Well, this wasn’t fair at all. Granted, her words hadn’t been a joke, in sense that it was only a joke if Kizana had reacted poorly to it, but now she’d been put on the spot about it. Never mind that Kizana still had a boyfriend to consider. Did she mean the dating or the poems then? Or - here her breath caught in her throat - had she meant both?
She gave her own ponytail a tug and twirled it around her hand. “If… if it makes you happy, I can send definitely send you nightly poems.” And that was safe, an easy option to back out of if necessary. After all, she knew Kizana, and getting nightly poems from another girl would certainly earn some questions.
Later, once the moment had passed, Kizana would be back to talking about her boyfriend, and Korin would have sit through it all. She might even retract her statement, and tell Korin not to bother with the poems. After all, wouldn’t it be that much better if her boyfriend is the one sending her the poems? Even if she did complain about him all the time, that had been the point of the whole suggestion in the first place.
Maybe Kizana’s not referring to her at all when she said she’d enjoy receiving the poems.
🎭 - What are you doing? You’re going to ruin everything! Everything is perfect-! Why would you...?
It was almost like she could her rational thoughts think on a different level than her emotional ones. Compulsion overtaking the sane things she was meant to say; the mask of the princess of Akademi high crumbling before her stagehand. Bottled up feelings rising to the surface, like boiling water spilling onto a stove.
“You know that’s not what I mean-!” She replied to her in a sob she didn’t realize she was holding back, hands reaching up to her face to bury it in an act of shame. There was no sense in trying to hold a composure she’d lost long ago, the truth of the matter plain as day in front of her; now more than ever. She only caught a brief glimpse of her hands as she went to grip the sides of her sleeves; not wanting to imagine the state her face was in with the amount of mascara she saw on her hands. The pillar of pride had fallen into a shaking mess, no longer resembling the person she was supposed to be.
“Oh Korin, I...” she attempted to breathe in a lungful of air, knowing her previous accusation had been unfair. No, of course, Korin couldn’t know that. No one ever could when the only role she refused to play was herself. “Of course....of course it’d make me happy....I know hearing you read them would make feel happy in ways I know I shouldn’t....but why does it have to be wrong?”
She asked questions she knew no one could ever answer, hand clutched over her aching chest.
“I’m not sure what would become of me if my father were to hear I know no man would ever be suitable for my tastes....I know he’d think of me an animal...” She shook her head, trying and failing to swallow the next set of tears before they came. “But if I dream of your voice lulling me to sleep...how can that be so primal? Oh, forgive me and my wretched ways....I’m saying far too much...”
turnnoffyourmind
titsay
ellievsbear
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