You've seen my descent, now watch my rising

I'm Lauren. Perpetually 21. Nurse. Left my old life behind for my dream job. Trying to live my best life. This is where I let my chaotic mind run a little bit free. I'd suggest checking my tags because that's where the honesty really is. "I am damaged and torn and have been ripped at the seams, and to be entirely alive seems like nothing more distant than a dream"

[tornattheseams]

A Beauty Queen!!!

[tornattheseams]

I hate missing people. Like really missing people, the heart hurting kind where you aren’t really quite sure how you got from where you were to where you are now. 

[deeplystained]

25.

No. The answer is still no. I am not okay. I wasn’t okay the last time you asked, I’m not okay now, please don’t ask again.

I can’t put a timer on my recovery period. Please don’t ask me to measure in seconds, weeks, or even years what can only be measured in seismic waves. In waves of vertigo.

I cannot approximate the amount of damage done that night, when my life was so violently uprooted from its bed of soil, I can only say its magnitude falls somewhere on the Richter scale. 

Do not ask me how long it has been since I smiled and meant it, ask me instead what stage of grief I keep cycling back to. Ask me what I learned from dancing on fault lines.

Ask me how sleep is even possible when I still feel tremors of the aftershock threatening to topple my spine like a house of cards, how I cling to the edge of my dreams with white-knuckled fists on those nights.

How I manage to climb out of the rubble every morning to rebuild my world. Brick by brick. The ground has not stopped quaking under my feet, ask me how I’m keeping my balance.

Ask me how I got up after the shaking brought me to my knees. How I’m still standing when everything around me is begging me to collapse.

[craved-deactivated20230908]

“To know what a person has done, and to know who a person is, are very different things.”

— Hannah Kent (via quotemadness)

[yvesolade]

“I mean I am in my country // watching my country burn because of my // country”

— Hala Alyan, from “When They Say Pledge Allegiance, I Say,” published in The Adroit Journal (via lifeinpoetry)

[tornattheseams]

He didn’t deserve the demons he had. I was the glue for such a long time, and I found myself becoming... less and less sticky. The pieces just started to float away."

- Ariana Grande about the death of Mac Miller

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

worst kind of lonely

[iamwizzzzz]

[weltenwellen]

Octavio Paz, tr. by Elizabeth Bishop, The Collected Poems, 1957-1987

[deviika]

—Fyodor Dostoevsky

[tornattheseams]

October & November moods

[phloa]

[laureala]

GREY'S ANATOMY 1.03 — Winning a Battle, Losing the War

C: Kick them out! M: I can't kick them out, they just moved in.

[adderalldust]

“If the dead were truly to come back, what would they come back knowing? Could we face them? We who allowed them to die? The clear light of day tells me that I did not allow John to die, that I did not have that power, but do I believe that? Does he?”

— Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking

[adderalldust]

“That conversation we were always on the edge of having, runs on in my head…”

— Adrienne Rich, “Twenty-One Love Poems,” Part XX

[tornattheseams]

Grey’s Anatomy 17x04

[hammyness16-deactivated20210909]