Totally True Tyler Posey Facts

FACT: Tyler Posey is a gift.

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FACT: Tyler Posey once scribbled a random drawing on the clean side of a used Burger King napkin. That drawing turned out to be the entire first draft of the script that eventually went on to become Disney’s 1989 blockbuster hit, “The Little Mermaid.”

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FACT: Every time a ship war breaks out in the tags, Tyler Posey sheds a single, heartbroken tear. You don’t want to be the reason Tyler’s crying, do you?

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FACT: Everything in the universe is either Tyler Posey or not Tyler Posey.

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FACT: Tyler Posey can lick his own nipple.

GIF Source

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So, what is the difference between Tyler and a freshly washed and dried puppy?

Is this the set up to a joke? Anon, you can’t leave us hanging…

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Did you know???

Did you know that the “T” in Tumblr stands for Tyler Posey?

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Did you know????

Did you know that Tyler Posey invented the side hug?

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FACT: The Boy Scouts of America no longer offers the Flawless Human Being Badge because in the history of the organization, only one scout has met the requirements of the badge. That scout was Tyler Posey.

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Twas the Night Before Poseymas

'Twas the night before Poseymas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The hot wings were sat by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. TPose soon would be there; The children were nestled all snug in their beds; While visions of teen wolves danced in their heads; And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my snapback, Had just settled our butts for a long winter's nap, When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow, Gave a lustre of midday to objects below, When what to my wondering eyes did appear, But a miniature skateboard and eight puppies, I fear. With a totally rad driver, the best of all bros, I knew in a moment he must be TPose. More rapid than eagles his puppies they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name: "Now, Barker! now, Hoppus! now DeLonge and Alex! On, Rian! on, Zack! on, Jack and...Fuck I forgot the last one LOL! To the top of the porch! go balls to the wall! Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!" As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky; So up to the housetop the puppies they flew With the skateboard full of toys, and St. TPose too— And then I heard on the roof (dude naw) The prancing and tapping of each little paw. As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney St. TPose came with a bound. He was dressed all in grunge, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot; A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, And he looked like a punk all covered in tats. His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His plush little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard on his chin was hot af tho; The stump of a blunt he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath; He had a broad face and a little crooked jaw That I wanted him to use to eat my ass raw. He was tanned and all smiles, a right jolly high elf, And I thirsted when I saw him, in spite of myself; A wink of his eye and a shake of his head Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread; He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk, And flipping me off and then picking his nose, And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose; He sprang to his skateboard, to his pups gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight— “Happy Poseymas to all, and to all a good night!”

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Our Posey

Our Posey, whose butt is heaven, hallowed be thy tats. Thy hair is awesome. Thy will be done on Twitter as it is on Instagram. Give us your smile, our daily bread, and forgive us our thirsty asses, as we forgive those who aren't thirsty enough for you. And lead us not into a season 7, but deliver us from Teen Wolf. For thine is the Emmy, and the People’s Choice Award, and the Golden Globe, for ever and ever. Amen, bro.

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FACT: Tyler Posey spontaneously generates puppies every time he’s in front of a camera. He can’t help it, so please consider adopting one of these spontaneous Posey pups from your local animal shelter. Thank you.

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Are you Tyler Posey

FACT: I am not Tyler Posey. I hope I didn’t disappoint you. Please accept, as a token of my apologies, this gif of a guy being aggressively loved by pug puppies.

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FACT: If Tyler Posey fluttered his eyelashes in China, he could cause an adornado in Kansas. An adornado is a rare meteorological event resembling a tornado, only instead of destroying stuff, adornadoes make things cuter and better than they were before.

Believe it or not, this used to be a backyard storage shed until one of Tyler’s adornadoes hit it.

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FACT: According to a 2013 Stanford University study, people confuse Tyler Posey and Tyler Perry less often than you would think.

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FACT: Tyler Posey is not qualified to perform exorcisms.

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FACT: Tyler Posey is worth it and will work it. He'll put his thing down, flip it, and reverse it.

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FACT: If Tyler Posey were a woodchuck, he could chuck more wood than any other woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. But he won't, because he's not in competition with the woodchucks and just wants everyone to do their best.