Always Passing

~*Cancey's Vent Blog*~ (AKA sorry you have to see this) I'm a sixteen year old loser with too many blogs, too many thoughts, and a dog. Feat. stupid issues and social anxiety and family issues also i don't want help like i want help but not yours. unless i directly seek you out and ask, please do not. try to. help. please. "That the wind came out of the cloud by night, Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee." - Edgar Allen Poe

[toujours-de-passage]

No one follows this account anymore thank god

It is shame o'clock and I’m not sorry

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update i am a little sorry

I have been achieving record lows lately lmao

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No one follows this account anymore thank god It is shame o'clock and I'm not sorry

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sighs, annoyed

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okay well im useless bye

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i have a lot of thoughts apparentlly bef ore i go to bed and aye julie if you are reading i received your skype message and woudl repply ubt im so tired and shaky na dn <>

but realest of talk digressing from that

the phrase "they only care if you're pretty, popular or dead" has given me a lot to think about and while i am not planning on dying on anytime soon im starting to find that has a little note of truth to it and isn't that so ugly that that has truth isn't it just so fucking ugly :')

[toujours-de-passage]

hollow laughter sometimes i wish i was dead but i feel like i'm sorta obligated to live since some people like me and some people might be upset if i were dead or not existing isn't that funny

[toujours-de-passage]

okay i said i was going to bed but i always stay up a little longer just in case something happens but really i don't think im helping myself by staying up and im crying hard enough to not be able to see the screen properly so i should probably stop typing and go to bed or at least rub the tears away but i think i'm writing this down just so i can sort of remind myself that maybe perhaps in some twisted sense my tears matter maybe not to anyone else but one day they will matter to me maybe sometime in the future when i choose to delete all my tumblr accounts i'll look back on this and be like "i didn't deserve to feel that way but i sure am glad that i didn't continue to feel that way" or something like that i guess i'm just hoping that one day i'll start to matter to me a little more than what i currently matter to me tears mistakes failures and all i guess i'm just a little stupid yeah i guess so good night

[toujours-de-passage]

i feel so hollow (◡‿◡✿)

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i do not even understand why i feel the need to throw myself back into this sugary sweet nonsensical attitude despite the fact i continue to feel like well trash

i should probably stop acting like i'm fine when i'm not but then again i should probably do a lot of things

[toujours-de-passage]

something bad something nice

i've said a lot of bad things today (like 4 i think) so i may as well think up some nice things to counteract it

okay well more than 1 person considers you a friend i mean that's always good

you're pretty articulate when you're speaking aloud

you're not as shitty at public speaking as you think you are

at least you're not on fire

[toujours-de-passage]

i think i might watch the bleeding house later

it has a nice soundtrack

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i don't deserve anything but what i feel right now

i'm pretty sure i deserve it

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i've given up on myself man i've just given up

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in fact i sort of really am not worth the oxygen i use (◕‿◕✿)

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i'm not that smart (◡‿◡✿)

or funny (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

or talented (✿◠‿◠)

or pretty/cute/beautiful/what-have-you ｡◕‿◕｡

or useful (︶ω︶)

[toujours-de-passage]

tonight has not been so.

difficult to deal with.

i am happy, i think.

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the simplicity complex is difficult since like a key character is a prostitute and i want to properly convey the differences between her customers and that one guy who is cool so i have to actually go to different blogs and look up different types of sex scenes so i can write them the way i want them to appear and ugh man i have never written an actual sex scene so this is a first yo

and the main dealy with this is supposed to be some sort of. dark romance. and i have never done a romance novel before cos i'm really bad at them but yet here i am oh god this is literally going to be my most experimental piece yet dear god