logic is not the end of wisdom.

independent rp blog for spock from star trek aos. a remake of infinite-diversity. mun and muse are both of age, but will not write smut. please make sure you check out the "important" link in the sidebar; there's some info there about the way i play spock. also note that the following trigger warnings may frequently apply: mental illness; terminal illness; death. (others may occur and will be tagged to the best of my ability. if something triggers you and is not tagged, please let me know and i will tag it.) tracks: #touchtelepathy ooc: #outoflogic; queue: #a queue of two worlds; STARFLEET SCIENCES { COMMANDER }

[lionmxn-blog]

       ( he squeezes Spock’s hand gently and laces their fingers together - the gesture sending a little thrill through him.

           Oh, he’s in such trouble if Spock finds out he knows exactly what he’s doing. )

                “You’re sweet.                      But you’ve gotta remember I didn’t get to plan this one.                            The next one will be much better.” 

        ( his voice is full of warmth and fondness - and a little edge of nerves.                he desperately wants Spock to have a nice time, and to want to do this again. )

[touchtelepathy]

[ Spock is unable to keep his breath from hitching. No one has ever touched him like this before -- not even Nyota, with whom intimacy had been strictly Human in nature. He had not minded it, for it had allowed a measure of distance. Distance he finds he does not desire with Jim. ]

                     "You speak as though you are preparing me for disappointment."

           [ He squeezes Jim's fingers very lightly. ]

                                           "This is unnecessary, for I shall not be disappointed."

[lionmxn-blog]

        “Come on then, Spock.” 

( he physically cannot stop smiling. It’s starting to hurt his face.        Jim holds out a hand to Spock with a crooked grin ) 

             ”I promise this will be an awesome date, okay?”

[touchtelepathy]

[ Spock tries not to stare at the outstretched hand. Jim cannot possibly know what it means -- it is simply a Human gesture of casual affection. Yes, that must be it. He takes his hand anyway ---- ]

     [ ---- and immediately feels the shame and thrill of public indecency wash over him. ]

                                                  "I do not doubt it."

[touchtelepathy]

"Leave me alone."

"I will not. You require medical attention, and as your First Officer, it is my duty to see that you receive it."

[aureolum]

        “Maybe I was talking to the human part of you,”

        “—Nevermind. And you know what? This isn’t working. I want another topic to let my wander off to. You and Uhura; how are things going?”

[touchtelepathy]

     "Contrary to popular misconception, I cannot separate my Vulcan and Human halves. I was raised in the Vulcan way; therefore, I identify as a Vulcan."

       "I do not understand. What is 'not working'? Have I misinterpreted your question?"

[ Spock pauses, brow slightly furrowed. ]

                        "Lieutenant Uhura and I terminated our relationship 2.14 months ago."

[touchtelepathy]

“I’m trying to flirt with you, okay?”

                ” —- Indeed. To what end?”

[lionmxn-blog]

          “Both, then.            Come on, I’m sure I can find something to cook.” 

( he’s smiling so much his face hurts       he’s going on a date.          with Spock. )

[touchtelepathy]

                   "Very well."

[ The smile on Jim's face causes a strange -- but not unpleasant -- twisting sensation in his stomach. The twisting is accompanied by a faint urge to touch Jim's hand. ]

[touchtelepathy]

“I’m trying to flirt with you, okay?”

                ” —- Indeed. To what end?”

[lionmxn-blog]

      ( oh, Spock wants a date now?           and Jim is tempted. Very, very tempted. ) 

                       ”I could…                         you want me to cook for you now?

                           I’d love to, but I’m stealing you the next time we’re off shift too.                            A proper date involves planning.                            But I can wing it, too.”

[touchtelepathy]

              "I am amenable to whatever you would prefer. As I am the less-experienced party where these matters are concerned, I defer to your expertise."

[ No, but he definitely wants a date now. And a date later. ]

                                         [ Greedy Vulcan. ]

[touchtelepathy]

“I’m trying to flirt with you, okay?”

                ” —- Indeed. To what end?”

[lionmxn-blog]

       ”Oi, watch it.         Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s rude to sass your commanding officer?

                   I’m kidding, Spock.

        But yes, I can cook. And I want to cook for you.         Umm, when are we both off shift next?”

[touchtelepathy]

                        "Barring the fact that we are currently both off-duty -- "

[ Perhaps there's a little suggestion in his tone, but of course he won't admit it. ]

            "Our next shared shift is scheduled for 2230.191 -- that is, 3.85 days from now."

[touchtelepathy]

“I’m trying to flirt with you, okay?”

                ” —- Indeed. To what end?”

[lionmxn-blog]

        “Oh.          Well, I mean finding creative things to do on a date is half the fun, really.          What…what if I made you dinner on one of the observation decks?           Would you like that? I mean would it be an okay date?” 

[touchtelepathy]

               "I was unaware that you possessed any culinary ability."

[ He gives a minute smirk, almost teasing. ]

                             "Affirmative, Jim. I would be amenable to your suggestion."

[xensiis]

touchtelepathy started following you

          “Commander, we’re in sensor range of Alpha Dengha V.            Did you want to start initial scans of the planet before beaming down?”  

[touchtelepathy]

               "Affirmative, Lieutenant. Sensors indicate a Class L planet -- oxygen/argon atmosphere -- and no immediate signs of animal life on the surface. Additionally, the planet's troposphere is dense with suspended particulate matter. The use of respirators will be necessary."

[fiveyearsgodhelpme]

Leonard had slid into his bed not ten minutes before the hybrid joined him, a small, tired smile forming on his face. The doctor turned slightly towards the other, running a hand through his own short damn hair.

"It's alright darlin'." He muttered, sleep deepening his accent. Leonard wrapped his warm arounds around the width of Spock's shoulders loosely.

[touchtelepathy]

Feeling the heat of Leonard's closeness, Spock moved nearer, pressing his face into the curve of the doctor's neck. The scent of him, clean and familiar, soothed the Vulcan into an almost meditative state of relaxation. Deep in his chest, a soft purr began to rumble; his eyes closed and a soft breath escaped his lips. He wasn't shivering anymore.

"Ashal-veh," he sighed, though the word was almost lost beneath the purr.

[touchtelepathy]

It was ship's night; the chronometer read 0127. The door to McCoy's quarters opened silently for Spock's access code and he stepped inside, heedless of the fact that the room was in darkness. He was dressed in a thick sweater, hand knit, with a high Vulcan collar and was shivering slightly -- which was the reason he sought out the CMO in the first place.

"The climate controls in my quarters are malfunctioning," he murmured as he climbed into bed beside his lover, curling into his warmth. "Forgive me for disturbing you."

[touchtelepathy]

“I’m trying to flirt with you, okay?”

                ” —- Indeed. To what end?”

[lionmxn-blog]

      “Oh, yeah I…        …we don’t have to, I mean if you didn’t want—

               —I should probably go. I’ll uh, see you later?” 

[touchtelepathy]

                    "Jim, you misunderstand. I did not say that I do not wish to -- merely that I do not know how such a 'date' could be conducted in our current position. As I understand them, dates typically consist of excursions to mutually-agreed-upon locales, often including an eating establishment."

[touchtelepathy]

“I’m trying to flirt with you, okay?”

                ” —- Indeed. To what end?”

[lionmxn-blog]

    — “Well, next step was to ask you out on a date                        you know, if you want.”

[touchtelepathy]

                 "--- We are in a starship, Jim. Or has that fact escaped your notice? I do not understand how that is conducive to the Human courtship ritual of 'dates'."

[rex-stellarum]

"you’re not my mother and you can’t stop me. i can do whatever i want to.”

              { he glares at Spock with his piercing blue eyes before lowering his head to stare at the black pavement. this isn’t what he wants, the Vulcan is his best friend, but he can’t stand it when people insist on babying him. }

[touchtelepathy]

[ Spock weathers the glare without a flinch, eyes leveled on Jim despite his harsh words. They hurt him -- there was no point in denying that now -- but Jim's safety was far more important than his own emotions. ]

               "I do not seek to parent you, Jim. I wish only for you to be safe from harm, even -- especially -- if that harm originates from your own person. If I am able to defend you, then I will do so to the very extent of my ability. You are my captain. My friend. There is no one dearer to me than you."

[touchtelepathy]

Do you want to build a snowman?

"Negative. As I am Vulcan, my body is not able to comfortably withstand such temperatures."

[starfleetsfinest]

"You know what I meant, Spock. The heat room thing, or just your quarters. And I don’t want to enjoy it with others, Spock. If I did I wouldn’t have come after you!"

[touchtelepathy]

"My lack of enjoyment will surely hinder your enjoyment. Please cease your attempts to convince me to take part. Perhaps Doctor McCoy would be a suitable alternative."

[touchtelepathy]

“I’m trying to flirt with you, okay?”

"As I am unfamiliar with the Human behaviour known as ‘flirting’, I cannot say with any certainty whether or not it is ‘okay’."

[starfleetsfinest]

"Yeah, well, I guess you could say I’m an expert. At flirting that is. I don’t really do the whole relationship thing," he fudged, half smiling when he saw Spock fidgeting. "I… So how about it? I mean…. Are you adverse to me flirting?"

[touchtelepathy]

"You may flirt as you wish. I cannot stop you...nor do I find it particularly displeasing. However, I request that you clarify your intentions." The more he spoke, the deeper the green in Spock's cheeks grew. He had certainly never experienced such a thing with Nyota; it warranted further study.

"Reason being that Vulcans are monogamous. Once we have chosen our mates, it is for life, and we do not share them with others. Casual sexual relations as Humans seem to favour are not in our nature. If that is what you desire, I cannot provide it."

[infinite-diversity]

Angst please

8. My muse has poisoned themselves (accident or purposeful, up to the mun.) and become very ill while alone with your muse.

It was fortunate for Spock that Jim had a lot to say, so that his own silence was not noted. He had hoped that the Captain would have forgotten about their weekly chess match — or else have been too busy for it — but as the saying went, he had no such luck. The poison Spock had formulated and ingested (created thanks to one of Sulu’s beloved exotic plants) mere minutes before Jim’s arrival had yet to take effect. He wondered if it would be considered indecisive of him to hope that it would not do so until after the game. He willed his hand not to shake as he moved his queen to take one of Jim’s rooks. 

"Please…excuse me a moment, Jim," he half-muttered as he stood with none of his usual grace, knees bumping the table and sending chess pieces toppling. He barely made it to their shared bathroom before he was heaving. Cramps rippled painfully through his abdomen as he vomited a terrible combination of bile and blood into the toilet. He knew that his body was attempting to expel the toxins — Vulcan biology was efficient in that way — but he had also done his best to ensure that the poison would be effective despite this fact.

When he could no longer bring anything up, Spock curled onto his side on the bathroom floor. Shivers wracked his frame, and he hoped that the end would come swiftly — and without Jim’s intervention.

[starfleetsfinest]

Even as he leaned closer to Spock, Jim was suddenly overwhelmed with images and emotions, which was incredibly disconcerting seeing it was Spock who was sharing them with him. He felt lost in a sea of pain and separation, watching Spock grow, pushed away and disregarded by the Vulcans around him. The way he was pushed around and teased mercilessly by his own fellow students.

It was dark, and lonely, and Jim felt full of compassion for the hybrid. He took a breath he hadn’t known he had been avoiding and then went into his own mind, dredging up old pains and memories for Spock to see, to understand.

The line of men in and out of Winona’s life. The endless threat of disease for a boy not born on Terran soil. The look in Winona’s face every anniversary of his father’s death, and the way she would cry to Sam, but never to him. The introduction of Frank into his life, and the many times he had hit Sam, and Jim, and told them both how worthless they were.

The looks on the schoolchildren’s faces when Jim was first introduced, awe,and then disgusted when he did better than all of them. The first time one of the older boys pushes him around and Sam is nowhere to be found to save his skin. 

Flashes of faces, of broken bones and bruises littering his body. The day Frank decided that he no longer wanted them around, and with Winona offplanet again, it was perfectly acceptable to ship them off to their uncle on Tarsus IV.

His memories continued, loss after loss, pain after pain, and always Jim, always alone, and always shoved in the public eye. There were happy times too, but those bright lights shone few and far inbetween the loneliness and imcompleteness he felt on a regular day to day basis.

[touchtelepathy]

Spock wrenched his hand away at last, gasping for breath and unable to stem the flow of tears that poured down his face. It was too much to bear, Jim's misery mingling with his own as if it had always belonged to him. He collapsed bonelessly against Jim as he sobbed, with his fingers tangled into the fabric of command gold and gripping it as if for dear life. Too much. It was all too much.

He should not have let Jim see -- should not have let himself see. Even as he wept into his Captain's shoulder, he waited to be pushed away. After all of this, there was no possible way Jim could wish to be near him: it was simply not logical. There had only been one person in his life who had loved him despite his myriad failings and disappointments, and she was no more. Not even dead, she had ceased to exist entirely. He did not deserve a second chance at that sort of acceptance.

[touchtelepathy]

Do you want to build a snowman?

"Negative. As I am Vulcan, my body is not able to comfortably withstand such temperatures."

[starfleetsfinest]

"Assumptions, assumptions. What if I promise we’ll only be out there long enough to build this world’s smallest snowman and then we’ll come back in and you can go bake in a sauna?"

[touchtelepathy]

"Once more, I will decline. A sauna will provide little in the way of relief, as deserts are not humid. Certainly, there can be no shortage of others with whom you might enjoy the snow."