being calm about hockey

a replacement-level blog (main account: stupidoaf.tumblr.com)

[torontoarenas]

a belated congrats to the toronto maple leafs ice hockey club on their best outcome to a season since 2002. sometimes “losing in game seven of the second round” is just about the best you can hope for from a franchise, and maybe that’s fine. anyway this is my last post on here. good bye. go leafs, forever

[torontoarenas]

my other comment on the Quarter-Century Team is that i would have put any of Jake Gardiner, Jake Muzzin, or TJ Brodie on the team instead of Dion Phaneuf. but that’s just me. some loser who’s still fighting in the Jake Gardiner Wars in the year of our lord two-thousand and twenty-five

[torontoarenas]

it’s a real testament to how much talent the Leafs have had at forward since the start of the twenty-first century that players as gifted as Alex Mogilny, James van Riemsdyk, and Nazem Kadri couldn’t make the Quarter-Century Team

surely they must have a Stanley Cup or two to show for it, right? or even a berth in the Finals, at least!

[torontoarenas]

lol. alrighty then.

props to william nylander for making me really excited for approximately one minute and props to the boston p.a. operator for playing 100 gecs "hollywood baby" at one point.

see y'all next year, maybe.

[torontoarenas]

Best Buds #3

went right back to not watching the games. this time it’s because i was peeling potatoes and carrots in a church basement with several of my transsexual friends. so this is just based on the box score and vibes.

1. William Nylander. my boy. my favourite guy. 2 goals. incredible.

2. Joseph Woll. only one goal against for the second game in a row, and it was in the garbagiest of garbage time. pretty impressive!

3. Pontus Holmberg. well. there’s no obvious third candidate based on the box score alone, so i’m pickin’ the guy who had the most shots on goal among forwards not named William Nylander. apologies to Timothy Liljegren and Matthew Knies if your primary assists were well-executed — i just haven’t seen ’em yet, so i wouldn’t know.

[torontoarenas]

Best Buds #2

i actually watched this one! wow.

1. Joseph Woll. whenever a goalie allows but a single measly goal over the course of a full game, it’s safe to say they held up their end of the bargain. couldn’t have done much better than that.

2. Matthew Knies. i am putting him here because he scored the game winner. he was not particularly noticeable otherwise.

3. John Tavares. i am putting him here because his drive to the net set up the game winner. he was not particularly noticeable otherwise. neither were any of the other leafs skaters, frankly—for good or bad.

this was a nothing of a game, but that doesn’t matter now. because the leafs won. go leafs

[torontoarenas]

Leafs in the Playoffs! 10

i also realized i forgot to do this. mostly because i almost never look at tumblr anymore. (and every time i do could be my last!) but when i looked at my post history and saw that i've done nine of these, i thought, "well, how could i stop there?" after all, ten's such a nice round number.

without further ado, here's the list of every former or current toronto maple leaf under contract to an NHL playoff team in 2023-24:

Boston

James van Riemsdyk (2013 to 2018)

Carolina

Frederik Andersen (2016 to 2021)

Stefan Noesen (2021)

Colorado

{N/A}

Dallas

Mason Marchment (2020)

Edmonton

Connor Brown (2016 to 2019)

Jack Campbell (2020 to 2022) [in the minors]

Sam Carrick (2014 to 2016)

Cody Ceci (2019 to 2020)

Seth Griffith (2016) [in the minors]

Zach Hyman (2016 to 2021)

Greg McKegg (2014 to 2015) [in the minors]

Calvin Pickard (2017)

Florida

{N/A}

Los Angeles

Trevor Moore (2018 to 2020)

David Rittich (2021)

Nashville

Tyson Barrie (2019 to 2020)

Kevin Gravel (2019) [in the minors]

Ryan O'Reilly (2023)

Luke Schenn (2008 to 2012; 2023)

NY Islanders

Pierre Engvall (2019 to 2023)

Matt Martin (2016 to 2018)

NY Rangers

Erik Gustafsson (2023)

Mac Hollowell (2022) [in the minors]

Nic Petan (2019 to 2021) [in the minors]

Jimmy Vesey (2021)

Tampa Bay

{N/A}

Toronto

Nick Abruzzese (2022 to present) [in the minors]

Simon Benoit (2023 to present)

Tyler Bertuzzi (2023 to present)

T. J. Brodie (2021 to present)

Kyle Clifford (2020; 2021 to present) [in the minors]

Connor Dewar (2024 to present)

Max Domi (2023 to present)

Joel Edmundson (2023 to present)

Mark Giordano (2022 to present)

Noah Gregor (2023 to present)

Pontus Holmberg (2022 to present)

Calle Järnkrok (2022 to present)

Martin Jones (2023 to present)

David Kämpf (2021 to present)

John Klingberg (2023 to present) [LTIR]

Matthew Knies (2023 to present)

Maxime Lajoie (2023 to present) [in the minors]

Timothy Liljegren (2020 to present)

Ilya Lyubushkin (2022; 2024 to present)

Mitch Marner (2016 to present)

Auston Matthews (2016 to present)

Jake McCabe (2023 to present)

Bobby McMann (2023 to present)

Fraser Minten (2023 to present) [in junior with Saskatoon Blades]

Matt Murray (2022 to present) [LTIR]

Jake Muzzin (2019 to present) [LTIR]

William Nylander (2016 to present)

Ryan Reaves (2023 to present)

Morgan Rielly (2013 to present)

Marshall Rifai (2024 to present) [in the minors]

Nick Robertson (2020 to present)

Ilya Samsonov (2022 to present)

Alex Steeves (2021 to present) [in the minors]

John Tavares (2018 to present)

Connor Timmins (2022 to present)

Joseph Woll (2021 to present)

Vancouver

Sam Lafferty (2023)

Ilya Mikheyev (2019 to 2022)

Vegas

Michael Amadio (2021)

Byron Froese (2015 to 2016) [in the minors]

Ben Hutton (2021)

Washington

Nicolas Aubé-Kubel (2022)

Rasmus Sandin (2019 to 2023)

Winnipeg

{N/A}

[torontoarenas]

Best Buds #1

i’ve only watched one leafs game so far this year and it was their regular season finale against Tampa, which i watched in the hope of seeing Auston Matthews’s 70th goal but that didn’t happen & i went home disappointed. (what else is new.) anyway, now that it’s playoff time, i figured i’d bring this bit back. here goes:

1. Auston Matthews — he got the game-winner and primary-assisted on the other two goals. who else am i supposed to put here. get real!

2. Ilya Samsonov — didn’t watch this game but i saw the highlight reel a second ago and it seemed like he had to make some tough saves.

3. Max Domi — i really don’t want to say Max Domi (because i just don’t like him), but i think i have to here. 1g + 1a. that’s pretty good. unless… there’s another non-Matthews Leaf who had a higher moneypuck xG tonight? aw crap. no, it’s Domi alright. ok. fair’s fair. you’re #3. for now

[torontoarenas]

with only 6 regulation wins in the first 23 games of the season, it kinda seems like the leafs stink this year. but they are in second in the atlantic by points percentage and they did just beat ottawa, so: lol. sucks 2 suck, senators

[torontoarenas]

so far, treliving has signed one good player to a reasonable deal (bertuzzi) & four bums to overpriced ones (kampf, reaves, klingberg, domi, with the worst of those two getting multi-year deals above the buriable limit). not a super inspiring start for the new guy. i just hope the accumulated cap hit of all these signings doesn't lead to him trading nylander for scraps. or maybe i do, so that it can be a useful pretext to stop caring about the leafs for the next little while

[torontoarenas]

stanley cup final pick

fine! fine!! i get it!!!!! florida. you’re the fucking Team Of Destiny, i guess.

panthers in 5

[torontoarenas]

dog. this quote made me cry. thanks, kyle. good luck out there, man. thanks for helping build a pretty fun hockey team!

[torontoarenas]

2023 NHL Playoff Predictions, Round 3

lol. i only got one round 2 pick correct out of four. so thanks, dallas, for being the only team that hasn’t failed me so far. i will reward your loyalty with the following predictions

carolina vs. florida. of course the eastern final would consist of two teams i picked against in both of the preceding rounds. but that’s the way it always goes, isn’t it? i picked carolina to make the final in the preseason, so i’ll revert back to them. dance with who brung ya, and whatnot. carolina in 6.

vegas vs. dallas. dallas in 7.

final

carolina vs. dallas. dallas in 7.

[torontoarenas]

that might have been the last william nylander goal we’ll ever see for the toronto maple leafs 🥲 i love him so much

[torontoarenas]

morgan rielly scored there, but if the refs say they blew the whistle before the puck went in, there’s really not much you can do there. whatever

[torontoarenas]

Best Buds #5

game 4 isn’t when i wanted to be writing my first “best buds” of the second round, but as a sports blogger, you just gotta take what you’re given. maybe the leafs can pull off the monumental comeback or maybe they can’t (and for the record, i don’t think they will), but it’s just nice to see another win!

1. joseph woll. i didn’t like the goal he gave up to reinhart, but he was solid throughout the game. very composed in his first career playoff start.

2. william nylander. my boy was buzzing, zipping, flying, &c. out there! i had a feeling he would score in this game. his goal was ugly as shit (some might say: “gritty”), but they all count. he’s been their best skater this series, imo.

3. auston matthews. didn’t get a goal tonight, but not for want of trying. maybe he’ll get on the board next time :)

[torontoarenas]

i don’t expect the leafs to win the series anymore, but man. even just a win or two would be nice. just give us one thing to cheer about in this series, hey?