ramble about the trust + animosity between qifrey and olruggio
sparked from a @ladysdork convo as per usual.
this whole post is kind of centered around the idea that olruggio trusts qifrey so much that olly would just accept the memory wipes qifrey gives him no problem. that olruggio trusts qifrey is wiping his memories for a good reason. olly would def clock multiple gaps in his memory even if he doesn't know why qifrey's doing it. i don't think this adds up because the story has already shown us a few times that olly doesn't fully trust qifrey. i also think it's notable that there's a lot of unresolved tension between qifrey and olruggio that hasn't been resolved yet.
so to go back to the beginning. a scene that i think about a lot is olruggio's first meeting with coco. mostly because it seems.... out of character. olruggio is so harsh with coco here.
his anger at qifrey taking another apprentice at the start is easy to understand. this directly impacts olly's life and qifrey never asked him.
olly is pissed off, but he still gives qifrey a chance to explain himself. olly hasn't made any rash decisions yet.
until qifrey says coco is a victim of forbidden magic. olruggio doesn't ask for an explanation this time. he makes up his mind immediately that the situation is bad. he clearly does not trust qifrey's judgement in bringing this girl to the atelier or else he would at least wait to hear qifrey out. it takes magic for qifrey to get olly to listen.
olruggio grabs coco's arm IMMEDIATELY. for an adult who cares about kids' trust, he's so aggressive here. which shows how deeply olruggio wants to keep qifrey away from the brimcaps.
i think it's easy to connect, qifrey -> brimcaps -> bad but i wish we had more context for what exactly olly's afraid of. is he afraid of the brims killing qifrey? i don't know that that adds up because the brims stay away from qifrey. they go after coco when qifrey's not there. does he not think qifrey would be able to find them and that qifrey would drive himself crazy looking?
the explanation i think makes the most sense is that olly knows how unhealthy qifrey's obsession was last time and he wants to avoid that for qifrey i guess? but even then... olly doesn't ask any follow up questions about the situation. he doesn't ask qifrey what he plans to do with coco, he doesn't ask qifrey how forbidden magic is involved. olly just immediately jumps to brimcaps bad.
qifrey doesn't even mention the brimcaps here btw... and in a way the brims weren't involved. coco is the one who uses forbidden magic. not a brimcap. of course the brimcaps are the masterminds, but olruggio doesn't know that yet.
olruggio taking a girl he doesn't know, that qifrey has an attachment to and immediately deciding to take her to get her memory wiped is crazy. it shows how truly angry he is. this is a character we see go to bat for the kids around him. he's about to irrevocably change coco's life forever and he doesn't even hesitate.
his anger is clearly with qifrey and not coco. if his trust in qifrey was absolute, he would have at the very least heard what qifrey has to say before storming off with coco because he trusts that qifrey's intentions are good. olruggio's reaction suggest he thinks qifrey's intentions are anything but good.
and qifrey is clearly taking this seriously, he knows olly isn't bluffing because qifrey goes as far as to use his magic against olly. olruggio isn't listening and is reacting intensely so qifrey returns that intensity. it takes magic to get olly to stop.
it does get olruggio's attention and it stresses him out that qifrey would use magic against him for this kid. after qifrey already betrayed his trust by bringing on a student without telling olruggio, he hurts olly further by using his magic against him.
if olly's trust in qifrey was unshakable, they would have had this convo at the start.
and oh my goddddd their convo inside is so insane. quite honestly, qifrey treat olly with very little respect in this scene.
olruggio says this:
and qifrey's manipulation begins. he ignores olruggio and hones in on the fact that he called coco an outsider. probably trying to remind olly that he doesn't like the term outsider since it was used towards qifrey as a kid too. the derailment works perfectly. olly apologizes to coco. point 1 qifrey.
olruggio points out the irony that qifrey is making him, as watchful eye, sweep this issue under the rug and to this qifrey offers a truthful reply.
olruggio's next point is that it's not their job to investigate forbidden magic.
like it's so funny how much qifrey looks like he does not give a fuck here, but it shows how he's not taking his transgressions against olly seriously. or he doesn't care. he's reacting as if olly's anger here isn't justified. qifrey has brought a kid into olly's life without telling him, dropped a bomb on olly that forbidden magic is involved, and used his magic against olly. olly's anger is fully justified and qifrey's reaction is this loool.
so anyway instead of addressing olruggio's question qifrey again derails them again by offering coco an explanation of what the knights moralis are and ignoring olly.
qifrey finishes his explanation of the knights and chooses his dirtiest manipulation tactic yet.
this is such a bitch move to get olly to do what he wants. at the very least olruggio knows qifrey lost his memories before the great hall. qifrey knows he knows and qifrey will use that to stick the knife in and get his way. after olruggio has one last line about how he thought qifrey was going to finally settle down and then olly gives up. qifrey gets his way and coco stays.
qifrey doesn't apologize once to olruggio in this entire sequence when he at the very least could apologize for bringing in another apprentice without telling olly. qifrey barely responds to olly's questions, is openly bored when olly's speaking, and manipulates olly in really personal ways. qifrey is a dick about the entire situation quite frankly.
TLDR on this scene though is that if olruggio trusted qifrey fully, he would not have reacted like he did. he tries to take coco away without even hearing the whole story. if he trusted qifrey fully olly at the very least would ask more about how forbidden magic was involved with coco. instead olly gets warning signs going off in his brain and his first instinct is to take coco to the knights.
the entire great hall arc is olruggio doubting qifrey's sincerity in becoming coco's master. he sees qifrey abandon his apprentices to try and chase after the brim caps and doubts qifrey's sincerity towards coco's apprenticeship.
olly is doubting qifrey's goodness here. he thinks qifrey's using coco for his own dangerous means. he does not trust that qifrey is doing right by coco. to the extent that he goes to coco on his own to make sure she feels comfortable with qifrey as her master.
i also think it's notable that olruggio asks coco this after beldy has his realization about qifrey. beldy is saying qifrey is finally donning a teacher's visage.
and olly considers it, but ultimately he was there to watch qifrey ditch the kids to go after the brim caps. olly had to physically pull him back and so he has to ask coco herself that she feels comfortable with qifrey as her teacher. he doesn't trust qifrey's word alone, he needs coco to tell him directly.
and olruggio is doubting qifrey over something so serious. he thinks qifrey is using an innocent child as a means to an end. against a dangerous group of individuals. his lack of trust here goes deep. this is a lack of trust in qifrey's very character. it's an adult potentially taking advantage of a kid which i think is a soft spot for olly based on his own childhood.
in general there's a lot of aniomosity between olly and qifrey that is never resolved. qifrey never apologizes for anything.
in chapter 40, olruggio brings up trust. he's gotten coco's word that she wants to study under qifrey, but he still won't let it drop fully. he brings is up to qifrey face to face, trying to get qifrey to promise he won't abuse the trust of his apprentices. like you've abused trust with me is the unspoken part here.
so qifrey wipes olly's memories and that solves qifrey's problem of olruggio knowing too much about the brimcaps plan and his vision, but it wouldn't resolve the concerns olly's had since the great hall right?
my point here is that olruggio would still remember the things he wants to discuss with qifrey from the great hall, but we never see him bring it up again. he might not remember their conversation on the hilltop, but he remembers when he wants to have the conversation in the first place. olly leaves things alone from ch. 40, but that doesn't mean he's gotten over the things qifrey has never apologized for. instead qifrey's transgressions are piling up on top of each other. will olly have a breaking point eventually i wonder?
so yeah, i don't know that it tracks when people suggest olly would just trust qifrey was wiping his memories for a good reason. we see olruggio not trust qifrey's intentions multiple times in the series over serious matters. we also see a lot of unresolved tension between them that seemingly gets swept under the rug, so i wonder if that will bubble up again eventually. they go back to their baseline of being normal and sweet with each other pretty easily it seems, but i don't think it means olly's forgotten about the things he was angry about either.
The joy of the WHA age swap au is that I can put the Qiflings through hell <3
In canon, Richeh's abuse is terrible but I can make it worse without Qifrey there to pick her up and help her out; I can make Agott's relationship with her mother and her family more terrible and fraught; I can make COCO'S life worse because she's been haunted by the Brimcaps for over a decade atp; I can make - well we don't know Tetia's backstory yet but BET that I can make that one more tragic too
I have a sinking feeling about Qifrey and where his story is headed.
MASSIVE spoilers and maybe slightly long-winded theorizing below the cut.
I believe quite certainly that Qifrey intends to reveal the complete truth to Olruggio very soon, and that while he seems to be accepting his fate, he is trying to maintain as much control over the terms of his inevitable end as possible.
Following the events of Chapter 88, after he reveals his nature as a Silverwood host to Coco, he asks to postpone his complete confession, wishing to be able to reveal the truth elsewhere, in a peaceful place beneath a wide open sky where his roots would have room to comfortably grow. He has described the land around the atelier in this way many times before.
Later, when the entire group is finally reunited and Olruggio tells Qifrey they’re going home. Qifrey’s expression looks pained for a moment, before he answers, “Alright then. Let's go home. Our atelier awaits."
His verbal recognition of the atelier as his home is a rather glaring signal that he is beginning to accept his imminent end and has chosen the atelier as his ideal final resting place. This is hinted at early on in a sequence during which Beldaruit spoke to Riliphin of the Silverwoods, and implied that he knew of Qifrey’s condition as he privately worried that his beginning to think of the atelier as his home could be dangerous for him.
At a point during their journey home, we return to the group to find the girls all asleep, while Qifrey has distanced himself from the rest, sitting on the bank of a lake to write in his book. Olruggio joins him and points out how far he’s sitting from the fire.
I think this was probably intentional in an effort to be closer to the lake to keep himself anxious, since it is my personal theory that here, Qifrey is actually writing a letter to Olruggio in which he tells him the entire truth, and that the narration through the next arc is comprised of excerpts from that letter. The lake is intended to be a failsafe of sorts, since of course, we know that vocalizing the truth to Olly is Qifrey’s greatest comfort trigger, while water touching his skin is his biggest anxiety trigger. Given this, it makes sense for him to choose this particular spot to begin to release the truth so he has a means of keeping the Silverwood at bay readily available should he need it, which he evidently does later on.
In the segments that follow, Qifrey reminisces on how he and Olruggio crossed paths at the Great Hall and became close.
Through the end of chapter 91, we watch the story unfold neutrally as though it is happening in real time, with no narration, but in chapter 92, something shifts. As soon as Qifrey’s recount reaches the part of the story that would have been lost to Olruggio’s memory, a past-tense narrator voice begins to cut in, and suddenly, it becomes clear this story is being told to someone, not merely recalled, and not just to anyone, but to Olruggio by Qifrey. This is the strongest evidence that what we’re reading is actually the contents of a letter to Olruggio.
All of this indicates to me that Qifrey is not just reminiscing, but is actively preparing for the end. The telling of the story, the physical and emotional distance Qifrey has put between himself and the others, and his now repeated framing of the atelier as both home and the kind of place where he would want to be forever, are all supportive of that.
As far as we know, Qifrey hasn’t been the one to initiate a full confession since they were kids at the Tower of Tomes. Spilling his guts in a letter written under duress is probably a new tactic, and it’s a smart one, as it ensures Qifrey can get the complete truth out on his terms without the usual interruption from the Silvertree.
We also know that Qifrey would rather die than have his transformation hurt the people he loves, so at this point, I wouldn't put it past him to leave the letter at home where the others will find it before going off to trigger his transformation alone, or waiting until the others are gone to trigger it.
This is what has me especially worried for him now, because Olruggio and the girls just left the atelier, leaving Qifrey there by himself. Maybe I'm projecting (probably), but the thought of Qifrey leaving a note and then going off to essentially kill himself makes my stomach hurt. Painfully though, it does feel in character, especially now that he's vocalized his trust in his students, particularly Coco, to carry on his mission. Olruggio, please go home now, your husband is an active danger to himself!!
Fortunately, Hiehart and Jujy pay the atelier a visit, but even upon greeting them, he does already seem on edge and uncharacteristically down.
Hopefully, whatever Hiehart has to say will get Qifrey out of his head and convince him to keep living for a little while longer. I'm guessing he's going to ask Qifrey to take on Jujy as his apprentice. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Anyways. To conclude, here is Qifrey’s directed narration/possible excerpts from a letter to Olruggio compiled:
Every day I turned my gaze away from the encroaching dread, and for as long as I was in the dark, I was happy. I greeted each morning with excitement, for with the rise of the sun came another adventure with you. I thought if I could retrieve the past I lost, my joy would be as genuine as yours, and perhaps I would have a real chance to share in your happiness. A child can dream. Like ordinary boys, we would share our visions of tomorrow with each other and we would laugh at how far away it all seemed.
Little did I know that felicity came with forgetting. It was a bliss born of ignorance. If I knew what I was… If I knew that I was never meant to be saved, I would've stayed far away from you, the sky’s kindest, most radiant star.
I once read an old poem that likened stars to boats sailing through the sky. But as far as I know, boats don’t twinkle like stars. The light doesn’t come from the vessel itself, but its guiding torch. Like your pyreball, it burns at the bow. A beacon of light in the dark.
After that fateful day, you would uncover my secret again and again. Each time you would respond with disbelief. Then your face would twist and turn in anguish. And after biting back a few words, you would show me grace, and comfort me and forgive me for lying to you. And then, without fail, the Silverwood’s roots would grow. You would offer me the same path back every time, and I would take it, adding to my mess of sins.
I had often considered leaving your side. I thought that perhaps traveling alone would save me from taking away your memories. But even that minute solace was enough for the Silverwood. I knew then that distance would do nothing but break my promise to you.
So I had another thought: A master never wants for worry with apprentices to look after. The selfishness behind my reason for taking on pupils made me ill, but they’d never have to know that. So I decided to put every fiber of my being toward becoming a good educator. If only I had known then what a joy it truly is to watch your students grow with each passing day.
It’s somewhat rare for a Silverwood to take root in people. Unlike animals, they tend to hold onto too much anxiety. Which is why the tree planted in Custus that gave him his legs raises some questions. My right eye was the only one to sprout during the experiments. It must have some connection to the Silverwood in Custas. For so long, I thought I was the only host, but now I'm not so sure. There could be more victims out there than I ever imagined.
Did I make the right choice?
Would it have been better to throw everything aside and hunt down the brimmed caps?
Doubts like these turn in my head, but the moment I see my atelier, I remember.
This is where my heart is. This is where I want to be.
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