Mai and Zuko parallels and contrasts:
Both were victims of abuse
Zuko fell victim to both physical and emotional abuse and manipulation at the hands of his father, while Mai fell victim to her parents’ emotional abuse and manipulation
Both Zuko and Mai share a secondary abuser (Azula) who has tried to emotionally control and manipulate them
Zuko was closer to his mother; when he strayed away from his father’s expectations of him he was verbally and/or physically punished by his father
Mai wasn’t close to either of her parents due to their emotional manipulation of her; when she strayed away from her mother’s expectations, she was shut down, or her privileges were taken from her
Zuko reacted to his abuse by becoming even more determined to gain his father’s love and acceptance while Mai distanced herself emotionally to keep herself from being hurt further
This difference in reaction is primarily due to the end goal of each respective victim’s abuse, or the end goal of the abuser:
Zuko: I just want my father’s love, so I’m going to do everything in my power to win his acceptance.
Mai: There’s no use in me fighting for my own independence. or for what I want, because my parents and my secondary abuser are very controlling and manipulative, so I’m going to wall myself off and just not care. After all, courtesy is a lady’s armor.
This is more theoretical given how little we know about Mai, but this theory is inspired by a little reblog I saw on on of my posts. Anyway, my theory is that, had the show given us more background on Mai, the following parallel would have been made evident (although we kind of get a little hint of it actually being the case):
Ozai is very masculine, believing in tradition ideas of masculinity (honor, mercilessness, brute strength, power, etc). He attempted to instill this traditional sense of masculinity on both of his children
While this worked on Azula, it did not work on Zuko, who was always more in tune with more traditionally female traits (compassion, empathy, mercy, love,being emotional)
Ozai punished Zuko for his more feminine characteristics, wanting him to embody more masculine traits
While Zuko tried to adhere to his father’s idea of manliness during his exile, he ultimately could and would not do it, staying true to his roots
As for the more theoretical part of this theory, I think it can be argued that Mai was meant to be brought up as a proper lady, and that Ukano and Michi tried to sculpt her into what they thought a proper lady ought to be
While she had been girlish and openly emotional as a child (as we see in the Zuko Alone flashback), she eventually began to exhibit more masculine traits by becoming more stoic and not caring about her emotions the way she used to (She is, however, emotionally open with people who have not abused or manipulated her: Ty Lee, her uncle, Zuko, Kei Lo)
Ultimately, however, Mai chooses love and emotion (a traditionally female trait) by saving Zuko (”I love Zuko, more than I fear you)
Funnily enough, however, the trope of the guy saving the girl and then later showing up at the girl’s doorstep alive and well is flip-flopped, with Zuko being the one who needs saving, and Mai being the one to save him (thus keeping up with the “Maiko has its gender norms reversed” theme)
Coping mechanisms for abuse
Mai became stoic and walled herself off, while Zuko would become angry and began to act out (Book 1 Zuko)
Mai learns to become emotionally open, while Zuko learns to reign in his anger
Both have been trained in the use of melee weapons. Zuko has his dao swords, and Mai has her knives
Both are closer to their uncles than their fathers
Mai’s arc is about her reclaiming her agency from Azula, while Zuko’s arc is about him realizing that he doesn’t have to be what his father wants him to be
Zuko stands up to Ozai in “The Day of Black Sun,” while Mai stands up to Azula in “The Boiling Rock”
Ozai uses lightening against Zuko in an attempt to kill him, only to have Zuko redirect it
Azula tries to use lightening against Mai in an attempt to kill her, only to have Ty Lee chi block Azula
While both Zuko and Mai have changed significantly since Zuko’s banishment, both learn to embrace who they were prior to Zuko’s exile (even if they’re still fairly different people than whom they had been at that time)
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