🫧

Banner is one of the ending credits of Steven Universe. It’s nighttime and the moon is shining brightly, making everything a blue. The Beach is in the background and there is a large hand of a statue with a clothesline connected to the pointer and thumb. In the palm of the hand is a warp pad, in front of the thumb is a washer and dryer, and in front of the pointer is a clothes basket Profile picture is Steven universe looking upwards with stars in his eyes.

[trash-mammalian09]

This is my vent side-blog, I’m not sure how much I’ll use it, so take it as a notice

Norman or Sybil is fine, He/him, It/Its, and Shy/Hare, I’m a minor but on the older side

General warnings: mentions of alcohol/drunk parent, vomit, dissociation, anxiety, self harm, medical and emotional neglect from parents, memory issues, body image talk, and more I’ll add later on

Dividers/decoration by: @/astrivion

[trash-mammalian09]

Parents got upset over the fact I opened the window to tell the dog to stop eating the leftovers on the table when fucking both of them were outside and somehow my father didn’t fucking notice the leftovers or the dog getting on the table? What the fuck is there problem they act like I’m jsut fully on the wrong for opening to window to yell at the dog to stop when he doesn’t need to fucking do that and i saw the god damn dog walking on to the table, this is a known fucking issue and yet they get upset at me for opening the window because it would’ve taken longer to go out the door and my father was already fucking outside, he had to have fucking known about the left overs and yet it’s my fucking problem for telling the dog to get out of the food he doesn’t need to fucking eat. Yea. I’m sure it’s just completely fair.

[mentally-ill-loser-rants]

the way I can go from.normal to suicidal is crazy

[mentally-ill-loser-rants]

[trash-mammalian09]

How in the fuck am I getting anxious in something I’m not even involved in? Why do I keep feeling my heartbeat? what in the fuck

I can’t help that one of my mutuals and one of his mutuals got in an argument and I guess hate each other now, so why do I keep having my heart beat noticeable when I look at the posts and why do I generally feel bad as if I was jnvocled? I don’t mean the usual ‘oh that sucks, hopefully it’s resplved’ it’s something else

[trash-mammalian09]

Every single time I interact with my mother, it tends to end with the thoughts of: you should’ve aborted me, I never should have been born, and your lucky I haven’t tried to kill myself yet

[trash-mammalian09]

3 of my cats have died / gone missing for good and never returned, only 1 has died from old age. They seriously expect me to just be fine with my cats staying outside when it’s becoming dark, that’s when those cats where last seen. That’s when they died. And they legitimately expect me to just be fine and not even try to get those cats who aren’t even full grown in yet. She tells me to just not worry. 3 times as many cats have died from being outside at night randomly, 2 of them in the same month, and only 1 passed of old age. They seriously expect me to just be chill with my cats being outside at night, when they aren’t even 3 god damn years old.

[trash-mammalian09]

I swear to god if I associate seeing blood orange with this stupid argument that’s fuckign over I’m gonna lose it

[trash-mammalian09]

I’ve attached myself to a stupid argument that isn’t even worth the near blood vessel popping anger I got close to, it’s a fucking color

Whatever the fuck is wrong with me I want it fuckign gone

I got into a worthless argument with a friend/situationship over A FUCKING COLOR

I should cut tomorrow, my stomach hurts

[trash-mammalian09]

I got added to a friends list of friends tags, but I just feel insulted because i asked it to be added, that already felt bad because I understand memory issues, I ahve them, but it still hurts to feel like I’ve been forgotten, and then the specifics of my tag just felt like, that’s all you have to say? Do you n just not think anything special of me? Am I so boring that I don’t get a special sentence like the others did? Why don’t I? Why don’t I get anything special and I had to ask? Am I that forgettable? Am I not worthy? Why? Why why why why why? I guess I’m forgettable.

Don’t harass and don’t mention the name if you know the user, I’m just complaining like a baby.

[trash-mammalian09]

God forbid I make a singular fucking comment on how much wine is out of the bottle already when you opened it not even an hour ago, god forbid I say a single fucking thing when you get drunk almost every single fucking night, just god forbid I say anything even touching on it

[trash-mammalian09]

I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid

[trash-mammalian09]

Can I not be overly sensitive for two god damn seconds? What the fuck it wrong with me why am I so pathetic

[trash-mammalian09]

I don’t know if I can handle another friend attempting to kill themselves, I don’t know if I can handle it regularly I surely can’t handle it when my body is trying to destroy itself

[mentally-ill-loser-rants]

[mentally-ill-loser-rants]

the way I can go from.normal to suicidal is crazy

[trash-mammalian09]

I hate being on break, I hate it because when I just relax when I can, I only feel like shit and get bored, my body feels so tired quickly and just feel garbage