WAX AND WANE @triinh - Tumblr Blog

“I hope you never have to look desperate to be friends with your own friends.”

「你對別人好，實質上是為了滿足你自己。

對別人付出前先思考自己的行為初衷是什麼？你究竟是想對他好還是只期待他給你的反饋

你對別人好是你想。別人是否接受你的好是他們想

停止對結果有期待停止反饋有執念

才是你感受幸福的開始。」

Yesterday I was at a friend’s place for hotpot and saw my Christmas card from last year on their fridge 🥹 I was so touched that I cried

我是一個很好的朋友通常我付出比較多不過我不介意

May 7 (night after we had the chat)

AT: It’s true that it’ll a lot better if I had a bf. But he/they would just say (in the past they would say that) ‘they probably cherish you as well, they’re just not good at demonstrating it’ or ‘at this point, why are you friends are with them’. Either way, I think it’s been a long time issue that I voiced it out to the group. I just never talked to the group about it. But I’m glad that we talked it out. (because he was laughing at the end of the convo, this wouldn’t have occurred if I had a boyfriend)

KC: That realization should also have action behind it. Use it to focus on yourself to become the best partner you can be and put less emphasis on friendships that aren’t meeting your standards

AT: The action? I did say multiple times that I would like to do an activity or spend more time with you guys after lunch/dinner - it would be a ~1hr hang out. Unless I’m interpreting your paragraph differently 🫠

KC: I think you’re interpreting it differently. I meant to say the action should be to focus on yourself and to ultimately find a partner that values you as that seems to be the best solution for you

In my head: my standards are so low tho..

Because a friend recently said (before the call) “they probably don’t want to be friends with you because of your disability, or indirectly disrespect you” (this is before the call) i asked that night because it NEVER crossed my mind in my life ..

AT: do you look down on me because of my disability?

KC: no, but I looked down on you because you don’t have self-confidence (something like that, I just remember I was a little shocked because of his response)

Had a talk w Elliot, I asked if I did anything wrong in 2020, he said no - and he apologized, saying that he couldve dealt w the situation better. He said it wasn’t anything that I did wrong, he just said he wants to not associate anyone from hamber/his past anymore.

I thanked him for talking to me, and we wish each other the best

I wished that I could’ve been a life long friend of his ..

At least I’ve been a peer support for people who recently had a TBI and it’s been fulfilling 😇 and I get paid 😆

but it’s true that i’m pushing myself, at least I don’t have to think about it as much ..

Coworkers are so nice

diagnosed with dermatographia today

doc said the triggers could be emotional distress, stress, or heavy lifting

I remember having a lot of seizures at a wedding and I had dermatographia that night

JC: ‘Try to stop giving so much thought to the friends situation.. its not healthy..

And i know you are trying to do things by yourself which is good so good job on that part’

I don’t think you understand how much friendship means to me, I already lost Elliot .. he would always ask me to participate in events. Elliot was a really good friend of mine..

無論是愛情或者友情

我值得好好被對待

May 10

JC: Bro if no one wants to take accountability it’s not like you can force them to.

You need to accept thats just how it is, forcing something which its not will be harder on you.

And it’s gonna be your own decision to keep giving this situation so much of your mental health and even physical health.

Sometimes im wondering if you want to suffer more than you need to 😅

「別再敲一扇不會為你打開的門了。」

I knew I was forcing the friendship a long time ago, and I thought I’d be happy to see them regardless, even though I’m the one putting in the majority of the effort.

十幾年。。而是我說了對不起。我連我不知道我為什麼要說對不起。我只想說我的內心不開心的事情/感受。

那晚上，我以為什麼事情都回到原點。他們還問了我，「你生日你想做什麼？想請誰誰誰，我很開心。因為解決我們的問題。」

那時候，我只想做朋友，好像什麼事都沒發生過

「不要後悔對他好哪怕是看錯人哪怕是被辜負

你對他好，不代表他有多好

而是因為你很好。」

I wear my heart on my sleeve ❤️

只是我覺得有一點可惜，我以為我們會參加彼此的婚禮或者葬禮

但是。。

我盡力了

我為我驕傲

有啲可惜