If Swimming, Running and Biking were my children, I have been treating Running like a redheaded stepchild. Or, at least like the middle kid who is always compared- unfavorably- to his older brother (Why can’t you be more like Biking? You are always so difficult and moody. Biking gives me nothing but joy and always does what I ask without complaining). Not only that, poor ol’ Running never catches a break or benefits from the slack I cut for baby sister Swimming (she’s so young, we can’t expect too much of her..but YOU, young man, you should know how to behave better)
The more I think about this metaphor, the more it explains for me. On a surface level of course it explains why I have been ignoring/avoiding running and feeling dissatisfied when I do manage to run.. But there’s more to it than that. I’m realizing that running, biking and swimming are powerfully apt metaphors for different aspects of my SELF. Biking represents that part of me that is confident, completely comfortable in my own skin, and right in my groove. I’m not the best or fastest cyclist around, but when I’m biking, I never worry about how I stack up against someone else. I am blissfully happy doing my OWN thing; motivation is intrinsic, and it is FUN to go all out and push myself as hard as I can. I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself, and I am happy with exactly who I am. Swimming represents the part of me that loves novelty - the part of me that revels in that very first part of the learning curve that is all about discovery, starting from scratch and figuring it all out. There are positives and negatives to being a “beginner” at anything, and swimming embodies that whole spectrum for me - self consciousness and awareness of my own ignorance, but also delight in building a new skill and branching out in a different direction, refusing to continue only on well worn paths. Running, I think, represents the part of me that I always treat like crap and am hypercritical of. It is part of me that I can’t just let BE, that that I am always comparing to other people and finding to be lacking. It’s the part of me that I want to constantly nag and browbeat to be BETTER - less lazy, less wimpy, less needy, less incompetent.
What I realized today (while running) is that if I can manage a tiny bit of compassion for this part of myself, I’ll discover that there are some gifts there. It is this part of me that is introspective, that enjoys playing with metaphors and making connections, that is actually the source of whatever creativity I bring to the world. When I run, if I stop thinking about how much I suck at running, I can let my mind roam free. The physical act of running is actually quite conducive to contemplation. How cool is that?
So, of course I never get tired of biking; it just feels good. Swimming is usually pretty easy to get motivated for, despite some bouts of horror at my incompetence. Running has been harder, but now I think I see a way to love it too.
