Transitional Universe - Diary of a Man

My thoughts written down. Mainly for me. Partly for you. I'm not sure why.

[transitionaluniverse]

June 12, 2020

I woke up. And I’m fucking hungry. 

[meineluft]

Stop telling yourself that the grass is greener on the other side, because it’s not. It is greener where you water it. So take control of your life and start watering your own pastures and grow your own greener.

knowanoah (via meineluft)

[surqrised]

“I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald (via meineluft)

[resqectable]

“She came to understand that her own happiness was a choice, so she made a promise to herself to keep her own well-being sacred.”

— Cindy Ratzlaff (via surqrised)

[thoughtkick]

“You don’t know her until you talk to her at 3am and listen as she pours all her troubles out to you.”

— Unknown (via quotefeeling)

[night-time-my-time]

Angelina Jolie

[surqrised]

“Girls like her were born in a storm. They have lightning in their souls. Thunder in their hearts. And chaos in their bones.”

— Nikita Gill (via perfeqt)

[perfeqt]

“Why complicate life? Missing somebody? - Call. Wanna meet up? - Invite. Wanna be understood? - Explain. Have questions? - Ask. Don’t like something? - Say it. Like something? - State it. Want something? Ask for it. Love someone? - Tell it. We just have one life. Keep it simple.”

— Unknown (via surqrised)

[perfeqt]

“You are not free until you have no need to impress anybody.”

— Joyce Meyer (via thoughtkick)

[perfeqt]

“Try a little harder to be a little better.”

— Unknown (via surqrised)

[perfeqt]

“It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine.”

— Mark Z. Danielewski (via resqectable)

[transitionaluniverse]

I CAN GET SOBER.

[transitionaluniverse]

May 3, 2020

I fell down again, hard. Quarantine is partly to blame, but the other 99% is myself. Starting the rest of today (but not counting today), and officially starting tomorrow, I am doing a 30 day sober challenge. 30 days - no nicotine, liquor, or herbs. I have become lazy using the combination of the three, and now that I have an adult job and am living alone, I cannot allow myself to become lazy. It’s far too easy to fall off the train. Things I will do every day include working, exercising, reading, stretching, and playing music. I need this 30 days so badly. I know I can change and I’m tired of starting from the beginning. Please send me the best of your vibes. 

[naturalcottage]

Look this beautiful day

[transitionaluniverse]

04-06-2020

Still no drugs. I think today is the 9th day? I’m too lazy to reference my old post. 

a. Exercise

b. Play Music

c. Read

d. Pray

e. Journal

Okay, I have done these things today. Today I was distracted, crabby, and sad. I thought not drinking was supposed to make me feel better... but I feel worse right now. I will stick with it though. I’m stuck in quite a gnarly sad spell right now. Feeling dry, lonely, and empty. I just have to keep trucking through I suppose. My soul just feels a little broken and llost. Looking for it to find its way. I want to do my best in the thing I am supposed to do every day, but I cannot do my best when I feel so sad. And that makes me sad. Ya know? 

OH AND YA KNOW WHAT ELSE. MY EX TRIED TO TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD TELL MY OTHER EX ABOUT HER ‘NEGATIVE CHOICES’. LIKE WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?? WUT. 

Thanks. 

[transitionaluniverse]

04-05-2020

I’ve done a great job keeping up with my daily list. Clearly. Here it is, summarized for the past 6 days: 

a. Exercise (6/10)

b. Play Music (8/10)

c. Read (6/10)

d. Pray (2/10)

e. Jounal (2/10) 

Okay, So I need to pray and journal more consistently. My normal exercise has been difficult as all the gyms are closed. I struggle to find at home exercises that keep me motivated. That shouldn’t be the case but it really is. I find myself not sure what to do. I have kept to my promise of no liquor for 30 days, today is the 8th day. I have nothing significant to say about the effects yet. I am hoping I will.

Today is a terrible mental health day. The one big thing I wanted to do this weekend failed and resulted in almost 24 hours of wasted efforts. My schedule (sleep and otherwise) was completely set off. I keep trying to tell myself it is over and to just let it go but I am so pissed about it. And for some reason I am so helplessly exhausted. I don’t want to be fucking tired. I am tired of being tired. I guess I am going to spend the little rest of my precious weekend I have left with my music. 

[transitionaluniverse]

03-30-2020

Day 2 of my trend here. 

Work started very good. I had a positive mindset, but I lost focus. I think I’m lacking direction. I should require myself to maintain a list of current activities and make quick decisions, and stick with them. I am working through this problem, and the technical difficulty and task of gaining a lot of information from various recourses is probably the most time consuming, and wrecks my focus. Lacking long-term focus is a personality trait that lives in my constant racing mind. I am training to be more mindful. I will form a habit out of it. I got out and walked today. The 6′ rule was followed as much as possible, but on the trails it often gets mutually and (as respectfully as possible), broken. I have levels of concern about it. But I also have levels of concern about not getting outside. It clears my mind. 

I’ve played my instrument the past few days, and would like to dedicate today to working on the programming side of my music... but I feel guilty doing so without my formal practice session first. The problem is, always starting with the same thing means it’s normally the only thing with the given time constraints. 

I think I fear sleeping. Who the fuck fears sleeping? 

Thanks. 

List: 

a. Exercise

b. Play Music

c. Read

d. Pray

e. Journal my thoughts, moods, goals, etc.

I guess this list being crossed off makes it a successful day. Peace out.