Wrong Quotes From All Your Favourite Inklings

[totallywrongsplatoonquotes]

[Aloha at the head of a business meeting]: Okay, story ideas. Now, I dunno where you worked before, but Aloha does things a litte differently.

[pulls out a handgun, cocks it and slams in the table]

Aloha: Now pitch.

[totallywrongsplatoonquotes]

Agent 4: I'm just inspecting for illegal weapons.

Rider: That sounds pretty boring. What do you say you and me go around the corner and make your job alot more exciting... I can tell by your lack of interest that I was joking.

[totallywrongsplatoonquotes]

Rider: I swear, Goggles, if I were you, I'd just punch me right in the face.

Goggles punches Rider right in the nose

Rider: OW! Goggles!

Goggles smiles and blinks innocently: ... What?

Rider: You just punched me in the face!

Goggles: You said to...

[totallywrongsplatoonquotes]

Goggles: Well, Skull asked me to make his eyebrows look nice, so I tried to wax them, but, when I took the wax strips off there was, umm... A problem.

Skull: ... My eyebrows are gone!

Goggles takes out two wax strips: No, they're not! I told you - they're right here!!

[totallywrongsplatoonquotes]

Army: Okay, your wants have been finished. Now- [Army drops his bathrobe]

Aloha: Oh, that's what all the fuss is about? Okay, yeah, no problem.

[totallywrongsplatoonquotes]

Goggles: [Looking at cell phone] Oh, it's Aloha!

Rider: Oh, did he get me the stuff?

Goggles: Yeah. He says he got you the... clown costume, a power drill and... tweve gallons of blood.

Rider: Wow. Where'd he find twelve gallons of fake blood?

Goggles: You wanted fake blood...? ... I'll call Aloha...

[totallywrongsplatoonquotes]

Mask: Before I get trapped in the elevator, I need get food poisoning first. It really makes everyone I'm stuck with feel the panic.

[totallywrongsplatoonquotes]

Aloha: You know what's crazy about this time of year? Everything is pumpkin spic-

Diver: We all follow your Twitter, Aloha.

[totallywrongsplatoonquotes]

Aviator: We're now in the heart of the ol' jerkin' district. This is where all the jerkin' was... They used to have to chisel the walls clean...

[totallywrongsplatoonquotes]

Aviator: Oh, Skull, you're gonna love downtown. Every block is full of grime! There's peep shows, wank palaces and stroke domes as far as the eye can see!

[totallywrongsplatoonquotes]

Army bawling while holding a tomato: It's the color of uncooked salmon...! The most delicious color of all!!!

[totallywrongsplatoonquotes]

Goggles: To a chased kiss with Rider! [Cheers red solo cup with Aloha at a party, drinks] Mmm... That's not too bad...!

[Twelve hours later]

Drunk Goggles: I sucked seven dicks! And I didn't even get to Rider!!

[totallywrongsplatoonquotes]

[Skull tries to make the biggest home-made waterslide in his backyard, but does it unprofessionally. A college kid starts going down as it's still being made]

College kid: Suck my dick, losers! [Speeds down so quickly that he rockets into the air, flying majestically like an eagle, then lands on the roof of a car, smashing his entire body and the car itself, the horn blaring over twelve blocks away]

Skull: ... Did that sound like he landed in someone elses pool...?

[totallywrongsplatoonquotes]

Army: I'm going to bed, Aloha.

Aloha: [breaks pill in front of Army's face] Not anymore, you're not, that'll keep you wired for a couple hours.

Army: What is that?!

Aloha: For you, it's a study aid. I use it to go dancing.

[totallywrongsplatoonquotes]

Skull: No, Aloha... We can't kill her. Not even for those shoes. [Gets up from sniper position and walks away]

Aloha: Well, can we kill her for the pot? Cause it's like a hundred dollar pot! Skull!

[totallywrongsplatoonquotes]

[Job Application]

Boss: I'm sorry Skull, but I just don't think you're qualified. None of this is on your permanent record.

Skull: Permanent record? That's a real thing?

Boss: Well if it wasn't, how would I know that... In fifth grade you tried to get out of a math test by putting a slice of pizza in your underwear and saying it was your period.

Skull: That's on there?! Alright, first of all, that never happened. Second of all, it was a calzone.

[totallywrongsplatoonquotes]

Skull running to church with the S4: I hope I havn't missed the part where the three Chinese guys give purfume to the star baby. I-it's like the diaries of a mad man.