I’m gay and it doesn’t matter that I’m naked.”
“I’m a fucking waste of space.”
“I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you.”
“I learned how to become a sarcastic bitch to kind of feel normal.”
“You were the one person who could ruin my life.”
“I pushed you away. I made you think things were your fault. But really, I was just terrified of pain.”
“I didn’t want to be a slave to the way I feel about you.”
“I love you. I love you so much, and it’s killing me.”
“I am [first name] fucking [last name], who the fuck are you?”
“Why does everybody always get to piss on me.”
“Everybody’s just in it for them fucking selves.”
“I fucking smashed the shit out of that kid!”
“I fucking kicked the shit out of him and I enjoyed it, okay?”
“You need to do something about your mustache.”
“Those are all people who can’t really sing, wear too little clothes, and get married far too young. And what do we call those people?”
“Obi Wan Kenobi is like God but with cooler weapons.”
“What do you do, if someone you love lets you down?”
“She’s my sister, you’re just a slut!“
“So what, she pulled your hair, so you smashed her head open?”
“I want to have sex with girls.”
“Twice? You’re gonna do this to me twice?”
“Don’t you dare leave me in your bed again!”
“I think you need somebody to want you.”
“Be brave and want me back.”
“Well, blow bubbles up my bollocks and call me Shirley.”
“We’d be good together, don’t you think?”
Super-duper great night at the youth center. I made soup, we prayed, and recycled socks. Soup–for the homeless. They love soup. It was cream of mushroom.”
“It’s got potential, this day. I’m pregnant.”
“I look at lots of people. That doesn’t mean I want to get to know them.”
“Do you want me to get to know you?”
“Pervy, don’t you think?”
“It’s not about the destination. It’s about the journey.”
“Mom says boys only want one thing, so my plan is to give it to them lots of times, get good at it, be popular, and maybe my toes will stop throbbing.”
“We were good, weren’t we?”
“The three of us. Together again. And we’ve all seen each other naked. Which is… nice.”
“What happened to my grapes?”
“It’s conceptual. You just can’t see it.”
“It just kind’ve happened.”
“Do you know what hurts most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before.”
“I have the best birthday present ever!”
“It’s not a night light, it’s a glow-in-the-dark Batman. It’s retro.”
“Love is, like, really important. It’s good to be loved. Even if it’s only for one night.”
“If only you knew the things I’d love to do to you.”
“Your friends are shiteheads.“
“You tried to save my life.”
“Well, I am fuckin’ drunk.”
“What did you do with the drugs, man?”
“If anyone’s going to be anally searched, it should be me.”
“Oh, great. We’re staying in a fucking prison.”
“Bad mood, comfy jim-jams?”
“I’ll give you head. That’s friendship.”
“I’ll kill you, you fucking flat-chested cocksucking spastic horse-fucker!”
“[name] would never, never fuck a horse.”
“Wow, you look all horny.”
“Say goodbye to sunshine, sunshine!”
“Last night, man. Cool. Total blast.”
“Is that a picture of my girlfriend?”
“I bet she bangs like a ferret on acid.”
“Hey, do you… do you wanna hear about the best day of my life?“
“Your stiffie is digging into my back.”
“Speak for yourself, Casa-never.”
“No one’s gonna touch you with a cock that tiny.”
“My nipples are not funny!”
“When I’m with you, I feel like a better person.”
“Let’s just be friends, okay?”
“Why are you so horrible?”
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