Tri Like a Mother

[trilikeamother]

Crossfit?!

Is it a cult? Is it the answer to all my problems?  I’m all atwitter about Crossfit right now.  I just purchased an “all the Crossfit you can do for a month ” Livingsocial deal and went to an introductory class. Wow.  Admittedly, I am the type of person who can get carried away by the initial excitement of a new endeavor… and, luckily, there are checks and balances in force (I absolutely do not have the time or money to join a Crossfit  gym once this month is over).  But after that initial class, I was practically ready to tear up my YMCA card, abandon all other forms of working out, and devote my life fully to the Crossfit path. 

Because, here’s the thing (s)..

*** Although I have  become much more fit over the last year or so, I am not STRONG.  I can only do girly push ups,  I could not do a single dead-hang pull up even if my daughter’s very life depended on it.   I want to be strong.   

*** I think Crossfit just might be able to address my personal athletic Achilles heel – lack of endurance.  Maybe those short but INTENSE workouts can do something for me that running at a snail’s pace for increasingly longer times has never been able to do

**   And -- this just blows my mind -- the heart of that Crossfit workout took less than 10 minutes. TEN MINUTES!!!!!  And it kicked my butt.  And I am feeling it a day later. TEN MINUTES!!!!!  Now, granted, I do love my long runs & rides..I love having a guaranteed block of time either all to myself or with Lalah.  But it is just not possible with work, family, life -- to spend 3 hours at a time working out  -- except maybe once a week.  I am always feeling pressed for enough time to work out, always feeling guilty about abandoning my family for hours at a time.  But with the WOD (workout of the day, for the uninitiated), there is no way I CAN’T do that.  Who doesn’t have 10 minutes? 

***Finally, I really love some of the guiding principles (as far as I understand them, anyway – remember I have been to exactly one Crossfit workout, so my apologies if I am misrepresenting anything).  Workouts are based around functional movements using the full range of motion, workouts are constantly varied to avoid boredom, Crossfitters specialize in not being specialized.  PERFECT. I love it.

OK, so what DON’T I like about Crossfit?  Well, it is a wee bit cultish.  Although I already fully understand the exuberance, the enthusiasm, and desire to share, I instinctively resist anything that produces proselytizers.  Crossfitters do seem on a mission to convert the world – to their method of working out, their way of eating, their LIFESTYLE.  That sort of rubs me the wrong way. 

So, now I think my task is to figure out how to integrate this way of working out into my actual life.  There certainly are a lot of resources out there online (WODs, WOD-generators, videos, websites…)  Can I do this on my own without the cool warehouse gym, without the enthusiastic  tough-but-supportive coach, without the group support/accountability, without kettlebells and rings and rowing machines?  We shall see! 

--Susan

[trilikeamother]

Delicious moments

The least enjoyable things about this race:

physical illness, broken toe (again with the broken toe... I know you are rolling your eyes), IT band not right.

cold.  rain.

overwhelm. 

The most delicious moments I remember in a long morning's exertions:

It was a coup to figure out how to put on the wetsuit so that the crotch of the suit met the crotch of my body.  This was an entirely different sensory experience than the last three times I'd tried one on.  This was comfortable!  (And warm.  Oh thank goodness for the warmth!)

I had one collision during the swim with a guy who was struggling about like I was. We each stopped, tread water, apologized, smiled, and began again. I was so comforted by that exchange - "look! another human in the water!"

The hug with Susan as she entered T1 had many, many layers to it.  I loved it.  I was so proud of us.

There was a precise moment on the bike ride when I knew all my fears of slipping, causing a pile-up, and landing in the hospital were completely unfounded.  Fear begone!  I spent the next 90 minutes talking and babbling to myself aloud, coaching myself along the most joyful ride of my short career. I knew I was moving myself through the world and through the rain, and it was good. I felt powerful.

The moment I began running in dry socks but completely numb feet after a month of Not Running was a shock, a delight, and memory I treasure.  Padpadpadpadpadpadpadpad... "look at me go!  I'm running!  I'm running!"  I smiled for the next 6 miles just for knowing I could still move one foot in front of the other.

It's just a series of moments, but what is any experience other than that?

~~ Lalah

[trilikeamother]

Lalah,

I just read your post Triathlons and Irrational Belief Patterns and I am completely overwhelmed.  Overwhelmed with love for you, with pain and compassion for the scared kid in you and in myself (and in everyone), with the all-embracing sense of peace and comfort that comes from those moments when that scared kid is understood and loved and made to feel safe again..  But  mostly I'm overwhelmed with admiration for what you are capable of (on the race course itself and in your processing of the experience) and gratitude for being a part of your world.  I can't wait to see you today so I can tell you in person how proud I am of you. I am quite frankly in awe of the person that you are.  But also, I just want to say...regarding the small t triathlon... I don't think I said it strongly enough at the time (because I was sort of wallowing in my own DNF stuff.)  I am so very proud of what you DID in finishing that race.  I know better than anyone (except you!) all that went into it, all that you had to overcome to accomplish it.  I truly, deeply hope that what you write about joy and fulfillment starting to open up for you is true, and that it continues to open wider.  Because I want you to all-out celebrate, I want you to  feel the  greatest heights of joy ---  you deserve SO. MUCH. JOY.  LOOK WHAT YOU DID!!!! 

- Susan

[trilikeamother]

Triathlons and irrational belief patterns

Once upon a time there was a little girl who came to believe, and then forget that she believed, but continue believing still, that being late, last, toward the back, and anything generally not first was life threatening.  (There are many things perceived as life threatening to a 2 year old.)  Because she had forgotten she believed this, and yet continued building her life around it, she went on to live a life of Great Striving.  The Great Striving protected her like chain mail from the terror of being left behind. When she was not last, late, or toward the back, she was quite happy.  Except...

In addition to believing what she had forgotten that she believed, she later began believing something contrary and thus quite confusing: to be ahead of others was painful, sometimes shameful, and often feels quite wrong, because it made others feel bad.  It made (4 year old) others not like her very much.  At least for a minute.

Being left behind was scary.  Being ahead of people she cared about was lonely.  Hidden little girl experiences in a grown up world made for a confusing inner life at races.

****

Given the eventual completion of more than four hours of exertion and a finish that was definitely in question 24 hours earlier, I was surprised to find myself low this week. Or, not exactly low, more at quiet war with myself.  Ungrounded, anxious, unable to calm the monkey mind.  I couldn't figure out why until almost a week had gone by.  I knew it had something to do with my inner little girl and with this thing near the end of the tri:

I'd been grinning ear to ear just to find myself running (broken toe!  stomach virus!).  When I came back onto the main road for the final mile,  I was completely by myself.  No other runners visible ahead, water stations shut down, fewer than ten people behind me.  I started passing the cars with bikes on the back and leaving the park.  They'd been done so long they were probably warm again. It became harder and harder to face them, smile, wave. 

During the swim, a spontaneous mantra had kept me moving forward: "you're not chasing anyone, no one is chasing you, be with yourself... you're not chasing anyone, no one is chasing you, be with yourself..."  I said this out loud to myself as I passed the cars on the road. This thing that sort of felt like losing at competition (and yet didn't?) was so palpable I still recall it like a physical hand pushing on my face.  I felt... bad. 

Bad = ... shame?  My adult self knows I have nothing to be ashamed of.  But what I see now is that in that moment, it was less shame, and more fear.  Very old fear.  It was fear that something bad would happen because I wasn't safely up near the front.  And it was so vague I couldn't name it at all.  But the mantra, helpful and useful up to that point, was also a punishment, a clear indication that little girl was being massively misunderstood.

Then I learned Susan had made the decision to honor her body by not completing the run.  Which meant (in only one way) that I was ahead of her.  Wow.  Bound on both ends by invisible beliefs.  What a fascinating spot to be in... but only once you know what that spot actually is.  Til then, it feels like crap.

So this week, not surprisingly, the girl started gettin' wiggy.  I thought she was being petulant over being so far back in the pack (104th out of 111!), and I was further shaming her for wanting something both impossible and irrational (it doesn't matter, for Pete's sake!).  It took a long time to see she was just scared.  Only once I saw it could I sit in compassion with her while she shook, love her through that belief, promise to stay with her no matter where she finishes any race she decides to run.  And total ixnay on the condemnation and threats requiring immediate, on the spot, forever change.  (Why do we ever think that works?)

Seeing that fear also opens up the possibility of more space around everyone having , and, more than living through, thriving through, their own experiences, no matter what they are.  Susan has been a profound teacher in this.  I cannot say that strongly enough.

Ok, so, seeing all of that begins to open up some joy, some excitement, some fulfillment.  Finally!!  It also shows me that there is a path toward what I want.  I want to know without a doubt extreme effort and general Great Striving are not required for a happy life, that I am as safe at the back of the pack as I am at the front.  When I say I want to know that, what I mean is that I want to live that.  I suspect a life with less perceived life-and-death pressure might be a joyful, free-to-fly thing indeed.  And I want to keep the Great Striving too, because it so rewarding when undertaken from joy instead of fear.

The path is the same as it ever was:  Compassion.  Care.  Love.  Continued striving in the service of joy.  Awareness with a light touch.  And more triathlons.  Definitely more triathlons. 

~~ Lalah

  (This is so atypical a race wrap up as to be annoying, I know.  I might do one of those, too, but uncovering an age-old irrational belief pattern or two feels like the real coup.  I'm starting there.)

[trilikeamother]

My first triathlon

I’m just gonna say it right at the outset. I didn’t finish the race. I am tremendously disappointed, and sad, and angry, and a little bit ashamed..but within all that there is a lot that I am proud of and even more that I am grateful for. Long story short: I got some sort of gastro-intestinal bug the day before the race, and it remained in force on race day. The morning of the race I was weak, tired, dehydrated, my stomach hurt, I hadn’t been able to keep any food in me…basically pitiful. I made the decision to just try to do what I could; however, when I realized that just putting on my wetsuit totally wore me out, I started to get pretty demoralized. I honestly didn’t think I’d even make it into the water for the swim. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. But, when I went out to the pavilion to get starting instructions (which, actually, were being given at lakeside—ooops!) music was playing, local high school cheerleaders were out in force, people were jumping around and singing and expressing amazement at our craziness for being out here on this crappy day. The energy there — even in that cold rainy weather — was inspiring. I started to feel a little spark of hope. The swim was insane! I gagged the instant I put my face in the water, so ended up back-stroking pretty much the entire swim course (some side stroke, some breast stroke, a little dog paddling too, but nary a stroke of the standard front crawl). Along the way, my mindset shifted from “I will never make it” to “I am just going to keep swimming until either I finish or they pull me out of the water – either way, right now I am just going to keep going”. I was absolutely ecstatic after coming through that swim – I DID IT!! – and I nearly tackled Lalah with my exuberant hug when I saw her at T1. The high from finishing that swim carried me right into the bike ride, despite some serious shakiness. GOD, I love biking, and this was the ride of my life. When I turned into the park entrance at the end of the ride, I was literally singing out loud (Indigo Girls, “Closer to Fine”, "Prince of Darkness"). I pushed myself to my absolute physical limit on that ride and I will never forget the way that felt. Then…bonk. Clear. Undeniable. BONK. That was the end of my race, but it’s not the end of my story. The experience of simultaneous exultation at reaching beyond what I thought I was capable of and painful embarrassment at failing to do a thing I have been training for and was CERTAIN I could accomplish…is the kind of experience that doesn’t come along every day. It’s an experience that, I know, has the potential to teach me more about myself than I can even fully grasp just yet. The way this came out surprised me as I wrote it. It came out much more hopeful and joyful than I have been feeling. Frankly, I have been feeling rather sorry for myself. But there is truth here, and I am glad to see it this way in print. And I can’t wait to start training again. —Susan

[trilikeamother]

T minus 4 days

If you'd asked me 6 months ago what I would want out of Saturday's (small-t) triathlon, I'd probably have said something like, "to do my best, to have expanded my capacity to swim, bike and run, to finish without glitch or injury, to feel proud."  Because (cap-T) Triathlon is what it is, this Saturday's event now presents an opportunity beyond what I was expecting.

I've spent enough time and energy in pursuit of perfection to know how damaging that can be. And, what I lack in skill in any particular area, I am usually willing to throw in absurd effort to make up the difference.

A tendency toward perfectionism + a massive uptick in effort x 6 months = conscious and unconscious expectations of something big (a.k.a. formula for perceived failure).

But what's True is that the effort and growth along the way to Saturday have been perfect for me.  Perfect expansion, perfect opportunity, perfect development.  The breaks and pains have been teachers I could not have encountered at a better time. 

What I want now is to stay conscious of the following: while triathlon tests endurance in three sports, for me, Saturday, it will more delightfully test my capacity to 1) enjoy the process and all it entails, 2) give it all I have in each ongoing moment, and 3) accept that what I give is fully enough.  I don't have to do to win.  I am enough.  No matter what.

I think it will take a lightness of spirit plus a kind-hearted, tenacious mindset to pursue all three at once, just as in life.  Which has been the beauty of Triathlon all along - it's another lens through which to view the journey.

~~ Lalah

[trilikeamother]

T minus 5 days

Since starting to train for the Lake Guntersville Olympic Triathlon, I’ve spent quite a bit of time contemplating what training means for me in my life. All my specific personal struggles and joys seem to have their embodiment in some aspect of training. Discovering these connections has been the one of the most satisfying aspects of working toward this race for me (this is what we call “Capital T Triathlon”). Oddly enough, though, one thing I have not given much thought to AT ALL, is what does the actual RACE mean to me? What are my hopes for it? In fact, had Lalah not brought up the idea, it might not have occurred to me to give it any consideration at all (crazy as that sounds). I definitely see myself as a “process not product” person, and I often am absurdly resistant to giving even reasonable consideration to “outcomes”. But, since she asked the question, I am now curious .

So here’s how I am looking at it… perhaps instead of Triathlon as a metaphor for Life, Life (in this case, my work life) can serve as metaphor for this particular triathlon.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a deep sense of satisfaction, competence, and joy in my work (interestingly, my day at work today was the polar opposite of that…which at first I thought might negate this whole analogy I am about to set up, but in fact I think makes it all the more applicable..) ANYWAY, a few days ago I had one of those days in which I felt completely powerful, capable and “in my element”. My principal came to observe my teaching as part of my annual evaluation. As I was going along, life threw me a few curve balls, things did not go at all as I had carefully planned. Nonetheless, I kept my head, relied on all that I have learned in my years of teaching, rolled with everything that came up, had FUN doing it, and taught an engaging & effective lesson. I was able to shine and allow my best self to be evident in my actions, even in the face of obstacles. I’ve worked hard , made many mistakes, and learned a lot over the past few years of teaching; all that effort paid off when the pressure was on. THAT is the experience I’d love to have at this race. I want that feeling of giving my best and accomplishing all that I am capable of; not being thrown off by bumps in the road, but taking them in stride and capitalizing on the opportunity to show off my resilience and resourcefulness. I want that feeling of YEAH —-those laps in the pool, that fighting panic attacks in the lake, those hill repeats, the sore muscles, the overcoming treadmill phobia and bike envy…all that is paying off because DAMN, I CAN ACTUALLY DO THIS!

That’s what I want.

Today’s crappy day at work is a perfect metaphor for what I fear (which is also a good thing to know going in to the race). I hardly need to describe today – it is precisely the inverse of the day described above (except for the part that things did not go as I had carefully planned!) I did NOT keep my head, I did NOT roll with everything that came up, I did NOT HAVE FUN nor was I engaging or effective. My best self was nowhere to be found, I fell far short of what I am capable of. I basically gave up, and I was left feeling ashamed and small. Instead of relying on what I had learned and running my own race, I shut down and just wallowed in self-judgment. I suck. I can’t do this. It is evident to the entire universe that I am unequal to this task. Why was I so foolish to believe I could be good at this?

My problem today (and my problem sometimes with running and swimming – not as often biking) is that I lost sight of what’s important – being ENGAGED in what I am doing. The thing is, I love teaching. Work should be (and often is) pure joy. I love running (OK, OK I ADMIT IT!), I love biking and I love swimming. I also happen to love competing, sweating, pushing myself physically. This race should be pure joy because I get to do these things with a bunch of like-minded people in an atmosphere of excitement and challenge. If there is one thing I know without doubt about myself, it is that when I remember to have fun, (when I let my inner kid PLAY) I can give myself fully to what I am doing. When I do that, I am capable of being at my best. When I start focusing on how my performance looks to others, judging myself rather than paying attention to the activity itself (when I let my inner scolding adult go unchecked), I go right off the rails. I shut down and give up. That is just how I operate. Is that a good thing? A healthy thing? Those are questions for another day. For now, at T minus 5 days, I think I finally know what I want this race to be about.

—Susan

[trilikeamother]

Letting go, allowing the taper.

Bear with me for a minute. Last weekend, I went with dear ones to TN for a retreat.  One of the things we did together was ride horses. I’d heard before that the way you approach a horse can show you the ways you approach your life and the people in it, and that landed home in wonderful ways.  Buck (my horse for the two hours) showed me how I might step up with more empowered energy in my life, leadership.  Cool. I start with this because it was not only really meaningful to me (and something I’ve continued thinking about all week) but because it’s also an example of something I loooooooove to find — one thing shedding light on another, sometimes directly, sometimes through metaphor. This morning, one week out from the triathlon, I had a massage with my hometown massage therapist.  She has been present and helpful and responsive and a teacher and a kind soul and a kindred spirit through my training process.  Bless her.  We chatted throughout this particular massage, and toward the end I shared that I’d just had an epiphany about where to focus in the coming week: “care for the vehicle.”  This week, I’m going to clean up my car, give my bike a bath, and really give kind and loving attention to my body.  I shared this with her because she is intuitive, and I thought she might have something to share regarding what she was picking up from my body. She shared a related story that flipped the switch on understanding. Because she’s who she is, she didn’t need to have “the answer” to give me. She let me come to it myself.  (Good grief, I love that.) When she had been leading my legs through passive stretching, I realized I was just slightly resisting the process, holding onto control, not giving her freedom to move my leg without a reminder. It took conscious effort to let go. Oooooh. Probably my emotional focus needs to be on Letting Go.  I have gotten all wrapped around the axle trying to make up for a broken toe and a stressed IT band. I’ve tried to control everything else that I could, since these two things were beyond what I could fix in a day, and those two things are so thoroughly related to this thing I’ve been working toward for 6 months. So there's that thing again, this time my body informing my mind and emotions about what's needed now. There’s not a lot else I can accomplish this week.  Physically, I won’t be any *more* ready in 7 days than I am now. So this week, I’m going to prepare - gently - in other ways. Relax.  Enjoy. Consciously work at (ha! - ok, allow) giving permission, knowing the race will go as it goes and I have prepared all that I could.  In 8 days, I will know more than I know now, and it will help me toward the next race. For now, it’s time to relax, enjoy, and seriously taper.  Be present.  LET GO. (Cap-T Triathlon.) ~~Lalah

[trilikeamother]

Grateful for the breaks

When I'm anxious about something, I talk about it too much.  I mean, too much for my audience's comfort.  Take this broken toe, for example... how many posts have I now mentioned it in?  Sigh.  You should hear me on a day to day basis.  (Sorry Susan.)

Having regained a little functionality, enough to comfortably walk and use the elliptical, attend spin class and swim, all without too much pain, I am increasingly grateful for what a healthy toe can and will do for a body.  Surely I was not so aware of how much I use that pinky toe before.  I still don't know if I'll be running at the tri (IN TEN DAYS!!!), but I've gained a whole new level of gratitude regardless.  Bodies are amazing. 

Same for the breaking of the swim and running forms. Having slowed down and noticed where all that overwork has actually changed my base movements for the better, I am grateful for where I've come to. I swam a mile tonight about 2-3 minutes faster than recent months, 7 minutes faster than in January (holy crap!). 

Grateful for the breaks in training, grateful for the breaks in form, grateful for the breaks in bone.  Grateful.

~~Lalah

[trilikeamother]

There, I fixed it.

I tried to fix my running form because I was sometimes getting IT band pain on very long runs. I got all excited about what I was learning and proselytized the new stuff some. But, in trying to fix it, I broke it. My IT bands are mad and now I’m PT, learning I really need to strengthen my core and hip muscles. (That much is good. Can’t hurt to get stronger, right?) As I’ve gotten completely fed up with trying to do it “right,” I’ve backed off, tried to go back to how I used to do it, and POOF! Suddenly I understand (some of) what the form teacher was trying to explain.

I tried to fix my swim form. I bought a book. I read the book. I did some drills. I learned to breathe bilaterally (that dern near drowned me when I tried it before). I got all excited about what I was learning and proselytized it some. But, in trying to fix it, I broke it. I used to be able to swim a mile almost without stopping, now I can barely go two lengths of the pool and I’m exhausted. Last night, I got completely fed up with trying to do it “right,” backed off, tried to go back to how I used to swim, and POOF! Suddenly I understand (some of) what the book was trying to explain.

Makes me wonder… where else do I do this? Parenting? (Heck yeah.) Relationships? (Probably.) Writing IEPs? (Def.)

I doubt it’s as simple as “relax into it.” Maybe my way of learning is to overdo something until the core skill has changed, and then back way off and see what becomes obvious. I don’t know. It does feel like a cap-T pattern (which is code for “that which goes way beyond triathlon into life itself, or Triathlon”), and something I’ll want to think about. But not too hard.

--Lalah

[trilikeamother]

me too

In her last post, Lalah made a list of all the new things she has learned and tried and accomplished since starting triathlon training in November.  Her list has inspired me to create one of my own and post it here (even though there are probably only 2 people in the world for whom it holds any interest). Many of the things on Lalah's list I share (e.g.,  took a class in bike maintenance, learned to breathe bilaterally, took vacation time to go check out David's spin class) and there are many that are hers alone (e.g., bought a bike, broke a toe, finished a 15K strong).  I wish I had the skills to make a Venn diagram graphic..but alas I do not.  So...here are the things that are on my list and not Lalah's:

In no particular order: Ran a 5K race UP a mountain. Bought hideous pink shoes. Twice. And love them still.  Discovered I have different "favorite socks" for running vs. biking. Discovered I actually have good running form. Tried running with shorter strides and a faster cadence. Participated in a group ride ( with at least one Ironman in the group!). Helped someone put their bike chain back on. Rode 28 miles without stopping or changing gears. Developed and evangelized "I love hills" as a mantra &metaphor. Spent a whole week musing on capital T Triathlon. Ran on the beach barefoot. Experienced panic attacks and multiple near-panic attacks while swimming. Learned to keep swimming through them. Bought a heart monitor and used it exactly one time. Made an effort to encourage (in person and on facebook) new couch-to-5K converts.  Adopted, then rejected, then accepted "triathlete" as a way to describe myself. Received a swim abacus as a gift.  Received a "sport" style pepper spray canister as a gift, which I have not yet taken out of the package.  Bought orange tires. Started keeping a stockpile of blue gatorade in my car. Received a medicine ball as a gift. Went through the coach-approach/fit linxx set up thing at the Y then never used the weight room or logged anything in. Chose a favorite locker at the Y.  Developed loyalty to "my" Y despite (or maybe because of) its quirks and failings. Fell in love with spin class. Ran 5K in 30 minutes. Ran with someone other than Lalah. Considered long distance triathlon training camp as a fun way to spend my vacation time. Blogged. Started mapping out my work week on Sunday to make sure I would have time to work out most days. Bought Glide. Needed Glide. Felt bad about missing a planned workout. Tried running on a treadmill (aka overcame my irrational fear of treadmills). Raced the person swimming in the lane next to me (without their knowledge or willing participation). Started keeping an excel spreadsheet of my workouts (which I kept up to date until I abandoned it the week before last..not sure whether I will revive it). Followed other triathletes on Tumblr. Carried a packed gym bag in my car "just in case" I run into an opportunity for a quick trip to a nearby Y or quick run somewhere. Tried Epsom salt baths. Crashed into someone while lane swimming (I know Lalah has done this too, but I don't think it made her list!!).  Been both annoyed at being behind a slow person and annoyed at BEING the slow person while circle swimming with others in a lane. Discovered "core" pedaling- but can't do it as often as I'd like. Became a lifelong convert to Triathlon.

-Susan

[laughingbear]

[trilikeamother]

Fell in love with Triathlon

I make lists when I need a way to start processing something. The following list, now organized, then stream of consciousness, began because I think I broke a toe in the line of parenting this week. At the bottom of a gorge. It hurts. And I have a tendency to believe things that need to heal will take too long to do so to be of use to my particular timeline. So I started this list because I wanted to see what I’ve already accomplished in the name of Triathlon.

Upshot: if I were not able to participate at all in my first triathlon experience in three weeks, I have solid reason to believe it does not matter. I have already run this race and learned more in 4-5 months than at probably any other point in my life. I am floored, ecstatic, and — bizarrely, given what just said — completely recommitted to pursuing full physical health.

The list itself probably isn’t interesting to you, which is fine. To me, it is gold.

Swim

· Bought a new bathing suit, then a tri-suit.

· Complained about the showers at WWY, witnessed a change there.

· Bought new shampoo for use at the pool, had to recover from that, and found another that works for me.

· Fixed the tri-suit.

· Rented a wet suit.

· Learned to swim in open, cold water.

· Learned to breathe bilaterally.

· Learned to flip turn.

· Began doing swim drills.

· Bought a second pair of goggles.

· Tried out dipping first goggles in soap to stop the fogging, and it helped.

· Requested swim coach options. Didn’t use them.

· Read about swimming, and stopped reading about swimming at the appropriate point for my skills.

Bike

· Accepted that I needed to be putting my own bike in SKR’s car, and did so.

· Shopped for, pursued, learned about, and bought new tiny-framed bike. And found a hero at the bike store.

· Named two bikes.

· Acquired gloves, windbreaker, camelback, arm and knee warmers, clipless shoes and pedals, bag for under seat.

· Odometer for bike.

· Learned to shift and break on a road bike.

· Took a class in bike maintenance. Bought tools.

· Learned to and then actually followed through on lubing my chain.

· Fell, didn’t die.

· Rode 25 miles.

· Rode with a camelbak, almost emptied it.

· Problem-solved it when I couldn’t pump up my bike tires myself.

· Threw a chain twice in the same place on Stn Mtn loop. Asked for help. Learned, and then put a chain back on myself.

· Learned about pumping up my kind of tubes (presta tubes).

· Make it up that last Stn Mtn hill 5x in a row without stopping.

· Rubbed blisters into my right hand.

· Took Evie in for a tune up on time.

· Tried out spin classes.

· Contacted David-the-Nutritionist again. Took vacation time to go to David’s spin class.

· Got greasy and didn’t care.

· Learned to get grease off my calf after bike rides.

· Bought sunglasses.

· Learned to put a bike rack on my car, and a bike solidly on the rack.

Run

· Ran up Stone Mtn in spurts.

· Bought multiple pairs of shoes, running skirts, socks and tech gear.

· Finished a 15K strong.

· Added active cool downs, thus decreasing lactic acid pain.

· Began using the PL 5K course regularly.

· Took a running form class.

· Asked Woody for more help.

· Hill runs.

· Cadence runs.

· Bought lower-heel shoes.

· Entered a trail run and loved it.

· Began running without books or music and liked it. Zen runner.

· Ran while Ky biked.

· Asked Kevin to run a 5K.

· Took Ky to one mile runs at Grant Park and to the Color Run.

· Ran through pain.

· Stopped running through pain.

Body

· Promised to stretch after every exercise session.

· Stretched.

· Addressed knee pain with total success.

· Tried out different energy supplements, found one I can’t do. Found several I like.

· Pulled things on my body.

· Self-diagnosed.

· Rolled out my IT band on a foam roller. Cringed.

· Got massages.

· Sought mini-massages for specific issues.

· Developed ITBS.

· Started PT for ITBS.

· Learned to do squats and lunges properly.

· Did some sessions of squats and lunges.

· Learned specific stretches for my needs.

· Put away the scale.

· Used training to really know I needed Wellbutrin, then acted fast to get it.

· Learned to listen better to my hunger.

· Broke a toe. Didn’t fall apart.

· Resisted (am resisting) strength training.

· Tried tabata training.

· Made lists of ways to take care of my body after I broke it each time.

· Pinned workouts on Pinterest.

· Did some yoga for the first time in years.

· Saw how my face and neck have changed shape.

Triathlon

· Read books about sports (!). Was gifted with a book by SKR. Checked a book out of the library. Bought books on whims. Gifted SKR with a book

· Tried many new venues for running, biking and swimming.

· Started a blog.

· Told people I am doing a triathlon.

· Felt inferior at Podium.

· Worked on Tri-Family balance.

· Journaled to figure out why I’m doing a triathlon at all.

· Exercised in evenings.

· Was given equipment gifts for tri.

· Drove to AL to see the site, didn’t do the ride.

· Started paying attention to other people’s equipment.

· Wrote down times and distances.

· Changed my spreadsheet to reflect three sports.

· Stopped putting everything on FB.

· Did a few bricks.

· Felt like a regular, appropriate customer at Podium.

· Began listening for my own form more.

· Gave over Tuesdays to exercise.

· Identified resistance, sat down to write, sometimes made progress.

· Chatted with people in the pool lanes about what races they are preparing for.

· Developed a consistent method of packing my gym bag so I forget things less often.

· Bought three combination locks, lost two pretty damn quickly, found a way to secure the third in my bag.

· Exercised on vacation and trips away from home.

· Wrote a coaching question re: Tri for SKR, began answering smaller ones myself.

· Had a triathlon anxiety dream (I SKIPPED THE SWIM! SHOOT!)

· Whooped and hollered around the house after new milestones.

· Talked about cap-T Triathlon with anyone who would listen.

· Fell in love with Triathlon.

--Lalah

[trilikeamother]

Red headed stepchild

If Swimming, Running and Biking were my children, I have been treating Running like a redheaded stepchild. Or, at least like the middle kid who is always compared- unfavorably- to his older brother (Why can’t you be more like Biking? You are always so difficult and moody. Biking gives me nothing but joy and always does what I ask without complaining). Not only that, poor ol’ Running never catches a break or benefits from the slack I cut for baby sister Swimming (she’s so young, we can’t expect too much of her..but YOU, young man, you should know how to behave better)

The more I think about this metaphor, the more it explains for me. On a surface level of course it explains why I have been ignoring/avoiding running and feeling dissatisfied when I do manage to run.. But there’s more to it than that. I’m realizing that running, biking and swimming are powerfully apt metaphors for different aspects of my SELF. Biking represents that part of me that is confident, completely comfortable in my own skin, and right in my groove. I’m not the best or fastest cyclist around, but when I’m biking, I never worry about how I stack up against someone else. I am blissfully happy doing my OWN thing; motivation is intrinsic, and it is FUN to go all out and push myself as hard as I can. I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself, and I am happy with exactly who I am. Swimming represents the part of me that loves novelty - the part of me that revels in that very first part of the learning curve that is all about discovery, starting from scratch and figuring it all out. There are positives and negatives to being a “beginner” at anything, and swimming embodies that whole spectrum for me - self consciousness and awareness of my own ignorance, but also delight in building a new skill and branching out in a different direction, refusing to continue only on well worn paths. Running, I think, represents the part of me that I always treat like crap and am hypercritical of. It is part of me that I can’t just let BE, that that I am always comparing to other people and finding to be lacking. It’s the part of me that I want to constantly nag and browbeat to be BETTER - less lazy, less wimpy, less needy, less incompetent.

What I realized today (while running) is that if I can manage a tiny bit of compassion for this part of myself, I’ll discover that there are some gifts there. It is this part of me that is introspective, that enjoys playing with metaphors and making connections, that is actually the source of whatever creativity I bring to the world. When I run, if I stop thinking about how much I suck at running, I can let my mind roam free. The physical act of running is actually quite conducive to contemplation. How cool is that?

So, of course I never get tired of biking; it just feels good. Swimming is usually pretty easy to get motivated for, despite some bouts of horror at my incompetence. Running has been harder, but now I think I see a way to love it too.

- Susan

[trilikeamother]

Surviving bike envy and remembering to run my own race

It used to be that my primary metaphor for my life-in-general was my work.  All my big issues showed up there on a regular basis, all my struggles played out right before my eyes in that little microcosm. Lately though, since deciding to take this triathlon thing seriously, training has become my go-to metaphor. Training constantly brings me face to face with one of the key issues in my life — the problem of learning to “run my own race”, stop getting caught up in comparing myself to other people. Training offers no shortage of opportunities for comparison, and I seem to be tempted by every single one of them.  (Am I training as hard or as smart as the people I follow on Tumblr? No.  Can I run as far as Lalah without having to stop and walk? No.  Can I outlast the chick next to me in spin class? Yes.   Can I keep up with the other people in this yoga class? Mostly yes. And on and on and on) The most recent manifestation of this has been a serious bout of bike envy, as I’ve witnessed Lalah thinking about then finding then purchasing a new road bike.  (Wow, that bike is cool. Maybe I need a road bike. I won’t be as fast or efficient or kickass-looking as her unless I get a better bike. I will be totally left in the dust at the race, everyone else speeding past me on their triathlon-appropriate equipment while I look like I don’t even belong there)

Oh good grief, Susan. Run your own damn race!  My bike is the least of my problems. I LOVE riding my bike; my bike fits me well and feels great to ride.  Working out on my bike is the easiest, most fun part of triathlon training for me.   I (so far) always leave a bike workout wanting more.  I certainly can’t say that for running or swimming!  Buying a new bike was the right next step for LALAH on HER triathlon path.  At this moment, I couldn’t tell you exactly what MY right next step on MY path should be…but the point is that I won’t find it by following hers.  I suspect my next step has something to do with becoming stronger and more flexible overall – adding yoga and strength training to what I am doing now.  At any rate, thinking about trying something NEW as a way to move forward feels right, feels like I am listening to my own voice.   (Her bike IS really cool, though….)

—Susan

[healthierways]

[fitcurvesandsquats]

Couldn’t of put in any better. 

[trilikeamother]

Been feeling low about training lately... where are those feelings of strength and resilience and satisfying effort I used to get to so often?  It was because of them that I jumped into triathlon training with such gusto before.  Now, I've got a cold and a sore body and a mildly distressed GI system... not feeling strong or resilient or satisfied.  At all.

But, Susan reminded me of something this morning that I'm so grateful for.  In learning any new skill, there is a progression we are forced to follow:

unconscious incompetence - we have no idea what we don't know; ignorance is bliss.

conscious incompetence - we begin to see how much there is to learn; we've learned enough to know we suck at whatever the skill is, and that there's nothing to do but keep moving forward.  Can't skip this stage.

conscious competence - it becomes easier to see and act on what we do know. We act in new ways with intention. Skills and confidence build.

unconscious competence - we act on what we know without conscious awareness.  We just know and do.

Where I am with training right now fits firmly in the conscious incompetence category.  I can see how much I don't know, and I find it very heavy on my heart.  But knowing that the only path through is to keep acting on my own behalf also helps. 

Today, I did a long run focused on form, I tried a new energy supplement  (now I know that it and I are incompatible - useful information), I bought a stinkin' road bike (!!!), and I got GREAT advice on learning to clip in and out.  I know more now than I did 12 hours ago.  That's all I can do.

-- Lalah