-- Sam Wilcox --

24 years - bisexual - james dean fc: aaron johnson - rp only

[moreauemily]

Yeah well I tried. I was a beach ball so any effort was a lot back then. Yeah okay maybe not, but weren’t you aware that doing stuff like that would have made your body heal wrong? I don’t even want to know what thing’s. How was it not your fault? You’re i charge of yourself. Yeah, same to you too. About the whole being around thing. I always want you around. I’m so used to it, it’s weird when you aren’t here. It’s meant for like a specific set of thing’s not the hour long pep talks you give your hair. 

I could write a book about how much shit I’ve gone through. It’d be a pretty depressing book through most of it. I don’t know if you can call bullshit on me. I honestly could have used someone else to talk to. Most of the people I did talk to, didn’t get the situation. It sort of just made me feel more alone. ere just not the kind of friends, especially back then who would have been like “hey I need you in my life.” I’m not hung up on it since I’m still here in one piece and were friends. Yeah I think I’ll pass on the hot sauce. It doesn’t sound very good. He loves when you do that. He hides cookies in his pockets now so next time you do that, be careful. I was gonna say he looks like you, I mean toddler age, but still. 

[tornapart-wilcox]

"I don't think your pregnancy waddle ever went away. It's gotten worse since you had Simon. I'm not sure. I mean, there were times when I regretted what I had done but I thought that it was just part of the healing process because everything hurt anyway. It feels weird driving by your house. Sometimes it was hard to avoid. It’s faster to cut through the neighborhood. Well, it’s not like my hair growls at me. What’s hiding under all of that messy blonde hair? You could. I’d rather wait for the movie. I probably wouldn’t have believed you a year ago. I would have thought you were making shit up. It’s not easy to tell just anyone. You weren’t my favorite person when we met. I wanted you to go away. I’m over it now. Whatever. It’s not like I’d share my hot sauce with you anyway. Wait what? He should just eat them. I’m going to eat them. Yeah, that’s what my mom has said. He doesn’t have stupid eye glasses, though. 

[moreauemily]

That was because we didn’t want you to have to lean over too much. Not really, cause I had to clean up that mess. I feel like they  probably recover faster because you kept acting like you were in better shape than you really were.Was it you’re fault? I don’t know if it works like that Sam. I’m better off than I was, but it doesn’t mean I stop needing you in my life. That’s still a long hour. You barely look like you’ve anything in there. Yeah sure, Sam . You got lucky that I did understand. It could have been bad if didn’t already know all this. Yeah I know. I didn’t blame you or anything for not talking to me, It wasn’t like we were good friends back then and I did get an unnecessary amount of negativity thrown my way. Sometimes. It’s not like I use it a lot for regular thing’s. Well now I know your secret if you hate something. I’ve noticed. He doesn’t run to  you holding his waistband so you can’t grab him anymore. He does make a mad face, I’ll give you that, but of course her looks like me. Did you notice he looks more like a Moreau?

[tornapart-wilcox]

It didn't really work, though, but I guess I appreciate the effort. It's not easy being patient when you're in that situation. I probably could have slowed down because there were things that I was doing that I'm not really proud of now. But it still wasn't really my fault, so no. I'll be around as long as you want me to be. Even if you don't need me anymore. Yeah, well, that's because there's stuff you don't need to know about. Isn’t the bathroom meant for privacy?

A lot of shit has happened to you, though, I would have been surprised if you didn't know. I'd also be calling bullshit. No, I know, and I'm sorry for that. Spencer wouldn't even talk to me. I figured you didn't want to talk to me either. Everyone in this town is an asshole. The upside is that it makes virtually anything edible but the downside is that it makes me feel like I swallowed a knife. He's still fun to hang upside down, though. I just don't hold him by his pants now. Yeah, I’ve noticed. He kind of looks like your dad.

[moreauemily]

“I still don’t know how that mess happened so fast. You’re being way too dramatic. I didn’t laugh did I? I came in and tried to help. Well you healed alright and your pride came back. I don’t like having you worry about me either. When you do, it means I’m in a terrible state, but when you worry I don’t feel as bad. That is a matter of opinion. I don’t spend ten hours in a bathroom getting ready.She doesn’t seem like the type to freak out. There’s only two outcomes.  She believes you or she doesn’t. One day you should find out though. Not like tomorrow, but you know?Yeah it was. Well half of it. That was around the time I got kicked out of the apartment and all of that.  I didn’t say you weren’t Sam. I wouldn’t know when it comes to the hot sauce. I get that, but he’s a child not a sack of potatoes. Be glad he doesn’t give you the stare I give you when you make me mad”

[tornapart-wilcox]

Because you guys set everything too close to me. I knocked one thing over and then the rest followed. I'm sure you were laughing on the inside. It wasn't supposed to take as long as it did, though. Most people recover faster than I did. But I don't think that's James' fault. I don't know whose fault it is. If I don't have to worry about you anymore then you probably don't need me. Which is a good thing, right? At most, it's like an hour. I'd still be good looking even if I didn't take my time getting ready but I wouldn’t look as nice. It’s not like i wear makeup. Obviously I’m not going to tell her tomorrow. It wasn’t easy to bring it up with you and you’re the only person I thought of who might understand. I’ll tell her someday. Oh, yeah, I remember that time. We weren’t really talking to each other. I mean, it’s not like I was avoiding you. I just had my own life and you and Spencer had broken up. Do you even put hot sauce on anything? I do if I don’t really like something. I know he’s not and I don’t try to hold him like that anymore. It’s pretty close, though. You can really tell he’s your kid. 

[moreauemily]

“Because it was the best example I had to show how miserable you seemed. It was honestly like five minutes. Yeah That’s true Yeah I think you got lucky there cause whoever this is seems to want to help. The whole hurting me thing isn’t still going on or anything, otherwise I wouldn’t be this together at this point. Yeah I get it, I’m not going to win any award for perfect skin, but it is weird to have marks that weren’t there before. You did get really lucky Sam. ‘The craziest ‘sane’ person?’ I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or insult. I guess you’re right though. I did know what you were talking about and James honestly might not have any idea. Maybe, maybe not. Are you really that concerned your past life is cooler than you? Most of them are. Probably cause you’re good at your job. I’m not sure about cooler than, but my past life died when she was twenty, so any day I live is a successful day. You better not be. Knowing Simon he’d  be spitting up hot sauce all over everything. He’d forgive you if you played with him. Okay to be fair you shouldn’t lift him like that even in diapers, so that one’s on you.  He gave you the biggest angry stare ever when you did that. “

[tornapart-wilcox]

"I couldn't even call you to come back. The phone was too far away. Part of me was hoping that I would just starve to death before you guys came back so that I wouldn't have to see your face when you found me. There's no room for pride when you have a broken pelvis. That's good at least. I don't like having to worry about you even though I still do sometimes. Obviously. Scars aside, I'm still better looking than you. Yeah, I know. It’s a little bit of both. I don’t want to freak her out. What if she doesn’t believe me? She might think I’m on drugs or something. Honestly, yeah. Is that why you tried to stab yourself? I’m good at a lot of things. I just happen to know more about cars. Then we would have something in common. Hot sauce is the worst to throw up. It hurts my hip to bend down sometimes. So I thought it’d be okay to grab him by his pants." 

[moreauemily]

That’s why I kept moving around. If I stopped I’d get stuck. You were kind of a mess. I felt bad the day all the popcorn had spilled and you were stuck. I miss him too. Yeah I know we did and I always feel bad about it. I admit I wasn’t in the best state of mind then. Because in her weird way I think she was protecting me. It’s crazy, but  it made sense at the time. The scar is just  a reminder not to get that messed up again, which could have happened. That kind of sounds like there’s something there. Have you ever asked her if she goes through this? Oh yeah that definitely sounds like a dream unless you actually got him to kiss you, which is kind of a ‘wow’ moment. What if it’s someone cool or someone of historical importance though? You seem like yourself to me. What the hell Sam? Simon would have cried and then you wouldn’t be ‘cool uncle Sam’ to him anymore.

[tornapart-wilcox]

“Why did you have to bring that up? It’s so embarrassing. You guys weren’t even gone that long. Well, it’s not like we haven’t each been there before. As much as I don’t want to admit it. I’m not sure if it makes sense to me. I don’t think this person wants to hurt me. I probably wouldn’t be alive if he hadn’t taken the wheel. But I can’t look at my scars and think the same as you. Because they just remind me that my skin isn’t as nice as it used to be and I know Spencer told me that I should be grateful to be alive and I am, especially now that he’s gone, but it’s not that simple. No, we haven’t talked about this kind of stuff. You’re the only person I’ve talked to about it. You’re the craziest ‘sane’ person that i know so I felt like I should bring it up to you before anyone else. it doesn’t matter now. It’s not like he's coming back so I’ll never know the truth. What if it’s someone who’s cooler than me? I know it’s hard to believe, but it might be true. I don’t want to be a loser compared to my past life. The only thing I’ve accomplished in the last two years is not getting fired and i still don’t know how that’s even possible. I’m not being serious. I wouldn’t do that to Simon. It would be a waste of hot sauce. He would probably forgive me anyway. I think he finally got over me lifting him up by the back of his pants, though you really should have told me he wasn’t in a diaper anymore.“

[moreauemily]

“I was pregnant, not dying, so why not help you, especially since you could barely move. It’s weird, but it made sense why I kept going back to him and letting myself get into the situations I did. I stabbed myself that one time partially because of that person talking to me. Maybe she is connected to you, who knows. Do you feel a weird bond at all with her? Yeah that makes sense. What exactly were you doing in the dream? I swear it’s not bullshit. I’d come up with something better than that if it was. Yeah, I know her name. I don’t think the looks are mandatory. At least you’re a good uncle. You finally got Simon to stop chewing on the cars and start playing with them”

[tornapart-wilcox]

It’s just surprising that you got anything done because you coudn’t sit down without getting stuck. That was the worst.  I couldn’t even sit up. I miss him, but sometimes you guys worried me. Why would she do that? Yeah. The first time that I saw her it was like we had met before. But then she started torturing me and I didn’t like her anymore. I probably wouldn’t have come back to therapy if it had been someone else, though. We were making out. But I am pretty sure I hooked up with a girl that night. So I don’t know when I fell asleep. It’s still a lot to take in. I don’t know if i want to know who this person is. I just want to be me again. I don’t want to be anyone else. I’m never myself. It’s a good thing because I was going to start putting hot sauce on the cars so that he would stop putting them in his mouth. But that would have messed up the paint. 

[moreauemily]

“I know it wasn’t very fun for me to see happen to you, even if I sassed you. Yeah it does. It happened cause him and I were connected. I have no idea. Do you think it was a dream? Oh. That’s not helpful. Kind of. They’re kind of like ghosts. This is gonna sound crazy, but they’re past lives. Oh mine looks kind of like me, but with different eye color. I don’t know if you’d know who it was I saw. I don’t think anyone will be as off as him, but at the same time I don’t think anyone will be as smart as him. Yeah maybe. It seems like after having kids the men in the family go a little deep end.”

[tornapart-wilcox]

"You were still pretty helpful. I mean, you were kind of waddling around like a duck most of the time but you still got shit done. That's weird. I don't think I am connected to anyone. Though, I really like James. Actually, I guess it's kind of gotten more intense since she came into my life. Like I said, It felt real. But I don't think he would have done what we were doing in my dream, so it probably wasn't. That sounds like bullshit but I think that I still believe you.  Do you know their name? I don't think that mine looks like me. I'd rather stick to being an uncle. I really want to keep whatever sanity I have left.”

[moreauemily]

“That makes sense, so it’s been a long time. Maybe the accident had to happen in its own really terrible way to have thing’s make sense. Cause I just had dreams and then it progressed to nightmares, then I wasn’t sleeping and everything fell together after the whole overdose thing. I dream all the time still.  It’s not as bad as it was. You had a dream about Luke? It’s a real person for me and the other’s so I assume it’s the same for you. Oh shit, that sounds scary. A red jacket? Anything else looks wise? From what I know it is. Our grandma always says he was sort of normal once and then when Randy was born he started getting weird. She also said that started to happen with my dad.”

[tornapart-wilcox]

"It was one of the worst experiences of my life, though. Why couldn't I have just tripped on a curb? Oh, right. That's... so does that mean Spencer was involved? Yeah, it's dumb. I was really drunk. We were still in high school. It felt real but it had to have been a dream, right? I don't know. I've never looked at him long enough to see his face. He usually disappears before I get a good look at him. Are these people real like are they ghosts? I don't get it. What does your person look like? I don't want to end up as crazy as him. Maybe I just won't have kids. That’s probably what gets us guys in the family.”

[moreauemily]

“Honestly I don’t know how far it goes, but I assume the whole town. I’ve known about this whole thing for a while. When did it start? I think I was really young when I started dreaming about stuff. Who is it that you see? Wait okay first of all you probably should listen to your conscience, just cause that’s what it’s there for. I’m not calling you a whore and you’re not losing your mind. You can go crazy from it sort of,but I don’t think this is it”

[tornapart-wilcox]

"Well, I guess I've always had this voice inside me. There weren't a lot of kids to hang out with so I don't know it felt lonely but sometimes it didn't? But it didn't get louder until after my accident. Do you dream a lot? I never have dreams. I mean, there was this one time that I had a really weird dream about Luke but that's not important right now. I really don’t dream much. Is it a real person? Because I don't know. It's not a good image. Like he's really hurt... and that freaks me out? He's wearing a red jacket. Yeah, yeah, but sometimes it’s annoying. I’ve got things to do. Is that what happened to our grandpa?"

[moreauemily]

“No it’s not a family thing. I think it’s bigger than that, because I know of people dealing with this that aren’t the family. But it does effect everyone in the family. Wait you saw them in your car? Is it always your car? Yeah okay Sam, whatever makes you happy. It was a joke to lighten the mood. It makes me uncomfortable when you’re so serious. “

[tornapart-wilcox]

"Bigger than what? Are you saying it’s more than just us? Like the whole world... the whole town? I’ve only seen him a couple of times. Like when I got into my car accident. It’s like he grabbed the wheel. Then when I woke up in the hospital, there was someone sitting in the chair but then he was gone. But I was pretty drugged up then. Most of the time I just feel like there’s someone telling me not to do shit. I usually ignore the voice, though, I thought maybe it was just my conscience. Yeah, know. I just don’t feel like being called a whore right now. At least that wouldn’t make feel like I’m losing my fuckin’ mind.”

[moreauemily]

“Oh that. Yeah I know what your talking about. That  ‘someone inside you’ thing made me think we were having a different conversation for a second.”

[tornapart-wilcox]

“I don’t know if that makes me feel better. Is this some kind of family thing? You just start seeing dead guys in your car and then.... that’s it. You’re just crazy? Because I really don’t fucking want that. No. Oh my god, no. We’re not having that kind of conversation. You’re not being helpful, Emily.” 

[moreauemily]

“Could be? I promise not to laugh, but by saying that it makes me want to. Okay how bad could it be?”

[tornapart-wilcox]

"Do you ever feel like you're not just you? Like, I don't know. It just feels like there's someone inside me. In my head, I mean... I can feel it."

[moreauemily]

Yeah sure, what’s going on? It’s not anything bad right?

[tornapart-wilcox]

"I don’t know. It could be bad? It kind of depends on your reaction. You can't laugh at me, though. Because I’m already feeling weird about it."

[tornapart-wilcox]

Hey, Emily --- can I talk to you about something?

[seramonroe]

So uh,I never thought I'd really get to say this out loud but, I'm getting married!

[seramonroe]

Really, Sam? You know what, fuck you! I’m not gonna let you ruin this moment for me. I’m fucking happy and in a good place for once in a long time and it’s becasue of a man who cares about me and helps me,and now we’re gonna be married and I get to be ecstatic over that. Just because you’re being a miserable fuck doesn’t mean the rest of the world has to be. I’ve lost too, okay! I’ve been through shit too but I’m at least trying to make my life better. What are you doing, Sam? Yeah life sucks but fucking do something about it rather than shitting on those who are happy. Jesus.

[tornapart-wilcox]

You know what, Sera? Go fuck yourself. I don't need your shit tonight either. That's just fucking great. Be ecstatic! Shout it from the roof tops. Just don't be surprised when not everyone fucking cares. I'm sure he's a real stand up guy. Like all the rest of them, right? Not everyone in town can blow through as many guys as you. I'm not trying to drag anyone down with me. Just let the "miserable fucks" be miserable. Right? You know what? I've had a really fucking confusing and shitty year. I'm trying, alright? Things don't just turn around because you want them too and it's not that easy to keep things from going under even when you do try. So again, go fuck yourself. 

[seramonroe]

So uh,I never thought I'd really get to say this out loud but, I'm getting married!

[seramonroe]

Yeah well if that’s the case why open your mouth in the first place? If you really don’t care then why bother to make such a condescending remark altogether? Because I don’t need that. I don’t deserve that. 

[tornapart-wilcox]

Because I wanted to know if I was supposed to congratulate you. I mean, are you doing it for the right reasons? If there are any, it's not like marriage is my thing, or are you just getting married because you're pushing thirty? Yeah...well, sometimes you don't get what you deserve. Sometimes life kind of sucks. Like when your best friend dies, or someone dates the guy you like. 

[seramonroe]

So uh,I never thought I'd really get to say this out loud but, I'm getting married!

[seramonroe]

Well no, not exactly. I was just hoping to be able to celebrate this happy moment for myself. Or is that not allowed, Sam?

[tornapart-wilcox]

What's stopping you? You're allowed to do whatever you want, Sera. You're a grown woman. Date whoever. Marry whoever. I don't give a shit.