Always remember us this way 5.8k
His back aches when he reaches the final step, arms reaching out clumsily to push his body up, causing him to sigh in relief as he finally makes into the small attic.
The moldy smell from keeping the place locked up too long crawls its way into his nostrils, throat closing around several coughs. He hurriedly opens the nearest window, then proceeds to open the rest of them as he ventures further into the room, the air circulating much better.
The attic is filled with cardboard boxes covered in dust, a few old cribs and antique paintings Taehyung could not bring himself to throw away. Eventually, he finds the box he’s looking for, damaged by the years it has been up there all alone, so long after he last touched it. Seeing it brings a little closed mouth smile to his face, a protective hand coming up over it.
He dusts it off a little bit, brings it over to his lap before tightening his hold on the precious object. The wind rushes in and out gently, a sweet breeze that allows Jungkook to breathe patiently until he’s ready. It’s a suffocating feeling that keeps him from opening it, that makes his hovering fingers shaky and his lip tremble.
Trying to gather every bit of courage he’s ever had, Jungkook opens the box.
Inside, a big coral photo album stands out, spine decorated with silver sequins because Taehyung said they should “go all out, baby”.
The image in the cover shows two connected golden rings, the initials KTH and JJK engraved in them give Jungkook a reason to genuinely smile for the first time since he’s arrived in attic, make him rotate the one on his finger, still displaying his husband’s name. The promise written underneath the picture, the words neither of them will ever forget, drains the color out of Jungkook’s face, but his eyes are soft and sorrowful, his smile never wavering as he stares down at it.
‘Even after the end’
Besides the album, there’s a bunch of pictures laying around, all of them which were a pain to develop but Taehyung did it anyways because Jungkook didn’t trust a CPU that can be easily destroyed with a cup of water to hold his most cherished memories. He touches one of them, one from their early days, his and Taehyung’s young faces staring back at him, all smiles and youthful expressions.
Digging further into the pile, he takes out the loose pictures, leaving in the fancy wedding album and small packets of images Jungkook had organized by time period a few years ago.
A few years ago, when he understood just how important memories were..
That said, Jungkook begins to remember.
Remembers the friendship, light-hearted and fun, before romance came into the picture and shook the ground under his feet.
•••
“Yah, Jungkook!” Taehyung’s all smiles when Jungkook enters the classroom, waving him over.
His feet are up on the desk next to him, guarding Jungkook’s place in an unnecessary way.
Still, Jungkook wonders, when has Taehyung been anything less than extra?
“Hi.” He greets back, shyly.
The boxy smile he gets when he arrives to his seat is teasing with a glint of genuine happiness, just like every morning. “Heard you went off the tracks last night, Jeon. Got blackout wasted, huh?” His voice overflows with unreleased laughter before he sighs with fake regret. “Shame I didn’t get to see it, damn finals for taking out my chance to experience drunk Jungkook.”
The law major throws his backpack over the other’s feet, sitting defeatedly. “Well, drunk Jungkook is a pain in the ass and doesn’t know how to drink.” He puts his head on the top of his backpack, hands coming up to hold it in the desperate effort to give him some kind of relief. “This hangover is going to kill me, man.”
Taehyung laughs at his miserable state, taking out his phone quickly to snap a picture of the suffering boy. “Aww, Jungkookie’s first hangover.” He keeps laughing.
That laughter, deep and booming, as much as it should worsen Jungkook’s headache, only makes him chuckle, light and affectionate.
•••
Looking back, he thinks it’s fair to consider this one of the moments that marked the start of his freefall.
Falling in love, Jungkook recalls, was never easy.
•••
His hands are just perfect wrapped around his waist, their breath mingling in the space in between their mouths, tension high and choking, broken only by a whisper.
“I don’t think we should do this.” Taehyung says, licking his lips.
Jungkook gets closer as he replies. “Yeah, It’s a bad idea.”
He can’t see the other man’s expression, eyes closed from fear of being too overwhelmed by their proximity, but he imagines it must resemble his own, desperate, afraid, begging.
“Promise me.” At this point, Jungkook feels the sentence rather than hearing it. “Promise me this is not gonna ruin us.” His own neck hair stand up, a little shiver running through him. “I need to know, Kook. I need to know this isn’t gonna take you away from me.”
It was never a simple friendship, they knew.
They weren’t your average buddies who hung out because of circumstances, belonging to the same friend group, sharing some classes or being at the right time and right bar together. Even if it started like that, It wasn’t as simple anymore.
Jungkook likes to think they were little plants when they met and, as time passes, as the nights filled with alcohol and secrets confessed in the dark started to become more frequent, their roots began to interlace, to grow together as if they were one only.
Because, in the end, Taehyung made Jungkook flourish. Made his leaves healthier, worshipped his petals like it were his own, made Jungkook want to give back everything he’s ever done for him. Because of it, he can’t think of one reason to not cross the line, to not stand tall as the fully grown man his best friend helped him become, to not admit what he wants and to not take it.
So after five years of friendship, Jungkook crosses the line. “Please kiss me.”
Thankfully, “Fuck, I can do that.” Taehyung meets him there.
•••
A million kisses later, Jungkook still can’t help but be reminded of the day he accepted them as soulmates, the time when everything was just good.
Ah, yes. Jungkook thinks, as he picks up another picture, I remember the good times.
•••
“She’ll be here any second now.” The woman wears a slim gray blazer and bright red heels, their clicking the only thing the lawyer is able to focus on as she walks away.
His nervousness must be showing because the next second a warm hand slips in his closed fist, threading their fingers together, a grounding sensation so necessary Jungkook thinks ‘relief’ doesn’t cut it.
“Calm down.” The deep voice comes from his right, but his eyes are focused ahead, the path where the woman went off to. “We’ve been through the worst, now all we have to do is wait.”
Jungkook’s head drops. “It’s so unbelievable, It just doesn’t seem real.” Tears prickle the back of his eyes, mocking the situation. “We went through so much to get here and now that we’re here…” The lump on his throat stops him before a sob can.
Taehyung’s other hand, that was still on his hunched back, begins to move, comforting. “I know, honey. We’ve been through this together, remember?” Jungkook thinks he’s smiling but he doesn’t trust himself to look up to check and not cry. “All the courts, the contracts, the house visits, the interviews. It’s over now, all we can do is wait.”
Jungkook just inhales and exhales quietly. “I know, I know.” He whispers it like a mantra, calming himself down.
That is, until the clicking heel sound begins to approach, along with innocent little giggles.
Jungkook looks up quickly, almost breaking his neck in the process. He must look a mess, he’s sure, eyes red from struggling against the tears, hair sticking out and face an overwhelm of emotions. Fortunately, a sharp intake of breath next to his ear tells him he’s not the only one.
Because when the social worker comes back, holding hands with the 3 year old the couple have been trying since her birth to adopt, Jungkook feels as if his heart is shattering and being put together a million times over.
Her other little hand is holding a white balloon with festive symbols and black lettering that says, from what Jungkook can make out in his weakened state, ‘I’m going home today’.
Taehyung breaks the silence, as usual. “Oh my god.” His arms envelop Jungkook from his side, lifting him up as he stands up. “We did it, Kook. We really did it.”
The man feels like sobbing just so he doesn’t have to answer, too speechless, but he does come closer, fiercely wanting to be close to the small girl. At the same moment, her happy eyes turn from the women to the pair staring at her through the conference room glass door, widening with excitement as recognition sets in.
“Papa!” Minsoo sets off on a little clumsy run, leaving the social worker and the balloon behind, smile big and short hair jumping excitedly around her.
Both men approach the door expectedly, hands tight on each other and silent tears run on Jungkook’s face. It’s almost in slow motion, how she finally makes it to the door handle and the social worker, having caught up to the child, turns it and allows Minsoo to step into the room.
It’s like the air is forced out of his lungs and he falls on his knees more than lowers down to match her height but It doesn’t matter, because Taehyung is the same as him and the girl he’s been fighting for years to call his daughter is wrapping her short arms around then.
He cries hard as his hand go up to cup the back of her head, meeting his husband’s hand there.
He cries hard as she says “Don’t cry, papas! Minsoonie is here now.” Her stumbling of words and not fully developed pronunciation also not helpful in making Jungkook’s tears stop.
The man looks to the side he can’t help the blinding smile he cracks when he meets Taehyung’s eyes, never being more happy in his life.
•••
That feeling, even after so many years, is one of the best things that ever happened to him. When he got to finally hold his daughter and call her his, take her home and show her the room they built for her, that memory is still one to leave Jungkook breathless.
Happened the next time too, even if it was less of a hustle for the adoption papers to go through, 1 year and 8 months instead of 3 full years, he still felt that same breathlessness as Wooseok’s big eyes looked up to him and asked, “Are you gonna be my dad now?”
Taehyung, as always, held him and onto him through it, ever the great man he is.
The great man he was. The hurt voice in Jungkook’s head speaks, but he knows enough to talk back at it now.
He is, he always will be.
Don’t be mistaken, the man wasn’t always like this. In his youth, Jungkook would be insecure about everything and anything, having left his mother’s wing too soon or never been under it may be the cause, but one can never know.
•••
“You’re beautiful, you know?” Taehyung says. They’re not even in bed, where usually this type of compliments comes up, rather they’re sat across each other on the McDonald down the street from Jungkook’s dorm room and the boy is munching on a Big Mac with extra sauce, little bits escaping his mouth and dirtying his lips. “I don’t think I tell you that enough.”
Jungkook tries to swallow the best he can. “Where is this coming from?”
“Can’t I compliment my boyfriend?” Taehyung smirks, always teasing and satisfied with the way his boyfriend’s cheeks burn everytime.
The law major just rolls his eyes and sets his burger down, beginning to clean his fingers with a paper napkin. “So weird.” After he’s finished, however, he picks it up again.
“I can compliment you all day, baby. Beautiful, smart…” His eyes harden, a bit more serious, firmer. “Competent. Hardworking. Amazingly bright.” The art major decisively speaks, reaching out with one hand to set down Jungkook’s burguer for him and hold his hand with the other one. “You’ll do amazing on this mock trial, I know it. Stop stress eating.”
Doey-like eyes glare at Taehyung, hating how he’s able to read him so well, how he’s known him for long enough to point out his bad habits. “I haven’t studied enough and I know that, I kept telling myself to follow my schedule but never did and then I didn’t have enough time to do study like I wanted to.” Anxiety burns inside his belly, an uncomfortably hot sensation spreading all over his guts, reaching his lungs and making it hard to breathe. “I don’t know that much about the case, I can’t lean on the skills I don’t have, I- I’m gonna fail and be publicly humiliated, Tae.”
Taehyung just keeps running his thumb on the skin of Jungkook’s palm. “Is your part the first one?” He’s so calm Jungkook would say he’s really put together, that is if he hadn’t ever seen Taehyung stab a painting with a paint brush handle and fling it across the room while yelling in frustration. The soon to be public joke, in his own opinion, shakes his head. “Then you need to breathe, alright baby? Just breathe for me right now, like we practiced, come on.”
The artist starts to inhale deeply and Jungkook follows, syncing up their breathing with each gulp of air he intakes. Soon, Taehyung stops and lets the man do it on his own. “That’s good. So what I think you should do is study a bit more on your way there, then when you’re inside pay attention to what they’re speaking, connect that with what you can remember and use it to support your arguments.” He puts a hand in Jungkook’s chest, arms straining a bit from stretching over the table. “And remember to breathe. You’ll get confident with time, but now you need to remember to breathe.”
That’s what he always say, what his therapist always say, what his family always say. ‘Keep doing your treatment, Jungkook. Take care of yourself, Jungkook. Trust yourself, Jungkook. We’re here for you.’
Maybe he believes it a bit more when it’s Taehyung saying it.
•••
Jungkook clearly remembers that mock trial, how he got the second best grade in class even if his hands were shaking all throughout his speech, the way he threw himself into bed first thing and slept until Taehyung came home. His boyfriend took care of him at that time, made him food and got him some aspirin for his head, didn’t ask too many questions because Taehyung never needed to.
It’s not like he’s the only working branch of the relationship either, Jungkook gave back as much as he took and he did it with pleasure, a fundamental need to always be there for his husband as much as he was for him.
The picture from Wooseok fifth birthday makes him grab the box with all his strength and dump all its contents on the floor, pictures all spread out in front of him, his life all before his eyes.
•••
The backyard is decorated with red and blue balloons, towels and other party things Taehyung managed to buy from Party City, they brought the picnic table closer to the house, cake and sweets on top of it, and also some inflatable toys they could rent last minute to entertain the kids.
Kids, who are running around everywhere, some from Wooseok’s kindergarten and others who are family friend’s children, playing tag or hide and seek, just having fun. Jungkook looks over to his five year old, who just touched a girl shorter than him and ran away giggling, wearing the spiderman costume Jimin got for him and smiles, glad he’s having fun too.
His ‘hawk-parent’ watch, as his husband loves to call it, is broken by a hand curling itself around his shoulder, making him turn around. As he does, he’s faced with a couple, a man and a woman, both with faces open and hopeful, their gray hair and wrinkles completing the look of ‘loving grandparents’.
“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Kim.” Jungkook smiles tightly. He’s heard he’s a great host and he’d like to keep that reputation, thank you very much. “I’m so glad you could make it.”
“Oh, sweetie. We wouldn’t miss our grandson’s birthday for the world!” The lady, Hanseul, pushes a wrapped gift into his hands. “Here’s a little present for Wooseokie. There’s a receipt in it, so you can exchange it if it doesn’t fit him.”
The lawyer smiles cordially back. “Thank you.”
“Can you find Taehyung for us?” Jaeho, the man, speaks, ever as subtle as a wild horse, not softening even with the effect of time. “Please?” Or maybe a tiny bit.
“Of course, Mr. Kim. Please, make yourselves comfortable, I’ll go get him for you.” Jungkook leaves without a reply, setting the gift down on the corner he’s been using as a gift holder, and starts to look for Taehyung, last time seen somewhere near the inflatable slide.
The man finds him inside the bouncy house, having a heated argument with Minsoo.
“Woah, Minsoo. Haven’t your father and I taught you anything?” Taehyung firmly says. “Peppa pig is always superior!”
Their 7 year old daughter has a red face, fists shaking in the air to prove her argument. “No Daddy, it’s not! Dog patrol is much, much better!”
“Yeah? How much?” Her father goads her. “Show me.”
Ever the determined girl, she stands up the best she can in the soft surface and stretches her arms to the maximum. “This much, look! Daddy, it’s a LOT! A LOT! Dog patrol is ALWAYS better than Peppa Pig.”
Taehyung sighs in fake disappointment. “I didn’t want to do this but you leave me no choice.” He puts one hand up and boops Minsoo’s small nose slightly, making her lose her already unstable balance.
Jungkook stares lovingly as she squeals and then laughs loudly as her father starts to tickle her. “Daddy! I’m sorry! Peppa pig is better, i know! I know!” She makes out in between laughter.
Her other dad standing outside the bouncy house clears his throat loudly, arching one brow. “ I’m sorry to interrupt. “ The pair looks at him, giggles silent for a second before ressurging.
“Papa! Come in! Come here and tell Daddy Dog Patrol is much better than Peppa Pig.” Minsoo taps both hands on the soft inflatable material and, really, how could Jungkook ever refuse?
He gets to them quickly, hugging his daughter and setting her down in his lap. “It is, sweetheart. Daddy just needs to tell Papa something before he goes back to the party, okay? Can you leave us for a bit?” Her wide eyes seem to widen more. “It won’t be long, I promise. We’ll be right with you.”
She sighs unhappily, but complies, leaving after kissing their cheeks. “There’s the candy you like on the kitchen counter, honey! Don’t forget to take off your shoes if you’re gonna get in!” He screams after her, before turning to his husband.
Taehyung’s not looking up, he’s looking down, fiddling nervously with his fingers.
Jungkook speaks up. “Your parents are here.”
“I know.” The reply is instant, ready as if he’s been expecting the question. “I saw them come up to you and the first thing I did was hide here.”
“Are you gonna go out talk to them?” Jungkook’s voice is gentle, his hand already moving to stand over the other’s. “You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”
Taehyung scoffs. “I invited them, Kook, of course I have to go.” He breathes in sharply. “I’m just a coward.”
“Stop.” Jungkook says firmly. “You’re not a coward, Tae. It’s not your fault they chose to not raise their own son.”
His husband looks away from his fingers and stares into his eyes. “I’m hiding in a children’s toy Kook, I had to have you get me, I couldn’t be there at the door greeting them like my relationship with them is great because everybody and their mothers knows it isn’t.”
The younger man gets closer, his gaze gentle and guiding. “What is it that you tell me, huh?” He urges. “On my bad days, you say ‘There’s no shame in being taking care of’, don’t you? Don’t you believe in that?”
Taehyung can’t hold his stare, but tightens his hold on Jungkook’s hand. “Yes.” He chokes out. “But, It’s different-”
“How, Tae? How is it any different?” Jungkook searches for his eyes, cups his face with his free hand. “You did so well inviting them, don’t you remember what you said when I asked you why did you invite them?” Taehyung bites his lip to hold back his tears, he supposes. “You said to me. ‘Because they’re still my family’. And you’ve never been more brave than when you stand up for your family, so I fully believe you can do this.” Jungkook tucks the man’s hair behind his ear. “But you don’t have to, if you don’t want to. You just can.”
Taehyung closes his eyes, breathes for some times, enjoying the calming presence of his soulmate. “Let’s go.”
•••
And so they went, Taehyung confronted his parents after so many years, his husband’s hand on his back being the source of his strength, and if he cried into Jungkook’s arms when they layed in bed at night, no one but them needs to know.
Because that’s what love is about, staying through the good, the very good, the bad and the very bad. It’s right there in the wedding vowels, for better or for worse.
And oh, did it get worse.
•••
Jungkook doesn’t think he’s ever seen the sky this gloomy, the air this sad.
They got the call when they were about to leave for the yearly dinner party Jungkook’s firm organizes, Taehyung was laughing at the inability of the younger man to do his own tie, even in his full adult status.
He wasn’t laughing after picking up the phone.
He didn’t speak, he just shook, from head to toe, until he fell on his knees and let out an excruciating scream, startling Jungkook, who was in the bathroom finishing getting ready.
Jungkook remembers it clearly, the pain in Taehyung’s face and how alarmed it made him, how he only remembered to take the phone from his hands after holding him for a couple of minutes.
On the phone, Taehyung’s mom’s voice is heard. “Hello?” Her voice seems weird and Jungkook can’t tell if It’s because he can’t keep the phone still, since Taehyung’s sobs uninterrupting are moving his body erratically, or if she’s just cried for a hundred hours.
“Mrs. Kim?” He’s sure Taehyung’s crying can be heard from the other side of the line, even if it is muffled by the way he’s pressing his entire face into Jungkook’s body like he needs it to survive. “What happened?” He doesn’t dare to raise his voice higher than a mere whisper.
“Taehyung’s grandmother died.”
Taehyung’s grandmother, who raised him for most of his life until he had enough to move out and go to college, who educated him, who cared for him and listened to his cries everyday, who made him into the man he is today.
“The nursing home called as soon as they could, she didn’t make it to the hospital.”
She, who welcomed Jungkook with open arms when Taehyung didn’t introduce him as a “friend” anymore, who gave him tips on how to handle her grandson when he was sick, who eased his insecurities when he didn’t think he deserved his boyfriend.
“They told us,” Hanseul hiccups. “that she wasn’t in any pain.”
Taehyung’s grandmother, who has been suffering with Alzheimer’s disease for 7 years.
“Please tell Taehyungie that, I need to go.”
Jungkook hangs up and holds Taehyung through his grief, tears streaming down his face.
They spent hours in that position, hugging on the floor, until the sobs melted into soft whimpers, pressed hard in the crook of his neck, and Jungkook got them both up, off the floor and onto the bed.
It was almost as if a dark cloud was hovering above them, pressuring and terrifying, the room brimming with what can only be described as a heavy grief, a deep state of melancholy and disbelief.
Jungkook held Taehyung close that night, after removing the party clothes and tucking them under the blankets. Kissed away his tears and kept their bodies glued together until you could no longer hear whimpers of pain, only soft snores.
The younger man shut his eyes, dreading the time they’d have to wake up and face reality.
-
The next day, Taehyung didn’t speak at all until they had dressed, fed and sent off the kids to school, body moving by muscle-memory only, used to their everyday routine.
He’s settling Wonseok into the child safety seat under Jungkook’s worried gaze, who’s standing on the other end of the car backseat, buckling Minsoo in. Taehyung finishes it without a word, pecking his son’s forehead and stretching over him to kiss his other child’s cheeks, before closing the car door gently.
Jungkook makes to exit the car to look at his husband retreat to the house, when he feels a weak tug on his shirt.
He looks down to see Minsoo staring up at him with tearful eyes. “Why is papa sad?”
Although it is a dreadful thing to say out loud, sometimes he damns his daughter's high perception level.
She doesn’t ask if he is sad, doesn’t ask if her dad is mad at her, because she knows better.
He can’t answer, so he does the second best thing.
“He’ll be okay, sweetie. Don’t worry.” He says, kissing the crown of her head.
The car radio is playing loudly as Jungkook drives, children dancing and singing along excitedly. When they arrive, the man helps them out of the car and sends them off with a “Have a nice day at school!”.
The drive back home is tense, his heart beating down worriedly, each pump of blood sending ice running through his veins.
He finds Taehyung in their bedroom, lying on his side, back facing the door where Jungkook stands, his phone discarded on the mattress behind him. The painter must’ve hear his footsteps climbing the stairs, because the next moment he speaks:
“The funeral is in five days.” His voice is raspy, defeated tone making Jungkook’s shoulder droop.
He kicks his shoes off, knees hitting the bed, body almost magnetically being pulled to wrap itself around his husband, nose dipping in the crook of his neck.
Taehyung’s heartbeat is surprisingly slow, his chest rising steadily, whole aura dimmer than usual.
“I didn’t even get to say goodbye.” He croaks out, tone void of emotion, just letting it out because Taehyung was never good at staying quiet for long. “You saw it, Jungkook. You were there with me, she couldn’t even talk anymore, she had to have someone helping her everyday all day, with her when she went to the toilet, to eat.” His chest gets rigid with unshed tears, breath shaky. “She wasn’t living.”
Jungkook’s hands meet each other on Taehyung’s chest, running up and down in hopes to soothe him, stop his crying before it begins again.
“She wasn’t living, but I’m still sad she died.”
He turns around in the younger man’s arms, forcing Jungkook to face him.
‘Oh my god.’ The lawyer thinks, since the sight of his lover’s crumpled, hurt face makes his eyes water. And It’s hard to keep the tears in, especially after Taehyung whispers again, hesitantly.
“Isn’t that selfish, Kook?” His eyes resemble Minsoo’s from this morning: Wide, tearful and staring at Jungkook for answers. “She wasn’t even herself, but I still wanted her to live.”
“It’s not selfish, baby.” He can’t hold back the little droplets that escape his eyes. “You loved her, you wanted to be able to see her. It’s okay.”
Taehyung’s lips are downturned when he sees Jungkook’s eyes, a hand coming up to thumb his cheekbone. “Don’t cry, she never liked to see you cry.”
“I don’t think she’d like to see you cry either, Taehyungie.” He replies, voice thick with tears. “They said she wasn’t in any pain.”
“Yeah.” A draft of a smile is seen on the painter’s tear stained face. “It’s okay.”
And they stay like that, holding each other, breathing in and out quietly, because they truly never needed many words to speak.
They hold each other when the kids come back from school and they have to tell them that they grandmother just passed away, Minsoo’s face confused and hurt, while Wooseok’s just confused as to why his fathers are crying.
“Why?” It’s Minsoo, always questioning everything around her, just as she was taught, even in this extreme situation.
Jungkook speaks first. “She was sick, darling, very sick, but she’s in a better place now. She always loved you very much, okay?” The small children both nod attentively.
Wooseok isn’t that great at talking yet, his developing teeth making his speech awkward. “Is papa gonna be sick too?” His lips come together on a pout.
Jungkook’s pretty sure Taehyung’s face just paled, but he can’t be too sure why, so he replies for him. “No, sweetheart. He won’t.” He assures them.
‘I’m so grateful’, Jungkook thinks, as his children come to hug them both, the only way they know to make their dad feel better, caringly and innocent.
Jungkook and Taehyung hold onto each other until the end of the week, trying to keep being functional, until the funeral day.
And when it comes, they hold each other’s hang throughout the dreary day, their children clinging to their legs. There’s not a tear in sight anymore, Taehyung’s stone cold stance never wavering, not even when he has to go up and talk on the stand.
It’s heartbreaking, really, seeing his husband say goodbye to the most important woman in his life, his hand trailing over her casket in an almost longingly manner. He recites the speech he prepared, the one he read to Jungkook last night, just to check if he wasn’t gonna completely break down the moment he said it out loud.
Yesterday, he did. Today, he stands all poise and posture, looking into Jungkook’s eyes for a moment before lowering his gaze to the 7 year old hugging his waist and the 5 year old in his arms.
The lawyer could only expect that, at least, the sight of his family brought him a little light, in between all this darkness.
The artist ends his speech with his voice not as stable, coming down quickly to be back at his family’s side. He grabs Jungkook’s hand again when he arrives, features twisting horribly when they start to lower the casket down.
It ends pretty quickly, Jungkook taking the kids to the car after Taehyung told him he’d stay behind for a little while. He hasn’t shed a tear since they stepped a foot in this graveyard and even if his eyes are red and swollen when he comes back, Jungkook can’t say for sure he has.
They spend the rest of the day at home, basking in their family weekend routine, maybe with less movies and smiles than usual.
-
It doesn’t happen until two weeks after Taehyung’s grandmother’s funeral.
He’s just fresh out of the shower, ready to get rid of the stress arguing all day gives him by lying on his bed and sleeping, but his plans change once a rough voice speaks itself.
“I set an appointment for next week. I’m going to get my genoma tested for Alzheimer’s.” His face is pale, bottom lip stuck between his teeth, body long and stiff displayed out in their mattress.
It’s silent for a while, the words hovering heavily on the air.
“Why?” Jungkook breathes out, he can’t understand really, why would Taehyung ever do this. “Those tests don’t give you a precise conclusion, Tae. It’s just a chance.”
The man on the bed snaps. “Because I need to know,” His eyes lock into Jungkook’s and there’s panic in them, desperation and hopelessness too big to fit into words. “I need to know If I have a chance of losing my family.”
Shaking his head, Jungkook continues. “I can’t tie you to a bed and stop you from going, but I don’t like it.” He comes closer to Taehyung, puts his hands over his husband’s cold ones. “You’re healthy now, Tae. What good is this going to bring? There’s no point in trying to guess the future if you’re not gonna live your present like you’re supposed to.”
His stare is relentless and Jungkook knows this battle was lost before they even began talking. “I’m gonna go through with it, Kook. I didn’t tell you because I know you wouldn’t approve,” He smiles faintly, almost nostalgic. “You did always like to stick to the present, didn’t you?” He sighs, removing his hands from where they pressed against Jungkook’s, instead he goes for his lover’s face, holding it gently, thumbing his jawline carelessly. “I told you because I want you to come with me.”
Jungkook’s face features twist unpleasantly. “Of course I’m coming with you,” He’s borderline offended Taehyung would ever think otherwise. “We’re in this together, no matter what comes back from that test, alright?”
He gets a grin back, Taehyung moving too fast for Jungkook to follow, pecking his husband’s lips gently. “Even after the end, right?” He chuckles throatily.
But Jungkook knows this is not a joke at all, more so an attempt to diffuse the somber mood before they head to bed, so he says it surely and evenly.
“Even after the end.”
•••
It was a turning point, in Jungkook’s opinion, when they got back from that test, a result that changed their lives forever.
No matter what it was, Jungkook always prided himself in one promise he’s never broken, the one kissed onto his skin, whispered into his ears many times, the one that stuck with them even after everything wasn’t everything anymore.
We’re in this together, Taehyung used to say it more often, but the ex-lawyer appropriated the line in the last decade, a small reassurance everytime they needed something to remind them they were never alone.
And how they hated being alone.
•••
“But you promised!” Jungkook shrieks.
“I did no such thing!” Jimin argues back.
Their shared dormitory seems