Trauma & Kink

32 years old here. Please only follow if you’re older than 18.

[traumaandkink]

Hi, I’m April!

32 • Trauma survivor

In a 24/7 TPE (Total Power Exchange) relationship

I created this blog to talk about healthy kink and what it means to me as a trauma survivor

My goal is to help other survivors feel less alone

I host a kink-friendly trauma server. Message me for a link (18+ only)

About This Blog:

Focus: Trauma-informed kink, safety, and personal reflections

I do not post NSFW images or erotica, but some posts may include mature or kink-related discussions

Minors, please do not follow

Ask Guidelines:

✅ Asks open • Anon on

❌ Hateful or inappropriate asks will be ignored

Public vs. Private: Non-anon asks will be answered privately unless you say it’s okay to post

I’m happy to tag posts, just send an ask if there’s something you need tagged!

Boundaries & Consent:

I may post about aspects of my relationship that aren’t for everyone and that’s okay!

Everything I share is safe, consensual, and wanted. I’m happy, loved, and careful.

Respect is expected; judgment or shaming won’t be engaged with.

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You are allowed to enjoy fantasy without wanting it in real life.

Thoughts are not intentions. Desire is not consent.

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You do not need to “fix” your kinks to be healed.

Healing is about safety, consent, and choice. Not about erasing parts of yourself to make others comfortable.

You are allowed to be both traumatized and whole.

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Trauma can shape desire without corrupting it.

For some people, kink becomes a way to reclaim agency, control, or intensity on their own terms. That doesn’t make you broken. It means you’re finding ways to survive and feel alive.

You get to decide what those desires mean to you, if anything at all.

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You are allowed to feel aroused by things you would never want to happen to you.

Thoughts, fantasies, and kinks are not contracts. They are not confessions. They do not mean you are secretly asking for harm.

You can hold boundaries and still have complex desires.

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Having an abuse-related kink does not mean abuse was acceptable.

Fantasy and reality are not the same thing. Choice, consent, and safety are what separate kink from harm. The presence of one does not justify the other.

Your nervous system finding new ways to cope does not change what you deserved then. And you deserved safety.

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If you have a kink that overlaps with your trauma, that does not mean you wanted the abuse.

The body can seek control, choice, and agency in ways the mind didn’t get to have before. That doesn’t rewrite the past. It doesn’t turn harm into consent.

What happened to you was not your fault, regardless of what you enjoy now.

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You are not dirty for enjoying kink.

Desire does not make you shameful. Wanting intensity, power, or sensation does not mean something is wrong with you. Kink is not a moral failure.

You are allowed to enjoy what feels good to you.

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You don’t owe anyone access to you just because you agreed once before. Desire is allowed to shift. Boundaries are allowed to change.

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Consent isn’t just about saying yes once. It’s about having the freedom to change your mind without fear of consequences.

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Damn. The anti-kink people found this blog already.

Specifically the ‘feminist’ anti-kink people. I don’t know but to me, feminism is about choice. You don’t have to participate in kink but I can make the choice to. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Either way, I’ve started blocking for my own sanity.

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Enjoying rough kink doesn’t mean you “deserved” past abuse. Your curiosity for impact play, choking and/or power exchange is okay. And it doesn't mean you enjoyed your past abuse either.

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Kink is built on trust. But not everyone you meet in the scene or in private dynamics will have your safety at heart. It’s important to know the difference between healthy behaviours that show respect and dangerous ones that erode it.

Red Flags:

They pressure you to do something you’ve already said no to.

They dismiss or mock safe words, or tell you “we won’t need them.”

They make you feel guilty for needing reassurance or aftercare.

They refuse to discuss risks, limits, or boundaries.

They put their pressure or control above your safety.

Green Flags:

They bring up negotiation themselves and make sure you feel heard.

They take safe words seriously, even outside of play.

They respect “no” the first time you say it with no guilt-tripping, no arguments.

They listen without defensiveness. If you bring up discomfort, they don’t argue or twist it back on you. They listen and take it seriously.

They’re open to pausing. If something feels off, they’re willing to slow down or stop instead of pushing forward.

This isn’t a complete, black-and-white guide. Every person and dynamic is different, and there are plenty of red flags and green flags not listed here. Think of this as a starting point, not the final word. What matters most is that you feel safe, respected, and heard. Your needs are valid, and you deserve partners who treat them that way.

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I used to struggle with the idea of my best friend’s 24/7 dynamic because I misunderstood what it meant. I think I got focused on what people’s fantasy of it can be verses reality. Now I’m in my own, and I’ve learned some important things.

Living in a 24/7 dynamic doesn’t mean you’re never allowed to say “no”.

Even in full-time dynamics, consent can be revisited. Submissives are still allowed boundaries. Dominants are still allowed vulnerability. There are still hard limits, and in my case, things that exist outside our dynamic that we’ve established he doesn’t have control over.

24/7 is really what you decide.

[traumaandkink]

Kink is built on trust. But not everyone you meet in the scene or in private dynamics will have your safety at heart. It’s important to know the difference between healthy behaviours that show respect and dangerous ones that erode it.

Red Flags:

They pressure you to do something you’ve already said no to.

They dismiss or mock safe words, or tell you “we won’t need them.”

They make you feel guilty for needing reassurance or aftercare.

They refuse to discuss risks, limits, or boundaries.

They put their pressure or control above your safety.

Green Flags:

They bring up negotiation themselves and make sure you feel heard.

They take safe words seriously, even outside of play.

They respect “no” the first time you say it with no guilt-tripping, no arguments.

They listen without defensiveness. If you bring up discomfort, they don’t argue or twist it back on you. They listen and take it seriously.

They’re open to pausing. If something feels off, they’re willing to slow down or stop instead of pushing forward.

This isn’t a complete, black-and-white guide. Every person and dynamic is different, and there are plenty of red flags and green flags not listed here. Think of this as a starting point, not the final word. What matters most is that you feel safe, respected, and heard. Your needs are valid, and you deserve partners who treat them that way.

[traumaandkink]

You don’t need to “prove” your strength by enduring something that harms you. Safe kink is about mutual pleasure, not silent endurance. If something hurts in the wrong way, saying “no” doesn’t make you weak. It makes you responsible and strong enough to protect yourself.

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I’ve heard that this blog is showing up recommended to people and that it’s triggered some people. Does anyone know if I can turn off this blog being recommended?

I’m all for pro kink but I understand it can be triggering, especially when the post it recommends is one about my CNC with my partner which can be alarming with no context.