Tortured Texas

An incorrent quotes page for the game Arknights focused on Texas being absolutely mortified at her fellow operators

[tortured-texas]

Lappland: Okay, this will definitely work this time. Beehunter is away on an operation, and we had honey in the dinner tonight. It’s perfect!

Gummy: Whatever you say....

*moments later*

Texas: Hey Gummy, do you have any food left? I’ve been in the infirmary after nearly getting my head blown off so I missed dinner.

Gummy: S-Sure... We had pork roasted with... uh... whatever that thing bees make. What was it again?

Texas, holding her head: Some loud, annoying noise.

Lappland: Yes dear?

Texas: ...

[tortured-texas]

Gummy: So, you’re sure this will work?

Lappland: Absolutely. Texas will definitely proclaim her love to me here and now.

*moments later*

Gummy: Hey Texas, what was that thing that bees make again?

Texas: Honey?

Lappland: Yes de-

Beehunter, slamming a door in Lappland’s face: DID SOMEBODY SAY HONEY?

[tortured-texas]

Texas: Alright, everyone, we have a new operator joining us. This here is Whislash.

Whislash: Hi everyone, please treat me well! Is Nearl around by chance? It’s been so long since I’ve seen my niece.

Lappland: Niece?

Texas: Lappland, don’t.

Lappland: M-

Texas: Don’t.

Lappland: Mommy.

[tortured-texas]

Texas: Ok, repeat after me: I, Ceobe

Ceobe: I, Ceobe

Texas: Will not

Ceobe: Will not

Texas: Eat random mushrooms

Ceobe: Eat random mushrooms

Texas: That I find in the woods

Ceobe: That I find in the woods.

Texas: Ok, repeat it back to me.

Ceobe, taking a bite out of a Limbic mushroom: Hm?

[tortured-texas]

Texas, crawling into Doctor’s office: Doctor... please... we need a medic...

Doctor, tossing an elite medic voucher into the trash: hehe upgraded jessica go brrr

[tortured-texas]

Texas: I’ll be back, I need to head to Dr Kalt’sit - my foot got injured last battle and she’s going to take a look at it.

Projekt Red: Alright, don’t get mitosis!

Texas: ...what?

Projekt Red: Mitosis. Where your cells all split in half.

Texas: h-

[tortured-texas]

Texas: Jaye, this sushi is really good! What’s all in it?

Jaye: Don’t you mean “who” is in it?

Texas: W-Who?

Jaye: Speaking of which... I haven’t seen Lappland recently... have you?

Texas: Lapp...land?

Texas rushes out the door, hands over her mouth.

Jaye: ...You can come out now

Lappland pops up from behind a counter and picks some sushi off of Texas’ plate

Lappland: So, you think she’ll be happy to see me for once?

Jaye: Absolutely. This sushi was costly to make, though. You are going to pay me, right?

Lappland: ...

Lappland slowly ducks down behind the counter

[tortured-texas]

Kal’tsit: God, I hate British people.

Texas: British people?

Kal’tsit: You know, “pip pip cheerio let’s kill half the world for spices and then not use em, except on chewsday”?

Texas: I’m shaking what the fuck is a British

[tortured-texas]

Texas: Hey Jessica, I have the candy you wanted.

Jessica: Oh, thank you! Do... do you take tips?

Texas: *remembering Aak and Lappland* I absolutely do not.

Jessica: O-Oh, I made you a little origami dog... if you don’t want it though... that’s okay...

Texas: AbsolutelyIwilltakeitthankyouverymuch

[tortured-texas]

Texas: *knocks on the door to Lappland’s dormitory* Delivery.

Lappland, in lingerie: Oh, a delivery! I don’t have any money though... perhaps I could give you a tip some other way?

Texas: You paid in advance. Bye.

[tortured-texas]

Doctor: *sitting at his desk, somehow at negative sanity*

Texas: Well, we have to help him somehow. Anyone have any ideas?

Gavial: What if we just... turn him off then on again?

Lappland: Perfect idea! Matterhorn, take off your shirt!

Matterhorn: *rips his shirt off to reveal a stunning six-pack*

Lappland: Ok Texas, now you!

Texas: Absolutely not.

[tortured-texas]

Texas: Hey Aak here’s the syringes you needed.

Aak: Thanks a ton Texas - help yourself to anything in The Box as a tip.

Texas: The Box?

Aak: Yeah, the leftovers from my last surgery - The Box.

Texas: no thank you i’m just gonna go now

[tortured-texas]

Texas: Doctor, why would you recruit W? Isn’t she, you know, one of the bad guys?

W: Aw c’mon Texas, could a bad guy do this?

W:

Texas: Yes yes you definitely could.

[tortured-texas]

Texas: Ifrit, why is Weedy on fire?

Ifrit: The better question is why aren’t you on fire?

[tortured-texas]

Texas: Hey Doctor, mind not deploying me for the mission today? I’m feeling under the weather

Doctor: You know what I do when I’m feeling down? Spend originite prime on headhunting!

Texas: Aren’t those supposed to pay for Amiya’s surgery next week?

Doctor, already unzipping the ten-roll bag: Yup!

[tortured-texas]

Emperor: Texas, this is the third package in a row that’s missing the lemon sugar candies I requested! Are you slacking now or something?

Texas: I checked for them in the parcel before I sealed it, they should be in there!

Jessica: Yeah dhey should be in dhere...

Texas: Jessica what are you eating?

Jessica: ...lemon sugar candies...

[tortured-texas]

Gavial: Jeez, you’re really bleeding a lot. We need a transfusion. What’s your blood type?

Texas: B-Positive

Gavial: Well I’m trying to but you’re kind of dying right now!