my heart goes bum bum bum ♥️ (ald1 members reaction to their first kiss; 150 per member)
rose-colored boy ♥️ (ald1 members reaction to being flustered by their s/o; 220-500 per member)
empty me out 🤌🏼 (ald1 members reaction to their s/o squirting for the first time; 130 per member)
wanna be your wishbone 😪 (ald1 angsty drabbles with their s/o; 450 per member)
leo
leo with a lip ring 🤌🏼 (drabble; 280)
junseo
nothing yet!
arno (zhang jiahao)
sub!arno headcanons 🤌🏼 (360)
follow the rules 🤌🏼 (you walk in on your boyfriend pleasuring himself, so you make him realize he needs to follow the rules; 650)
geonwoo
nothing yet!
sangwon
let's play pretend ♥️ (you and sangwon are about to debut, so you find a way to calm his nerves; 871)
xinlong
radio static 😪♥️ (you’re having a difficult time dealing with anxiety and your boyfriend helps to calm you down; 2.2k)
i want to come home to you 🤌🏼 (xinlong comes home to you after a hard day and remembers why he works so hard; 2.9k)
modyssey
ot6
nothing yet!
hengyu
nothing yet!
yichen (jin yong xian)
my baby's bad ♥️ (in which you’ve been secretly taking pole dancing classes and decide to show your boyfriend what you’ve learned; 800)
rowan (ngan chau yuet)
two angels 🤌🏼 (you and your boyfriend have been together for a while, but you’ve been too nervous to do anything intimate with him–until tonight; 4.2k)
lynnlynn (zhao yang guang xu)
by your side (part 1) 😪♥️ (you have nowhere to go, except for your enemy’s house. you learn, little by little, that he might not actually be an enemy; 4k)
by your side (part 2) 😪♥️ (you and lynnlynn continue to get to know each other as you deal with family drama–but is he making things better or worse? 7.1k)
li zihao
nothing yet!
suren (sit wing hei)
let your body do the answering 🤌🏼 (your boyfriend is having a rough day, and you're the only thing that makes him feel better; 2.9k)
Maybe you should like … write something about Leo’s lip ring or something 😱
okay he's messing my brain up too much to write a full coherent fic so i'm just gonna do a drabble and fantasize :,)
pairing: idol!leo x fem-bodied!reader (est. relationship)
warnings: mdni! oral (f receiving); fingering (f receiving); cum eating
referring to this post <3
leo would send you selfies during his photoshoot of him with the lip ring and you'd tell him how you find it so so sexy on him. he'd love the idea that it turned you on, so much so that he'd steal it and bring it home that night to surprise you. he'd nonchalantly put it on when in the bathroom and come out like nothing's different, while you're basically drooling, staring at him with googly eyes as fantasies rush through your mind. he wouldn't be able to help but grin at you and fiddle with the ring using his tongue. your mind would melt instantly, and you'd get wet at the mere sight. you'd basically drag him to the bedroom and have your lips on his before you could reach the bed. the cool metal of the ring would press into you, not too painful but enough to nip at your bottom lip. you'd beg him to go down on you, and of course he'd comply. his silky tongue sliding up your folds instantly followed by the bitter metal ring would leave you moaning in his arms, completely malleable to his touch. he'd suckle on your clit, the ring pressing into you to create just the right amount of pressure–almost too much. when he'd push a finger into you, your legs would be left trembling on his shoulders. it wouldn't take long for you to cum on his tongue, him lapping up your juices like they were nectar. when he'd pull away from you and grab your jaw to force you to look at him, his lips and chin still shiny, he'd say to you, "maybe i should get a tongue ring, too."
*IMPORTANT* hey yall ... im gonna post this one more time and hope that everyone that needs to see it, sees it, and actually listens because i want every single one of yall to continue to interact with me. if i post something thats mdni (i.e. 18+), please make sure you have your age in your bio. i know it might not match your aesthetic. i know it might mess up your theme. i know it's not a sure-fire way for me to know your age. but i guarantee that it's a way for me, and plenty of other authors to feel more comfortable posting what they're posting. so, if you want me, and so many others to continue writing, please, just put your age in your bio. i'm not mad at all, it would just really suck to block anyone. from this point forward, if you interact with my mdni posts and don't have your age in your bio, even if we are mutuals (which sucks the most), i will unfortunately have to block you.
Hey so I just asked for the xinlong smut with the domestic specifics but can you reply to this instead plz? Tryna be private but I'm a dumbahh😭🤡
Sorry for the inconvenience 😭😭 I'm literally so tired today, I just came back from 14 hours straight in university (my brain has melted completely atp)
lol here's the og ask for everyone's reference:
Plzz can u write xinlong domestic smut with lots of fluff?? He's such a husband I might cry 💔 I feel like he's the sweetest husband but goes 180 in bed and becomes so freaky (my dream man smh😭😭)
anyway yesss i love him sm like i literally need him or i might pass. he's also my dream man, u have such good taste fr. sorry it took me so long to get this out, i struggle writing smut bc i dont want it to read like super basic so i cant just bust it out (lol get it, bust). so i hope its good and that you enjoy it!! pls feel free to put in more xin reqs, ill happily do them <3
also, please remember to take care of yourself!! university is difficult af, please make sure you're getting enough rest and nourishing your body ok love? <33
synopsis: xinlong comes home to you after a hard day and remembers why he works so hard.
pairing: idol!softdom!xinlong x fem-bodied!sub!reader (est. relationship)
warnings: mdni! cursing; mentions of consuming alcohol; mentions of being murdered (it’s a reference to a horror movie don’t worry); unprotected p in v sex (wrap it pls); dacryphilia?; dirty talk; heavy teasing; manhandling; pet names (baby, princess, pretty girl, babygirl); doggy style; cumming inside; soft sex; fluff
a/n: i feel like i either dont post for two weeks or i post like 5 times a day lol sorry bout it. ive just been working on this for so long and im so proud that its finally done (even if it sux), hope yall like it tho <3
based on this ask <3
wc: 2.9k
Xinlong twisted his keys in the lock of his apartment door, sighing as it opened and the smell of his home entered his nose. Warm light saturated the kitchen and the sound of the city could faintly be heard through the large windows on the opposite side of the room. He closed the door behind him and dropped his heavy bag down, kicking off his shoes and running a hand through his hair. As he walked through the apartment, looking for you, he heard the quiet sound of the shower running from down the hall. He followed the noise and let the steam coat his face as he entered the bathroom, already stripping off his clothes.
Facing the showerhead and completely engulfed in the warmth, you didn’t notice the shower curtain move behind you. You only noticed something was different when two hands wrapped around your waist and Xinlong’s face came to rest in the crook of your neck. You nearly jumped out of your skin, but Xinlong’s hands were there, ready to steady you from the slippery floor.
“Christ, Xin, you scared the shit out of me!” You yelled at him.
“You have no survival instincts, love,” Xinlong laughed into your shoulder. You turned around in his arms, already forgetting your anger and embracing him, missing him from the long hours he was gone every day and not wanting to waste your time with him being upset.
“Well, in my defense, I didn’t think Norman Bates was in my house,” you replied as you ran your fingernails up and down his back.
“That was your first mistake. You should always be prepared for a psycho-murderer to be in your house when you’re in the shower.” Xinlong squeezed you closer to him, relieved to finally have you in his arms.
“Mmm, I guess you’re right. Maybe I should only shower with you from now on so that you can protect me.”
Xinlong snickered. “Funny you think I’d protect you. I love you, baby, but if someone came in here and tried to kill us, I’d be out of here so fucking fast it’s not even funny.”
You pulled back from him and feigned a shocked expression. “Are you fucking kidding me? You’d let the love of your life get murdered Psycho-style right in front of you? And then what? You’d go on to say how you fought so bravely for me?”
Xinlong shrugged. “Probably, yeah.” He smiled at you and you couldn’t help but smile back when you saw his grin. Those damn dimples got you every time.
“That’s it. I was gonna make you a nice dinner, but now you’re not getting anything.” You pulled back and crossed your arms like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
“Ah, that’s okay baby, I was thinking we’d take a night off and get delivery instead, anyway. How’s that sound?”
“I mean, I was joking, but that actually sounds pretty good.” You smiled at him again as you grabbed his jaw and pulled him into you, lips meeting as water droplets cascaded down your bodies. You felt Xinlong sigh into you as he grabbed your waist and pulled your hips closer to his, deepening the kiss as his tongue met yours. Your brain got fuzzy as you began to get lost in the kiss, but you wanted to be able to savor your intimacy with Xinlong for as long as possible, so you slowly forced yourself to pull away, causing your boyfriend to groan slightly as you stood with foreheads leaned against the other’s.
“Rough day?” you said hoarsely, eyes closed, your hands around his neck.
“Just long. Missed you,” he breathed out against you, petting your head.
You felt yourself already beginning to get aroused, but you forced yourself to hold back. “Yeah? I missed you too.” You leaned up and quickly pecked him again. “Everything going okay at work?”
Xinlong inhaled. “Yeah, everything’s fine. There’s just a lot going on right now. It’s so nice to be able to come home to you. You remind me what it feels like to be human.”
You licked your lips, it becoming harder to hold yourself back by the moment. “Xin…” You whispered.
Xinlong traced his hand down to the back of your neck, gripping it. You took a deep breath. “Let’s shower and get something to eat. Then we can spend some time together, okay?”
Xinlong sighed against your lips and hesitated for a moment. “Yeah. That’s probably for the best. Wanna take my time with you.”
You bit your lip and inhaled. “You’re making it really difficult to do that right now.” You stood on your toes and pressed your lips to Xinlong’s neck, licking away the sweat and water droplets that had accumulated.
“Fuck,” Xinlong hissed as you sucked on a sensitive spot. “If you don’t stop soon, I’m not gonna be able to stop myself from making a mess of you.” You bit his neck once more, then breathed lightly on the sore spot.
“Okay. I’ll stop,” you whispered in his ear. “But you should know that later, I hope you’ll make a mess of me. Feels like I haven’t had you in forever.”
You felt Xinlong’s chest rise and fall slowly. “I know. It’s been too long. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Just be ready,” you said teasingly as you slipped out of the shower, leaving your boyfriend standing by himself with half of a hard-on.
~
The tension between you and Xinlong momentarily simmered down as you both sat at the breakfast bar in your kitchen and shared takeout from your favorite local Thai restaurant, replaced by the laughter and joy that usually surrounded the two of you.
“And so, we’re on the live radio, and they’re making each of us record these goodnight messages to Allyz, like what we would say to them if we were on the phone with them and we had to say goodnight, right?” Xinlong continued with the story he had begun.
“Okay…” you giggled, unsure where he was going.
“And so, it gets to Anxin, and he goes, ‘Do you miss me?’ and he pauses, right? And then he goes, ‘Open the door.’ Like, what the fuck? How creepy is that? We all just immediately started dogging on him because why would you say that?”
You began to crack up at Xinlong’s story from work that day, almost choking on your food. “Anxin, no! Why did he think that was cute?”
“That’s what I’m saying! I mean, none of our messages were good, but I think that was the worst one. Like, why do Allyz even like us?” Xinlong condemned as he brought his glass of whisky on-the-rocks to his lips.
“Oh, please,” you argued. “That’s exactly why they like you. You’re a bunch of adorable boys who don’t know how to flirt, which makes you even more adorable.”
“Hey, I know how to flirt,” Xinlong asserted. “At least, sometimes. I mean, I got you, right?”
“That’s true, I guess,” you yielded. “Then, what did you say?”
You saw red begin to form in blotches on your boyfriend’s cheeks. “Something about how the delivery’s here…”
You furrowed your brow. “What?”
“I don’t know, okay?” he conceded. “I mean, I don’t really need to know how to flirt well anymore, right?” He looked at you with a cheeky, embarrassed grin.
“I mean, it’s kind of part of your job, but okay.”
“But I don’t want to flirt with anyone but you,” he whined.
“Well, you don’t do that well, either,” you retorted in the same whiny voice.
Xinlong looked slightly offended. “I’m joking, baby!” You teased him. “C’mon, your terrible flirting really turns me on,” you consoled.
Xinlong’s face contorted. “Thank you?” He questioned the back-handed compliment.
“You’re welcome.” You grinned at him. “Are you finished?” You motioned towards his near-empty plate.
“Yeah. Thank you,” he said as you took both of your dishes and placed them in the dishwasher.
You glanced at the clock. 10:37. “Well, it’s not too late, but I’m getting kinda tired, honestly.”
“Oh?” Xinlong questioned, rising from his chair. “How tired?”
You pretended to consider his question as he walked over to you and loosely placed his hands on your waist. “Hmm… Tired enough to be in bed…” You insinuated.
Xinlong nodded. “I see. Shall we retire, then?”
You nodded along with him. “I think we shall.” You grinned as you grabbed his hand and dragged him back to the bedroom, turning off all the lights in your apartment along the way, creating a quiet, shared oasis between the two of you, the only notable sound being the giggles echoing down the hallway as you drifted towards your safe haven.
You felt light as you trotted on your tiptoes towards your bed, your lover’s hand in yours, the smile on your face bigger than it had been in days. As your eyes adjusted towards the dark, you saw the outline of the white sheets covering your bed–the place where your warmth would be shared, where each part of you would be accepted, and secrets could be traded for fun. You guided Xinlong towards the comfort, anxious to feel him against you.
You pulled him on top of you as you laid down, already smiling as he kissed you. You slid your hands under his shirt and he shivered at your touch, chills erupting over his body. He held himself above you as he sucked air in through his teeth, anxious to get his hands on you.
“Been thinking about this all day,” he nearly growled, lips meeting your neck. You closed your eyes at the touch, relief flooding through you as his teeth lightly nipped. Your hands found his hair as you pressed him into you, tilting your head back to give him better access.
“Xin,” you sighed out, gripping at his roots.
“I’m right here, baby,” he whispered into you. “You’re gonna have to be patient, though, okay?”
You whined into the dark as his knee pressed your thighs apart, lightly pressing on your center–enough for you to feel it, but not enough for you to be satisfied. You ground yourself down into him, but one of his hands came to rest on your waist, preventing you from moving.
“I told you I wanted to take my time with you, baby,” Xinlong said almost mockingly as he rose from your neck to look at your perplexed features.
“But, Xin, please, it’s been so long,” you whined to him, hands gripping at his face.
“What’s a few more minutes, then?” He taunted before leaning down to press his lips to yours. You opened your mouth to let him in, his tongue instantly wrapping around yours. You allowed yourself to sigh into him, your body molding to his as if it were made to fit him. You felt Xinlong’s grip on your waist tighten as the kiss became more heated and it became more difficult to suppress your inhibitions.
You felt Xinlong straining against his waistband, so you reached your hand down and grabbed him lightly, relieving some of the pressure. Xinlong groaned into your mouth as his forehead came to rest on yours, unable to focus on both your mouth and your grip.
“Baby, I’m already so sensitive,” he fussed in your ear, his deep, gravelly voice arousing you more than you already had been.
“Then why don’t you just fuck me already?” You whispered into his ear, the grin forming on your face causing your voice to sound more teasing than you meant for it to.
Xinlong sighed, attempting to hold back a groan. “I don’t know how you expect me to last long when you act like that.”
“Didn’t say you needed to last long. Just said I wanted you to fuck me. We’ve got all night, baby.” You smiled against his skin as you planted another kiss on him, and you couldn’t tell in the dark if he was rolling his eyes at you or trying to fight the exhilaration.
Xinlong bit his lip before lamenting. “Fine. I’ll give you what you want. But we’re doing it my way. Gotta do something about that mouth of yours.”
A mixture of confusion and relief flooded through you as Xinlong conceded before you felt his strong arms wrap around you, flipping you onto your stomach in an instant. Before you could process what was happening, your shorts were ripped off and Xinlong was sliding himself through your folds.
You buried your face in the pillow below you and muffled a whimper, your wants slowly becoming solaced. You felt Xinlong push your legs apart with his calloused hands and you readily helped him, eager to let him inside you. Heavy breathing could be heard above you as Xinlong began to push himself inside your hole, slowly at first, allowing you to feel every inch. You gripped the sheets around you almost as hard as Xinlong was holding your waist.
“This what you wanted, pretty girl? Wanna cum on my cock, princess?” Xinlong huffed out, trying not to shove himself in you all at once.
“Yes! Yes, want all of you, please,” you begged, resting the side of your face on the pillow so you could see his shadow out of your peripheral vision.
“Yeah? You wanna be greedy and take my cock all at once?”
You nodded fervently, your eyebrows wrinkling. “Yes, Xin, please. Please fuck me.”
A surge of ecstasy ran through Xinlong’s veins as he plunged into you, throwing his head back. You moaned out as he sunk into you, the feeling you’d been waiting for finally overtaking you. He filled you up perfectly every time–ever since you started fucking him, nothing else could satisfy you like him.
“Goddam, babygirl, you grip me so tight,” Xinlong groaned as he grabbed both of your hips. You pulled yourself onto your elbows and knees to give yourself better leverage, and began to bounce on his cock. Xinlong chuckled lightly above you. “So impatient.”
“Yeah, I wasn’t lying,” you said, sarcasm laced in your tone even through your breathlessness.
“Alright, alright, baby. Let me give you what you want.” His grip on you tightened before he began thrusting into you, pulling you back into his cock simultaneously. The speed of his hips mixed with the steadiness of his grip caused you to see stars, your eyes rolling back. His cock was angled in such a way within you that it hit your deepest, most tender spots that only he could reach.
“Oh fuck, Xin. So good,” you whined half-coherently.
“Yeah? My baby feel good?” Xinlong breathed out, sweat forming on his brow.
“Yes yes yes,” you babbled, your head dropping, causing your face to fall into the pillow beneath you. “More more more,” you continued, your voice sounding more pathetic with each passing second.
Xinlong trailed his hand down your hip to reach your center, fingers finding your clit. He rubbed the nub in steady circles, and the combined feeling of the bundle of nerves being stimulated and being fucked so well had you almost in tears as you whined into the sheets beneath you.
“Nobody makes my baby feel better than me, yeah?”
“Yes, god. Please please please,” you sobbed out. “Xin!” You called for him, mostly to ground you more than anything.
“I’m right here, baby. I’ve got you. Let go for me. It’s okay,” he comforted, fingers trailing along your stomach.
You exhaled shakily as you slowly let yourself become drowned in pleasure, your orgasm finally washing over you. Xinlong followed soon after you, his groans background noise in your buzzing ears. Your arms collapsed beneath you, but Xinlong held up your waist until his load had fully emptied inside of you. Then, he slowly pulled himself out, laying you down gently as you whined from his absence. Xinlong crumpled into the bed next to you, wrapping an arm around you and pulling your nearly-limp body into his.
Brushing a piece of sweaty hair out of your face, Xinlong murmured into your back. “You’re not tired already, are you?”
You groaned aimlessly into the air, earning a soft laugh from him. “You’re the one that said you wanted to go all night, remember?”
You sighed. “Can you just give me a minute? Let me enjoy this,” you said, exasperated, as you still came down from your high, your fingers and toes remaining tingly.
“God, I love the effect I have on you,” Xinlong muttered into your hair. “So cute.”
“‘s only because it’s been so long,” you slurred.
“Mhm,” he purred. “I’d offer to clean you up, but that would just be a waste.” The teasing nature in his voice was evident regardless of your floaty mind. “Might as well just clean up the mess when you’re done making it, right?”
You turned yourself around in his arms, finally coherent enough to spar with him. “You might’ve had control this time, but now that that’s out of my system, I’m prepared for a lot more.” You brought a hand to his cheek as you muttered into his smile, satisfied that you were the one that had put it there.
“Oh yeah? I might just have to hold you to that.” His smile grew as he pecked your lips, arms squeezing you towards him, sweaty bodies becoming tangled together as you both revelled in this beautiful moment.
a/n: i couldn’t make xinlong’s really angsty, i’m sorry, he’s just too precious to me
based on this ask <3
wc: ~450 per member
listening to...
wishbone – julia wolf
leo
“I just don’t know how to love you anymore! It’s like I’m constantly giving you more of me, but it’s never enough. I have nothing left to give, Y/N.”
An electric shock burst through your chest as the words sunk in. The only person that ever truly loved you didn’t anymore–you were too much, even for the person who said they would never leave you.
“But, you said you’d never stop loving me,” you whispered, voice wavering as you tried to process the situation.
Leo ran his fingers through his hair. “I know what I said, Y/N. But, people change. And I think we’ve both changed a lot since I said that. I will always love that version of you. But…”
“But you don’t love the me I’ve become,” you finished.
Leo stared at you, both pain and simmering anger in his eyes. “Y/N… It’s nothing personal–”
“What the fuck do you mean it’s nothing personal? When you say you love someone, you’re supposed to love them through change, through growth, through the ups and downs, regardless of their flaws! You fucking lied to me. You only loved me when it was convenient for you.” You couldn’t hold back the tears anymore as they welled up and poured down your cheeks. “Why would you say you loved me if you didn’t mean it?” You cried.
He looked around, as if the room would give him an answer. “I… I thought I did mean it. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry isn’t fucking good enough this time. Do you know what you’ve just done to me? You’ve reinforced everything about love that I thought was true. I fucking knew I shouldn’t have trusted you, you piece of shit!” You picked up the nearest object–luckily, a pillow on the couch–and threw it as hard as you could at him. He deflected it, throwing the pillow on the floor before looking back at you angrily.
“I said I’m sorry! What more do you want from me? Would you rather I pretend to love you forever?”
You considered this, then nodded slightly. “Yeah, maybe I would. I think that would hurt a lot fucking less,” you choked out through your sobs.
Leo pointed a finger at you. “Well, then you obviously never fucking loved me, either! If you did, then you’d want me to be happy.”
The corners of your mouth turned down even further. “You… you never loved me?”
Leo’s face softened slightly. “Y/N, that’s not… that’s not what I meant.”
A mixture of rage and utter sorrow built up in your chest to the point where you thought you might explode. You gritted your teeth, and as clearly as you could, yelled, “Get the fuck out! Get out of my house! I never want to see you again, you asshole!”
Leo looked at you as if he wanted to say something, but didn’t have the right words, so he sighed, and headed for the door. When you heard the slam behind him, you screamed and pulled at your hair, not completely sure of what had just conspired.
junseo
“I’m sorry, I just can’t do this anymore,” you pushed out as you shoved your belongings into a duffel bag.
Junseo placed his hands on your wrists, desperation in his eyes. “Just wait a minute. Can you please talk to me?”
You threw the bag down, exasperated. “What? What more do you need to know?”
“What went wrong? What did I do?” Junseo pleaded with you.
You felt guilt begin to tear at your chest, so you looked away from his innocent eyes. “You know you didn’t do anything, Junseo. It’s just getting too real. I told you I wasn’t looking for anything serious.”
“Then let’s take a step back! Let’s just hold on a minute, okay?” He sat down on the bed your bag was laying on.
“Why? What do you want to say?” You ripped your wrists from his grasp.
He looked down, away from you. “I just… I don’t know. I like having you around. I want you to be around more. I think you’re really special, Y/N.”
“That’s the problem!” Your voice raised. “This thing between us–neither of us were supposed to develop feelings. That was the whole point.”
“Is it really so bad that I care for you, though?” He looked back up to you with almost-heartbroken eyes. “Would it really be so awful if I came home to you?”
You bit your lip to prevent tears from welling up in your eyes. “Yes, Jun,” you whispered. “I told you from the start that I’m no good. I’m not someone you want to be with. I’ll just destroy you. You’ll come to hate me, I promise. And I’m not sure I can live with you hating me.” Your eyebrows frowned as your voice softened, your hands coming to grasp his as you sat on the bed across from him.
“I just can’t see that happening, Y/N. I can’t see myself hating you. I… I think I love you.”
This triggered something deep within you. “No, you don’t!” you said, your voice raising an octave as you rose again. “You think you do, but you don’t. You love the version of myself I’ve created for you. You would hate the real me, I promise you that.”
Junseo rose to his feet and came up next to you, holding your waist in his palms. “Then show me the real you. Show me who you really are, and we’ll see what happens. If we don’t get along, that’s okay. But if we don’t try, we’ll never know.” He desperately looked between your eyes, looking for some semblance of want.
You swallowed thickly. “Junseo, I told you–you won’t like me, and I can’t live with that. Can’t you just fucking respect that?” You lightly shoved him off of you, and you saw hurt well up in his eyes. “Just leave me alone, okay? It didn’t work out, just move on. Please.”
Junseo paused for a moment, then nodded. “Okay. I’ll let you go. But I won’t move on. I’ll wait for you. Just come back whenever you’re ready, and I’ll be waiting for the real you.”
arno
“I’m going on tour again next week.”
“Again? I thought you said it wasn’t going to be for another few months,” you whined.
“Yeah, that’s what the company told me.” Arno looked down at his hands, twiddling with his thumbs. “I’m really sorry, Y/N.”
“I can’t keep doing this, Arno. I miss you too much.”
“I know, baby, but if you just give me a few more months–”
“That’s what you said last time, Arno,” you said, exasperated. He stopped trying to persuade you.
“I know,” he said, defeated. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry, “ you replied softly. “It’s your career. This is what you’ve wanted your whole life.”
“But I’ve also wanted you my whole life.”
“So which is more important, Arno?” You asked, expectantly, looking at him with raised eyebrows, already knowing the answer.
He sighed, looking away from you. “See?” You said. “We both know what you’re going to say.”
“It’s not that simple, Y/N,” Arno replied, desperate. “Don’t make me choose.”
“But it is that simple.” You already knew the ending of this half-fight. “Your career means more to you, and that’s fine. We’re at different points in our lives. I want to be cherished, Arno. And you can’t give me that.”
“You know how important you are to me, Y/N,” Arno pleaded, eliminating the space between you and gripping your hands in his, forcing you to look at him.
“I know. But I’m not important enough. I’m sorry.” You felt tears begin to well up in your eyes, but you pushed them down. “And you’ve been working towards this goal for so long. You can’t give it up now.”
He sighed and you could hear the sorrow in his voice. “Why aren’t you willing to wait for me?”
Your heart snapped. You knew you were hurting him, but you had to think of yourself first this time. You couldn’t live your life for someone else. “I’m sorry, Arno, but I’m done waiting. I can’t just sit at home anymore. I need to live my life. Maybe we’ll meet again when it’s the right time.”
Arno nodded, but you saw the pain across his features. “I understand. I’m sorry I didn’t treasure you enough, Y/N.”
You couldn’t reply. You knew if you gave in, even a little bit, you’d never leave. So you gently forced your hands out of his grasp, and with one last sorrowful gaze at Arno, turned and walked out of his life.
geonwoo
“God, y’know, sometimes you can just me too much. Don’t you ever shut up?” Geonwoo shouted at you as the angry wrinkle between his eyebrows you barely ever saw appeared. You felt a sharp pain in your chest like a lightning bolt striking your heart and you took a step back, as if his words had hit you physically. You didn’t know what to say–he had never been so harsh with you. How long had he felt this way? Had he always been annoyed by your presence and just hid it? You felt your lower lip begin to quiver and you tried to control it, but it was no use. Heat rose from your chest, to your neck, to your cheeks, and you felt a tightness in your throat as you tried to contain your cries.
Geonwoo recognized the face you made before you begin to cry, and immediately knew he had fucked up. He sighed before reaching out to you. You stepped away from him again, not wanting to be consoled by the person who made you feel so terrible in the first place.
Geonwoo looked taken aback for a moment, but then he dropped his hands at his sides in defeat. “Y/N, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I was just frustrated and it slipped out.”
You swallowed down your sobs to say, “You wouldn’t say something like that if you didn’t believe it. At least part of it.”
Geonwoo raised a hand to his forehead. “I don’t, I swear. I love how bubbly you are. It’s one of my favorite things about you. I think when I get upset, I just prefer things to be more quiet because I’m already overstimulated.”
“You could’ve just said that. You know how yelling makes me feel.”
He combed his fingers through his hair. “I know, I know. I’m sorry.”
The emotion in your chest kept building even through his apology, but you didn’t want him to see you cry from this. “I think I need a minute,” you said, your voice breaking as you turned away from him to go lock yourself in your room.
You heard him calling after you, but you couldn’t focus on him as your heartbeat in your ears grew louder and louder, the knot in your chest finally coming undone.
sangwon
“You know we can never actually be together, right?” Sangwon said, barely looking at you as he fixed his hair in the mirror. You looked down at your hands in your lap, trying to hide your disappointment. You knew this, but you had hoped that he might love you enough to say fuck it and be willing to break boundaries for you.
Sangwon glanced at you and realized his nonchalance had been received as a lack of care. He sighed and walked over to you, sitting beside you on the bed and taking your hands in his. “Y/N, we’ve talked about this,” he said softly, but sternly. “You know my career is over if we go public, and it’s only just starting. But I don’t wanna lose you, either.”
You raised your eyes to his and feigned a smile, the grin not meeting your eyes. “Yeah, I know, Wonnie. I’m just getting tired of eating take-out and watching movies in this apartment. I wanna go out and do things with you. I just want to hold your hand and walk down the street, for fuck’s sake!” You sighed as tears began to form in your eyes, and you ripped your hands away from his to cover your face, elbows on your knees.
Sangwon’s hand came to rest on your back as he lowered his head to yours. “Baby, I’m sorry. I told you from the start that it had to be like this. Maybe in a few years, when I’m more established, we can go public, yeah?”
“I don’t want to wait a few years, Won. I knew what I was getting into with you, but this isn’t what I had pictured for my life.”
Sangwon was taken aback for a moment. “Wait… are you… breaking up with me?”
You raised your face to meet his gaze. You’d never seen him look so shocked and hurt at the same time, and it made the tears welling up in your eyes finally break free. “I don’t know, Won. I love you. I just don’t know if I can pretend like I don’t for much longer. And it hurts that you’re able to play it off so easily. Don’t you ever wonder what it would be like to be a normal couple?”
Sangwon’s eyebrows furrowed. “Of course I do. I just try not to dwell on it because I know it’s not possible.” The shock finally drained out of his features and Sangwon reached up to wipe the tears away from your eyes. “Please stay. Just for tonight. Give me at least one more night, yeah?” He hoped the time would allow him to come up with a solution, but he knew it was useless. Really, he just couldn’t bear the thought that he had already held you for the last time. Kissed you for the last time. Shoved his face in your shoulder and nibbled at your neck for the last time. He hadn’t treasured those moments properly–and slowly, then all at once, he realized, maybe that’s how he got in this situation in the first place.
xinlong
You heard a knock on your apartment door and rose from your seat on the couch to answer it, confused–you weren’t expecting anyone. After checking through the peephole, you sighed, but opened the door nonetheless.
“Xin, I told you to stop coming back here,” you said strictly, but he pushed his way past you into your apartment regardless.
“I know what you said. But, I don’t think I can do that.” As you shut the door behind you, you turned to face him. He was looking at you with a desperate, almost guilty gaze, pinching his fingers as if he were being scolded.
You placed your hands on your hips. “What do you mean, Xin? You know we can’t be together. We both agreed on that.”
“Look, I know we can’t be public or anything. But I can’t not have you in my life at all. I need some of you.”
“What does that even mean, Xin?” You crossed your arms and furrowed your brow. “You need some of me? You either want all of me or none of me.”
“No, it’s not that I want you. I mean, I do,” he reassured, holding his palms up in surrender as he babbled. “I do want you. But it’s more that I need you. You broke things off and it’s like I’ve been overcome with this awful dread since then. Like there’s this pit in my stomach that can’t be filled–”
“Xin, it’s been two days,” you cut him off.
“I know, but that’s two too many. I’d rather only be able to have some of you than none of you at all. Don’t get me wrong, I want all of you. We might just have to wait a little bit for that to work. So, until then, will you let me do the best that I can? I swear I’ll make you feel so special, you won’t even think about any other guy. What do you say?”
He had his hands clasped together as if in prayer and was all but begging on his knees. His pure desire for you pulled at your heartstrings, but you were still torn. He barely had enough time for you before you broke things off, so what would change? Although, you had to admit that you did miss him, too. That aching feeling that he described–you felt it, too.
Xinlong noticed your hesitance. “I promise I’ll make you more of a priority.” He softly took your hands in his. “Sometimes, things might get hard, but I’ll always come back to you.” You lifted your eyes to meet his, which were filled with a mixture of hope and distress.
You hadn’t stopped thinking about him since you met him. You knew if you let this one go, you’d kick yourself for the rest of your life.
You sighed and smiled slightly. “I guess I should probably show you where the spare key is, then.”
just a calm reminder to please please please put your age in your bio if you interact with my mdni posts. i do check the majority of the time, and although i have been slightly lax, in the future i would like to make sure that those interacting with those types of posts are 18+. i understand that you might just stumble upon my posts, so i apologize if you get blocked, etc. i really just do not want to risk minors seeing things that they shouldn’t, even if they want to or if it’s an accident! thank you all for understanding! <3
i need yall to know that this is the lynnlynn im picturing when im writing by your side. like. bare-faced. black hair. no contacts. plain dark clothes or a band tee. jewelry. this is my favorite lynnlynn.
synopsis: you and lynnlynn continue to get to know each other as you deal with family drama–but is he making things better or worse?
pairing: nonidol!collegekid!lynnlynn x gn!collegekid!reader
warnings: hurt/comfort and hurt w/o comfort; cursing; smoking; mentions of drinking; mentions of childhood trauma (losing friends, parental divorce, etc.); parental issues (reader fighting with mother); light mention of wound/blood; crying; lynnlynn is kinda mean sometimes
a/n: part 3 anybody?
pt. 1
wc: 7.1k
listening to:
show me the real you – moodring
"How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray’r accepted,
and each wish resign’d" - alexander pope, (1717)
You awoke to the sound of soft snoring above your head, and as your eyes adjusted to the light, you looked around you and realized you weren’t in your room. It took a moment for you to remember what had occurred last night–the fight with your mother, getting kicked out, Lynnlynn taking you in, and you crying into his arms. His arms, which had stayed wrapped snugly around you all night, and still clung to your waist.
You slowly lifted your head, careful not to wake the sleeping man. You laid your eyes upon him as he rested. The morning light cast a gentle glow across his delicate features. The wrinkle that usually sat persistently between his furrowed brows was gone. His eyes slowly moved under his closed eyelids, his mind filled with vivid dreams. His lips were slightly parted, allowing a whisper of a breath to leave his mouth as he exhaled. You’d never seen him look so peaceful, so… not angry. He was actually quite beautiful when he wasn’t pestering you, you realized.
You pressed your nose to his shirt, lightly inhaling his scent. He smelled vaguely of stale cigarette smoke, salt, and something sweet you couldn’t quite place–a unique scent that belonged completely to him. A part of you wanted it to infiltrate your senses forever.
You gradually pulled yourself out of his grasp, attempting to slip out of the bed without disturbing him. He stirred slightly, but his eyes remained closed. You tip-toed around his room, taking in the details you weren’t able to last night.
You walked over to his desk and sat, looking at everything sprawled out before you. He smoked Marlboro Menthols and used a black BIC lighter. An ashtray with a few cigarette butts sat in the corner. He had stickers plastered on his laptop in various stages of wear–a cat playing the electric guitar; Finn and Jake from Adventure Time; another cat with the words “Love cats hate fascism” plastered around it. A small stack of books sat on the windowsill next to the desk–Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky, Cormac McCarthy’s The Road. You wondered if he just had them there for decoration, but they seemed very well-loved, with pages dog-eared throughout.
Your eyes trailed back to his notebook, still sat open, as if it were begging you to fully
read it. You knew he didn’t want you to, and you felt guilty, but your eyes were drawn to the black ink as if it were calling your name:
Something about the look in your eyes
I know there’s something more
Can’t find the words I need
To put you at ease
Time and time again
The wind brings your song
I lie awake hearing the cracks
And will you to want me back
You felt your heart catch in your throat. Could he really be writing about you? Or were you overthinking it? With the way he held you last night, with the way he spoke…
You heard a rustling behind you and you spun the chair around to face Lynnlynn’s bed. He sat up, ruffling his hair. “What are you doing?” He said through a yawn.
“Good morning to you, too,” you said, trying to set aside your feelings.
Lynnlynn rolled his eyes. “Morning.” He pushed himself to his feet and walked over to you. You held your breath for a moment, unsure of what he was going to do. He leaned over you and your eyes widened. Lynnlynn paused. “What? I’m just getting my cigarettes.”
You let out a small breath. “Right, yeah. Sorry.”
“Don’t start acting weird now,” Lynnlynn murmured as he opened the window beside his desk, moving the books aside and sitting on the sill. He lit up a cigarette, propping his foot on the windowpane.
“I’m not acting weird. You’re acting weird,” you said, sitting on your hands.
“Whatever. You want one?” He offered you the box of cigarettes. You shook your head. “You ever tried one?” He asked as he pulled the lit stick from between his lips, placing his belongings on the desk. You shook your head again. “You want to?” He held out his cigarette to you, wiggling his eyebrows.
You stared at the smoking cylinder in front of you. “Is this peer pressure?” You asked.
“No, I’m not trying to force you. I’m just saying, you’re probably gonna look stupid the first time you try it, and it’s better to be with someone that already thinks you’re stupid than with someone else.” You glared at him, but took the cigarette from him. “Just suck–I mean, you already know how to do that–and then inhale through your nose.”
You brought the cigarette to your lips and placed them around the filter, trying not to think about how Lynnlynn’s mouth was touching this same area just moments before. You sucked in, feeling the smoke enter your mouth, then inhaled through your nose. The cool, strong feeling of the menthol hit the back of your throat like a freight train, forcing you to cough up the smoke you’d just breathed in. Tears filled your eyes as you coughed and you began to feel dizzy, your hands and feet tingling.
“What the fuck?” You said through your coughs, handing the cigarette back to Lynnlynn, who was in hysterics. “Why is it like that?”
“What do you mean?” Lynnlynn asked as he took another drag.
“Like, I mean, I feel all dizzy. Am I dying?”
He laughed harder. “No, you’re not dying. That’s what’s called a nicotine buzz. Doesn’t it feel great?” Lynnlynn flicked the cigarette ash out the window.
“Fucking no?” You protested, still coughing. “And it tastes awful.”
Lynnlynn shrugged. “You get used to it.”
“Why would you want to get used to that?” You wiped your teary eyes.
He shrugged again. “It’s fun, I guess.”
“I think we have very different ideas of what’s fun.”
“Probably. You always were a goody-two-shoes.” Lynnlynn played with the cigarette between his fingers before taking another hit.
“I am not! I do bad things!” You crossed your arms defensively.
Lynnlynn snickered. “Oh yeah? Like what?”
“Well…” You thought about it for a moment. “I’ve been drunk before.”
Lynnlynn feigned shock. “Oh my god, you’re out of control!”
You rolled your eyes at him. “Look, I didn’t have a lot of freedom growing up, okay? So, like, doing anything even slightly rebellious is a big deal for me.”
Lynnlynn’s eyes fell. “Yeah, I know,” he said, his voice softer.
You hesitated for a moment, wanting to change the subject. “I mean, I’m sure your life wasn’t perfect either. You have The Perks of Being a Wallflower and The Road all marked up, for fuck’s sake. Do you hate yourself or something?” You joked.
Lynnlynn shrugged. “Maybe. I mean, I don’t know. I feel like the best art is made from pain.” He flicked his cigarette again.
You looked at him for a moment as he looked out the window. “Do you write a lot?” You asked.
“What?” He questioned, looking back at you, confused.
You pointed to his notebook. “Your songs. Do you write a lot of them?”
“Oh.” Lynnlynn leaned over and grabbed the notebook, closing it so you couldn’t see his words anymore. “I told you not to read that.”
“Where do you pull it from?” You pressed on.
“What are you going on about?” He asked, exasperated.
“I mean, if you say the best art comes from pain, what’s yours?”
Lynnlynn scrutinized you. “I never said my shit was good.”
You shrugged. “I think it is.”
“Well, that’s your opinion.”
“You’re avoiding the question.”
“I don’t have any pain, okay! I’ve had a pretty good life. Apart from you.” Lynnlynn placed the cigarette between his lips and silence overcame the room.
“That’s bullshit. You don’t turn out the way you are just because of something like that. There’s something else.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he said, more quiet than defensive.
“You know what I mean. You don’t become some song-writing, lit-fic-reading, smoking jerk because your life is awesome.”
Lynnlynn pulled the cigarette from his lips. “Even if there were something, it’s none of your fucking business anyway.” He leaned over and pressed the cigarette butt into the ashtray, finally looking you in the eye with something that resembled defiance.
“You’re right. It’s not. You just know all my shit. You’ve been hearing it my whole life. It’s almost not fair.”
“Life isn’t fair.”
“Obviously.” You sighed. “Whatever, don’t tell me. I need to go get my car keys anyway.”
“What, you’re going back there?” Lynnlynn rose from his seat.
“I don’t have much of a choice, do I? I need my car if I wanna do pretty much anything.”
“I’ll go with you.”
“No, Lynn, it’s fine. It’ll just make things more complicated.” You rubbed your eyes.
“Then I’ll wait outside in case something happens.”
“It’s gonna be fine, Lynn. It’s not that big a deal. She’s not dangerous or anything. She just sucks.”
Lynnlynn nodded his head. “Okay. Well, if you need anything, you know where I’ll be.”
~
You walked over to your house–well, your mother’s house–and took a deep breath, mentally amping yourself up before you faced her. You wished above anything that you had had your fight on a Sunday night, as opposed to a Friday night, and that she would be at work, but her car remained parked in the driveway.
You shook your hands out, convincing yourself that the nerves were leaving your body with each shake. You stood in front of the door and stared at it for a moment. You could’ve sworn you felt eyes on you. You glanced up to Lynnlynn’s bedroom window, and there he was, peeking out at you. You lifted up a hand as if to wave to him, then thought better of it. Lynnlynn pulled his curtains shut and you looked away, but out of the corner of your eye, you saw the curtains flutter again when he thought you weren’t looking. It comforted you more than anything, knowing you at least had someone looking out for you, even if you still weren’t sure if he loved or hated you–or both. You weren’t totally sure how you felt about him, yourself.
You tried the door. Locked, of course. You pulled your keys from your pocket and stuck them in the deadbolt, waiting for the door to open as you twisted. But it didn’t. Something else still held you back. Had she put on an extra lock already? Did she really want you gone that badly? You palmed your face and took another deep breath before knocking on the door. Half of you expected her to not answer, but you knew she wouldn’t miss this opportunity to humiliate you.
You heard a lock snap behind the door before it opened a crack and your mother’s face peeked out. “I told you you can’t come back,” she spat at you. You forced yourself to look her in the eye, and all you saw was satisfaction.
“I don’t want to. I just forgot my car keys.” You motioned towards the house. “Can I get them? Or can you get them for me?”
Your mother stood up straight and leaned against the door frame. She was already wearing her signature jeans and old ratty t-shirt, hair slicked back into a ponytail. “The car’s in my name,” was all she said.
You sighed. “Mom, I don’t know what you want from me. We can get the title changed or whatever, but without a car, I can’t go very far.” You ran a hand through your hair and tugged.
“Maybe you should’ve thought about that before you were so rude to me.” Your mother crossed her arms.
“I mean, you were kinda rude, too,” you said quietly, looking down at the ground. You could tell your mother was glaring at you with that face you had come to loathe so deeply.
“So you’re gonna come crawling back to me, ask for my property, for free, and then disrespect me to my face? Who raised you to be like that? Because it certainly wasn’t me.”
You ignored her insult. “Since you want me gone so badly, I was hoping you’d understand why I need my car.” You could feel your emotions begin to bubble in your chest, but you forced them down.
You saw your mother smirk at you out of your peripheral vision. You knew if you looked her in the face you’d begin to cry. “Since you wanna pretend to be an adult so badly, why don’t you figure out how to make some money and buy yourself a car? I don’t care how you do it.”
“I did buy myself that car,” you said softly.
“Don’t you talk back to me!” Your mother raised her voice and flung her finger in your face. You flinched and took a step back, but stood your ground. “That car is in my name, and it’s on my property, so if you try to take it, you’re going to jail.” Your mother shook her head at you. “God, after all I’ve done for you. This is how you treat your mother?”
You took a few steps back, knowing it was useless. “Forget it. I should’ve known you’d act so fucking ridiculous.” You turned away from her and began to walk away, tears welling up in your eyes.
“Did you just curse at me?” Your mother yelled after you. “You know what? Take it. I don’t want that piece of shit anyways.” After a moment, you heard jangling behind you, so you turned around, only for your car keys to be thrown in your face. You felt a slicing pain near your eye, but you ignored it, just grateful to finally have access to your car. You bent down to grab your keys, then hurriedly ran down the driveway, unlocking your car.
“I never wanna see you back here again, you hear me?” You tried to ignore your mother’s yells as you climbed in your car. “Next time I hear your name, it better be because you're dead.”
You slammed your car door behind you and started the car, not even worrying about your seatbelt before backing out of the driveway and spinning off. You clamped your hands on the wheel to keep them from shaking, trying to steady your breathing. No matter how many times your mother called you worthless, it still hurt every time. You felt tears running down your cheeks, but you couldn’t remember when you started crying. You quickly swiped at them, and saw red stains on your hands.
Blood? Were you bleeding? You felt a thumping near your eye. Your car keys. They hit you in the face. One of the sharp edges must have caught you somewhere. You didn’t care. You just kept driving. You didn’t know where you were going, you just didn’t feel safe back there.
You felt your phone begin to buzz in your pocket. You ignored it. It kept buzzing.
You found yourself at a nearby park with a large parking lot, and you quickly shut the car off, bringing your head to your hands for a moment to catch your breath. You hated that she still had this effect on you, even after all these years. You shoved your palms into your eyes and groaned–angry with yourself, angry at her, angry at the world.
You shook your head and forced yourself to move on. Pulling your phone out of your back pocket, you decided to see who had been calling you:
3 missed calls from: lynn
New text message from: lynn – call me
New text message from: lynn – where are u
New text message from: lynn – fine dont answer
New text message from: lynn – i didnt mean that
New text message from: lynn – just call me ok?
Shit. You had forgotten he was watching. You quickly dialed his number and held the phone up to your ear, clearing your throat, hoping your voice would sound normal.
He picked up after one ring.
“Hello?” Came his deep voice.
“Hey. I’m sorry I didn’t answer, that was just… a lot.” You tried to make your voice sound light.
“Where are you?”
“Uh, I don’t know, some park? I just had to go somewhere.”
“I know which one. I’m on my way.”
“What? No, Lynn, I’m fine, I just–”
“Stop. I’m already leaving.”
You sighed and looked down at your hand in your lap. “Fuck–Lynn?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you bring like a paper towel or something? She threw my keys and–”
“Already got it.”
“Oh.” You sat for a moment, stunned. “Okay. See you soon, I guess.”
The phone call cut. You pulled your phone away from your face and stared at it as if it would give you answers to all the questions in your head. Why was he being so protective over you all of a sudden?
You rubbed at your hands, trying to rid them of the drying blood, but you kept having to wipe at your cheek to keep more droplets from falling. You were trying not to think about the awful things your mother had said to you, but they kept running through your head. Did she really wish you were dead? Did you care what she thought?
The sound of a car door slamming nearby tore you from your thoughts. You looked up to see Lynnlynn walking towards you, stoic as ever. You opened your car door and rose to meet him.
“Come here. We’re not staying,” he said shortly, ushering you to his vehicle.
“What? Why not?”
“We look sketchy as hell. Come on.” Lynnlynn placed his hand on your lower back and lightly pushed you into the passenger side of his beat-up car. He shut the door behind you before you could get another word in.
When he climbed in the driver’s side, you protested. “Since when have you cared about looking sketchy?”
“Since it’s a Saturday morning and we’re at a kid’s park and you’re covered in blood.”
You finally realized how the situation could look. “Oh. Yeah, I guess that could look pretty bad.”
Lynnlynn didn’t reply, just began to drive down the road. “Where are we going?”
“There’s a little lake with a place to pull in up here. There probably won’t be anyone there.” You nodded.
Lynnlynn pulled into the gravel drive and shut his car off, instantly seeming more relaxed. “Okay. Get out,” he ordered.
“God, so bossy,” you teased, but got out of the car nonetheless. The area was well-shaded by overgrown trees, and looked over a lake you knew well. You used to swim in it during the summertime with your friends when you were younger. Memories filled your senses and stung worse than your sliced eye.
“Sit.” Lynnlynn pointed to the hood of his car as he pulled out various medical items, ranging from some type of spray to band-aids to gauze.
“What the hell is all this?” You asked, cracking a smile as you pulled yourself up onto Lynnlynn’s car. “It’s not that bad.”
“You should see yourself,” Lynnlynn said, terse. He grabbed a set of wipes and pulled one out, bringing it towards your face. You immediately flinched away, not expecting him to be so straightforward. He pulled back and gave you a look that said, Seriously?
“Sorry,” you murmured. You leaned back towards him, allowing him to grab the back of your neck with one hand as he gently wiped away the dried blood from your cheek with the other.
“You wanna talk about it?” Lynnlynn offered.
You tried to shake your head, but his grip on you tightened. “No,” you said quietly. He nodded. Lynnlynn discarded the dirty wipe and handed you another one.
“For your hands.”
“Thanks,” you said, taking the wipe. Lynnlynn grabbed the spray and you looked at the label–wound wash. He sprayed some on a q-tip and leaned into your eye, focusing.
“This might sting a little bit,” he said softly as he gently wiped at the gash on your eye. You tried to keep yourself from flinching, but your eyes involuntarily squeezed shut as the solution seeped into your wound.
“Sorry,” you said, pulling back and wiping a tear from your eye.
“‘s okay,” he murmured. After a moment, you let him resume his cleaning. “It’s not that bad, really. Just in a tricky spot.” You felt the heat of his breath tickle your face, his signature smell of smoke entering your nose. You looked up at him. He had a freckle under each eye and one on the side of his nose. One on his upper lip. And his eyes–they were always so damn dark, almost black. But up close, you could see flecks of color in them. Dark brown, gold, almost grey. You took a deep breath, and you weren’t sure if it was because of the pain or the proximity.
“What?” Lynnlynn said, and you realized you were staring at him.
“Nothing.” You looked away from him. “Why do you have all this stuff anyway?” You asked, trying to change the subject.
“What, a first aid kid? Doesn’t everyone?”
“I mean, maybe, but not like this.”
“Mmm,” Lynnlynn murmured, ignoring your question. You sighed.
“Why don’t you ever answer my questions?”
“Because you ask stupid questions,” he said flatly.
“You’re a stupid question.”
“That doesn’t even make any sense.”
“You don’t make any sense.”
“That makes two of us.” Lynnlynn pulled away from you, reaching over to grab a small bandage. “Just try to keep this on for a little bit. Cleaning it made it start bleeding again.” Lynnlynn opened the package and carefully placed the band-aid along your cut, pressing his fingers into your skin. You tried not to look at him. “There. Good as new,” he said, cleaning up all of his belongings.
“Thank you,” you murmured, climbing off of his car. You walked towards the lake. “Y’know, I used to swim here all the time as a kid.”
“Me too.”
You turned your head to look at him. “Really? I mean, I know we did together sometimes, but I never saw you out here apart from that.”
“Before you moved here.”
“Oh. With what friends?” Lynnlynn had always been a loner. You couldn’t remember ever seeing him play with other kids. Lynnlynn ignored your question. “See, there you go again, not answering. Drives me fucking nuts.”
“Maybe that’s why I do it.” Lynnlynn finished packing up and walked over to you. “Why do you care anyway?”
You shrugged and looked back out to the water. “I don’t know. Wanna learn more about you, I guess. You’re all I have left here.”
Lynnlynn considered this for a moment. “I don’t wanna be your friend just because you’re out of options.”
“No,” you palmed your face, accidentally hitting your eye. “Ow, dammit.”
“Careful!” Lynnlynn scolded you.
“Sorry!” You crossed your arms. “Anyway, that’s not what I meant. I mean, yeah, I don’t really have anywhere else to go right now. But, I don’t totally hate your company.” Lynnlynn scoffed. “Like, you piss me off, but you keep me on my toes or whatever. And you’ve got this mysterious aura about you that drives me fucking crazy. You’re this big enigma. Like I’m reading a good book and I have to know the ending.”
“So you can just forget about it once you know what happens?” He sneered. “I’m not some fucking code for you to crack, okay?”
“No!” You tugged at your hair. “That’s not what I meant, either. I’m not good at explaining things. It’s just… it’s like when you just wanna be around someone, even when they drive you crazy. And you just wanna know more about them. Like, in a friendly way, y’know?” Lynnlynn stared at you, expressionless. “Fucking nevermind, just forget it.” You waved him off. “Pretend I didn’t say anything, that was weird.” Your hands returned to the hair at the base of your neck.
“You do that a lot.”
“Huh?”
“Pull at your hair. You do that a lot when you’re frustrated.”
You flopped your hands at your sides, embarrassed. “Yeah, I know. Because you frustrate me a lot.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Exactly.”
Lynnlynn sighed as you walked towards the water, bending down to play with some algae-covered pebbles. You heard crunching footsteps approaching behind you. Lynnlynn sat beside you, leaning back on his hands, squinting into the sun.
“Look, I’m not good with words. Or people. But I’m trying. In my own way.”
You sighed and closed your eyes. “I know you are. I’m sorry.”
“I haven’t really tried to have a close friend in a while. I think I forgot how.” You looked at him, hoping he would continue. He licked his lips and looked away, as if he were unsure if he should keep talking.
“I’m not planning on going anywhere anytime soon. Where would I go?” You tried to joke.
“Yeah.” Lynnlynn hung his head, then leaned forward, picking at the grass in front of him. “I wasn’t always such a jerk.”
You nodded your head. “I figured as much.” He nodded back.
“I…” He took a deep breath. “Did you ever hear about who lived in your house before you?”
You thought back through your life for a moment, but couldn’t recall. “No, I don’t think so.”
Lynnlynn pulled at the grass. “There was a family that lived there. With a girl around my age. We were really close for a few years.” He paused, taking a breath.
“What happened? Did she move away?” You tried to help.
Lynnlynn popped a smirk. “Yeah, something like that.” You stayed quiet, allowing him to continue if he wanted. He shook his head, as if ridding himself of unwanted memories. “When she… left, I never really got over that. Losing my best friend. And then you guys moved into her house so soon afterwards. I was just so angry. And I guess I took it out on you. I just wanted her back.” Lynnlynn’s voice cracked slightly at the last word, and he looked away, wiping at his face.
You didn’t know whether to console him or leave him be. You scooted closer to him experimentally and noticed that his eyes were glassy, but he let no tears fall.
He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I never really had close friends after that. I didn’t want them. I didn’t want to go through something like that again. And then I guess I just forgot how to have friends.” Lynnlynn looked back out at the lake, more composed now. You tentatively lifted a hand and laid it on his back, attempting to comfort him. “It’s not even a big deal. I mean, it was so long ago, what happened…” he deflected.
You knew there was something more that he was hiding. “Lynn, what actually happened?” You asked softly.
He glanced at you from the side of his eye. “I told you. She left. That’s it,” he said sharply.
You nodded, not wanting to press him too far, just thankful that he was sharing anything with you. “I’m sorry I moved into her house. I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t. There’s no way you could have. It was stupid of me to take it all out on you. I was just so mad.”
“It’s okay, Lynn. I understand. You were just a kid,” you reassured softly.
“Doesn’t make it okay. You had enough going on.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You weren’t that bad.”
Lynnlynn glanced at you. “Y/N, one time I put a dead frog on your front doorstep and you literally stepped on it with your bare foot. That’s pretty bad.”
You grimaced. “Yeah, that was pretty awful. I’m still not very fond of frogs.”
“See?”
“But, Lynn, you were just goofing around! It’s no big deal. Plus, I wasn’t very nice to you either. It’s not like it was one-sided.”
Lynnlynn sighed. “I guess you’re right. I just wonder how things could’ve been if I hadn’t been such a dick in the first place.”
You thought about it for a moment. “I can’t picture it,” you said with a smile, trying to get a grin out of him. He smirked slightly. “Things are okay now, aren’t they? I mean, you’re still a dick, but you’re not so bad anymore.”
Lynnlynn rolled his eyes at you. “Thanks, I feel so much better now.”
You patted him on the back and then removed your hand. “Good.” You looked out at the water rippling from a slight breeze that had begun to pick up. “Y’know, you make a lot more sense to me now.”
Lynnlynn frowned. “I’m not sure if I like that.”
You laughed at him. “Well, think of it like we’re more even now. You know my shit and I know some of yours.”
Lynnlynn raised his eyebrows. “Some of? You expect me to tell you more?”
You shrugged. “I mean, eventually. We still have a lot to get to know about each other. Not just the bad stuff, the fun stuff, too,” you said, trying to lift some of the seriousness that had settled between you two.
“How are we supposed to do that?”
You thought for a moment. “Okay, how about this? Let’s go for a walk and play twenty questions.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like, we each ask each other a bunch of questions that we have to answer.”
“I don’t think that’s how you play that game.”
“Well, that’s how I play it. What do you say?”
Lynnlynn rolled his eyes. “Fine.” You both rose to your feet and dusted off your pants, slowly starting off on the path around the lake. “What kind of questions are these supposed to be?”
“Whatever kind of questions you want them to be. Here, I’ll start. What do you wanna do when you graduate?”
Lynnlynn shrugged. “I dunno, I haven’t really thought that far ahead. Get the fuck out of here. Something with music or writing.”
“See? Easy. Now you ask me a question.”
“Umm… I don’t know. The same question I guess.”
You sighed. “Honestly? I think I wanna be an editor. But I know that’s never gonna happen. So, I dunno, maybe a teacher?”
“You should go for it. Be an editor.”
“It’s just such a difficult field to get into, I dunno.”
“Yeah, you won’t know unless you try.”
You rolled your eyes. “I guess. We’ll see. I don’t really wanna think about it right now. So, my turn. Favorite movie?”
“The Thing. The 1982 version, though. Not that new shit,” he specified. “Yours?”
“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.”
“Never seen it.”
“Maybe we’ll have to change that. It really hurts, but it’s beautiful. Kinda goes with your pain theory.”
“Fantastic,” he said bluntly.
“My turn. Do you only write songs, or other stuff too?”
Lynnlynn glanced at you. “I write a lot of different stuff.”
“You should let me read some of it sometime.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“It’s my turn.” You sighed. “Where’s your dad at?”
“Oh, damn,” you said, caught off guard.
“Too much?”
You shook your head. “No, it’s fine, I just thought you knew already.” Lynnlynn looked at you expectantly. “Okay. Well, I’m not really sure. He cheated on my mom a bunch when they were together, and then he just left one day when I was a kid. Never saw him again.” You shrugged and looked at him.
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“It’s no big deal, really. It’s not like he was awesome when he was around. He just created more turmoil from what I remember.”
Lynnlynn nodded. “And your mom never tried to remarry or anything?”
“It’s my turn. So, why can’t I read anything you’ve written?”
He smirked at you. “I don’t really have a great answer for you. It’s private? Not meant to be seen?”
“Why make stuff if not for it to be seen?”
“It’s my turn.”
“Oh. Right. No, my mom never tried to remarry. She dated a bit when I was younger, but that didn’t really turn out well. I think she blames me for that, too.”
“What do you–dammit. Your turn. Um, I don’t think art needs to be seen for it to be worth something. It’s cathartic to me. It means something to me, and that’s all I care about. I don’t give a fuck what anybody else thinks. Why do you think your mom blames you for her not being able to date?”
You scratched your head. “I, uh, didn’t get along well with some of her boyfriends. I think she just viewed me as a burden that hindered her life or something.”
Lynnlynn spared a glance at you, but didn’t say anything.
“My turn.” You looked ahead and kept walking. “So, if you don’t give a fuck what other people think about your art, why not let me see it?”
“I mean, if it were good, maybe I’d let you see it. If I ever make something good enough, maybe I’ll put it out there.”
“Why do you think your art isn’t good enough? Like, what would make it good?”
He let out a breath. “I don’t know. I mean, art is subjective, obviously. I just feel like it’s missing something.”
“Well, you said the best art is made from pain.”
“Yeah?”
“So, have you tapped into yours?”
Lynnlynn shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I don’t–I don’t know. I’m not sure if I know how to.”
You nodded. “Maybe that’s what’s missing?”
Lynnlynn looked off into the distance and smacked his lips. “Maybe.”
“Okay, your turn. I asked a couple questions, so now you ask some.”
Lynnlynn thought for a second. “You ever been in a relationship?”
You snickered. “I mean, yeah.”
“But you’re not in one now?”
You rolled your eyes. “No. Why do you ask?”
“I’m just asking questions.”
“Well, what about you?”
“No, I’m not. It was still my turn though. When was your last relationship?”
You thought about it for a moment. “I briefly dated some guy last semester, but I wouldn’t really call it a relationship. I guess before that it was… senior year? What about you?”
He shrugged. “I’ve dated a lot, but I don’t know if I’ve ever been in a serious relationship.”
“Really?” You asked.
“Is that so bad? I mean, you’re the one who always talks about how awful I am.”
“No I don’t! I’m trying to be better! And no, that’s not bad at all. It’s kind of… cute?”
Lynnlynn furrowed his brow and looked at you. “Ew. Don’t ever call me cute. It’s not like I couldn’t find anybody to be in a relationship with. I just didn’t want to.”
“Right, right.” You nodded. “So, then, have you kissed someone before?”
“Of course I have!” Lynnlynn looked offended. “It was my turn anyway. Let’s see… What do you want in a partner?”
“God, why are we getting all romantic now?” Lynnlynn shrugged like you offended him. “Okay, fine! Um…” You had never really thought about it. The people you dated were more out of obligation than anything. Seeing your mother’s relationships had turned you off to the idea. “I don’t really know. There aren’t a lot of specific things I look for. I kind of just want somebody I can hang out with. Just enjoy the mundane things with. I wanna be best friends more than anything.”
Lynnlynn looked at you and nodded. “That might be the first thing we actually agree on.”
You smiled at him. A true, genuine smile. For the first time in a while.
Lynnlynn continued his questions. “What’s your biggest goal in life?”
“Oh, wow, really coming in with the heavy hitters,” you sighed.
“Isn’t the point to get to know each other better?”
You nodded. “Yeah, I guess. I just thought you’d ask questions like, ‘What’s your favorite book?’ or ‘Favorite song?’”
“I asked what your favorite movie is.”
You smirked at him. “I suppose that’s true.”
“What is your favorite book?”
“You don’t actually have to ask me that if you don’t care.”
“I do care. But I figured I’d learn that stuff over time. I think the questions I’m asking are more important right now.”
You exhaled through your nose. You hate that he made sense. “It’s going to sound really cliche, but I just want to be content. I don’t want chaos in my life anymore. I want a quiet, peaceful life.”
Lynnlynn nodded with a satisfied smile on his face.
“What?” You asked him, grinning.
He glanced at you, dropping the smirk. “Nothing. I didn’t say anything.”
You let it go. “And my favorite book is The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. It’s about–”
“I’ve read it. It’s a great book.” You glimpsed up at him and he was already looking at you. You felt your cheeks begin to warm up, so you looked away. You were already almost back at Lynnlynn’s car.
“My turn?” You asked. He nodded in confirmation.
“Okay. Um… That song in your notebook. Is it about me?”
You thought you saw Lynnlynn stumble for a moment, but he caught himself quickly. “No.”
“Then who’s it about?”
“It’s not your turn. Are you hungry?”
You stopped. “What?”
“I asked if you’re hungry.”
“Lynn, please answer my question.”
Lynnlynn stopped a few steps ahead of you and scoffed. “It’s about my old friend that’s gone, okay?”
You thought about the lyrics. “No, it’s not.”
He looked at you like you just spat on him. “What do you mean? I’m the one that wrote it.”
“Yeah, but I read it, and that doesn’t really make sense.”
“How the fuck would you know? Why would it even be about you anyway?”
You flinched backwards for a moment. “Well, I guess I wouldn’t. And maybe I’m projecting or something, but it really sounds like you’re talking about me in those lyrics,” you pressed.
He shook his head. “Whatever. I wrote them a long time ago. It doesn’t even matter.”
“It matters to me.” Lynnlynn turned away from you. “Look, I don’t care if they’re about me. I don’t care if you like me, or whatever. I don’t care if you don’t know. I just wanna know if you wrote them with me in mind.”
Lynnlynn kicked the gravel ahead of him. “Fuck it,” you heard him murmur. “I don’t give a fuck.” He turned around to face you. “Yeah, they’re about you. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now?”
You felt your heart get trapped in your throat. You knew it, but his confirmation made it actually true. He said he wasn’t sure how he felt about you, but you knew.
You took a few steps toward him as he kicked the dirt around him. “It’s okay, Lynn. Don’t be embarrassed.”
“How the fuck am I not supposed to be embarrassed?” He held his palms out to you as he raised his voice. “You weren’t supposed to know. That was private! Nosy bitch.”
You slowly felt rage bubble up inside you. “Y’know what, Lynn? Do you know what else was private? Those fights with my mom. Those nights where I sat outside and cried my fucking eyes out. I only did that because I thought I was alone. If I knew you were listening, there’s no fucking way I would’ve ever let you hear. And you leached off of my trauma and wrote fucking songs about it. How sick is that?”
Lynnlynn rubbed his face in his hands. “What was I supposed to do, Y/N? Just ignore you? Would that have been better? Was I supposed to hear your mom call you all those awful names and feel nothing? Should I have just closed the window when I heard you crying at night? Should I have just pretended I didn’t hear you? Would that have been better?”
You pulled at your hair. “I don’t fucking know. I don’t know, okay! I’m just confused. It’s a lot to take in. You liking me and all.”
“I never said I fucking liked you.”
“You said you wanted me! In your song!”
“I don’t know what the fuck I was talking about, obviously.”
You hesitated for a moment. “So you don’t like me?”
He frowned at you. “Does it matter?”
You shrugged and looked down at the dirt beneath you. “I dunno. I mean, kind of.”
Lynnlynn paused. “Why? It’s not like you’d ever feel the same.”
You glanced up at him. “Yeah, no, of course not.”
He scoffed. “Then why does it matter if I like you?”
Your heart swirled around in your chest. “I don’t know. I just thought… I don’t know. I was thinking, maybe…” You shook your head. “Just fucking forget it. I’m leaving.” You started to walk past him angrily, as if you were on a mission.
Lynnlynn grabbed your wrist as you passed him, pulling you back towards him again. You were forced to face him, anger versus anger. You stared into his eyes and he looked back and forth between yours, trying to see your thoughts through them.
“Look, I don’t… I don’t know what I’m doing,” Lynnlynn whispered to you, breaking the tense silence.
You pursed your lips. “Yeah, evidently.” You pulled your wrist away from his grip. “You’re so fucking confusing, Lynn. One minute, I think I’m something special to you, and the next, you make me feel like shit.” You could see the hurt appear in Lynnlynn’s eyes as you spat the words at him. “Fucking figure out what you want and then give me a call.” You stormed away from him, the gravel crunching beneath your shoes.
“Y/N, where are you going?” Lynnlynn called after you exasperatedly.
“None of your business, Lynn!” You shouted back, still walking away. “It’s not like you really care anyway.”
Part of you hated yourself for hurting him and walking away after he had just opened up to you, but you were so fed up with not knowing where you stood with him. You felt a knot in your chest begin to form, tears building in your eyes for the second time today, but you pushed them down, determined not to cry over him. You didn’t know where you were going, but you knew you needed to be away from him. He made you feel too much–good and bad. The bad, you were used to, but you didn’t know how to deal with the good yet.
leo would look at you like he just unlocked a new level on his favorite game im sorry
like i can just see the mixed look of shock and excitement taking over his face when he accidentally makes you squirt for the first time
you’re kind of embarrassed because it caught you off guard too, but he immediately reassures you that he thought it was the hottest thing ever and can you try to do that again right now?
like he knows what squirting is for sure but he thought it was only really a thing in porn so when you do it he thinks you’re a goddess
would do anything he had to to make you squirt again
like would constantly ask, “like this?” “is this right?” “does it feel the same?”
im sorry i just see him as one of the freakiest members of ald1
junseo
it would also happen on accident with junseo because he’s always so focused on your pleasure instead of his own
he would be shocked because he didn’t know that was a thing you could do
so of course you get a little shy
but he never lets you feel any amount of shame or embarrassment in the bedroom because it’s a safe space for the two of you :(
so he immediately reassures you that there’s nothing to be embarrassed about and you should let your body do whatever feels right in the moment
if he’s making you feel so good that you lose control and squirt, secretly his ego is immediately boosted, but he’ll never show you that
arno
also doesn’t know what squirting is
so when you do it, he’s like :o are you okay
when he realizes that he was just making you feel really good, he immediately gets cocky and he’s one that will act like it
says some shit like, “oh i just made my baby feel too good hm? you just can’t control yourself around me?” it’s so annoying but also hot
never lets you feel bad or embarrassed about it
also wants to see if he can make you do it again “just because,” definitely not because he feels like he has something to prove to himself
geonwoo
knows what it is and does it on purpose, fight with the wall
like he will overstimulate you to the point where you’re crying just to make you squirt (with consent ofc)
or will try a bunch of new positions just to see if the different angles will help
it’s like secretly a kink of his because he’s definitely a pleasure dom but he’s such a jerk about it
he’s like “gotta make my baby feel good, yeah? can’t have you begging for more, can we?”
and with geonwoo, you’re never left begging for more
once he figures out how to make you squirt, he’s doing it every time you guys have sex just to prove that he can
sangwon
another one that does it on accident and doesn’t know what just happened
he’s like, “did i do something wrong? is that supposed to happen?”
once you tell him what squirting is, he gets a little shy but doesn’t make you feel bad about it
he’s just like, “i made you do that?” such a precious baby :(
i feel like he’s soooo communicative, so he’ll ask you so many questions about it, like if you liked it, if he should try to make you squirt, what makes you squirt, etc.
like i think he’s generally shy about all things intimate, but he will do everything in his power to make you feel good. he’s down to try new things for you
xinlong
oh longie
has no clue what just happened
like, “did you just pee on me?”
will accidentally make you shy about it
you have to explain what squirting is and he’s looking at you like you have some unforeseen knowledge of the universe or something
slowly becomes obsessed with it
will do research about what makes someone squirt so he can do it more often and faster
hopefully you’re into it too because you just unlocked something in him
every time you squirt he just sits there in awe like he’s hearing the angels sing or something
I think by your side anon ( ME ) deserves their VERY own emoji 😻 AND IT REPRESENTS BY YOUR SIDE ..
I present to you
🧍
The standing emoji …
SEE THE REASON I CHOSE THIS EMOJI IS BECAUSE, ITS THE PERSON STANDING BESIDE YOU .. no just kidding its not this emoji I lied sorry I changed my mind sorry
I behold
🫂
THE HUG EMOJI
This chosen emoji is pretty self explanatory if you ask me!
So with that I’d like to be - 🫂 anon hehehahayaahahahah (mischievous laughter btw, VERY ominous)
yay my first recurring anon, 🫂! welcome welcome, i hope you stick around! by your side anon will always be iconic 🫂🫂🫂
im not, i promise!! ive just been busy the past few days and the writers block is hitting me hard :( i just only want to put out quality work and i think im a little hard on myself so sometimes its difficult to find the motivation to even start. but we're working through it!! <3
hi ... im still here. so sorry i havent put anything out recently. ive written like 3 paragraphs in the past two days. ive become so not confident in some of my writing skills recently because i feel like i just write the same thing over and over again, but im trying. its like theres a block in my brain anytime i try to come up with something. but im gonna keep trying and ill have something out relatively soon (i hope). thank u all for the recent love <3 i love u all
HI IM THE PERSON WHO REQUESTED LYNNLYNN X GN READER ( by your side ) AND ITS SO GOOD IM LITERALLY INLOVE WITH EVERYTHING YOU WRITE 😻 LIKE YES GIVE US MORE TWIN ❤️🩹 FEEDUSFEEDUS ❤️🩹 by your side pt.2 when ..? 👀👀
AHHH i was literally hoping you'd respond im in tears!! im so glad you like it, i was worried you wouldnt!! im so happy you like my writing, you literally have no idea how much that means to me. im literally so not confident about pt 2, like it is sooooo self-indulgent, you have no idea what you did to me. i'm so tentative about posting it!! if i do, it's gonna take heavyyyy editing for sure
guys... i have become obsessed with the story i began in my latest post (by your side). i've been writing about them all day and i've fallen in love with the lynnlynn i've created unfortunately </3 i probably won't post what i'm writing because it's genuinely awful but like i need to get it out of my system, so i might not post anything else for a few days. i hope yall understand that i need to see what happens between them :( if it's good and yall wanna see it maaaaaybe i'll post some of it. i have other works started, though, so don't fret! here's a sneak peak of what i'll (eventually) be posting soon(ish):
super soft/domestic xinlong smut
ald1 (ot6) reaction to fem!reader squirting
leo with that damn lip ring
a lot of other stuff that i haven't started yet lol
also this pic of lynnlynn has me in a damn chokehold
