lindsaybutt

ramblings of a tour widow

[tourwidow]

None

[tourwidow]

I feel really selfish. I spent the last 3 days with him. But I just really want to break down and cry as I sit at the airport. :( I hate this job and that it has us so separated. He talks about more tours with his coworkers and that literally makes me want to throw up. I can't do this anymore. I'm supposed to be with him forever. For the rest of my life. Not every two weeks. I just really hate this job.

[tourwidow]

41 more days

today, he moved a lot closer to my time zone. only an hour apart now. thank goodness. at least being in opposite time zones gave me an excuse for staying up all hours of the night. at least i haven't started drinking...right? some of my days are a little easier than others. pack the day filled with activities and people that know how to distract you. sometimes it's easier to remind myself this is good for us and our future. some days it feels like it's just trying to crush us until we break. i kinda slipped into an unhealthy stress-eating state. tomorrow night i am going to try moving the couch out to do my exercise DVDs. get my rear end moving. i mean that's what i would like to do. but i will probably get sad and sit on the couch instead. let's be realistic. hopefully i will crash out soon. i just wait...for 41 days to pass. i keep thinking that maybe it's just the first one that is the hardest....but probably not. 😔

[tourwidow]

i am using this as an outlet for the thoughts i am having after my fiancé just left for tour. he is currently mixing Bridges of Madison County on tour. it hit all of a sudden. the day after Christmas, the vague “have you hung up your tour boots” texts…by january 6th he was gone. it was not enough time to process that he would be leaving until july. yeah, he has a couple breaks where he can come home, but that doesn’t really make the days alone any better. “absence makes the heart grow fonder!” and “it’ll get easier, we’ll hang out!” And other ‘helpful’ phrases ring from people trying to help…but it doesn’t. I have to sleep in a huge bed by myself, and cook dinner for myself, plan a wedding all by myself….i miss my best friend. he is currently in LA, which makes it really hard to get our schedules together. he sleeps until forever, and then i have to go to rehearsal and it’s like the only way i can talk to him is for 5 minutes when he gets to the top of the hill he currently has to walk, or if i can stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning and catch him after a show. My heart hurts so much right now, and I just pretty much needed a space to vent and whine. If you come across this and have any words of wisdom, they are greatly appreciated.