From an Addict
You loved me like I was still salvageable like somewhere beneath the wreckage there was a version of me worth pulling back into the light
I saw it in your eyes every time I came home shaking every time my voice crackd trying to sound like someone who still had control
You looked at me like I wasn't already gone
And I hated that not you never you but the way your hope made a liar out of me
Because I meant it, you know Every promise Every I'm done every this is the last time every trembling apology spilled into your hands like something fragile I swore I wouldn't break again
But I always did
There's a hunger in me that doesn't speak your language It doesn't care about love or mornings or the way you'd trace circles into my back like you could rewrite me
It only knows how to take
It took my sleep first then my laughter then the parts of me that used to reach for you before anything else
And still you stayed
God, you stayed through the worst of it through the nights I vanished and came back less human through the lies I told so easily I almost believed them myself
You held me like I wasn't slipping through your fingers
But I was
I was slipping into something colder something smaller something that needed more than you could ever give and still called it love
That's the cruelest part I did love you
Just not louder than the noise in my veins not stronger than the pull in my chest not enough to choose you when it mattered
I watched you break in slow motion watched your light dim every time I chose it over you again
And I hated myself for it but not enough to stop
When you finally left you said my name like it still belonged to me
I wanted to answer to run after you to prove there was something left worth saving
But I stood there empty-handed full of everything that was killing me
I don't blame you
If I could have loved you the way you deserved I would have
But addiction is a thief that doesn't just steal from you it turn you into the one who takes everything from the people who tried to save you
Including you
