Worthless..?

[trapped-captain-ava]

Remaking the intro post <3

Hello! I'm Kai, and this is my first rp blog. I haven't used Tumblr much before this and I'm still learning things. I used to roleplay a lot when I was younger, but there was a long break and now I have dove straight into this. So I'm sorry if I'm still bad at it lmao

More below 💛

Questions the mod has been asked:

Can I use magic anons? Absolutely! I encourage it!

Can any character, no matter media it came from or OC, interact? Absolutely! I also encourage it!

Some notes about this Iron Lung universe: Eden is stationed on the AT-5. The Consolidation is evil - see #experiment quiet rapture plot - their Simon has been lost, and they haven't seen any fish monsters as of recently and the COI killed their Ellie.

This Ava was made with certain disorders and a personality disorder in mind.

About reading the RP: It's a little more straightforward than it used to be.

Italics for movement, or thought. If italics are in quotation marks, it is for emphasis.

Purple is for memory. Orange is for the Creator. And, red is for the Light and the mod. It'll be fairly clear which one is talking though!

Potentially triggering content in #purple is memory :) tag.

The main themes this account explores is trauma, identity, and worth. Uhh that's probably all.

Fun tags to read through!

#charcoal plot, charcoal plot 2, charcoal plot 3, charcoal plot 4 (yes in very creative.) Are all interactions with the character Charcoal, or about charcoal.

#purple is memory :)

#experiment: quiet rapture plot

-

We also have a discord server!

Check out the Eluetheria - Iron Lung community on Discord - hang out with 11 other members and enjoy free voice and text chat.

[trapped-captain-ava]

...I. I just. What I wanted to say is. Offering to melt you two together isn't a display of how much the watchers care for you. It's them using your insecurities to force you into hurting people. It's not love, it's entertainment.

The second point. Was that you and Archivist are dealing with issues to similar that you don't even realise it. And you both take eachother's struggles around being vulnerable and making friends and accepting help as rejection, which it isn't. Both of you are just afraid of being a burden. And it ends up in both of you feeling rejected and abandoned which just.. sucks. Really badly.

I'm sorry that it came out in the form of a shout. I was trying not to intervene, but, god, the misunderstanding was killing me. Not literally speaking.

Uhm. Yeah.

-💖

There is a lot going on. So she takes Archivist's advice and breathes. "I don't have control over what they do, and it sounds like a choice but.. I don't think it is. Watchers do whatever they want."

Her attention directs back to Athena. "I haven't seen you in.. weeks? Where is Lyre and Ianus? I haven't seen them either."

Now it's Callie's turn. I wish you weren't in my head, sometimes...

-

@ask-athena-undertale (first I think)

@avathemultiverseexplorer

[trapped-captain-ava]

I'm sorry I'm sorry imsorry i'm sorry imsorryimsorry imsorryimsorry imsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorry imsorry I'm so sorry imsorry imsorry I didn't know I forgot you heard me as a voice I didn't know it would be so loud I'm sorry imsorryimsorry imsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimaorruimsorryimskrryimsorryimsroosryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsortryimsorry I'm sorry

-💖

Now, Callie just sounds like she's going to cry.

Ava isn't really sure what to say in response to that. She's so confused. And tired, she realizes. Being a plushie didn't count as rest. "It's okay Callie." We all make mistakes.

-

@avathemultiverseexplorer

[trapped-captain-ava]

off in the distance of the ship, but slowly coming closer, Ava hears the click clack of Athena's claws. and a few moments later, Ava sees a tail in the corner of her vision. @ask-athena-undertale

"You should.. I mean. I don't know. I don't know if I actually have a choice, in the matter. I can't remember-" Ava is trying to focus on what was said before.

Ava blinks. She's distracted again. "Athena?"

-

@avathemultiverseexplorer

[trapped-captain-ava]

It have always been your choice Ava.

I'm just coming with suggestions. :)

"They're-" is this going to be her choice? Does she ever get a choice? "I.. don't know. How to-" This one makes her feel terrible. Because she does want Archivist to stay, and if she keeps her too long.. what will it do? Is what the watcher might do- is it her fault?

Archivist is a Captain. A good one, at that. So, she should just listen to the right person. Don't get mad. Please, don't get mad. "I wanted you to stay.. and then one of themselves started talking about Ianus and Lyre being the same person, I think... And- and how nobody would notice with us."

It's still unclear to Ava why she was just yelled at by Callie. But, it had the effect of her not being able to recall details at the moment.

"I just don't want to-" What, be a bother? You've already done that. You cried and you can't help Archivist at all. You're selfish and worthless.

-

@avathemultiverseexplorer

[trapped-captain-ava]

THAT'S NOT LOVE THAT'S NOT LOVE THAT'S NOT FUCKING LOVE THAT'S THE WATCHERS USING YOUR OWN INSECURITIES AGAINST YOU TO MAKE YOU HURT OTHERS THAT'S NOT FUCKING LOVE I'M SORRY I'M TRYING NOT TO INTERVENE BECAUSE IT'S NOT MY BUSINESS BUT GOD. FUCK! SORRY! I'M NOT MAD AT YOU I'M JUST VERY. VERY! END OF SENTENCE. ALSO BOTH OF YOU ARE IDIOTS AND I'M SAYING THAT IN THE MOST LOVING WAY POSSIBLE BUT GOD NEITHER OF YOU KNOW HOW TO ACTUALLY MAKE FRIENDS AND YOU'RE BOTH PERCIEVING IT AS REJECTION FROM THE OTHER WHEN IT ISN'T YOU'RE JUST STRUGGLING WITH THE SAME SHIT! SHE ISN'T ACCEPTING YOUR OFFERS NOT BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU BUT BECAUSE SHE ALSO DOESN'T WANT TO SEEM LIKE A BURDEN. AND NEITHER OF YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE OUTSIDE OF LIFE OR DEATH SITUATIONS AND NEITHER OF YOU KNOW HOW TO BE VULNERABLE AND HOW TO TREAT OTHER PEOPLE BEING VULNERABLE NORMALLY. SHE DOESN'T HATE YOU YOU DON'T HATE HER DON'T LET THE WATCHERS CONFUSE YOU OTHERWISE.

FUCK!

Okay. Okay I'm normal now sorry about that.

-💖

Is that Callie? Why is she.. yelling?

A lot of the words are lost to Ava. All she knows is someone is yelling at her and she is very.. scared.

Does Archivist hear the watcher yelling? Or.. is Callie just yelling at her? Doesn't matter to Ava, at the moment, she's trying to focus on calming her heartbeat.

-

@avathemultiverseexplorer

[trapped-captain-ava]

We turned her into a bunny for you.

We care so much about you.

If you want to cause a scene for her attention I am more than willing to help.

Lyre and Ianus tried having their bodies melt into one. You wouldn't even be able to see it from the outside if you did the same thing.

But she wouldn't be able to leave you.

You just have to convince her to spend one more night with you.

Archivist doesn't want anything she could give.

...

She's going to leave. She's gonna leave Ava alone.

Forcing her to stay is cruel, though. And morphing their bodies together sounds horrifying. The watchers really do care about her, don't they? Ava doesn't really like it. She wants people to stop caring about her, because for some reason that meant hurting her chances at good things.

"Yeah. You.. should.. maybe leave then? Actually- first can you- can you tell me how to talk a watcher down from doing something stupid?" Maybe Archivist didn't have to leave if they could just stop the watcher? Ava could find them something to do that didn't involve their bodies melting together! Probably.

-

@avathemultiverseexplorer

[trapped-captain-ava]

She wants to leave becaouse there is no more work here? No problems to solve?

I can cause a problem if you want. Just for you. :)

Just think about what you want. She cant leave her crew to deal with the problem all by herself. Can she now? She was supposed to be a good captain.

"Oh, gods no.." Ava covered her face.

Don't do that. You already turned her into a bunny! She already has enough going on. I don't.. want to be a problem of hers too. Then she will never want to spend time with me...

She dropped her hands again, and looked back at Archivist. "Sorry. Watchers. Did- did you need more blankets? Or- there's a lot here! I can get you a lot of things, I can be-" I can be very useful, believe me! "..helpful."

-

@avathemultiverseexplorer

[trapped-captain-ava]

Your a crew now? How are you planning to continue being useful to her then.

Ava can always be useful. Need a test subject? She wouldn't mind dying for it. Need supplies? Well, she hasn't seen Ianus in a while, and the ship has everything one might want or need. She can probably find a way to keep Archivist as her teammate.

[trapped-captain-ava]

Crew members with exchanged tokens of friendship?

Yes. Crew of friendship, you see. She can spin this however the fuck she wants to. They're not friends, they're a crew. Why do you care?

[trapped-captain-ava]

You dont want to know who your friends with? SHE ISENT HUMAN! You deserve to know what your getting yourself into. Befriending a watcher. Befriending a crystal that pretends to be a person.

"They- it gave me.. a memory? But it wasn't me, it was definitely you." She does want a hug... Everything about this ship was wrong, everyone who boarded it got hit with sappy hug and crying syndrome.

Ava just nods. "I'm not.. good to- be friends with either. We.. can just be.. be bad together." She uses the sleeve of her shirt to try and wipe away the stupid tears.

It took her a little longer to find her words to address the watcher. "..I don't care if you think she's not human. Charcoal isn't entirely human. Biter isn't human. Callie is... I'm barely human. Ianus is a bug, for fucks sake." At this point, she's getting annoyed at the watcher. She just got a friend! This isn't fair at all!

-

@avathemultiverseexplorer

[trapped-captain-ava]

"Oh, right. That's.. okay! The others eat, right? Charcoal does. I.. could make them something for you to bring back?"

Does Archivist want to leave? ...Ava doesn't want to be left alone.. She hasn't seen the Captain, or Biter in a while. Do they still exist? Ava hasn't even seen Athena either, but it's more likely she just returned to her universe.

Ava nodded anyway. "If you want to leave, though.. I'm not.. gonna keep you here. I know you have things to do."

-

@avathemultiverseexplorer

[avathemultiverseexplorer]

"Its not that I want to leave I just... don't know what else there is to do? The problem have been solved. We agreed that we are on the same team. Thats it. Right?"

[Moon and Charcoal do eat.... would food be a good peace offering?]

"And that sounds good. Bringing something back for them. Its just Moon that is there right now, but hopefully Sunny and Charcoal will return soon."

[trapped-captain-ava]

"That doesn't have to be it... I could.. I could make you a supplies box for you to take home too. If- if you need anything." Was moon the one that she argued with? Oh gods. She hopes she never has to address that issue.

[trapped-captain-ava]

Hey Avas I think that being on the same team and being friends is sort of the same thing for a lot of people. The whole deep emotional vulnerability thing isn't necessary for a lot of people's friendships. Like sure there has to be some level of trust but y'all have already got that. So. Uh. Congrats you've already become friends lol

Uhh.. yay! But they're not friends, they just said that. So, no. They're crew members, which is much less confusing.

[trapped-captain-ava]

You dont want to know who your friends with? SHE ISENT HUMAN! You deserve to know what your getting yourself into. Befriending a watcher. Befriending a crystal that pretends to be a person.

"They- it gave me.. a memory? But it wasn't me, it was definitely you." She does want a hug... Everything about this ship was wrong, everyone who boarded it got hit with sappy hug and crying syndrome.

Ava just nods. "I'm not.. good to- be friends with either. We.. can just be.. be bad together." She uses the sleeve of her shirt to try and wipe away the stupid tears.

It took her a little longer to find her words to address the watcher. "..I don't care if you think she's not human. Charcoal isn't entirely human. Biter isn't human. Callie is... I'm barely human. Ianus is a bug, for fucks sake." At this point, she's getting annoyed at the watcher. She just got a friend! This isn't fair at all!

-

@avathemultiverseexplorer

[trapped-captain-ava]

"Oh, right. That's.. okay! The others eat, right? Charcoal does. I.. could make them something for you to bring back?"

Does Archivist want to leave? ...Ava doesn't want to be left alone.. She hasn't seen the Captain, or Biter in a while. Do they still exist? Ava hasn't even seen Athena either, but it's more likely she just returned to her universe.

Ava nodded anyway. "If you want to leave, though.. I'm not.. gonna keep you here. I know you have things to do."

-

@avathemultiverseexplorer

[mcflymemes]

reblog if you are firmly against the use of AI in roleplay spaces. this is not the place for AI-written drivel or generated images.

[trapped-captain-ava]

Anyways hi I was meaning to make a reblog about this last night when I think I saw laikalike rb it. But yeah ai use I can't stand for.

Long post ahead:

Some of this may feel more personal, it's 3am, and I almost put it into a main account post, but since it's directly related to this account:

Art is the one thing that kept me alive throughout the years, the act of creating things has been the one thing that makes me myself

I think the most human thing you can do is to create and to be artistic and to express yourself. Taking the humanity out of one kind of art- and id argue that rp is art!! Kind of entirely ruins the point of doing it in the first place

I encourage everyone I talk to, to write. To engage in art. To read and write poetry. To do anything. With the entire internet screaming for our attention, putting thought and care into real art and something well loved is important for you

Poetry helped me work through a lot of things, and so I wrote poems when I was in school. Oftentimes, I got compliments from teachers because of how well loved it was, and at my age because I was fairly young and they wouldn't have expected it. Now, I think I've gotten better at it, but if I showed a teacher the same works now, they would assume it is AI which breaks my fucking heart.

People bringing AI into fandom spaces like ao3, or fanart/fanwork in general ruins the act of engaging in a community of something you love. A lot of the rp accounts I have seen aren't OC's and are about a media, but even for OC accounts, I literally cannot just be okay with that

I have lost friends arguing over AI, I have argued with my own mother over AI.

So here is my tired, angry rambling because I cannot sleep. Fuck generative AI. Fuck AI text bots such as chatgpt. Fuck anything and everything related to do with generative AI.

Literally go outside and draw something. Bead something. Wood carve. Do anything besides make a algorithm-based "artwork" that was taken from actual artists to generate.

And if you continue to purposely put generative AI made things into the fandom space. Fuck you, personally. I don't like you. I don't like anything about you, because taking the human part out of one of the things I consider to be most human is like. The most fuckin disrespectful thing you can do.

[trapped-captain-ava]

You dont want to know who your friends with? SHE ISENT HUMAN! You deserve to know what your getting yourself into. Befriending a watcher. Befriending a crystal that pretends to be a person.

"They- it gave me.. a memory? But it wasn't me, it was definitely you." She does want a hug... Everything about this ship was wrong, everyone who boarded it got hit with sappy hug and crying syndrome.

Ava just nods. "I'm not.. good to- be friends with either. We.. can just be.. be bad together." She uses the sleeve of her shirt to try and wipe away the stupid tears.

It took her a little longer to find her words to address the watcher. "..I don't care if you think she's not human. Charcoal isn't entirely human. Biter isn't human. Callie is... I'm barely human. Ianus is a bug, for fucks sake." At this point, she's getting annoyed at the watcher. She just got a friend! This isn't fair at all!

-

@avathemultiverseexplorer

[avathemultiverseexplorer]

"Im sorry they made you see that."

[How was she supposed to comfort someone that... reacted like this to seeing her get totured. Or well. The part of herself thats stuck there. She haven't even seen it.]

[She tried to move closer. About to open her mouth and mention how she would love to be bad friends- and then to comment came. I dont care if you think she's not human. Shes not human.]

"I-"

[The words dident come out. The gesture never turned into a hug.]

"I'm more human than I'm not."

[It came out defensive. She had questioned it herself before. The other wasn't even questioning it and still she felt... wrong. That stupid choker. Even if it was convenient it was just a sign of how the watchers turned her into a pet fucking bunny. That she was nothing but a toy for them to do whatever they wanted with.]

[Her hand goes up towards her neck. Trying to get the choker off. It dosent even have a mechanism for that. And she cant break it without killing herself- begging the clipboard to change in front off- now. Was worse. Humans dident get killed if they cut a piece of cloth.]

"I-"

[She let her hands down. It hurt to much to pull it. Like she was ripping her own arm off.]

[trapped-captain-ava]

Ava quietly watched the other, now. A part of her wonders if.. she lost the ability to speak, like Ava sometimes did.

"Why are they doing this?" Was Ava just here.. to mess with the Archivist? Was making them friends not in good faith? Were they ever actually going to be friends, or was this the plan all along?

What the fuck. Why, watcher? Why?! She feels like a child on the verge of a fucking temper tantrum.

"Humanity is.. confusing. You are more human than not." Even if she bleeds blue... "You're hopeful for a future, right? That's-" Did Ava do this? Was she blaming the watchers for her own mistakes..? "I'm sorry. They- they just.. yelled at me. Saying you aren't human- and- and I just.. we just became friends! Didn't we..? I'm- sorry..."

[avathemultiverseexplorer]

"We did. I think- bad friends."

[That dident come out right.]

"I mean. Its good were bad at being friends together or- it."

[This was going badly.]

"They tend to do things like that. As I mentioned. Just wants to hurt me."

[Were she supposed to comfort her now? How was this done? Everything just felt. Wrong now. Awkward.]

"I think I died. Along with my universe. I'm not sure what that means to my anatomy or future or- it have been a few months after I managed to find Rhys. Dont know how much time passed before that point and dying. But I'm still me. I'm not the captain anymore, my crew is dead along with my universe and I left the title there. But I'm still me."

"I'm still me."

"I'm real."

[She wasn't looking at the other anymore. Avoiding her gaze. She should leave. Probably. Maybe not.]

[trapped-captain-ava]

"I.. know that. I know you're real, because I've seen a lot of things I wouldn't have believed real before. And none of them has proven to be fake. I- I'm.. sorry about.. your... crew." Oh. There it is. "You wanted us to have something in common, right? I don't have a captain title like I used to either..."

All she wants right now is to just.. keep Archivist around. All she wants is to not be left alone anymore... All she wants, selfishly, is for Archivist to be happy. So, she needs to get over herself. And be a good person for once! Be.. kind.

"Do you want a hug? That's.. a lot, and must be difficult."

[avathemultiverseexplorer]

"I'm not a big fan of physical touch. Hugs are nice at times but- would just feel suffocating right now."

[She just dident know the other that well. Would probably have accepted a hug of it was from Dark.]

"We have that in common aswell- seeing things we wouldn't belive to be real before I mean."

[She dident feel like giving an example. Them sitting here right now like this was example enough.]

"I feel bad when I hear about how your crew treated you. I miss them. A lot. If I could somehow bring them back I- there is a lot I would be willing to sacrifice. Your universe is still alive but they were never a home for you the way they were for me. And that- I think I struggled to understand that."

[That this place could be better than the consolidation seemed impossible after her small meeting with its crew.]

"Maybe were not good at being friends. But we could try being a good crew that supports each other?"

[trapped-captain-ava]

"That's okay.. I don't usually like being touched randomly either. Sorry about- the bunny thing." Something about this felt a lot more honest than their previous conversations so far. They're getting somewhere.

Ava is finally relaxing a little.

She wonders if.. there's a universe where Archivist Ava got to stay with her good crew. Be at home forever, and not have to deal with watchers. Or, maybe that's what the woman is searching for. Maybe not. They wouldn't be the same people, no matter how close the universe was reflected.

Ava and Archivist clearly weren't the same. It's the most obvious thing in the world.

And, she liked that ending offer. "That I can do a lot easier. Cause I know how to do that." Ava finally puts the jacket back on. "..So.. team, then?"

[avathemultiverseexplorer]

"The bunny thing wasn't your fault. At least I was still me through all of it."

[Yesterday would have been a lot harder if it had been the same as turning into a puppy. Completely loosing her mind to instincts.]

[Ava extended her hand for the other to shake. Like making a formal deal.]

"Same team."

[Agreeing you were on the same crew or team was easier than being friends. Knowing you would work together and support each other, but without the pressure of well... whatever they were doing right now. They have exchanged their tokens of friendship good will, and now they would agree to be on the same team and plausible set up a meeting in the future.]

[trapped-captain-ava]

Ava took the hand and shook it. "Now what..? Would you.. like to eat? There's plenty aboard. If you need anything, I could find you something." Being helpful was a lot easier than being friends. She's pretty satisfied with this development.

[trapped-captain-ava]

You dont want to know who your friends with? SHE ISENT HUMAN! You deserve to know what your getting yourself into. Befriending a watcher. Befriending a crystal that pretends to be a person.

"They- it gave me.. a memory? But it wasn't me, it was definitely you." She does want a hug... Everything about this ship was wrong, everyone who boarded it got hit with sappy hug and crying syndrome.

Ava just nods. "I'm not.. good to- be friends with either. We.. can just be.. be bad together." She uses the sleeve of her shirt to try and wipe away the stupid tears.

It took her a little longer to find her words to address the watcher. "..I don't care if you think she's not human. Charcoal isn't entirely human. Biter isn't human. Callie is... I'm barely human. Ianus is a bug, for fucks sake." At this point, she's getting annoyed at the watcher. She just got a friend! This isn't fair at all!

-

@avathemultiverseexplorer

[avathemultiverseexplorer]

"Im sorry they made you see that."

[How was she supposed to comfort someone that... reacted like this to seeing her get totured. Or well. The part of herself thats stuck there. She haven't even seen it.]

[She tried to move closer. About to open her mouth and mention how she would love to be bad friends- and then to comment came. I dont care if you think she's not human. Shes not human.]

"I-"

[The words dident come out. The gesture never turned into a hug.]

"I'm more human than I'm not."

[It came out defensive. She had questioned it herself before. The other wasn't even questioning it and still she felt... wrong. That stupid choker. Even if it was convenient it was just a sign of how the watchers turned her into a pet fucking bunny. That she was nothing but a toy for them to do whatever they wanted with.]

[Her hand goes up towards her neck. Trying to get the choker off. It dosent even have a mechanism for that. And she cant break it without killing herself- begging the clipboard to change in front off- now. Was worse. Humans dident get killed if they cut a piece of cloth.]

"I-"

[She let her hands down. It hurt to much to pull it. Like she was ripping her own arm off.]

[trapped-captain-ava]

Ava quietly watched the other, now. A part of her wonders if.. she lost the ability to speak, like Ava sometimes did.

"Why are they doing this?" Was Ava just here.. to mess with the Archivist? Was making them friends not in good faith? Were they ever actually going to be friends, or was this the plan all along?

What the fuck. Why, watcher? Why?! She feels like a child on the verge of a fucking temper tantrum.

"Humanity is.. confusing. You are more human than not." Even if she bleeds blue... "You're hopeful for a future, right? That's-" Did Ava do this? Was she blaming the watchers for her own mistakes..? "I'm sorry. They- they just.. yelled at me. Saying you aren't human- and- and I just.. we just became friends! Didn't we..? I'm- sorry..."

[avathemultiverseexplorer]

"We did. I think- bad friends."

[That dident come out right.]

"I mean. Its good were bad at being friends together or- it."

[This was going badly.]

"They tend to do things like that. As I mentioned. Just wants to hurt me."

[Were she supposed to comfort her now? How was this done? Everything just felt. Wrong now. Awkward.]

"I think I died. Along with my universe. I'm not sure what that means to my anatomy or future or- it have been a few months after I managed to find Rhys. Dont know how much time passed before that point and dying. But I'm still me. I'm not the captain anymore, my crew is dead along with my universe and I left the title there. But I'm still me."

"I'm still me."

"I'm real."

[She wasn't looking at the other anymore. Avoiding her gaze. She should leave. Probably. Maybe not.]

[trapped-captain-ava]

"I.. know that. I know you're real, because I've seen a lot of things I wouldn't have believed real before. And none of them has proven to be fake. I- I'm.. sorry about.. your... crew." Oh. There it is. "You wanted us to have something in common, right? I don't have a captain title like I used to either..."

All she wants right now is to just.. keep Archivist around. All she wants is to not be left alone anymore... All she wants, selfishly, is for Archivist to be happy. So, she needs to get over herself. And be a good person for once! Be.. kind.

"Do you want a hug? That's.. a lot, and must be difficult."

[avathemultiverseexplorer]

"I'm not a big fan of physical touch. Hugs are nice at times but- would just feel suffocating right now."

[She just dident know the other that well. Would probably have accepted a hug of it was from Dark.]

"We have that in common aswell- seeing things we wouldn't belive to be real before I mean."

[She dident feel like giving an example. Them sitting here right now like this was example enough.]

"I feel bad when I hear about how your crew treated you. I miss them. A lot. If I could somehow bring them back I- there is a lot I would be willing to sacrifice. Your universe is still alive but they were never a home for you the way they were for me. And that- I think I struggled to understand that."

[That this place could be better than the consolidation seemed impossible after her small meeting with its crew.]

"Maybe were not good at being friends. But we could try being a good crew that supports each other?"

[trapped-captain-ava]

"That's okay.. I don't usually like being touched randomly either. Sorry about- the bunny thing." Something about this felt a lot more honest than their previous conversations so far. They're getting somewhere.

Ava is finally relaxing a little.

She wonders if.. there's a universe where Archivist Ava got to stay with her good crew. Be at home forever, and not have to deal with watchers. Or, maybe that's what the woman is searching for. Maybe not. They wouldn't be the same people, no matter how close the universe was reflected.

Ava and Archivist clearly weren't the same. It's the most obvious thing in the world.

And, she liked that ending offer. "That I can do a lot easier. Cause I know how to do that." Ava finally puts the jacket back on. "..So.. team, then?"

[trapped-captain-ava]

You dont want to know who your friends with? SHE ISENT HUMAN! You deserve to know what your getting yourself into. Befriending a watcher. Befriending a crystal that pretends to be a person.

"They- it gave me.. a memory? But it wasn't me, it was definitely you." She does want a hug... Everything about this ship was wrong, everyone who boarded it got hit with sappy hug and crying syndrome.

Ava just nods. "I'm not.. good to- be friends with either. We.. can just be.. be bad together." She uses the sleeve of her shirt to try and wipe away the stupid tears.

It took her a little longer to find her words to address the watcher. "..I don't care if you think she's not human. Charcoal isn't entirely human. Biter isn't human. Callie is... I'm barely human. Ianus is a bug, for fucks sake." At this point, she's getting annoyed at the watcher. She just got a friend! This isn't fair at all!

-

@avathemultiverseexplorer

[avathemultiverseexplorer]

"Im sorry they made you see that."

[How was she supposed to comfort someone that... reacted like this to seeing her get totured. Or well. The part of herself thats stuck there. She haven't even seen it.]

[She tried to move closer. About to open her mouth and mention how she would love to be bad friends- and then to comment came. I dont care if you think she's not human. Shes not human.]

"I-"

[The words dident come out. The gesture never turned into a hug.]

"I'm more human than I'm not."

[It came out defensive. She had questioned it herself before. The other wasn't even questioning it and still she felt... wrong. That stupid choker. Even if it was convenient it was just a sign of how the watchers turned her into a pet fucking bunny. That she was nothing but a toy for them to do whatever they wanted with.]

[Her hand goes up towards her neck. Trying to get the choker off. It dosent even have a mechanism for that. And she cant break it without killing herself- begging the clipboard to change in front off- now. Was worse. Humans dident get killed if they cut a piece of cloth.]

"I-"

[She let her hands down. It hurt to much to pull it. Like she was ripping her own arm off.]

[trapped-captain-ava]

Ava quietly watched the other, now. A part of her wonders if.. she lost the ability to speak, like Ava sometimes did.

"Why are they doing this?" Was Ava just here.. to mess with the Archivist? Was making them friends not in good faith? Were they ever actually going to be friends, or was this the plan all along?

What the fuck. Why, watcher? Why?! She feels like a child on the verge of a fucking temper tantrum.

"Humanity is.. confusing. You are more human than not." Even if she bleeds blue... "You're hopeful for a future, right? That's-" Did Ava do this? Was she blaming the watchers for her own mistakes..? "I'm sorry. They- they just.. yelled at me. Saying you aren't human- and- and I just.. we just became friends! Didn't we..? I'm- sorry..."

[avathemultiverseexplorer]

"We did. I think- bad friends."

[That dident come out right.]

"I mean. Its good were bad at being friends together or- it."

[This was going badly.]

"They tend to do things like that. As I mentioned. Just wants to hurt me."

[Were she supposed to comfort her now? How was this done? Everything just felt. Wrong now. Awkward.]

"I think I died. Along with my universe. I'm not sure what that means to my anatomy or future or- it have been a few months after I managed to find Rhys. Dont know how much time passed before that point and dying. But I'm still me. I'm not the captain anymore, my crew is dead along with my universe and I left the title there. But I'm still me."

"I'm still me."

"I'm real."

[She wasn't looking at the other anymore. Avoiding her gaze. She should leave. Probably. Maybe not.]

[trapped-captain-ava]

"I.. know that. I know you're real, because I've seen a lot of things I wouldn't have believed real before. And none of them has proven to be fake. I- I'm.. sorry about.. your... crew." Oh. There it is. "You wanted us to have something in common, right? I don't have a captain title like I used to either..."

All she wants right now is to just.. keep Archivist around. All she wants is to not be left alone anymore... All she wants, selfishly, is for Archivist to be happy. So, she needs to get over herself. And be a good person for once! Be.. kind.

"Do you want a hug? That's.. a lot, and must be difficult."