Summary: Peter Parker has always been your best friend, the one you trust the most. So when a stranger starts sending you secret photographs and anonymous messages, Peter is the last person youâd ever suspect. After all⌠who would?
Parings: Peter Parker x Reader
Warnings: Stalking, obsession, non-consensual photography, invasion of privacy, psychological horror, manipulation, gaslighting, kidnapping, dark themes, yandere behavior, non-consensual restraint, emotional distress, paranoia, loss of trust, unhealthy attachment dynamics.
(If you're uncomfortable with this kind of content, I personally do not recommend reading it, I felt disgusted while writing this.)
Word count: 5318
Note: English isn't my first language, so sorry in advance for any mistakes.
Fuck, he had sworn he would never do this again.
But now, standing in the building across from her home, peering through the viewfinder of his camera into her house, he had very clearly, visibly, broken that promise.
He cursed when he zoomed in unnecessarily. His hands were trembling as he held the camera. He couldnât pull his eyes away from the viewfinder.
My God⌠how beautiful you were, wearing nothing but white socks and a dark gray T-shirt.
Your legs⌠your arms⌠the way you tucked the hair falling over your face behind your ears as you turned the pages of your book on the bed⌠You looked like a goddess.
One photograph couldnât hurt, right? Just one more photo.
The grocery bags rustled as you carried them toward home. When you heard your best friend Peterâs voice, you stopped and turned around. He caught up and halted beside you, completely out of breath. As soon as he stopped, he bent forward, bracing his hands on his knees while he tried to recover.
"Oh, hey, Pete! Nice to see you." You grinned at his panting state.
Once he steadied his breathing, he straightened up. Seeing your smug smile, he pouted dramatically. "Youâre so annoying, you know that? Iâve been trying to catch up with you since the end of the street. You should be ashamed of yourself!" He crossed his arms over his chest.
"I think the one who should be ashamed is youâfor not being able to catch up with me while Iâm carrying all these bags with that physique of yours." You giggled.
"Ha ha ha. Very funny." He pouted even more, but then his eyes drifted to the bags in your hands. "Oh my God, what are all these? What did you buy?"
"Ah, theyâre not mine. My neighbor across the hall asked if I could do her a favor, and I said why not." You shrugged. "Though⌠it turned into quite a big favor."
"A big favor? Thatâs a massive favor," Peter said, emphasizing massive. "Come on, give me those bags. Iâm in a good moodâIâll carry them for you."
"Well, judging by that running performance just now, youâre not exactly having your best day, Spidey." You teased.
"Shh, theyâll hear! Stop calling me that in public!" he whisper-yelled, glancing around nervously. After making sure no one had noticed, he continued, "So, do you want help or not?"
You smirked at his panic. "Fine, fine, help me. But Iâm not sharing my tip!"
He chuckled. "Deal." He grabbed the bags from your hands and started walking at a pace you definitely couldnât match.
"Hey! Wait for me, you moron!" you shouted, hurrying after him.
"Now whose performance dropped, huh?" he laughed, making no move to slow down.
After delivering the bags to your neighbor and getting your tip, you and Peter went to your room, eating chips and watching TV. You hadnât even made it halfway through whatever was on, but you were already dying of boredom.
You huffed dramatically. âCan we please stop watching this crap? Iâm bored out of my mind!â
âBored out of your mind? Your taste in movies should be considered a crime.â
âMaking a movie like this should be the real crime!â You pouted and crossed your arms.
âDrama queen,â he said, rolling his eyes. Still, he picked up the remote and started flipping through channels. While he searched for something youâd both like, you let your gaze wander around the room in boredom. Then something caught your eye.
A wallet. Peterâs wallet.
You reached for it and picked it up. âWow, nice wallet, Parker.â You grinned.
Without even looking at you, he mumbled something like, âYeah, sure, whateverâŚâ His focus was completely on the TV.
You opened the wallet; the zipper made a soft sound. When you looked inside, you saw something that looked like a photograph.
A familiar silhouette.
For 0.1 seconds.
âHey, whoâs this, Parker? Your crush?â you teased, smiling. You were just about to take a closer look whenâbefore your brain could even register who the person in the photo wasâPeter snatched it from your hand.
Hard.
Almost enough to hurt your fingers.
âHey! What do you think youâre doing?! Donât go through my personal stuff.â He angrily zipped the wallet shut and shoved it back into his pocket.
Youâve been friends with him since childhood.
And you had never seen him this angry.
âHey, relax, man. I was just joking!â
âDonât do it again,â he said, brows furrowed, his face dead serious, as he continued flipping through channels. His jaw was tight. You could see the anger in his eyes.
A long silence followed.
When it became clear there was nothing worth watching on TV, Peter left for home.
Peter didnât think you had fully seen the photo⌠or rather, he hoped you hadnât. Praying to every god he knew.
It would have ruined everything. Your years-long friendship⌠the bond between you⌠his chance of being with you⌠everything.
From where he had watched you and taken your picture a few nights ago, he now silently observed you again. Your brows were furrowed with worry, confusion written plainly across your face as you paced back and forth in your room, thinking.
Poor you. You were probably blaming yourself, wondering why Peter had gotten so angry.
Then you sat on your bed. After staring blankly at a single point for a while, you picked up your phone and unlocked it. A few seconds later, Peter felt his own phone vibrate in his pocket.
A message.
From you.
You: Hey Peter, are you still mad at me?
Peter: No. Sorry, I overreacted.
You: No! Iâm the one whoâs sorry! I shouldnât have touched your things without asking.
Youâre so cute.
Peter: Itâs really okay.
You: No, itâs not! What can I do to make it up to you?
You could sleep with me.
At that thought, Peterâs thumb froze over the screen. Then he forced himself to type.
Peter: Donât be silly. Thereâs nothing to forgive.
Peter watched you hesitate for a few seconds before you started typing again.
You: Are you sure?
Peter: Yeah, Iâm sure. Coffee tomorrow?
You: Of course! But Iâm paying.
When Peter saw you smile, he smiled too without realizing.
The next day, at the time you were supposed to meet, you were the first to arrive at the cafÊ. And God⌠even though you were used to Peter being late, you were starting to worry.
Was something big happening in the city and you didnât know about it? Had something happened to Peter? And if it hadnât, why hadnât he even read the message youâd sent about three and a half hours ago?
You didnât know. Your brows were drawn tight with concern.
If something was going on, you checked your phone for news updates and TV reports. When you couldnât find anything about Spider-Man, you let out a deep breath. But by now you were tired of waiting. After nearly four damn hours, you finally decided to text Peter and leave.
You: Hey, Pete. I really hoped youâd come, but it looks like youâve got something important going on. Iâm heading home. You can come by when youâre free. See you.
You sent the message, picked up your bag, and began walking home, lost in thought.
Two hours had passed since you got home, and Peter was still nowhere to be seen. He hadnât even read your last message. The last time heâd been active was yesterday. Last night. Now it was evening.
Where the hell had Peter been for at least eighteen hours?
You were starting to worry. You began pacing back and forth in your room. Okay, he was Spider-Man, but he wasnât invincible. What if he was in trouble? What if something had happened to him? What ifâ
The sound of the doorbell cut through your thoughts.
You lifted your head. Before walking to the door, you glanced toward it. Your anxiety and rising panic briefly gave way to curiosity. You hoped it was Peter.
When you opened the door, you expected to see someoneâpreferably Peter.
But there was no one there.
You leaned your head out, scanning the hallway in confusion. No footsteps. No voices. No one.
Then you looked down.
On the doormat sat a small box wrapped like a gift.
You picked it up and examined it. A note was attached:
âA small gift for the most beautiful girl in the world :)â
With mixed feelings, you carried it inside.
Sitting on your bed, you hesitated. Should you open it? Maybe it belonged to a neighbor and had been left at the wrong door. But there was no shipping label. And seriouslyâwhat delivery company just left packages like that?
Someone had placed it there by hand.
And for some reason, run away.
But who would run? And why?
Damn it⌠what happened to people giving gifts like normal human beings?
And why did the note say âthe most beautiful girl in the worldâ?
If this was some kind of confession, it was the strangest one youâd ever seen.
âWhy would anyone normal fall in love with you anyway?â you muttered to yourself.
âWhat in your life is normal? Your best friend is the neighborhoodâs friendly Spider-Man.â
You closed your eyes and smiled faintly at the thought, shaking your head.
Then, finally, you decided to open the box.
You placed it on your lap and slowly untied the ribbon, setting it beside you. Carefully peeling back the tape, you unwrapped the package with cautious precision. Even now, you clung to the possibility that it wasnât meant for you.
Maybe it had been left at the wrong door.
Maybe.
But the moment you opened the box, you knew.
This âgiftâ was absolutely meant for you.
Inside were photographs.
Photographs of you.
You, a few days ago, lying on your bed reading a book in a gray T-shirt.
You, rushing to get ready for school when you were running late.
You, carrying grocery bags when your neighbor had asked for a favor.
You, just a few hours ago, sitting alone at the cafĂŠ waiting for Peter⌠then walking home when youâd finally given up.
Your stomach dropped as you stared at them.
The small smile youâd had moments ago vanished, replaced by pure horror. Your eyes widened.
You couldnât breathe.
It felt as if a hand had reached into your chest and was crushing your lungs. Your heart pounded violently. Your hands trembled as you held the photos.
Noâyour entire body was shaking.
Tears blurred your vision. You felt sick. You wanted to throw up.
With a sudden motion, you hurled the box and photos across the room as if they were poisonous. You jumped off the bed, rushed to the window, slammed it shut, locked it, and yanked the curtains closed.
Then you did the same to every window.
You checked the door lock.
It wasnât locked.
How stupid could you be?
You locked it immediately, then collapsed to the floor, your back pressed against the door. Burying your face in your hands, you broke into violent sobs.
A notification sound pierced the silence.
You lifted your head, eyes wet with tears, and looked toward your phone.
Struggling to your feet, you grabbed it like it was the only thing anchoring you to reality.
Two messages from Peter.
Peter: Hey⌠Iâm really sorry for disappearing like that and missing the cafĂŠ. Something important came up.
Peter: Are you okay? Everything alright?
You decided not to worry him.
With everything he dealt with every day, it felt unfair to burden him with this too. Whoever had done this would probably get bored in a few days and stop⌠right?
The photos werenât even that old.
Your trembling fingers fumbled over the keyboard, typing and deleting, making mistake after mistake before finally sending:
You: Yes! Everythingâs fine! And donât worry about the cafĂŠâwe can plan another meet-up.
Even taking your photos had been wrong. And Peter had sent them to you.
Like a damn stalker.
I mean⌠if he wasnât a stalker, then what was he?
He was secretly photographing the best friend he was in love with⌠and sending those photos to her as a gift.
He didnât deserve to be your friend.
What kind of friend would do something like that?
What kind of friend would torture someone this way?
He had placed the box silently and quickly at your door, rang the bell, and tried not to think about what might happen if you opened the door too soonâwhat you might think if you saw him there. Then he rushed out of the building and settled into his usual vantage point.
He watched you as you opened the box.
He watched your faint smileâthe one you had when you decided to open itâfade into horror.
He watched your body begin to tremble.
Your eyes widen completely.
Watching this made his pants feel tighter.
But he would never admit that.
He watched you shut the windows and pull the curtains tight. After giving you a few minutes to compose yourself, he sent two messages.
Peter apologized for not showing up, for disappearing without warning.
He asked how you were.
If you were okay.
When you replied that you were fine and that it wasnât a problem, he didnât know whether to smile or to worry.
Part of him found the whole situation amusingâyour reaction when you opened the box, the way you closed the curtains and locked the windows and doors as if that would keep you safe.
But thenâŚ
What if the one who sent the box hadnât been Peter?
What if it had been someone else?
âYes! Everythingâs fine! And donât worry about the cafĂŠâwe can plan another meet-up.â
SoâŚ
You werenât going to tell him?
He wouldnât even know?
Were you really not going to say anything before things spiraled out of control?
The urge to cry and throw up, the trembling, the shortness of breath â they were still there, but they had dulled enough to be ignored.
The noodles you had made for yourself when you got home hours ago sat untouched on the table, now completely cold. They no longer looked appetizing or tempting.
Even if you tried to eat, you werenât sure your stomach would keep it down.
Curled up on your bed, buried beneath the blankets, you had pulled your legs to your chest and wrapped your arms around them. Your eyes were closed.
You just wanted to sleep. Sleep and forget.
Or wake up. And have all of this turn out to be nothing more than a nightmare.
At some point, you would probably hear your motherâs keys, the sound of the door opening â a sign that she was home. The tension of being alone in the house would finally ease, replaced by at least a small sense of comfort.
You knew that locking the window might become a problem if Peter showed up injured during his night patrol.
But you didnât care anymore.
You needed to feel safe.
Otherwise, you truly felt like you might lose your mind.
And besides⌠if Peter got hurt, he could always tap on the glass to wake you up, right?
The next day, you and Peter were supposed to meet to go to the mall. You were still tense after what had happened, but you planned to hide it as best you could.
When you woke up that morning, you looked awful.
Your eyes were red and swollen.
Your hair was a complete mess.
Dark circles shadowed beneath your eyes.
There was no helping it. You would take a shower, brush your hair, put on makeup, and pray Peter wouldnât notice your eyes.
The problem wasâŚ
Peter notices everything.
Normally, you were grateful for that. But when you wanted to hide something, it became a problem.
And hiding this would be hard.
Very hard.
You did everything you could to look normal, but there was nothing you could do about your eyes.
When the doorbell rang, you turned toward the door. You ignored how much it resembled yesterdayâs moment and walked over to open it.
While wandering around the mall, you reached the clothing section. Since you needed some new clothes, you went inside with Peter.
âWhy do I have to watch you try on outfits?â Peter complained.
âBecause youâre my best friend, and thatâs what best friends do. Also, I didnât exactly give you the option of not coming, so stop whining like a two-year-old.â
âHey! I am not a child!â Peter pouted, crossing his arms. That only made him look even more childish, and you laughed.
Spending time with Peter had eased the tight ache in your chest. Since he arrived, you had barely thought about what happened.
âKeep telling yourself that.â You grinned.
Peter rolled his eyes and fell silent for a moment, then spoke again. âHey, I need to use the restroom. Iâll be back in a bit, okay? Wait here.â
âOkay, see you,â you murmured absentmindedly, far more focused on choosing clothes.
You had no idea how much time had passed. You were stuck deciding between two outfits when your phone buzzed.
A message.
From an unknown number.
Unknown Number: Pick the black one. It'd suits you better.
You felt the blood drain from your face. Your heart began racing, and that awful pain in your chest came roaring back. Your hands started shaking.
The noise around you â adults talking, children running, soft music playing â faded into a dull blur.
You looked around in panic.
No one suspicious.
No one paying attention to you.
Despite your brain screaming otherwise, you typed back.
You: Who is this?
Unknown Number: Donât pretend you donât know me :)
You: Of course I donât fucking know you!
Unknown Number: Does âA small gift for the most beautiful girl in the world :)â ring a bell?
Your breath hitched.
You stared at the screen for a few seconds before inhaling shakily.
You: I donât know what you want from me, but if you keep this up, very bad things will happen.
Unknown Number: Oh no! Iâm sooo scared, baby!
Unknown Number: What, youâll go to the police? Please donât do that to me!
You didnât need to see them to know they were laughing.
They didnât care.
They werenât afraid.
You: Leave me alone, you bastard.
Unknown Number: I donât think so. Also, keep swearing â it turns me on.
Finally, you did what you should have done the moment that first message arrived.
He didnât need his ability to hear heartbeats to realize something was wrong â though he could hear yours, and they were telling him everything anyway. It was also painfully obvious from the tension on your face.
But Peterâs certainty didnât come from your heartbeat.
Nor from your expression.
He knew because he had sent the message himself.
He had taken the phone from a thief who dropped it while fleeing during patrol.
Well⌠the guy was a criminal.
Taking a stolen phone from a thief didnât exactly count as theft, did it?
The messages were no longer going through.
You had blocked the number.
When he noticed, Peter smiled.
You thought blocking him would push him away.
How adorable.
From the moment Peter left those photographs at your door, he knew he had to be more careful.
Peter kept sending you secretly taken photos, videos of you recorded using phones he had picked up during patrol, and occasional messages. (You rarely replied.)
He made sure that every single day, you received either a photo or a video.
As the days passed, you grew more and more tense. You started changing the routes you took home, choosing a different path each day. You developed the habit of constantly checking your surroundings.
The curtains stayed closed.
But God⌠he was your best friend.
It wasnât hard for Peter to come and go from your house.
And would you really suspect him? Peter?
Peter â who had movie nights with you, who ate chips beside you, who helped carry grocery bags, who sometimes fell asleep next to you?
Of course not.
Thatâs why placing a hidden camera in your room hadnât been difficult.
And no â this wasnât perverted.
He didnât watch you while you changed clothes or when you were naked. And if he ever happened to see something like that, he immediately turned the feed off.
That wasnât creepy.
Right?
Peter wondered when you would finally break and tell him everything.
Waiting for that moment was⌠entertaining.
He attached romantic notes to the gift boxes he filled with your photographs, writing compliments on the back of each one. In Peterâs mind, it was almost romantic.
But for you, it was becoming terrifying.
Until one day, you couldnât take it anymore.
You told Peter everything.
Peter listened with a serious expression as you explained, showing him the videos sent to your phone and the photographs left directly at your door. His brows were furrowed.
The smallest reaction could expose him.
He had to be careful.
Very careful.
âJesus⌠what kind of psycho does something like this?â he muttered, loud enough for you to hear. âDonât worry. Iâll handle it. Nobody messes with the friendly neighborhood Spider-Manâs best friend and gets away with it.â
Except the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man himself, he added mentally.
He forced himself not to smile.
When you began crying while talking about how scared you were, he pulled you into a hug, gently stroking your back. He didnât leave your side until you calmed down.
You were talking with Peter about something that had happened between you and a girl Peter honestly didnât care about at all. Peter wasnât really listening â he simply enjoyed watching your facial expressions and gestures as you spoke.
After all, he had secretly watched the argument himself.
Every now and then, he made small comments, stretching the conversation, subtly fueling it. It was just an ordinary Saturday.
Everything seemed fine.
Until Peter said something he shouldnât have known.
Unless he had been watching.
Peter froze.
His eyes widened.
He was visibly tense.
You looked at him, confused, suspicion creeping into your expression. You tilted your head slightly. Under normal circumstances, Peter might have found that adorable.
But these were not normal circumstances.
Peter was in trouble.
Serious trouble.
And he knew it.
By the end of this, he might be forced to do things he didnât want to do.
Because he had no intention of losing you.
He would not lose you.
âHow do you know that? I donât remember telling you.â Your voice trembled slightly at certain points, though you tried to hide it.
âJ-Jane told me,â Peter muttered.
Even he didnât believe the excuse.
He wasnât prepared for this.
âJane told you? When? Where?â
You couldnât have sounded more suspicious.
âOn the phone! Uh⌠just before I came to see you.â
He was panicking.
âOn the phone? She called you?â
Your tone only tightened the knot in Peterâs chest.
ââŚYes.â
âHmâŚâ you said slowly.
Your arms were crossed now.
You were staring directly at Peterâs face.
He couldnât look back at you.
âOkaayâŚâ you murmured quietly.
Then:
âCan you explain something to me?â
Peterâs heart was pounding violently.
Every word you spoke tightened the pressure.
âSomeone whose phone is brokenâŚâ
A brief silence.
âAnd currently in repairâŚâ
Another pause.
âHow exactly could she have called you?â
Peter went completely still.
His eyes widened in shock.
âAnswer me, Peter.â
Your brows were furrowed.
Peter felt his breathing start to falter.
âI⌠Iâ I can explain,â he stammered desperately. âI can explain, I swearââ
âIâm waiting.â
Your gaze didnât waver.
Peter had no idea how to escape this.
âYouâre just stressed. Youâre overthinking. Itâs nothing,â he said, voice shaking despite his effort to sound calm.
âNothing?! NOTHING?!â you shouted now.
Then, after a short, broken pause, your voice dropped. Quiet, trembling:
âPeterâŚâ
ââŚAre you stalking me?â
Peter finally looked into your eyes.
You looked like you were praying for the answer to be no.
He pulled himself together.
He wouldnât give up that easily.
âWhat?â he snapped, forcing indignation into his voice. âIs that really what you think of me? Do you seriously believe Iâm that kind of person?â
His face hardened with carefully crafted anger.
âDonât play games with me, Peter! I know it was you! All those messages⌠the photos⌠the videos⌠that was you!â
Your fists were clenched.
Peter could see the rage in your eyes.
âSeriously?â Peter laughed bitterly.
A fake laugh.
âDo you even hear yourself right now?â
He began pacing slowly around you, like a restless predator circling its prey.
âYou havenât slept properly in days. Look at you â your eyes are wrecked. Youâre constantly anxious, paranoid. You keep your curtains shut, your windows locked. You change routes every day.â
He stopped.
Crossed his arms.
Turned sharply toward you.
âIâm trying to help you. Iâm trying to find whoeverâs doing this to you. And youâre throwing away years of friendship to accuse me?â
Peter looked furious.
Keyword: Looked.
He silently begged the universe not to let his mask crack.
Not now. Not from a single mistake.
For a split second, hesitation flickered across your face.
Peter nearly exhaled in relief. But he held it in.
Because that hesitation quickly vanished. Replaced by something far more dangerous. Certainty.
âYouâre lying, Peter.â The words dripped from your mouth like poison. You began pacing back and forth across the room, glancing at him after nearly every sentence to watch his reaction. âThen why did my "loving" creep disappear every time you showed up? Why did you just settle for an irritated expression when I told you about him? Normally, news like that would have driven you crazy.â You stopped and turned your body fully toward him.
âLet me tell you why, Parker. Because it was you. You knew everything from the very beginning, so you werenât horrified or anything. You just-â You faltered when you saw the look on Peterâs face. Something about him was wrong. Aside from the fact that he was your stalker, of course.
Wait, why were his hands behind his back?
You felt a wave of unease and instinctively wanted to step back. There was a strange calmness on Peterâs face.
When Peter lunged at you and pinned you to the floor, you didnât have time to think. With one hand, he forced both of your wrists above your head against the ground.
You started thrashing and screaming wildly. As you kicked and cursed, he remained focused on what he was doing. While you writhed and cried like a furious, terrified child, Peter slowly brought the syringe in his other hand toward your face.
You screamed. Struggled harder. You were crying, shouting, begging.
He ignored your pleas.
He pressed the syringe into a vein in your neck, injected the contents, and pulled it back.
The moment he released you, you tried to run. You pushed yourself up, stumbling toward the door, but soon the sedative began to take effect.
The world slowly blurred, and you collapsed to the floor. Still, you didnât give up. You tried to drag yourself toward the door, using every last bit of strength, every fragment of willpower to stay conscious and escape.
But in the end, the sedative overtook your body.
Your consciousness faded.
Peter watched you through the entire ordeal, completely emotionless.
When you lost consciousness, Peter put on the Spider-Man costume and carried you, swinging through the city on webs, to an old, small warehouse.
He managed to get you there before the sedative wore off and tied your hands, feet, and mouth.
When you woke up, you were trembling. The sedative was still affecting you, and your mind was foggy and confused. Your head was spinning as you tried to figure out where you were. You tried to move your arms, but you couldnât. Minutes later, when the reality hit you, Peter almost laughed at your reaction.
âDonât even think about struggling, sweetheart. I donât think youâll be able to get out of those,â he approached you, but you didnât even have the energy to move. You could only make pitiful whimpers. Peterâs calm voice scared you even more.
âHey, hey, hey, calm down. Nothingâs going to happen to you, I would never allow it. You know that. I just want to protect you.â He wiped your tears as you started to cry, speaking as if to a child.
âAww, donât cry, everythingâs fine. Youâre with me. And you always will be.â He smiled. âDonât worry, Iâll take really good care of you, baby.â
He brought the camera close to your face and spoke to you. âLetâs take a little keepsake photo, yeah?â
I once met a girl with skin like kiwi. Even the butterflies were drawn to her, landing on the top of her nose, the dip in her palm. But the kiwi stung my tongue, scarred my lips and made me bleed. I do not care. Cover me in your kiwi kisses, burn my mouth and scar my flesh. Bleach my eyes and dip my heart in lemon juice. Sing your sickly sweet words until my ears bleed.
Premise: You and Ellie were childhood best friends until you grew up. Funny thing about soulmates is that they tend to find their way back to each other.
Warnings: Angst / reader has religious issues / people are mean lol / best friends to enemies to lovers / roommate! Ellie
Part two here!
Part three here!
Part four here!
I know everything about you,
You know everything about me.
I had always been bound to the earth while Ellie danced with the stars in the night sky among delusion and dreams. Though, more so than anything, we were bound to one another.
Our parents were friends, even before we were born. They met at summer camp when they were teenagers, the same camp that Ellie and I were eventually shipped off to every summer. Of course, I have no recollection of when I was an infant, only stories that my parents shared with me; My dad told me that I learned to crawl backwards before I learned to crawl forwards. Joel kept a photo album of his girl.
I can't remember days of crawling around and babbling incoherently, but I can tell you what I remember.
Five years old- Kindergarten
Despite the air being unbearable hot, it was infused with excitement as Ellie and me set foot in the petting zoo. I had never seen so many animals in one place, my little brain was going nuts. Accompanied by the gentle hum of content animals, the aroma of straw, and the distant melody of joyful chatter, the petting zoo rang true to its rustic charm.
Ellie, with her auburn curls bouncing in the breeze, led the way, her eyes widened at the sight of a fluffy alpaca lazily grazing in the sunshine. I giggled as we approached a pen filled with adorable piglets, their tiny snouts sniffing the pure air far away from the dirty stench of the city.
Our parents, watching with affectionate smiles, guided us to the lamb enclosure where soft, woolly creatures nuzzled against tiny palms. Ellie's fingers gently traced the contours of a lamb's ear, and she couldn't resist a delighted squeal as she felt the velvety nose of a goat.
As the afternoon sun cast a warm glow on the scene, the families strolled through the meandering paths, passing by a pond where ducks quacked merrily. Ellie and I, hand in loveable hand, marvelled at the wonders of the animal kingdom, our hearts brimming with the pure joy of discovery and a blooming friendship.
Seven years old- Grade Two
On this particular day, Ellie and I had been messing around in her backyard; that's all we did on the weekends at that age, you couldn't get us to go inside. We spent the morning entwined in daffodils and hyacinth that Joel has so tenderly nurtured, careful not to crush the dainty flowers beneath our wild flailing bodies.Â
We had the brilliant idea to paint rocks so we had been searching her yard for the perfect flat stones we had in mind. Ellie picked up a rock and immediately threw it back down, jumping away with a shriek.
This had piqued my curiosity (As well as Joels who sat on the back porch, watching us), I went over to where she stood petrified and found nothing more than a little snake staring up at her. I dropped the stones I had been carrying and bent over to get a better look at it, it was brown and had a few white vertical stripes cascading up its thin body.Â
I slowly moved my hand outwards to touch but was swiftly interrupted by Joel scooping me up "That's enough of that kiddo."Â
Nine years old- Grade Four
Joel's house garnered an expansive backyard and just past the old fence that Ellie and I had thrown one too many softballs at was a lush forest. I would always clamour up the wood fence and poke my little head over it to try and gather a glimpse of wildlife, Ellie usually had to give me a little boost. "Hold still!" She hissed with her arms wrapped around my torso to help lift me, my scrawny arms shook as I tried to pull myself up even further.
The wood rot of the ancient fence finally set in and with the both of us pressing our mighty weight against it collapsed with the fence. We heard the splitting of wood, I got the worst end of the stick, toppling over and putting my hands out to protect myself. I could've sworn that I heard my wrist break like a crunch.
While I did what felt like a three-sixty frontflip over the fence just for my small head to come down on the end of it with a solid smack, Ellie had just flopped on top of it, green eyes widening in shock when she saw my once straight arm now had an abnormal bump coming out from my wrist. "What's wrong with your hand?"
"I don't know I'm probably dying!" I screamed as loud as my voice could carry, that was the first time I had felt adrenaline run through my veins. "You killed me!"
"No, I didn't!" She retorted, scrambling off the fence and back up to her feet. She was clad in a Jurassic Park T-shirt that she practically was swimming in and those pink and orange plaid Bermuda shorts that any kid in the 2000s owned. "Dad!" Ellie yelled, calling for Joel.
I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and finally, I released the sob that had been building up in my throat. She was almost dumbstruck and just ended up kneeling and wrapping her arms around me in a hug.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." She muttered.
10 years old- Grade Five
Ellie had been practicing guitar the entire time I was at her house, Joel had gifted her his old guitar and she was so set on perfecting every cord, every half-hour she would ask for a song recommendation and then flip through the songbook she got to find it.
I was curled up in her bed reading The Hunger Games over again "Els, are you team Peeta or Gale?" I was always at Ellie's house, mine was too busy all the time; I had three siblings, Naomi and Aaron who were twins and two years younger than me and my brother Elijah who was three years older than me. I loved going to her house on Saturdays so I could sleep in and wriggle my way out of going to church. Even though her house was right across the street from mine and my parents would bang on Joel's door, he always covered for me.
"Uh," She was distracted by something in her songbook "Team Katniss?"
I nod in approval to myself as she isn't paying attention "You know who Gale reminds me of?" I ask and without Ellie giving me a response I answer anyway "Luke, I think I kind of like him."
Those are the words that get her to look at me "Ew, he's so weird."
"He's nice to me."
She wrinkles her nose in distaste then shrugs, returning to her guitar which sits awardly in her scrawny frame.
12 years old- Grade Seven
"Fuck!" I yell, kicking the grimy green dumpster in the graffiti-covered ally out of anger, though I kicked it a little too hard now my foot hurts I refuse to admit it "Fuck I hate them!"
Ellie leans against the brick wall on the opposite side of the alley, our bikes discarded on the ground while I hopelessly rant to my friend about my parents. She doesn't say much, just little nods of agreement. My parents had caught me skipping church and they laid into me, saying that I had no respect for them or god and whether that was true or not didn't matter, I was full of pre-teen angst and needed to call my friend to go for a bike ride around town.
"She fucking tore my room apart, I never see them get mad at Aaron or Naomi!" I drag my hands down my face before I look back at the dumpster and kick it again "Ow, cunt!" I'm now hopping on one foot while my knee bends my other leg and I hold my beaten red Converse, covered in doodles, to soothe the pain of my poor toes. It's moments like this that remind me why I love Ellie, because as stupid as I look hobbling around and cussing, she doesn't laugh at me even though I know she wants to.
After a little bit of me aimlessly yelling I finally wind down. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to remember those breathing exercises that we were taught at school assemblies. "Thanks for listening to me talk shit, I'm sorry."
"Don't be," She shrugs "I've seen you do worse."
This cracks a smile on my face, I turn my head and am met with the Jackson skyline, a beautiful pink sunset on the horizon "Sun's setting," I say.
"Sleepover?" Ellie asks.
"Sleepover," I confirm.
13 years old- Grade Eight
We were thirteen when our parents shoved cash into our hands and dropped us at the mall to go back to school shopping by ourselves for the first time. Every parent's nightmare was a busy mall so when they figured us old enough to venture into the dreaded foodcourt on our own, believed they were taking that opportunity.Â
Ellie had bought a couple of T-shirts and hoodies here and there, not too particular about what she was buying, though I was very nit-picky over what I wore so I forced Ellie to judge every single outfit that I wore and rate it, she gave the same answer every single time "It looks fine."
"Cool but I don't wanna look fine, I wanna look pretty," I say in frustration, walking back into the dressing room to try on another outfit. Ellie is sitting in the fitting room on a pink velvet couch, arms crossed and waiting for me to finish. "How's this?" I ask, walking out of the changing stall and giving her a little twirl.
"It looks fine- I mean good, everything looks good on you." She sounds almost exasperated. Ellie's hair was still that vibrant auburn colour that my mother was obsessed with, it had yet to fade out into a duller brown with age.
"Really?" I perk up just the slightest.
"Yeah, you look really pretty." She gives me a little nod of confirmation. I know that she's only saying that because she wants to go to the food court and get a cinnamon bun but I believe her anyway.
14 years old- Grade Nine
We were just nearing the end of the second half of our soccer game. It was the tournament and we were only a point away from placing first in the league, the thought of it had kept me up all week I was running off of Subway sandwiches and Gatorade.Â
Riley (the midfielder) swiftly passed the ball to me before she was surrounded by the other team's defence, I looked up to the clock and there were only seconds left in the match. I let my instincts take over, my parents forcing me into soccer since elementary school was not going to wind up useless. My footwork took me up the right wing just before the penalty box.Â
I wasn't paying enough attention to notice the tall blonde girl in a slick back ponytail closing in on me. I hear Ellie shout my name and that's all I need to make this last pass, I barely even looked up before power-driving the ball to Ellie who was merely six metres away from me. I slipped onto the muddied field with that kick, watching Ellie waste no time to score our final goal the second her cleat touched the ball.Â
The clock deadlocks and I drag myself off the ground running towards my best friend, I jump on her almost taking her down with me though she manages to steady herself. "I fucking love you!" I scream hugging her with all of the force I can muster. She hugs me in return, unable to get any words out between her laughs. The team is quick to swarm us, everyone is shouting about our well-deserved victory but not one person is louder than Joel in the stands.
15 years old- Grade Ten
Snow was falling as I stood in the foyer of the high school, still waiting for my date for the winter formal to arrive. Conner had asked me out weeks ago, we hadn't talked much since though I just figured that was because he was shy. I even left school early to get ready and spent hours meticulously pinning every hair into place and adjusting my navy blue satin dress so it would drape across my body in just the right way.
My sister, Naomi was an aspiring makeup artist so I let her dust my eyelids in silver glitter, I forced Warren to drive me. All of that was just for me to get stood up. Conner hadn't texted me all day, I knew he wasn't coming that didn't stop me from forcing denial on myself. "Hey," I heard a soft voice sound behind me, I wasn't surprised to see Ellie. Even though our parents were no longer friends, we were close as ever.
"Hi," My voice was hushed and feeble.
"The dance started an hour ago," She said, that night she had been wearing a white button-up with a pair of jeans and her hair half up. It was clear the dance wasn't as big a deal to her as it was to me. All she had done was ask Riley to go with her and call it a day. Despite her lack of effort, she looks beautiful as ever "I don't think he's coming," She said bluntly.
That's the exact moment I felt myself crack, tears welled up in my eyes and I lurched forward to hug her, flailing my arms helplessly to search for comfort "Then why did he ask me to go with him?" My sobs were drowned out by the sound of Kesha blasting in the overcrowded gym.
"I don't know, but he's an idiot for standing you up," Ellie holds me close and I never want her to let go "I wouldn't have ever done that to you."
16 years old- Grade Eleven
This is where things begin to fall apart. I found Ellie on the back porch of some random guy's house at a party. "I figured I would find you out here," I say, taking a seat next to her on the wooden steps, I hug my knees close to my chest.
"What's up?" Beside me, Ellie is unnervingly calm, she nurses a joint, taking a long hit and letting the smoke turn to clouds.Â
"Conner kissed me," I say cutting to the chase
I can tell she doesn't like the thought, she hated Conner, ever since he stood me up at the winter formal but she bites her tongue "You guys gonna date?"
"I think so."
"Good for you."
"I don't know if I liked it," My eyebrows are furrowed, and I pull my knees in even further, inhaling the crisp autumn air and the smell of Ellie, she smells like cannabis, firewood and bar soap.Â
"What do you mean?" Ellie puts out the end of her joint and tucks what remains of it into an empty Altoids container.
"Nothing," I dismiss it, "It doesn't matter, I just wanted to talk to you," Ellie had softened every burden for me since we were girls. "Um, so, my parents are sending me to boarding school next year."
"No, they're not-
"They are."
Ellie doesn't seem so calm anymore, she adjusts her body to face mine and she's so close I swear to god I could've counted every freckle on her face. "Why, what did you do?" The way she looks at me makes me wish that she was a boy.
"Nothing!" I retort "They think I'm straying from god, it's a Christian school." That was my code for 'they think I have a crush on you and I rather not get disowned by my super religious parents!'
"come stay with me and Joel-
"Ellie, please," I place a hand on her thigh "I don't think I can get away from this one."
That was at the end of September, it only got worse from there. I partially wished that I didn't tell Ellie that I had to leave, every time we hung out it just felt like words were hanging between us like birds on a wire and neither of us could say what we wanted. I forced myself to distance myself from her, I didn't know how else to handle my feelings.Â
She would blow up my phone and come by my house even visit my work but I just told her that I was busy. I could tell that she didn't believe my excuses for a second, she had English with my new boyfriend, Conner and would get him to relay messages and notes to me.
It didn't get easier to ignore her, my family prying about where she had been. I never told my parents that Ellie was gay, though I know they had always had a suspicion and that's why they could never love her all the way completely, the way Joel loved me and looked out for me. My mom and dad liked that I swapped out Ellie for Conner, by February, my dad even started to call him son.Â
In March Ellie and I had stopped talking completely, she gave up on texting me and coming by my house just for my siblings to lie about my whereabouts. It hurt to see the resentment gleam in her eye every time she passed me in the hallway.Â
She didn't speak a word to me until the start of the summer bonfire which was custom in our town. If I had known she would be there I never even would have thought about going. I rather not rehash this awful night, not right now just know that it ended with some alcohol, a bit of blood in the sand and me telling Ellie 'I would pick him over you every single time.' Yikes, that's not a good look for me. I spent the rest of my summer burying her in the back of my mind until boarding school finally came upon me and I graduated with friends I didn't like in a place that didn't feel like home.Â
I was sixteen then now I'm nineteen, no longer a girl but not yet a woman. Those were some key moments of our friendship. I'm not so sure why I felt so mature at the age of sixteen. I had taken a gap year and loved every minute of it, I backpacked in Australia, worked as a camp counsellor in the summer then left to work at a turtle conservatory in Bali, I was making pennies but the experience was worth it.Â
I arrived at my new home sunkissed with Ellie far in the back of my mind. I didn't know much about who I would be rooming with, I had only spoken to Dina over a Zoom call who was a friendly girl with warm eyes and ink-black hair spilling over her shoulders. I just prayed that none of them were Craigslist killers.
It took me entirely too long to find parking, when I finally did, I grabbed two of my suitcases, unable to hold anything else, the rest of the boxes jammed into my car would have to wait. I read over the text that Dina sent me what seemed to be a million times to make sure I had the right address. It was a small-ish one-story flat with brown walls that had white accents along corners and the doorway with a wood-panelled gable roof. As far as college housing went, I was happy. It looked like something I would've made in the Sims when I was a teenager.Â
I walk to the front door, the entrance is framed by intricately carved moulding, its details telling a story of craftsmanship and tradition. The wood, polished to a warm, inviting glow, exudes a sense of richness and history. I knocked on the door and heard a voice shouting that she would get it.
The door swings open and I'm met face to face with Dina "Hey!" She smiled "It's nice to meet you, I think you'll like it here," She held the door wide open, motioning for me to go in, and I obliged. "Let me give you a tour." Dina is clad in sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt and her hair has been pulled back into a messy ponytail.
The layout of the house seemed somewhat odd to me, there was a corridor straight ahead when you walked in, the first room was the laundry room and contained the washer and dryer with some hampers and shelves of detergent and laundry freshener. "This is the laundry room, we have a wash schedule along with a chore schedule so we will put you on that tonight," Dina told me, I just nodded politely in response feeling a little too awkward and out of place to say anything.Â
"Alright so this is the kitchen, there's a half bathroom beside it," She says, swinging her arms wide open for exaggeration I can see the chore chart hanging on the walls, it's written in chalk, and it is the laundry schedule. There are little laminated tags with each person's name on them, though I can't quite make out the names from where I am standing. The fridge is covered in postcards, magazine cutouts, polaroids, and bright magnets of papayas and flowers, I automatically assumed this was Dina despite not knowing the other roommates. The kitchen is open with no walls to hide it, the oven and dishwasher are built into counters against the walls as well as the sink which i spotless at the moment, there isn't a dining table but a kitchen island with stools. Past the island you can see the living room, there are two grey couches with decorative pillows and fuzzy throw blankets, a coffee table that looked handcrafted with care and of course a TV.Â
Have I mentioned there are plants everywhere? Like everywhere. "Okay, so," Dina keeps on moving and I trail behind with my suitcases, over there is my room and Cat's and Abby's," She points to the left of the living room where there is a short hallway with three doors, one on each wall of it. "There's Cat now," She waves at her roommate.
Cat is relatively tall, she has black hair that's tied into a bun, and she's wearing plaid pyjama pants and a black tank top, I can see her abundance of tattoos. She has one sleeve of laurel cascading up her arm and the other is patchwork done right, each separate piece blends almost seamlessly into the next. "I like your tattoos," I say, not wanting to sit in any more silence.
She grins at me "Thanks, love," I nod in response to her, Cat looks down at the suitcases that I'm lugging around "Dina, take this poor girl to her room already."
"I was just getting there," Dina teases and motions for me to follow her "So over here is the bathroom and of course your room, I left your copy of the house key on your mattress," She opens it up. The bedroom is completely blank aside from the boxed bedframe, shelf, vanity and mattress that I had to send over prior. There's a built-in closet in the wall.Â
I put my suitcases on the ground "I'm gonna grab the rest of my stuff from my car," I offer up a tight-lipped smile.
"Wait a second," She takes my hand and then knocks on the bedroom door parallel to mine. "I'm coming in!" Dina announces pushing the door open, there's a brunette girl hunched over her desk. My breath hitches in my throat when she turns around "This is Ellie."
I can see the panic that momentarily takes over Ellie when she spots me before it's replaced by a false coolness, "Hey," She says before turning back to her laptop and putting her headphones back on. It felt like my heart had shut down, why the fuck did I sign the lease?
"Sorry," Dina shuts Ellie's door "She's not the friendliest of the bunch but she'll warm up to you eventually," Dina walks to the front door with you Abby should be around here somewhere."
I had gotten so frustrated trying to set up my bed frame that I sheepishly left my room and asked for help, god bless Abby. She was putting everything together so easily, I watched her in awe as she finished adding the final screw to my bedframe. "Want help setting up the mattress?"
"Yes, please," I say, I grab one end of the mattress while Abby gets the other, she tells me to lift on three and I listen, she carries the majority of the weight but it still feels like an accomplishment on my part. "So does everyone here go to Northridge?"
"Yeah, except for Cat, she's a tattoo apprentice."
"Cool, cool," I search for words, "What are you majoring in?"
"Kinesiology," It makes sense, I could've called that by looking at the fit gym rat who was now sitting on my bed. "You?"
"Wildlife biology,"
"So you like animals and conservation and stuff?"
"Mhm," I nod "It's honestly kind of hard to not have any animals in my life." I was missing all my pets back home, when I wasn't with them I was working at a conservatory or at a summer camp where I took care of all of the horses, and Ellie's dog, Achilles.
"You'll get used to it, living with Dina is the same thing as living with an animal," She smiles and for the first time, I feel comfortable. Abby watching me with her blue eyes as I begin to unpack my abundance of boxes, I kind of just dump everything onto the ground because I can't remember which box has what, the first thing I search for are my coat hangers. I dump out a box with a bible, wall cross, and rosery and golden cross necklace from a box of random knickknacks. "You religious?"
"Kind of?" I question it myself "Not really, it's just my family, I packed that stuff to make my mom happy."
Abby nods "I get it."
"You do?"
She backtracks "No, but I can try to."
I shake my head, "I wouldn't try if I were you, I spent nineteen years trying to get away from it." I was sure other Christian homes were healthy but mine wasn't one of them, the way my parents obsessed over Jesus was honestly frightening.
"Hey, do you wanna come watch a movie when your done unpacking?" Abby asked, "Get to know your new roommates a little better."
I don't entirely want to, I wasn't ready to talk to Ellie. I still hadn't wrapped my head around the fact that I was living with her and that she was pretending she didn't know me, despite this, my words betrayed me "For sure."
I sat on one of the couches beside Abby, I made myself as small as I could, thinking that maybe I could make myself disappear. Cat and Ellie crammed themselves on the other while Dina took the plush armchair. I felt so out of place everyone here had relationships, I had one with Ellie before I severed it 'Grown Ups' was playing on the flatscreen though it seemed I was the only one paying attention.
The four girls all laughed and talked their way through the movie, Abby, Cat, and Dina would ask me a question here and there but I didn't know them well enough to pitch in. I kept telling myself that I needed to push through, if Spiderman could do it, so could I.
I didn't even finish the movie, halfway through I excused myself saying I was tired which wasn't necessarily a lie. It was difficult to fathom how well Ellie was playing it off, acting like she never met me. I walk into the bathroom, clean towel in hand, ready to scrub off the stress of today. Beside the mirror, I see a cardstock poster decorated with bright markers and doodles.
HOUSE RULES
#1 No underwear left in the bathroom
#2 Wash your dishes
#3 Break it? Tell Abby
#4 No smoking inside
#5 Privates are private!
#6 Pls don't drink and drive (We have a couch)
#7 Give your beloved roommates a heads up before having someone over
#8 This is a residence of women so the seat goes down!!!
#9 Respect the bedrooms
#10 Having sex? Keep it quiet
#11 NO DRAMA!!!!!!!!
#12 Follow chore and wash chart
#13 Don't eat what's not yours! (Without asking)
I finish reading the last bit and mutter to myself  "Wasn't planning on it." I run the water so hot that it feels cold and I'm quick to not use all of the hot water and have my roommates hate me on my first night here. Everyone has their little drawers in the bathroom, mine is empty aside from some floss and cotton pads that the girl before me left behind. I make a mental note to make use of my bathroom drawer tomorrow and fill it with makeup remover or conditioner, or something like that.
Brushing my teeth and wrapping myself in a strawberry towel that I had purchased at a craft fair, I open the bathroom door, I can see the light of the TV and the sound of chatter from the living room. However, I ignore it and make a B-line to my bedroom. Even though I had spent hours unpacking and pinning up posters it still didn't seem homey.
I slip into shorts and a t-shirt, leaving my hair as is and throw myself onto my bed. My towel is discarded onto my bathroom floor. When I turn on my phone I am bombarded my messages from my parents, my mother has probably sent me twelve Google pins to the closest churches, I answer her with a thumb-up emoji and settle into my bed to scroll through social media and see how much fun all of my friends are having.Â
Fucking Ellie. She's plaguing my thoughts, I think of what I said to her and it makes me cringe, I want to smother myself with my satin pillow. I don't even have food to eat, grocery shopping wasn't something that I put on my priority list and right about now I was but Ellie, god, why was I such a dick? Because I didn't know what else to do- whatever, I was a scared teenager. What would you have done? Probably kiss her you lesbo.
Lord, it makes me sick to think about what could've been.
15 years old- Grade Ten
Ellie and I were sitting at a fire pit at her uncle Tommy's lake house. It was a Fourth of July party except we were the only teenagers there; everyone else was friends of Tommy and Maria or some distant relatives of Ellie's or children of said people.
After five years of practicing day and night, Ellie had just about mastered the acoustic guitar, she played and I sang, wrapped up in her flannel, I was tucked close next to her.Â
She struck every cord perfectly and I began to sing absentmindedly, the song that had been carved into my brain. Ellie looked so insanely beautiful illuminated only by fire and the stars that hung in the sky, if it hadn't been a sin I would've kissed her.
Talking to her felt as holy as praying to god but I knew it was as sinful as worshipping the devil.Â
If it was so wrong why was I born in God's image?
Her gentle hand strummed on the chords of the guitar, the same calloused hand that had once turned water into wine. Her laughter was the sound of a church choirÂ
I wish I told her how much I liked her but what would've happened if I did? What would my parents think, they would kill me.Â
Part of me didn't care how my parents would react, if I spoke up, I could say goodbye to my inheritance and having college paid for. Maybe that was an unfair assumption to make on my part. Ugh. FUCK, I don't know, let's get to the next part of the story.
I couldn't sleep that night, I thought maybe a glass of water would soothe me, well I didn't really think that but I was hungry and thirsty and water was the only thing in that house I had the right to ingest. I figured that I could fill myself with water and zip to Denny's in the morning then grab some groceries.
Poking my head out of my door, I checked to see if anyone was still awake before gingerly taking hushed steps towards the kitchen, I was trying to be as light as Thumbelina. I hadn't noticed Ellie bumming on the couch, scrolling through her phone.Â
"You cooking all of that non-existent food you brought?" She jeered. Oh, now she wanted to talk to me.
"I was gonna have some warm water soup for dinner and chew on pistachio shells from the cup holder in my car for dessert," I answer "I'm treating myself tonight." She didn't think it was funny at all, a few years ago she would've been cackling at my subpar joke, but now she just seemed unamused. "Sheesh, tough crowd."
She stays silent.
"You used to think I was funny," I say.
"I also used to think the tooth fairy was real."
"Harsh," I mutter. Turning the tap on and sticking a finger underneath it to test the temperature. I put my hummingbird mug underneath it and let it fill. "Hey, Ellie," She doesn't answer "Have you told them any bad things about me?"
She nearly scoffs "No, believe it or not, I don't talk about you, I don't even think about you," There's venom in her voice "You haven't crossed my mind since you walked through that door."
"Why are you pretending you don't know me-
"Because I don't fucking like you," She says it like it's so obvious and it honestly is in this moment "Just because you're pretty and you act like a sweet little Christain girl, that doesn't mean shit."
"I'm not trying to act like anything-
"Yeah, well it seems pretty insincere to me," Ellie seethed and I could feel a sting in my heart, I would do some pretty horrendous things for a time machine right about now. Â I can tell that there won't be any salvaging for this, she hates me to death and rightfully so.Â
This is where I give up "Okay, sorry," I grab my hummingbird mug and retreat to my room.
I endured four months of that.
Ellie was pushed to the back of my mind while I ran through classes and got a job as a waitress at a stake house. I did everything in my power to keep myself busy, to keep her out of my head but she was always there, she hung around like a song I can't shake, like I'm haunted by the melody.Â
Some nights when the city decides to quiet down I can hear her play guitar, and I'll quietly hum along to it. Songs she used to sing for me, she now sings for another woman, another soul. I knew that she had girls over, but I never got to meet them as Ellie did everything in her power to pretend I didn't exist.
The only communication I got with her was in the roommate's group chat, and it was always brief.
Ellie: Having a friend over tomorrow night
D-manz: Friend? With benefits??????????
Kit-Cat: Nah they're hardly even friends, just benefits
Abs: Don't get her pregnant
Me: đ
As long as I was with the girls, Ellie was not. She avoided me like the plague, it was like she despised my existence. If we go clubbing, she takes a separate taxi, petty if you ask me. The girls knew something happened between us but they couldn't pinpoint what it was. It was Dina's conspiracy that Ellie used to date one of my friends and broke her heart. While I bonded with Cat, Dina, and Abby, Ellie would pretend to like me. She would occasionally laugh at my jokes or ask how my shift was when Dina was in the room.Â
Trust me when I say I would rather forget than dwell on it but it was impossible. I know that I'm nothing more than an obstacle to her, a stain on her bedsheets, a sore in her mouth, but she was still my diamond in the rough. I will willingly ignore all of her cutthroat words and her jagged edges.Â
Synopsis: you recruit Peterâs help when you spot a spider in the shower
Point of View: Peterâs!
Masterlist
Peterâs POV
On a day where the rest of the team was out on a mission where my skills were deemed âunnecessaryâ and âstop asking me if you can comeâ, I was left alone in the Avengers Tower. Well, alone and in a room across the hall from my bossâs daughter. I had no plans to internet with her today, despite us being the only two home. Some might argue you need converse with the person you like in order to get your feelings reciprocated, but I think I have a better shot by leaving her alone and refilling her water bottle when she isnât looking.
An hour into us being alone, I heard a long scream, followed by a few things crashing to the floor. I swiftly got off my bed and opened my door in time to see Y/n running out of her room. She was loosely wrapped in a purple towel and dripping wet, so I quickly adverted my eyes to the ceiling to give her some privacy. I could hear her trying to catch her breath as I realized that the longer I stood there without her knowing I was behind her, the weirder I would seem.
âHello.â I spoke, using my best attempt to sound nonchalant. I heard her scream again and turn around.
âPeter. You scared me.â She said breathlessly. I could hear her adjust her towel tighter around her body so I kept my eyes glued to the ceiling.
âSorry.â She spoke again. âI didnât think anyone was home.â
âHello.â I said again. Nothing in the world was gonna take my eyes off the ceiling. And wow, I have left a lot of fingerprints up there.
âYou said that already.â She chuckled softly. An embarrassed flush spread from my cheeks all the way to the tips of my ears and I hoped she couldnât see it.
âWhat matter?â I asked her. Not much better and definitely not proper English, but at least I didnât repeat my greeting for a third time. I heard her chuckle again and it helped me take my mind off the fact that the girl Iâd been what some might call in love with for three years was standing in front of me in just a towel.
âThere⌠there was a spider in the shower.â She said with hesitation in her admission. Oh my God, was she embarrassed too?
âThe pervert.â I clicked my tongue. That got a full laugh out of her and I couldnât help smiling with pride.
âI wouldnât have run out here like this if I knew you were home.â She continued.
âLike what?â I asked with a shrug. Obviously, we both knew she was in nothing but a towel. But I didnât want her to feel embarrassed and maybe sheâd believe I didnât see anything.
âLike, butt ass naked and soaking wet.â She replied with a snort. I felt my face flush even more and considered faking my death to get out of this situation.
âWhat? Are you naked?â I asked in way too high a pitch. âI hadnât noticed.â
âYou hadnât noticed?â She asked with a laugh that meant to challenge me. âThen how come Iâm just now finding out you have a freckle under your chin?â
During our conversation, I had gone from directing my eyes up at the ceiling to fully tilting my head back to give her as much privacy as possible. My neck was cramping and I could feel the blood rushing to my head but I would not dare look down.
âIâm exercising my neck.â I lied. âNot everything is about you.â
She laughed again and suddenly, I felt her hand on my chin. Our eyes met once she tilted my face down and I could see the droplets of water hanging off her eyelashes. In the three years Iâd known her, Iâd never seen her this stripped down. And it was more than just her clothes. No makeup, hair undone and clinging to her face, and more skin than Iâd ever seen at once. And God, was she beautiful. A truly divine being standing before me. I couldnât look away.
âAre you gonna go talk to it?â She asked me, breaking me out of my soliloquy.
âTalk to it?â
âThe spider. Isnât that like your cousin or something?â
âNo.â I laughed and shook my head. âWait, maybe?â
âWell can you please tell your cousin to leave so I can rinse my body wash off?â
âYeah. I can do that for you.â I said decidedly.
She gave me an appreciative smile and stepped to the side. I walked past her and went into her room, a room Iâd only ever seen through her open door. It smelled like her. I wanted to walk around and look at every little thing she deemed important enough to keep in her room, but I had a task to complete. It sparked a newfound confidence in me that had chosen me to get rid of the thing that scared her. And yeah, maybe I was the only one home. But still, in nothing but a towel, she came to me for help. That had to mean something, right?
âBe careful. It was licking its lips the last time I saw it.â She called after me as I walked towards the bathroom connected to her room.
âIâll be careful.â I called back to her. Footsteps sounded behind me and I suddenly felt her hand on my mine.
âPeter?â She asked, making me turn around.
âYes?â
âThank you.â She said sincerely. She dashed out of the room before I had a chance to respond, but anything I had to say wouldâve just come out as a pitiful squeak.
âBring me its head.â She called from the safely of the hallway. I cracked a smile and stepped into her bathroom. The shampoo and body wash bottles that she had knocked over during her escape were scattered across the floor. I scanned the room and quickly spotted the fairly large, black spider that had sent her running just moments ago.
âSo. You like to look at girls in the shower, huh? Dirty bastard.â I shook my head in disdain as I approached the spider crawling up her shower wall.
âDonât give me that look. Iâm not gonna kill you. But I do have to get you out of here.â I told it. Ignoring the discarded bra and underwear on the floor, I grabbed a glass cup off her counter and quietly opened a few drawers until I found an index card with a recipe to a hair mask on it.
âDid you find it?â I heard her ask me from the hallway.
âYep. I found it.â
âWhatâs it saying?â
âHe said you should really switch to a better conditioner because this one is doing nothing for you.â I shouted back. I heard her laugh which made me sigh in relief.
âThank God. She laughed. That was risky.â I mumbled as I carefully placed the cup over the spider. The index card slid under with ease, making for a successful capture of the beast. I quietly made my way to her open window and held the cup out of it.
âGross gross gross gross gross gross gross.â I whispered as I shook the index card. The spider clung on for a minute and eventually fell away.
âAnd stay out. Punk.â I hissed before closing the window. I put my materials back where I found them and went to spread the good news.
âHeâs gone?â She asked as she met me in her room.
âHeâs gone. He was all, âwait, this isnât the water spoutâ, but I knew it was a coverup. He knew what he was doing.â I replied, making her laugh again. I would do anything to keep hearing that laugh.
âYou canât actually talk to spiders, can you?â She asked with a knowing smile.
âNo.â I admitted. âBut I donât think Iâd want to anyway. They seem really needy.â
âStill. Thanks for getting rid of him.â She said with a squeeze of my arm. Itâs like she went to the school of how to make the guy who likes you absolutely lose his mind.
âNo problem. You can get backâŚ.â I trailed off when something behind her caught my eye.
âWhat?â Her face dropped when she saw how startled I must have looked.
âUm, did you perchance start decorating for Halloween early?â
âNo, why?â
âDonât look up in that corner.â I told her, to which she immediately looked up in the corner. Tucked into the upper left corner of her bedroom was the unmistakable and quite nauseating sight of a spider nest. It wasnât that big, but it was enough to send the both of us running for our lives out of that room. She screamed all the way to the kitchen and I followed after her.
âWhat are you doing?â I asked through labored breath as I watched her clutch her towel with one hand and frantically rummage through a kitchen drawer with the other.
âTo get a lighter. We have to burn the tower down.â She answered me and I honestly thought she might be crying.
âWe canât do that. Your dad will kill us.â I insisted and pulled her away from the drawer by her shoulders.
âFine. I know where Bucky keeps his guns.â She said and tried to leave the kitchen. I pulled her back and kept my hands on her shoulders to try and calm her down.
âSlow down. We can figure this out.â
âFigure this out? Peter, there is a spider nest living in my room. My room! Where I freaking dream! How am I ever going to feel safe in there again knowing those pervs set up a permanent residence in my room without me knowing?â
âItâs not your fault. They donât exactly make any noise or put up signs when they make a nest. Why donât you finish showering in my room and then we can figure out what to do?â
âAre there any spiders in there?â She asked in the tiniest voice Iâd ever heard from her. I wanted to pull her into a hug and tell her I wasnât going to let anything bad happen to her, but that seemed a little too intimate for two people currently having their longest conversation to date.
âIf there are, we can do your gun idea.â I said instead, making her smile weakly.
âOkay.â She reluctantly agreed. I walked her back to my bedroom with my hand on the small of her back. Sheâd never been in my room either and took a second to look around. In the reflection of my dresser mirror, I could see her smiling as she picked up an old picture of me and my parents.
âCute.â I heard her say to herself. While she looked around, I gathered some of my clothes for her to put on since neither of us were brave enough to go into her room. I included a pair of my boxers after mentally going back and forth with myself before ultimately decided it was up to her if she wanted to wear them or not.
âSo, um, our showers should work the same. You can use anything you need in there. And itâs spider free. Iâm pretty sure. Iâll be waiting in the hallway if itâs not.â I told her. She gave me a grateful smile before going into my bathroom. I went out into the hallway to give her some privacy and considered what should be done about the spider nest. Maybe her gun idea wasnât so bad. Or maybe an exterminator should be involved. Oh, yeah. Maybe I should call one of those.
âPeter?â I heard her calling my name soon after the shower turned off.
âYeah?â
âYou can come back in.â She answered, sounding more timid than usual for her. I chalked it up to her being embarrassed about the whole ordeal and went into my room.
She was standing near my bed with her hair still wet, but that wasnât what caught my attention. Weâd hardly had a full conversation before today and now she was standing in my room, fully decked out in an ensemble made of my clothes. Iâd given her some soft shorts and my biggest shirt so sheâd be as comfortable as possible. And she ended up wearing the boxers.
âWhat?â She asked me, making me realize how long Iâd been starting at her.
âNothing.â I blushed. âSorry. You just lookâŚpretty.â
âOh.â She said in surprise. âThank you.â
An awkward silence followed where neither of us wanted to make eye contact. That was fine by me because if I looked any longer, Iâd probably end up confessing my love to her.
âI feel like Adam Sandler.â She said to break the silence.
âThatâs a great way to feel.â I replied, making her look at me and smile. She sat down on my bed and returned her gaze to the floor. I stood frozen in my spot until she playfully rolled her eyes and patted the spot next to her. My heart skipped a beat and I quickly followed her orders. I could tell she used my body wash once I got close to her and it was like smelling it for the first time.
âThanks for the clothes. And for getting rid of the first spider.â
âYouâre welcome.â I said and wished I was cooler and had a better reply. Silence fell between us again and I took the blame. This was my chance to finally talk to her one and on and I was throwing it away.
âYour underwear fits me way too well.â She was the one to break the silence again and sounded shy doing it. We both laughed and thankfully, that took some of the awkward tension away.
âI feel embarrassed.â She admitted to me as she looked into my eyes.
âWhy?â
âI donât know. Arenât I a little too old to be running away screaming from a spider?â
âI donât think thereâs an age limit. As far as Iâm aware.â I replied, making her chuckle.
âI guess not. I just feel childish. Before he left, my dad and I got in a fight because I wanted to join him on the mission and he wouldnât let me. You probably heard us.â
âYeah.â I admitted. âBut I wasnât trying to.â
âI know. You canât help it when Iâm right across the hall.â She waved her hand. âSo, you probably heard me shout âIâm not a childâ at him?â
âOnce or twice.â
âYeah. I just get so angry at him when he treats me like Iâm still a little girl. Then I go and do the most childish thing ever and run screaming from a bug.â
âIn your defense, it was a pretty big bug.â I said to try to cheer her up.
âStill. I want to do more than just sit home and wait for you guys to come home. I want to be helpful. I know I donât have any powers or an iron suit, but I can still be useful. I wish my dad could see that.â She sighed and rested her head in her hands. My hand instinctively went up and landed on her back. I timidly rubbed small circles and was relieved when she didnât swat me away.
âYou are helpful.â I assured her. âWe all eat the granola bars you pack us. And I always drink the electrolytes you give me. You never give me the gross flavors. Only the ones I like.â
âBut I want to do more than just snacks.â She grumbled.
âI think you do more than you realize.â
âWhat do I do?â She laughed sadly and gave me a look. The look was screaming for someone to see her, and I hoped I could assure her that I did.
âYou give your dad a reason to fight. You give him someone to come home to and remind him itâs worth it to almost die once a week if it means he gets to see your face again.â I said before I could overthink it. The look on her face told me that I miraculously said the exact right thing.
âDid he say that?â She asked with all the hope in the world in her voice. I didnât have the heart to tell her that thatâs actually how I felt and only had it on good authority that her dad felt the same way.
âOh, yes. He says that all the time.â I lied and hoped she didnât pick up on the uncertainty in my voice.
âThanks, Peter.â She smiled so wide that it nearly killed me. âThat makes me feel better, actually. Youâve saved me twice today.â
âIâm just paying you back for all the snacks youâve packed me.â I joked. She turned her body to me suddenly and drew her legs up on the bed.
âYou know, youâre the only one that says thank you for that.â She told me. âThe others kinda just chuckle and roll their eyes at me when I hand them their snack packs. I know they mean it endearingly, but thatâs the kind of stuff that makes me feel like everyone just sees me as Tonyâs dumb kid.â
âI actually know exactly how you feel. When I first started out, I had to beg to be given actual tasks to do. Your dad just saw me as the kid who returned bikes and helped old ladies cross the streets for the longest time. And I was really frustrating because I knew I could be doing more but I couldnât get him to see that.â
âSo what did you do? How did you get him to see you?â
âWell, I did a bunch of really dumb and dangerous stuff first and he got mad at me.â I began. âBut then I did some heroic stuff which was also pretty dumb and I earned back his trust. So maybe skip the first part and go straight to the heroic part.â
âBut what can I do? Iâm nothing, humanâŚnothing.â She shook her head repeatedly and but her lip in a way Iâd never seen her do. My face mustâve shown I was confused because she rolled her eyes.
âOkay, well clearly youâve never seen Twilight and now Iâm double embarrassed because I just did a perfect Bella impression and it went right over your head.â
âIâm sorry.â I blushed. âI havenât seen it. But Iâm sure your impression was really good.â
âIt was.â She insisted. âNot that you would know.â
âIâll give it a watch.â
âI guess Iâm not really helping my case by quoting a dumb vampire movie.â She sighed. âI donât know. I just want to be seen as an equal. Is that stupid?â
âThatâs not stupid at all.â I quickly assured her. âAnd if it means anything, I see you as an equal. I know that might not mean as much as if Nat or Sam said that, but I do. I always have.â
âIt means a lot. Thanks, Peter.â She said with a soft smile. Before I knew what was happening, her head was on my shoulder and my breath was caught in my chest. I guess she really needed to hear that. I wasnât really sure what to do but I didnât want the moment to end so I rested my head on top of hers. And it felt nice. We stayed like that for a minute before she sat up and awkwardly cleared her throat.
âUh, sorry.â She said, sounding embarrassed.
âThatâs okay! You can put your head wherever you want.â I told her, not sounding as cool as I had hoped. The awkward silence returned and I decided this time, Iâd be the one to break it.
âI called an exterminator while you were showering, by the way. Sheâs gonna be here in an hour.â
âHm. The exterminator being a woman makes me feel better about getting a man to kill the spider.â She said with sheepish smile. I couldnât help but smile at the small win of being the man she called when she needed help.
âIâll always be here to get rid of spiders that are bothering you. Or any bug, really. Maybe even a rodent or a small person.â
That made her laugh, thank God. I could tell she was at ease now and that put me at ease too. Maybe I wasnât blowing my chance with her.
âIs there anything youâre afraid of that I can promise to help you with in return?â She asked me, making me stop and think.
âI donât like opening cans.â I admitted.
âWhat? Why not?â
âBecause Iâm always scared Iâm gonna slice my finger open on the rim of the lid. If you pull the lid back with the tabby thingy, it could fling off and cut you. If you use a can opener, it could cut you when you open it up. I havenât eaten black olives in six years because of this fear. Or soup. Imagine six years and no soup.â
âWow, Peter. I would not have expected this from you. And now I want black olives from a little can.â
âShould we?â I scrunched my nose and asked as if I was proposing we do something terrible. To answer my question, she grabbed my hand and pulled me to the kitchen cabinet that held the canned goods. I was glad that she turned away from me to look for the olives because that meant she couldnât see the bright pink blush that was covering my entire face.
âI got this, baby girl.â She assured me as she opened a can of olives using a can opener.
âWow. You make it look so easy.â
âCan I tell you a secret?â She asked and took a step closer to me to cup her hand around my ear.
âIt is easy.â She whispered, making me laugh and shoo her away.
âHey, I didnât shame you about your fear.â I pointed out.
âYouâre right. Iâm sorry. Itâs a very valid fear to be scared of a little can lid.â She said as she handed me a slotted spoon.
âTheyâre sharp! Lots of people cut themselves on them.â I insisted while she jumped up in a cabinet to sit. I moved closer to her so that we could share the can of olives. And also, I just wanted to be closer to her.
âYeah, but donât you heal super fast? Does it really matter if you get cut? Wonât your finger just grow back?â
âYour knowledge about my abilities is very inconsistent.â
âI guess it is. But this is probably the most you and I have ever talked, so you canât blame me.â
âWhy is that?â
âWhyâs what?â
âWhy donât we talk more? I mean, weâre the same age. Weâre both here all the time. Iâm your dadâs employee, sort of. How come we never really became friends?â I wondered. It wasnât the type of thing I ever thought Iâd ask her, but we were opening up to each other and I wanted to know.
âIâm not that good at friends.â She answered me without looking up.
âNeither am I. So if youâre bad at it, I wonât know.â I told her, which brought out a smile.
âI mean, we did form a trauma bond today. I guess we donât really have a choice but to be friends now.â
âGuess not.â I shrugged and turned away so she wouldnât see my smile. I could not believe after three years of pining after her, all it took was killing one spider to get her attention.
âAnd since weâre friends, I hope I can count of your help to show my dad that I can do more than just pack lunch and schedule meetings.â
âI think I have an idea.â I said as my eyes drifted to the vacuum hanging on the wall. She followed my gaze and turned around, instantly picking up on what I was thinking. She looked back at me and was about to protest before I jumped in.
âDo you trust me?â I asked and held my breath. If she said no, it would probably put an end to this moment we were having. Instead of answering, she hopped off the counter and grabbed the vacuum off the wall.
âI trust you. Come on.â
We made our way back to her bedroom and began to form a game plan outside her door. The idea was simple, point and suck. The vacuum had a long hose attached so all she had to do was hold the end of it and stick it in the nest.
âAre you sure this is gonna work?â She asked as she nervously fiddled with the vacuum hose.
âWell, if it doesnât, we can go with your burning the house down idea.â
âBut is getting rid of a spider nest really the grand gesture I need to prove to my dad that Iâm capable of bigger things?â
âAbsolutely, yes.â I insisted. âYour dad hates spiders. Iâve seen him scream at a frequency that would make dogs bark over the tiniest ones. When we tell him you got rid of this nest all by yourself, heâs gonna see you are more capable than he thinks.â
âWhat if heâs just like, âoh, okay, coolâ and doesnât care at all?â She sighed and gave me a worried look. I put my hands on her shoulders, bold move I know, and that seemed to calm her down.
âThen we come up with plan B.â I said in a calm voice.
âWe?â
âWeâre friends now. That means you have me to help you with whatever you need.â
âOkay.â She answered, and I could swear I saw the slightest blush cross her face. She put her hand over mine and gave it a gentle squeeze before picking the vacuum back up.
âOkay, so when you get in there-â
âShhh!â She cut me off. âThey can hear you. We need the element of surprise.â
âI donât think the spiders can hear me.â I whispered back, just in case.
âYou donât know that.â She hissed. I endearingly rolled my eyes and moved closer to her so that I didnât have to talk loud.
âWhen you get in there, have the vacuum on already. Try to stick the hose right in the middle of the nest on your first try. That should suck the whole thing up.â
âWhat if the baby spiders jump out of the nest when they hear the vacuum and land on me?â She asked and it honestly sounded like she was about to cry.
âThen I think you just have to kill yourself.â I shrugged. That brought her back and made her smile. She took a deep breath and twisted the hose in her hands.
âLetâs get this over with before I change my mind.â
âGo in. Iâll be right behind you with the garbage bag.â I assured her. She put her hand on the door handle but then turned to me with un unreadable look.
âArenât you gonna kiss me goodbye incase I die?â She asked me. I was taken aback at first but quickly complied and leaned in. I was met with a vacuum hose being pressed to my lips, which I probably should have seen coming.
âWoah. I was joking. That bastard in the shower isnât the only spider perv around here I see.â She snorted and took the hose away.
âYouâre evil.â I shook my head and laughed as my face turned a deep red.
âThen whyâd you want to kiss me so bad?â
âShut up. I didnât. It was the adrenaline from the spider execution weâre about to commit. Thatâs all.â I laughed again and her expression changed. She put her hand on my shoulder and pulled me closer to kiss me on the cheek.
âThank you for helping me. Again and again and again.â She said sincerely as she stared in my eyes. All I could do in that moment was nod my head.
âOkay. No fear.â She blew out a nervous breath and put her hand back on the door handle.
âNo fear. You got this. Aim and suck.â I instructed. She responded with something like a battle cry and flicked the vacuum on to its highest setting. I was right behind her as she burst through the door with the hose pointed up. Just as instructed, she stuck the hose in the center of the web and screamed while it got sucked up.
âOpen the bag, open the bag!â She was still screaming and I think I was screaming too. I opened the garbage bag and she quickly dumbed the contents of the vacuum inside. I sealed it tightly and threw it out the window which I knew had a dumpster below, thus concluding the spider nest problem. As I was turning back around, I felt her jump on me with her arms wrapped around my neck and legs around my waist.
âWe did it! Itâs gone!â She exclaimed in celebration. âWe got rid of a spiders nest by ourselves!â
âThat was all you. I just held open the bag.â I told her as I hugged her back. I was more excited about the hug than the nest. She let me go after a tight squeeze and I gently placed her down on the ground. Even with her feet on the floor, she didnât remove her arms from around my neck.
âHey, we went from barely be friends to hugging in one day. I wonder what weâre gonna do tomorrow.â I said jokingly.
âProbably make out or something.â She joked back, making me laugh in embarrassment. She stared into my eyes and for a second, I almost thought she was gonna kiss me.
âYeah.â I said after a beat. âOr something.â
Maybe it was my imagination, but her head started to lean in. Before anything could happen, the unmistakable sound of Tony and the rest of the team entering the tower sounded through her open window.
âMy dadâs home.â She said, sounding surprisingly disappointed.
âWant to go tell him what happened?â I offered and she reluctantly nodded.
âYeah. Sure.â She replied as she withdrew her arms from around my neck.
The walk to her dad was quiet and filled with a tension that I did not understand. I let her tell him on her own because I wanted her to get all the credit. She had given me a soft smile and my hand a squeeze before she went in, which made me hopeful that she really did mean we were friends now.
While they talked, I ran to the store to get something for her for when she was done. If the talk didnât go the way she hoped, maybe I could at least cheer her up a little. I went to her room when I returned and knocked on the door.
âHey. Come in.â I heard her voice. I felt awkward going I because I wasnât really sure where we stood now. She was sitting on her bed so I shut the door behind me and walked up to her.
âHere. I saw you had a diffuser in your room so I picked this up for you.â I said as I shyly handed her the bottle of essential oil I had gotten. She looked at me in disbelief before taking the bottle.
âPeppermint?â She read off the label.
âYeah. Spiders hate peppermint. I thought it might be helpful at keeping them away.â
âAnd you went out and got thisâŚ.for me?â She said the last part like it was completely nonsensical that I would do such a thing. I was kind of happy to know I had not made my feelings for her that obvious because she clearly had no idea that I would do anything for her.
âOf course. I wanted your room to feel safe again. I thought this might help.â I told her as I sat on her bed. She smiled softly at me and then cracked open the bottle. I instantly gagged at the smell and she quickly screwed the cap back on.
âAre you okay?â She asked and put a hand on my shoulder. There was an awful lot of shoulder touching between us today. Whatever that means.
âYeah, sorry. Whatever spider bit me gave me its aversion to peppermint. Iâll leave so you can use it.â I said and started to get up. She gently tugged on my arm to keep me where I was.
âPeter, wait.â She said, earning my full attention. She stared into my eyes for a minute before seeming to change her mind.
âI, uh, I just wanted to say thank you for all your help today. Youâll be happy to know my dad is letting me tag along next week on a mission. Itâs super low stakes and Iâd probably be more at risk in a Jersey Mikeâs, but itâs a start. And thatâs all thanks to you.â
âYou didnât need me.â I waved my hand. âI was just the brains. You were the muscle. And thatâs exactly what Iâm gonna tell the chief of spider police if they come looking for us.â
âWell, I like your brain.â She laughed. âAnd Iâm glad weâre friends now.â
âSo am I. And I hope you know that youâre the only girl Iâd kill my own kind for.â
âWhyâs that? Why do it for me?â
âUm, I donât know. I guess Iâm just really weird and into super cool, funny, fearless girls who are really pretty and have dads that would kill me if they knew where I was right now.â I said without looking at her. I really had to tread lightly now. That was almost a full admission of my feelings.
âImagine if my dad found out I was in your room with no clothes on today.â She snorted, making me flush at the memory.
âWere you?â I asked in a squeaky voice. âI donât remember that like at all.â
She laughed again and I felt myself relax a little. But I tensed right back up when she moved closer to me so that our knees were touching.
âYou know, I happen to think youâre pretty too.â She told me like it was just some casual statement to make.
âWhatâs that now?â I asked and leaned closer because there was almost no way I was hearing her correctly.
âAnd cool.â She continued. âAnd funny. And pretty fearless since you did kill that first shower spider.â
âYes. Kill. There was certainly no cup and index card involved.â I said as my eyes darted to the side.
âAw.â She chuckled. âYou didnât have it in you to squish him?â
âI didnât. I scooped it up and tossed it out the window.â I admitted, and that seemed to make her move closer. What was going on right now?
âWhy do I find that so attractive?â She asked, more so to herself than to me. I froze for a minute and then watched her face carefully, hesitant to believe she was telling the truth
âIs this some kind of psychological test where your dad is gonna either make me an official member of the team or drop down from the ceiling and smite me depending on how I respond?â I asked her.
âUm, no. This is me telling you I like you and I thought I got the feeling you liked me back today and if you donât thatâs okay but Iâm gonna reinstate the spider nest and just let it kill me because Iâll be too embarrassed to face you.â She said, it all coming out in one breath.
It took me a minute to process what she was saying, all the while she was staring at me and holding her breath. On the off chance this was really happening and not one of those dreams that made you feel disappointed when you woke up, I delivered my answer.
âYes?â I replied, but it came out like more of a question because I forgot what question she asked me.
âYes? Thatâs your answer?â
âWas there a question?â
âNo.â She realized. âI donât think so actually.â
âYou like me? Because Iâve liked you forever. But I never thought you liked me back.â
âYouâre the only one that says thank you for the snacks. You know what itâs like to not feel seen. You refill my water and think I donât notice. And you got rid of a spider for me. How could I not?â She shrugged, drawing a shy smile out of me. With the security of knowing she felt the same, I felt confident enough to take her hand in mine and give it a squeeze.
âHand holding? What is this, Pre-K?â She asked. Before I could respond, she took my face between her hands and pulled me into a kiss. It was both everything I imagined and beyond my wildest dreams. I kept one hand holding hers and slipped the other behind her head. I didnât know how long we kissed for and I actually didnât know so much as my name while it was happening because Oh my God, it was happening. And it was perfect.
When we pulled away, my lips were buzzing and hers were a little swollen. We exchanged shy smiles at each other but kept our hands where they were.
âHm. And we said we wouldnât make out until tomorrow.â She chuckled before pulling me in again.
đđđđđđđ: vampire!ellie williams / werewolf!abby anderson / reader
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your move to jackson was supposed to be an escape: a fresh start with your dad in a place no one's ever heard of. but something is off about the quiet, guarded town nestled in the mountains of wyoming.
a tlou twilight au.
đđđđđđđ:
slow burn, f/f/f love triangle (NOT ellabs. reader ends up with only one of them in the end), fluff, angst, eventual smut, alcohol usage, drug usage (weed), depression, canon-typical violence & blood, supernatural elements, set in the 2000's!
đđđđđ:
đŠđŤđ¨đĽđ¨đ đŽđ â crossing
đŻđ¨đĽđŽđŚđ đ˘ â shifting
chapter one: "welcome to jackson"
chapter two: "friendly enough"
chapter three: "we shouldn't be friends"
chapter four: "i trust you"
chapter five: "you are my life now"
chapter six: "the last night"
chapter seven: "mail delivery failure"
đŻđ¨đĽđŽđŚđ đ˘đ˘ â turning
đđđđđđ:
đŚđŽđŹđ˘đ§đ đŹ â the stuff that isn't said within the author's notes
synopsis: you try to get ellie to come to bed after sheâs been working all day. when she doesnât comply, you have to come up with a different solution, a proposition she canât resist.
cool, bright light from the monitor illuminated ellieâs face through the dark of her office as she sat hunched at her desk, typing furiously at her report. sheâd been glued to her desk since her phone rang at two that afternoon.
you watched, confused, as she got up from her seat in front of you. she held up her phone to her ear, intently listening to the voice on the other end, mouthing a sheepish âsorry, work.â before turning to leave, abandoning you and the lemon pesto pasta you made for lunch that day.
nasa had requested her immediate assistance on a new research report asap. something about mars.
it was now 11:37pm.
your wife had been tirelessly working for nine hours. nine hours. with scarcely any time to eat or rest at all.
you understood she was doing important work. and you knew exactly how much her job meant to to her. you could still remember ellie all those years ago, excitedly rattling on to you about asteroid belts and dwarf planets while you lay at the foot of her childhood bed.
her love for her job was important and endearing, but it could also cause her to get a tad bit carried away.
you tried coaxing out of her office, trying to tempt her with a warm meal, a snack, a movie and cuddles, but to no avail. she left you no choice.
you approached the office door with a knock as you had the last few times that day, arms wrapped around yourself as the chilly night breeze fluttered through your sheer robeâthe one ellie had gotten you last week because youâd been âworking too hardâ.
ellie was like that. always willing to care and tend to others while rarely doing so for herself. but thatâs what you were there for.
a few minutes passed with no reply. you pressed your ear to the door, the only audible sound the rapid clicking of keys. you sighed, knocking once more before entering the room. âiâm coming in, els.â you called out, carefully closing the door behind you.
âellie?â you turned to see your lover busy at work, tired eyes glued to her screen. you walked up next to her, sliding your hands gently over her shoulders.
ellie, hypnotized by the graphs on her monitor, finally snapped out of her spell at the feeling of your touch. she looked up over her shoulder, a little surprised. her glasses sat crooked on her nose bridge as she reached up to kiss you. âoh hey babe. sorry, didnât hear you come in.â
you smiled back at her, a wave of worry washing over you as you took her in; the dark bags under her eyes, her chapped lips, the several strands of hair that managed to slip out of her half-ponytail in the last nine hours, now the threatening to give her bangs.
you brushed the stray hairs aside gently, tucking them behind her ears. you cupped her face, watching as she melted into your touch.
âyou almost done?â you asked softly, thumbing her cheek affectionately. her eyelids, heavy with exhaustion, had begun to close, betraying her earlier assurance that she was completely fine. you sighed. what were you gonna do with her.
âcome on els.â you whispered, âlet me take you to bed.â
ellieâs eyes immediately flew open at the mention of âbedâ. she drew away from your hand, pushing her lopsided glasses back up and turning back to her work. âiâll be fine, babe. i just need to wrap this up.â
it wouldâve been adorable if it werenât an actual problem for her health.
well, time for plan b.
you stepped away from ellie, quietly walking yourself backward as you reached down to your waist, slowly lifting the strings of your robe.
ellie, surprised at your silence, turned to face at you. you usually tried a few more times. her head slowly swivelled sideways, eyes delayed, still stuck on the screen.
she finally managed to peel her eyes away from her monitor, to fully look at you before turning back to work, only to give the most adorable double take youâve ever seen.
her head whipped back in your direction, eyebrow now quirking up in intrigue. ââŚwhatâre you doing?â
you took the tails of the little ribbon youâd tied on your waist, holding them up to her in offering.
âi have a present,â you tipped your head slightly, eyes meeting her watchful ones across from you, âbut you can only open it if you come to bed.â
you watched as your wifeâs demeanor quickly changed, eyes hungry as they left yours, finding their way down to the little ribbon at your waist.
she looked back up at you, eyes pleading. âbabe, please.â
âyou canât do that.â
âdo what?â you asked with mock innocence, fingers toying with the tails of your ribbonâthe one she desperately wanted to undoâthe sole thing keeping her all-nighter plans from utter destruction. whatever you were keeping hidden under there, she knew, she wouldnât be able to resist.
she stared back at you, desperate eyes sending a silent plea. but you didnât listen. this was her fault, really. if only sheâd listened when you told her to come to bed.
âwell if youâre not going to open itâŚâ you took the ribbon tails between your thumb and index.
ellie watched you carefully, hypnotized as you slowly pulled the tails of the ribbon with your manicured fingers. you watched her face as her breath hitched, eyes fixed steadily on your waist.
sheâd settled into a manspread, chin propped up on her hands as her elbows rested low on her knees. she looked like she was ready for a show. good, thatâs exactly what you were going to give her.
in a less than a second, the knot was gone, leaving an exposed line of skin down the middle of your body.
you shivered slightly as the cool air hit your bare skin. two lines of sheer, white lace peeked through the slit of your robe as ellie eyed them hungrily. you could see the gears turning in her brain, trying to recall when sheâd gotten you this particular set.
adorable. but sheâd never remember the day she bought it. âi bought it myself.â you told her. her head snapped up to your face. âi was saving it for an emergency.â
goddamn. were you trying to kill her?
âbaby-baby, please. just thirty more minutes, ok? i promise iâll be there, just wait for me, ok?â
you pouted at her teasingly. âiâm not sure iâll be awake in thirty minutes.â
then she groaned. straight up audibly groaned like you just ruined her entire week, throwing her head back in a mix of frustration and desperation.
âbabe, if i finish this tonight i wonât have any work to do tomorâŚâ she trailed off, finally lifting her head back up and catching sight of you; tempting and angelic in the middle of the room, robe pooled at your feet.
you watched as her eyes roamed your body, tracing every dip and curve with an overflowing desire. no matter how many times she saw you like this it never got old. it never would.
her eyes returned to yours before she looked down to her feet, cursing under her breath.
âfuck, come here.â
it only took one last glance at you before she had you pressed up against the wall, mouth against yours as her hands roamed your body hungrily, desperate for contact.
you gasped into her mouth as she slot her knee between your legs, the feeling of friction so electric youâd almost forgotten why you were here in the first place.
you pulled away, albeit reluctantly, as you tilted your head to the door.
âright. bed.â ellie breathed, hands resting on your hips as she planted a kiss on your nose, smiling, before turning to lead you out of the room.
ellieâs hand was already on the door handle when you spotted her computer from behind her head, itâs screen casting bright, white light on the outline of her body.
âhoney, did you hit save?â
ellie looked back at at you, then at her desk, brow furrowed in puzzlement.
âah, shit.â she ran back up to her desk, clicking her mouse a few times before turning off her monitor and returning to you.
you cupped her face, smile forming on yours. âdork.â you laughed, planting a quick kiss on her lips, now, bright and swollen from your previous ministrations.
she kissed you back, sliding an arm up your waist as you stepped through the door. âyou love me.â
you giggled, reaching behind you and opening your bedroom door, before kissing her back gently. âi do.â
authorâs note: english is not my first language. soooo i saw this video and i couldnât help myself! maybe iâll turn this into a smau idk.
warnings: reader is shy! loser!ellie coded. ellie just start to kiss r! during live and theyâre the cutest ughhh. reader is called wife, sweetheart, babe and babygirl.
you and ellie had been dating for over two years but only recently she started to post and talking about you. it was your choice. you were very afraid that people would judge you. so when you told ellie she was good to post you, the girl was delirious.
every chance she got, she did it. her instagram feed was practically only pics of you and you two together. and she started to talk a lot about you on her streams, like A LOT.
she was playing the sims because EA sent to her a invite to promote the last expansion pack. she usually would play more dynamic games. she was making herself and she started to playing:
âguys this is not rightâŚmy wife is not here with me.â
âthis count as cheating? like if iâm going to a club without tell her?â
âfuck iâm going to call her.â
and her fans met you through the speaker:
âhi baby.â
âhi sweetheart, so if i would go to a club alone, without telling you, you would be mad?â
âall alone?â
âyep.â
âi would be worried babe. why are you alone in the club?â
and she started laughing so hard that you couldnât help yourself too. the chat just kept laughing more adding the funniest comments. this little moment went viral. her fans found your socials, the next day you had 5k new followers.
after this, ellie talked more and more about you and sometimes you would even appear on her lives, only to say hi to the chat really fast and maybe answer some questions. but they always wanted more. they wanted to get to know you! you seem to be a cool girl, your instagram showing how pretty you were and how you have a great life, they wanted to know how ellie pulled a baddie.
a little after insistence, you complied to participate. you both would answer some questions, react to some tiktoks memes about your relationship, nothing very complicated.
someone asked about your makeup and you were answering, ââŚyou know the macâs pallete? the new one, yeah! i know itâs pretty expensive but looks so good!â you got closer to the camera to show your eyeshadow. and while this, ellie was enamored with you, looking at you with two bigs red hearts on her eyes. âyâall can see? itâs so so so pretty!â you readjusted yourself on your seat and answered more about your makeup, but mid sentence ellie grabbed your face and started kissing you.
you were smiling so hard while ellie attacked your face with kisses. your blood rushing to your cheeks when you remembered you were on live. with thousands of people watching you. you tried to escape but ellie just hardening her grip.
âi love you so much babygirl. so so so much. you look fucking adorable talking. you look adorable doing anything, fuuuck, i need to marry you.â she said very softly, only for you to hear, but the good mic picked all.
this little moment of you blew up. like, she posted the clip on her tiktok and it got 16 million views. and apparently, everyone liked you.
i loved your peter parker writing aaaa could you share every of your ideas or headcannons about peter dating starkâs daughter because thatâs soooo cool
i had to physically stop myself from writing a 10 page essay on peter parker x stark!reader because i am the leader of that fanclub.
send an ask for my 2,000 followers celebration!
warnings/tags: stark!reader, peter is adorable and awkward, flufffff
For this, Iâm going to say that the Avengers are a big happy family and Tony and Natasha arenât dead because Endgame didnât happen.
Okay, now that we have that out of the wayâŚ
The first time Peter meets you, he almost dies. Not in a mission. Not from a villain. From embarrassment. Because you walked into the common room wearing an Empire Strikes Back shirt and he short-circuited. He almost said âI love youâ before you even introduced yourself. Almost. He thinks about it every day.
Youâre Tonyâs daughter. That alone terrifies him. But youâre also smart, snarky, ridiculously pretty, and somehow nice to him? He panics. A lot. Sam teases him about it constantly. Natasha doesnât say a wordâbut she watches him with a very intense âhurt her and vanishâ kind of stare.
You bond instantly over nerdy things. Star Wars marathons. Building Lego sets. Competitive Mario Kart nights (he wins, you throw a pillow at him, he thinks about it for the rest of the week).
Peter is so, so obvious. He blushes when you laugh at his jokes. He tries to impress you with science facts. He once nearly walked into a wall because you smiled at him in the hallway. Tony notices. Tony absolutely notices.
Tony is deeply skeptical at first. âSpider-Boy? Really?â âItâs Spider-Man, actuallyâsir. Mr. Stark. UhâTony. No, I mean yes, sirââ
You immediately started teasing Peter the second you realized he was crushing on you. âHey, Spider-Boy. You always blush this hard when someone compliments your webbing?â He short-circuited. Nat cackled in the background.
When Peter finally confesses, itâs clumsy and fast and heartfelt. âIâI like you. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. Youâre smart and kind and you make fun of me in ways that make me feel loved andâand youâre you andââ You kiss him. He forgets his own name.
You two get caught sneaking around the Compound constantly. Tony installed ten extra cameras. Natasha disabled all ten. âSheâs got taste, Stark,â Nat told him, sipping her coffee. âCouldâve picked some idiot in LA. Instead she went for the one with a conscience.â
But eventually, Tony softens. Because he sees the way Peter looks at youâlike you hung the damn stars. And he sees the way you look back. So Tony gives Peter the Talk. It lasts exactly 41 minutes and includes the phrases:
âIf you hurt her, I will build a satellite laser and name it after youâthen fire it at you.â
âDo you know what emotional damage looks like under a microscope? I do.â
âSay âyes sirâ one more time and Iâm revoking your suit.â Peter sits through all of it nodding like a scared golden retriever.
You love teasing him. âWhatâs the matter, Parker? Web-fluid low or just distracted by greatness?â
You go full nerd together.
Rewatch Rogue One and cry every time.
Stay up late building a Millennium Falcon Lego set while sipping juice boxes like 5th graders.
Battle each other in Smash Bros. and nearly break the couch when you tackle him after a win.
Itâs the kind of love that makes your cheeks hurt from smiling.
Tony sees it all. The way Peter looks at you like you're the last miracle in the world. The way you rest your head on his shoulder like you trust him. And yeah, Tony's terrified. But he's also⌠proud. Because Peterâs exactly the kind of person he hoped you'd love one day.
Peter is constantly trying to impress you. You offhandedly mention you like galaxies? He makes you a custom mini star projector. You say youâre hungry? He learns to make your favorite snack from scratch. One time he almost passed out from dehydration during a mission because he gave you his water bottle.
You steal Peterâs hoodies. All of them. He never complains, but every time you wear one, he short-circuits a little. âYou know, that was my favoriteâwait, never mind. You look really cute. Carry on.â
You and Peter share one of those dumb secret handshakes. No one else understands it. Sam tries to mimic it once. Breaks a lamp.
Peterâs phone background is a photo of you asleep on his shoulder during a movie. He stares at it at least once a day. When heâs stressed. When he misses you. When Ned catches him zoning out and yells, âDude, thatâs the tenth time today.â
Tony absolutely spies on your dates at first. Security footage. Audio logs. Probably a drone or two. You find the feed. Change it so it plays Shrek 2 on loop. Tony doesnât speak to you for 48 hours. Peter buys you flowers out of sheer awe.
When heâs overwhelmed, he goes straight to you. Doesnât even have to say anything. Just puts his head in your lap, mumbles, âToo much.â You run your fingers through his curls and hum Star Wars music softly until he settles.
You and Peter prank the other Avengers constantly. Replaced Samâs Redwing with a drone shaped like a duck. Programmed FRIDAY to refer to Bucky as âCaptain Eyeliner.â Once convinced Clint that the Compound was haunted using Bluetooth speakers and spooky whispers.
Peter memorized your laugh. He knows exactly what kind of jokes earn the snort. Which shows get the wheeze. He collects them like rare treasure. Stores them behind his ribs where itâs safe.
â˘she be the type of person to doodle in her notes and get called out by the teacher for drawing âanimeâ,now she knows everyone thinks sheâs gay.
â˘sheâd try to impress you on a train by not holding onto anything just for the train to stop abruptly lobbing her onto the floor.
â˘wakes you up for her daily fitchecks and has you rate them,360âs and all.
â˘if you have any siblings sheâd be the the type to tease them every chance she gets,doesnât go easy on them during play fights nor during gaming âlooooserr.â she teases whenever she wins her fingers in the shape of an l on her forehead for the theatrics,sheâs really just a big ass kid when it comes to it,your siblings love her though.
â˘collection of rocks,most being ones that remind her of you,your eyes,hair colour,lips etc,she often brings you some from her frolicking trips,now you have an assortment of rocks scattered in your room.
â˘definitely has a scrapbook dedicated to the two of you.
â˘has made it a custom for you guys to go to photo booths at every special occasion,has an album of you guys throughout the duration of your relationship,each photo with a paragraph on the back whether that be a love letter or a recount of the memory you guys shared varies.
â˘has a nail biting habit.
â˘is lactose intolerant,yet persists and complain whenever her stomach starts sounding like a nuclear war.
â˘doesnât care and puts her speaker up to full volume at the crack of dawn when she showers.
â˘coughs like an ipad kid to piss you off.
â˘her headphones also leak but she refuses to get new ones because she thinks everyone should recognise and appreciate her music taste.
â˘cycles everywhere.
â˘speaking of cycling she got into an incident going downhill cause she braked to hard,giving her a scar across her cheek and a broken hand,in a way it was a pyrrhic victory because she had you tending to her till she recovered,still has the cast in her room as a monument.
â˘has a fuckass busted backpack with your initial embroidered on one of the pockets so your always with her.
Cw: dealer!ellie, smut, fingering, smoking, praise. Idk itâs my first time posting smut.
Itâs 2:16am. Youâre laying on the couch with your legs draped over the edge, a movie playing in the background although itâs useless since youâre scrolling on your phone.
You were bored out of your mind. With your roommate Dina gone, you have no one to bother. You roll off the couch before heading over to your weed stash in the box under your bed, itâs empty.
So, you hit up your favorite dealer. Ellie. She always gives you the good stuff, on such a short notice. Sheâs the only one who knows exactly what you like.
You: yo, you up? still dealing or what?
You turn off your phone, setting it down on your chest before you feel a buzz.
Ellie: yeah. whatâre you looking to buy? I got a few rolls left over.
A small wave of excitement hit you. âFuck yeah.â You mumble as you type.
You: just 1 or 2. dont got that much on me.
Ellie: well Iâm sure we can work something out ;)
You roll your eyes. A small scoff slipping from your lips.
You: yeah sure. can I come over??
Ellie: not this late. canât have a pretty girl like you walking alone on campus. thereâs creeps out there.
You: so⌠I guess thatâs a no?
Ellie: Iâll be over in 5
You turn your phone off and throw it on your bed. You push the box back under your bed with a soft sigh before your gaze meets the state of your room.
You guess the stress before finals is really getting to you with the amount of cloths on the floor. You walk over to them and throw them into your closet with a groan, agreeing that youâll deal with it later.
You decide to out on a different outfit, realizing the hoodie and basketball shorts wonât make do. You throw on an oversized sweatshirt and different shorts before you hear a knock at your door.
Itâs Ellie
You walk over to it before opening it enough to put your face through. You look up at her, a smug expression on your face.
âDo I know you?â
Ellie laughs and holds up her hand, shoving a small baggie with blunts in your view.
âLet me in before I find someone else to sell these to.â She muttered
You sigh softly before opening the door and letting her in. You watch her as she walks through the door.
âYouâre no fun.â
She looks over at you before rolling her eyes
You close the door behind her before stoping her and grabbing the bag. You hold it up to your face, examining it. âOnly two rolls?!â You scoff
She nods and folds her arms across her chest. âYou said you didnât have that much on you.â She shrugs
You scoff before walking away and into the living room. You plop down onto the couch before pulling the coffee table closer to you.
She walks into the living room, standing near the couch. You pay the spot next to you, inviting her to sit with you.
As you pour the blunts onto the table, she watches you closely. You feel her gaze boring into you, analyzing your every movement. You grab one of the blunts before looking over at her and holding out your hand. âLighter?â
She give your a reluctant look before digging into her back pocket and pulling out a hot pink lighter. She sets it in your hand with a mocking smile.
You mumble a âthank youâ before lighting the blunt and pressing it up to your lips. You inhale the smoke deeply, your head nodding slightly as you hold it. You hand the blunt over to Ellie before blowing the smoke out with a small cough.
She watched as you pressed your lips against the blunt, her gaze lingering a little too long before she looks away. Her attention is back on you as you hang her the blunt, a chuckle slipping from her lips at your cough
âWhatâre you doin up this late?â She mumbles before taking a hit, holding it for a moment then blowing it in the opposite direction.
âBored. Dinaâs out of town with family so itâs kinda quiet. And I ran out of weed.â You sigh as you plop down onto the couch. Ellie hands to the blunt, her fingers brushing over yours.
You feel like the weed is hitting you fast with how much that small touch affected you.
The room is cloudy, the smell of smoke filling the air.
Somehow, you guys made it to your room.
Now youâre laying next to Ellie on your back next to Ellie, whoâs on her stomach while resting on her elbows.
The blunts almost gone now, the redness and puffiness on both of your faces more pronounced.
Youâre blabbing on about how your professor would shut up in language arts. How he was ranting on about a random writer you barely had any time to pay attention to
You look over at Ellie, whose gaze is locked on your face. Your words pause at the unexpected attention. You knew you were taking but you were used to being this payed attention to.
A smirk appears on her lips at your sudden pause.
âKeep talking, pretty girl.â
You donât know if itâs the weed or if itâs real. You hope itâs the weed, knowing thereâs no way sheâd say that, right in front of you.
You clear your throat, looking away and resting your head on the pillow.
Your ranting continues. Sheâs still looking at you, a hint of lust in her expression. She nods along as you speak, small hums occasionally spilling out of her mouth.
It didnât take much longer for her lips to find yours. Her hand slipping lower as she pulls away.
âJust keep talking.â
You giggle softly, continuing your conversation until her hand dips into your shorts. Your words are cut short, you look up at her. âEllie..â
She smirks at the sound of her name on your lips. âI didnât say stop.â
You breathing hitched as you feel her fingers press against your panties. You take in a breath as you continue to talk. She presses against you, her fingers moving in a circular motion. Just as you were trying to continue your words, she presses again. âFuckâŚ.â you groan
She laughs softly as her lips dive into your neck, peppering small kisses. She trails up to your jawline. âFeels good?â she mumbles against your skin
She hooks her hand under your thigh, pulling them apart. She pull away, her hands moving to the hem of your shorts. âCan I?â
You nod softly. She pulls your shorts down, discarding them as she moves her hands back to your core. âTell me how it feels.â
Your voice comes out as a whine. She slips your panties to the side, slipping her fingers in between your folds.
It earns her a moan, soft, but still noticeable.
âYou sound so good, shit..â
Her kisses trial up to your ear.
âLet me hear you.â
She whispers as she slips her middle and ring finger to your core, prodding at the entrance.
âEllieâŚâ you whine
Her fingers slowly ease in, your walls clenching instinctively. Your hands move to the back of her neck as you arch against her, another moan slips out.
She pumps her fingers in and out. She pulls her head away from you, wanting to watch your expression.
You look away, your lips parted and your cheeks flushed. She speeds up her rhythm, curling her fingers slightly to hit the spot that forces a louder moan out of you.
âLet me see you. Look at me.â she instructs softly She moves her free hand to your chin, titling your head towards her. âThere you go.â she coos
Your hips move against her, forcing her palm to hit your clit. Your head presses against the mattress as you let out another moan, her name mixed in.
Her gaze meets yours, already slightly fucked out. A smirk is plastered on her lips as she continues her rhythm, pumping deeper and curling her fingers slightly.
âFuck! Right there!â You moan out
She presses her palm against your clit. She has a slightly determined expression on her face. To get you as loud as she wants.
âYeah? Right there?â she says in a smug tone
She lumps deeper, repeating attacking your g-spot. You moan out her name. She let out a small hum in response.
âI know.. I know..â she whispers
You squirm under her touch, your walls clenching around her fingers as you orgasm. She pushes you through it, your juices squirting onto her hand.
Your legs instinctively close as you feel the warmth pouring out of you. She coos scoff and puts her free hand on your knee, pulling your legs back apart.
She pulls her fingers out of you, her fingers coated in your juices. She smirks softy as she looks up at you.
âFuck⌠Ellieâ you whisper breathlessly
She takes her fingers to her mouth, pressing them in as her tongue darts out to taste you.
âYou taste so good.â She mutters before pulling her fingers away. She moves closer to you, pressing a kiss on the corner of your mouth.
âI still havenât gotten my payment, yâknow.â She says with a smirk before sliding her hand under your thigh, pulling it to your chest.
âyou like ridinâ me, baby?â you could barely respond, her strap was hitting in the perfect spot. over, and over again. all you could do was whimper and soak in every bit of pleasure you were getting.
she laughs at your lack of response, a breathy eased more wetness out from your hole, and onto her. âso fuckinâ good. fuckinâ ridinâ me like your life depends on it.â
she groans and tilts her head back against the headboard, your hands meet her naked chest and you bring your lips to her neck urgently, leaving dark marks that clashed against her pale, freckled skin.
âmhm - yes! fuck, love it so much.â you moan into her, your climax reaching you quickly, ellies hands then move to grip on your ass, it jiggles in her hands. a sensation she could never quite get over. âsuch a good girl, fuckinâ love you baby.â
you could tell she was as close as you were when her grip on you became firm, lifting you up and down in sloppy, quick motions. then just when you thought she couldnt get any hotter, she lifts her hat off of her head and places it on yours. âoh! ohoh im cumming! ellie, fuck!â
her movements speed up, her strap thrusting into your sopping hole with ease. your orgasm hit fast, milky fluid leaking out onto ellies strap. ellie came shortly after, moving her hands up and down frok your ass to your back. she laughs under her breath,
hooting and hollering about spencer being obsessed with being married!
it's probably a year after your wedding, but he still gets giddy every time he sees you put your ring next to his on the nightstand before bed.
has a framed picture from your wedding day on his desk. not one of the posed ones, although those are all in prominent places on your walls, but one of your first look. you look radiant and happy and he looks a little ridiculous, white-knuckling his little book of vows with his eyes full of tears.
takes every single opportunity to call you his wife and it gets a little much.
like even to Derek or Emily, he'll go "yeah, my wife's picking me up" and they're both like ??? we know her name lmfao
gets the same kind of giddy when he hears you refer to him as your husband, like full on heart eyes as he trails after you.
also, every once in a while when you're fucking especially passionately, he gets the urge to recite his vows again, panting, hot breath fanning over your ear as his hips move as if on their own accord.
asks you to do it sometimes, gasping the prompt up at you as you drag yourself up and down on his lap.
"come on sweetheart, 'i take you, spencer reid', you can do it."
a hill i will die on is that a little life by hanya yanagihara is not meaningless and is not torture porn and is in fact a very stark and realistic exploration of unprocessed trauma and the inability to talk and how trauma shapes the way you view those who love you and the fact that tiktok has turned it into the "you will cry at the end!!!!" book honestly breaks my heart
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