Wow, I haven’t written on here in a while. The last time I did I was in such a different place.
Today, life is....good. Not going to say it hasn’t been an adjustment, but I’m truly happy. Whilst dealing with covid for like a month sucked, I can say I got through it. I even had a scare with my dad, but all in all he’s good. I can’t thank God enough for looking out. Sometimes I really do feel like one of his favorites.
In regards to everything else, I started and I’ve kept up with therapy. I’m living alone now, my ex and I unfortunately didn’t work out, but we tried. Some things just aren’t meant to go in the route you want them to and that’s okay. I’ll remember the relationship fondly. School is almost done. Three more classes and I graduate. 4.0 mami over here!!! I’m so proud of myself. This past semester was probably the smoothest one yet. Perhaps because guilt wasn’t hovering over me. I always felt like the more time I gave my studies the less time I gave my partner.
Also...there’s a new person in my life. Not something I was looking for AT ALL. Not even something I wanted. It just kind of happened unexpectedly. I’m still overwhelmed, still feel guilty for even liking someone, but I’m taking it slow. Taking it “day by day” as my therapist says. He says I’d been emotionally detached from my previous relationship for about a year before its expiration date and hence its normal for me to like someone else already. Still weird. Still feel guilty. I know I tried. I did. I stayed in a relationship with a good person but not for the right reasons. After a particular incident, I knew I wouldn’t look at that person the same. I tried. I loved him and attempted to give him the best of me, but more and more got in the way of potential happiness and I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I knew he couldn’t either so I made the decision for that both of us.
But yeah, this new guy is...I can’t even describe it. Refreshing? He’s different. I’ve never dated anyone from Queens before or Brazilian or that spoke more languages than I do. It’s interesting with him, we both have the same goofy nature, the same future plans, and the same outlook on life. Idk. He’s almost 32 without any children, good job, confident, good listener, good friend, handsome, funny, comfortable being vulnerable....it feels like I’m being played by the devil or is it a gift? I really don’t know and therefore I rather take it day by day. I’m not trying to plan anything. If something flourishes, cool. If it doesn’t, cool. For now I’m happy. ✨
amandla
yousharknotpass
titsay
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